ckhunter
Hello, Viv! Hello. She sounds like a monster.
Oh, I know, I won't vote for her, she's horrific.
Are you with me?
CHEERING
Our records show you may not have leave to remain.
They're taking him away?
They're flying me out at 7am.
You can't deport someone in a single day!
Ho-ho, your little world.
Hello, Bethany speaking.
Oh, my God! I had it implanted. My hand is the phone!
You were exposed to one gray of radiation.
I think you might have ten years.
This programme contains some strong language
Go on, Vivienne! You did it.
Stephen, how much did you lose?
£1,135,000.
Let me in!
Where are you going to live?
Welcome home.
Just look at the state we are in.
Christmas has been ruined for so many hard-working families.
The collapse of the banks goes on and on.
Now they say Hathersage is in trouble.
For God's sake, my mother has got her life savings in Hathersage.
But they've done it, haven't they, the banks?
They've left us completely BLEEP.
We've told you before, you really can't use language like that.
Well, you can censor me all you like,
but they swear, don't you?
All of you.
When you think of what the system has done to us,
don't you swear the roof down?
What do we do, the rest of us normal people? What do we do?
Normal people? You're a Member of Parliament.
You're supposed to have the answer.
I think I have, I've got exactly that,
because next year we face a general election and, God knows,
we need to shake things up, don't you think?
So I propose, in order to vote,
every British citizen must take an IQ test.
What?
You can't say that!
Oh, she's brilliant.
I said you'd like it.
If you score above 70, you can vote. Simple as that.
Oh, she is outrageous.
70's quite low. It's not that bad.
Are you saying that some people are too stupid to vote?
No. That's what YOU say,
millions of you, at work, at home, in the pub,
you say, "Take away the vote."
You say it, Dan. All the time.
That was you and Brexit, nonstop.
You say things are too complicated and people are not clever enough.
HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
And you said it, Steve. I heard you. You said it last week.
STEVE: Oh, right. It's all my fault.
Some of us have work to do. Excuse me! I'm working!
But he's doing actual, physical work.
You want another cup of tea? No.
Like it or not, she's got a point. People are thick.
Hold on. Would you ban me?
Not if you passed the test.
Oh, my God! You'd ban me!
Edith, I don't get it. I thought you were the great anarchist.
Well, that's Vivienne Rook. She's ripping up democracy. I love it.
Hold on, though. This isn't real. This isn't legal.
She's only one MP. She can't actually do it.
Hey, one more thing about next year, dad's birthday, his 70th.
So?
How is that relevant?
Oh, my God. Is he 70?
He's still living in Leicester, which isn't far. Just saying.
2026, let the people decide,
but only the clever ones.
SIMON MCCOY: The shock from the banking crisis continues,
with Moody's reducing the UK credit rating to A2.
Panic in the City as Kleiman Ajax has been declared bankrupt.
Consequences for the pharmaceutical industry will be enormous.
Can't get the drugs. Ordinary drugs, you can't get them.
Ruby takes Clobazam for her epilepsy.
The chemist says, "We're out of stock. Come back in six weeks."
The emergency election in France has seen a 30% swing to the right.
We were going to get Viktor into France.
Not any more.
Now they deport anyone without a visa.
HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
In anticipation of the general election,
the government has employed 10,000 data sweepers
to monitor Russian interference. Hello.
Hi, there, Bethany. I'm Lucie.
I like your phone.
THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
Link, radio off, call Viktor.
Calling Viktor.
TABLET RINGS
Link, try again.
TABLET RINGS
Link, send text to Viktor.
Hey, comma, get up, you lazy bastard, full stop.
Emoji kiss, emoji wink... emoji erect penis, send.
Link, try Viktor one more time.
Calling Viktor.
TABLET RINGS
Viktor linked.
Listen, I was thinking I could come out to see you on the 1st and...
Viktor, is that you?
Vik, are you there? Hello?
Hello.
I said, hello.
Hello, can you hear me?
Ah.
HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
I'm not... I don't...
HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN
I'm sorry, but I can't speak.. Erm...
You called, Skype here, yes?
Yes. Viktor Goraya.
You called Viktor Goraya, yes?
Daniel Lyons is you?
Yes. You know Viktor Goraya.
He's my friend...
..and I'm calling him, which I'm allowed to do.
I haven't done anything wrong and neither has he.
Where is he?
HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
It's you, huh?
Hello, sir.
HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
Do you pay him, Englishman? No.
He's your bitch.
Shit.
I don't know but they were the police.
Well, it was a uniform.
Look, I've been out there.
They were proper policemen.
I'm looking for Viktor.
Viktor Goraya.
Erm...
HE TRIES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN
No, I won't be coming into work today. We need you.
No, I'm sorry, I just can't, sorry, no.
He passed his Rule 35 assessment IN the UK.
So who do I speak to?
My name is Daniel Lyons. I work for Manchester City Council.
I need some help... For God's sake!
Sorry, not you.
So the police said, "Give us his name," but if I do that
and they say, "Who are you?" and I say, "I'm his boyfriend,"
what if they pass that on?
Cos that's like evidence, isn't it? So what do I do?
I mean, what do I do? I mean, really...what do I do?
PHONE RINGS Hello.
Hello!
It's me. I'm safe. I'm OK.
I'm sorry. Oh, my God!
Are you all right? Fine.
Where are you? I got away.
Are you all right? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm with Roman.
I ran so fast I didn't have my phone, but I'm OK.
I promise.
Turns out he's in Odessa.
Literally had two minutes' warning. Ran before the police arrived,
left everything behind, got on a bus,
this clickety-clackety bus type thing,
no suspension, overland, nine hours later,
Odessa, thank you very much.
I don't even know where that is.
Is he safe though, is he OK?
He's got this mate, Roman,
he says Viktor can hide there for a bit, so...
I'm sorry. Thanks, sweetheart, thank you.
Hi, Lizzie. Hello.
Has he actually broken the law?
Well, no, technically. Technically, no.
But the Communist Party applied to make same-sex relationships illegal,
or you can't express homosexuality.
That's the phrase, you can't express it.
They tried to do that back in 2016.
Now this is the Communist Party, this isn't a bunch of nutters,
this is the people's party and they applied again, in 2019,
and, this year, third time lucky,
so, yeah, any day now, he's a criminal.
PHONE BLEEPS
Oh, I've got to go, mate, got to go.
Delivering a parcel to Whalley Range. Sorry.
So what are you going to do?
Well, we've got to get him out, we've got to get him into a country
that grants asylum but, to do that, he's got to cross the border.
You mean illegally? Yeah.
And how dangerous is that?
Very.
So we'll have to do it illegally.
God knows how, but I've got to get him over the border and out.
Oh, my God! That's amazing.
Give him my love! Good luck.
I'm sorry but I'm running out of ways to say, "Oh, my God."
Odessa's by the sea. I think it's a really nice place to live.
Do you think he sends Viktor money? Oh, I know he does.
Right, I'm late, I'm off.
Bloody nerve, calling me in at half term. I bet it's trouble!
I was thinking, Lee's spending the day with his little mate, Craig.
I could take Lincoln out.
There's this Chinese ceramics thing on at the Whitworth,
then we could go see Toy Story Resurrection.
You know Woody gets burnt to death?
Don't go giving him nightmares.
Right, behave.
There's a good boy.
And you, metal head, bye-bye!
Bye.
What do you think? Nice little adventure with your auntie?
There. Gorgeous. OK, don't tell your mum and I'll give you ten quid.
Who's a beautiful girl? What do you want to be called?
Susie. OK, Susie, off we go.
Whoa. Now we can have an adventure, you and me,
but it's a secret from everyone else.
So if I say the word "diamond", you say, "I want to go to the toilet."
Like, oh, what a pretty diamond.
I want to go to the toilet.
I'd love to have a diamond.
I want to go to the toilet.
Someone please buy me a diamond.
I want to go to the toilet.
I wish I had a diamond.
I want to go to the toilet.
Very, very, very good...
..Susie.
Hello.
That's your bring your daughter to work activity pack.
Aren't you gorgeous? What's your name?
Susie.
Welcome to Wytel, Susie.
So just pretend you're very, very sad.
Hello, I'm Holly. I'm in charge of the daughters' playgroup.
I've not seen you before, have I?
No, it's all this hot desking.
I normally, sort of, work over there.
This is Susie. She's a bit sad at the moment because her father,
you know, let's not get into it! The buffoon!
So be nice to her.
Oh, of course I will.
Now then, Susie, I've got some nice soft play.
Would you like to come and meet the others?
There now, Susie,
I must say, you look like a right little diamond!
I want to go to the toilet.
Oh, right then. Off we go.
Well done! Good girl!
Just like the old days.
This is the last time. See you next week.
You suit those ribbons. Can I keep them?
I don't see why not.
I spent a week working for Harpoons
but, to be honest, I thought their standards weren't that high.
They were a bit imprecise, which is deadly in this job.
So I thought I'd go and work for Beckindole's, best careers in town.
I've got a clean driving licence,
so I can work the vans or the bikes, whatever you want.
Well, for a start, you're not couriers.
We call you lifestyle enhancers
because you make people's life feel better. Do you get it?
Yeah, works for me. Right, standard rules.
50 pence a parcel.
If any parcel takes longer than 60 minutes to deliver
you won't be paid.
No holiday, no sick pay, no argument.
You'll pay Beckindole £1.50 a day insurance if you're on the van,
£1 if you're on the bike,
and the £1 charge applies even on days off.
You're a bit overqualified, aren't you?
Oh, well, I suppose I've wasted my time a little bit.
Yeah, you're not the only one. I've got tons of you these days.
Neil, over there, went to Oxford.
Studied astrology.
Doesn't help him cycle any faster, does it?
No, no, I don't suppose it does, astronomy.
But never mind.
So what did you do before?
Oh, banking.
Oh, those bastards.
I know, bastards.
Look what they've done to us.
I hated it, I'm glad to be out.
So what do I do, just pull the string? Mm-hm.
You...you can't let school kids have this. They'll be scarred!
We trust them with knives and forks. This is much the same.
Not too hot, not too cold. That's why they're calling it
Goldilocks Clean Meat,
completely artificial,
grown in a laboratory.
It's so far removed from the original animal,
they're saying it's fit for vegans.
Grown how? What does it look like?
They're called bolts, bolts of meat.
Like those things in kebabs shops, but enormous.
Well, I do love kebabs.
Damn. Injected with saltless salt.
Oh, my God! It's delicious.
That's bad news, that.
Mm, God, it's nice, isn't it?
Mm.
They haven't cracked salad yet. We still need staff for that.
I've done the sums. We need four.
Four people? Mm-hm, I think so.
Well, I've got a staff of ten, so who's going to go?
Beverley. Who else?
Rosie, I've got to lose £200,000.
It's the same every time. The banks collapse,
the government bails them out, so they take money off us.
I'm sorry, but six of the catering staff will have to go.
Including all managerial posts.
But that's me. You mean me?
The Goldilocks system doesn't need skills at your level.
I've got two kids.
We need to restructure. I can give you till Easter.
That's plenty of notice for you to have a look around
and try other avenues.
Here come the dinner ladies! All right, girls?
It's my big farewell, before I'm replaced by a bolt of vegan meat.
We've got food and booze and music and it didn't cost me a penny
cos it's my big, gay brother's birthday.
He's paying for the whole thing.
You'll like him, Eric! Whoo!
Come on, then.
Hey, lads. Hi, Stephen. Hey, how are you? All right? Thanks for coming.
This is really nice of you. Oh, well, it's my brother's idea.
Yeah, that's him, over there. Yeah, that's Dan, with the muscles.
Yeah, he's 37 today, so he said, "Let's have a blow out."
Oh, this is the long-suffering.
Celeste, this is Pete from work.
That doesn't help. You've got about five jobs. Which one?
The couriers, yeah! Best courier team in South Manchester.
That's Stan and Alif and Elaine and John.
He works harder than anyone, your husband. He puts us to shame.
Oh, I'm doing three jobs myself, but I bet he didn't mention that.
We need the money! I'm the man who lost a million quid, remember?
How can we forget?
We can try.
Oh, brilliant. That's great.
Oh, there's a perfect space at the back. I want you to play loud.
Oh, I can do loud.
We did Glastonbury and Ralph McTell complained.
We're OK, aren't we?
I mean this plan, it is going to work, isn't it?
I hope so. Fingers crossed, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
All right.
Oh, Lizzie, this is my Auntie Edith,
the one that works for those charities.
Lizzie did that research for you. On Wytel Industries?
Oh, yeah, thanks, Lizzie, it really helped, thank you.
It was for this fundraising thing.
They're going bust now, Wytel, did you hear?
There's some sort of big scandal. It was on the news this morning.
Oh, is that right? Erm, actually I forgot...
..that thing. I'll see you later.
Oh, it's so good of you to come.
I've driven past this house. I always wondered what it was like.
Come on, have a look. Viktor says hello and thank you.
The work you did with that petition was amazing.
Dan's going a bit nuts, isn't he?
Just a little bit.
His head's going to go Hong Sha if he doesn't calm down.
That's what they say now, Hong Sha, kaboom.
Do you remember when Hong Sha went off? We all said,
"Oh, the whole world has changed.
"Things will never be the same."
Hardly gets mentioned any more.
Well, except the consequences of that ruined my entire life.
I know, darling.
Eric, you need lots of pepper.
Coleslaw is all about the pepper.
You just brought us here to work.
Correct. Get on with it.
Gran, why does my signal keep cutting out?
Oh, go on to Signor Two! That works, for some reason.
Thank you.
So what's this new job of hers?
Charity stuff. She used to help them out in the field, and now she does
it in cities. She goes into boardrooms and asks them for money.
It just seems so calm for Edith.
She was always chaining herself to railings and burning things down.
I'm strangely disappointed.
Lincoln likes those little ribbons.
It's not a problem, is it?
He looks very pretty.
TABLET: Well, I doubt that Wytel knew what they were doing
but the leaked document spells it out.
Wytel supplied equipment to MBJM who sent it to Damascus,
where it was used to build Syria's concentration camps.
And to return to the headlines.
The Prime Minister has confirmed the date of the general election
as Thursday the 7th of May.
We asked MPs for their reaction.
I am delighted.
At last, let the fight begin.
Right, food's up. We have beef burgers,
hot dogs, proper sausages, veggie burgers,
and this is the latest thing,
it's orange burger,
made out of orange peel.
Those two, you don't think...?
Do you? I don't know.
No. I think Beth's just being 14.
She was never 14, she's just got a crush, that's all.
However...
Oh, my God, I thought so too. Do you know, I never know with Edith?
Trust me, she's tried everything,
all those years at sea.
I tried telling my mum. She doesn't understand.
I mean, she won't understand.
She refuses.
My mum and dad, they're like, haven't you grown out of that yet?
I said, "Mum, you should look online.
"You should see Richard Albright."
He's got a wafer in his head.
He can print his thoughts.
How far would you go, Beth, to be trans-human?
It's like, sometimes,
I think my lungs fill with up with air
and it goes in and out like some sort of bellows, and it feels so...
..thick.
We could be so much better than this. We could be free.
We could be flying.
We should be wavelengths in the air.
How much money have you got?
Why?
Tell me how much.
My dad gave me 10,000 for my 18th. Even when we lost everything,
he said, "That's yours. Hold on to it!"
Cos I did it, Beth.
I contacted that woman.
I spoke to her, I actually spoke to her and she said we'd be perfect.
Oh, my God.
You could pay for us both.
Would you do it?
Would you?
UPBEAT MUSIC Woo!
I want to see you all dancing.
Hey-hey.
# Tonight Tonight's the wedding feast
# The men arriving with the slaughtered beast
# A wail, a chant soon fills the air
# For miles around the people cheer
# Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight
# All the spirits looking happy, red and bright
# Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight
# The bones are thrown and Mama's path is shining bright
# Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya
# Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya... #
SHE SHOUTS IN RHYTHM WITH THE BAND
Thank you. Thank you, isn't she amazing?
Miss Fran Baxter, everyone.
Er, OK, just a couple of things.
Happy birthday to me, obviously.
Don't start singing, not yet, hold on. I'm 25 today.
But first of all, I just want to say thank you
on behalf of someone who can't be here tonight, Viktor Goraya.
Oh, here we go.
So many of you, well, everyone, you've all been so kind.
He means you. I'm the best.
I know it has been months of worry and petitions,
you all wrote letters and things, you've all been amazing,
but he was trapped in a country that denies his existence...
..until Thursday night.
Er, because Thursday night Viktor left Odessa
and he went to Ternopil.
At midnight, he got into a lorry and
they crossed the border at Krakovets, successfully.
CHEERING
Got into Poland, ten hours, down through Germany,
still too dangerous, stopped near Stuttgart
and they got from that lorry into another lorry.
Thanks, Siobhan.
From there, through France.
I know, I know, I know.
Onwards, down to Spain.
DRUM HIT
Thank you. He crossed the border
and he did it, he got there.
CHEERING
And that was today.
And he's surrendered himself to the Spanish authorities
and they arrested him, but that was the plan.
Socialist Spain, they arrested him, he applies for asylum,
they won't deport him.
What I'm saying is, well, he did it.
He's safe. He's there!
WILD CHEERING
I know this for a fact because, because, because...
Here he is!
MUSIC: Mama Tembu's Wedding by Margaret Singana
All right, thanks.
My name is Daniel Lyons and I have booked the conjugal suite.
SPANISH TRANSLATION APP: Mi nombre es Daniel Lyons.
Ha reservado la suite conyugal.
First door on the right.
Thanks.
There you are.
Hey.
Look at this room.
God. Hello.
Hi.
So what they've done now is this.
Beckindole won't let me drive across Manchester
because of the congestion charge,
so I have to pick things up from the depot on my bike,
large or small, doesn't matter, I have to carry them on my bike
out of the congestion zone to a designated Beckindole car park
full of Beckindole vans.
I'm not allowed to use my own van, even if I had one,
in case I build my own business in my spare time,
so I can only use Beckindole vans, and I'm allocated one
and I go to deliver my parcel, leave my bike, God knows where,
because I'm not allowed to put it in the van.
£7.60 an hour, except I only get £3.90 because I'm new,
so I'm classified as an apprentice.
So what are the five jobs?
Celeste said you had five.
Don't use her name. Not here! That's not fair.
Delivery, courier, hospitality, pizza, and...
Er, drug tests! I'm a guinea pig.
The gig economy, that's me.
And what does she do?
Book-keeping.
She used to have a staff of 25,
now she does the budgets for local primary schools.
She never complains.
That pisses me off.
I wish she would complain but, no, I get this monument.
But that house is enormous.
Your gran's. You could sell it, have 100,000 each!
You could all sail through the recession.
Houses don't shift these days. No-one's got any money to spend.
You could try.
The man who lost a million quid.
I lost 20,000, which might be nothing to you,
but it's left me stuck in this place.
Know when you're lucky, Steve.
Did you register this address for the election?
I never got round to it.
But now you can't vote.
What's it matter?
PHONE BUZZES
Missed call.
It's the wife.
Stop it.
Where's 0116?
Leicester, I think.
Hello, Signor.
Family link override, not Muriel, not Celeste.
Thanks. Call.
Family link, Stephen calling.
OK. Hello. Funny time of day.
PHONE RINGS
Hey, can it wait? I'm a little bit busy. Is it important?
Hola, esta nueva Danielo en Madrido.
Hasta la vista, paella, si, si, si.
Er, OK, so I didn't want to wait, so...
..are the kids there, Rosie?
Er, no, why, what is it?
Er, so I got a call, and erm...
..Dad's dead.
No way.
Are you kidding?
No, seriously, it's for real.
No, I made it up, I thought it would be funny.
No, he's dead.
He's gone.
Two days, she said, he's gone.
Who did, Jacqueline?
Yeah, yeah, she phoned me.
Oh, my God, he was only 69.
He never made it to his birthday.
So what happened?
He was hit by a bike.
Sorry!
I mean, a bicycle. She said he was hit by a Rideree bike.
A bike?
Killed him?
Stephen, are you kidding us?
No, the bike didn't kill him.
The bike knocked him over
and he had a scratch on his hand, er, that was all.
This is what Jacqueline said.
Erm, he was fine, he had a scratch,
but that turned into blood poisoning.
Oh, my God. Sepsis.
Yeah.
And they tried all the antibiotics, but they didn't work any more, so...
A scratch on his hand.
He was hit by a bike?
So they took him to hospital,
one o'clock this afternoon...
..organ failure, and gone.
What was he delivering, the bike? Oh, Rosie, don't.
I want to know.
Actually I'd like to know. I mean, was he killed by a chicken vindaloo?
You know what? You lot are horrible.
No, he was horrible, Danny. He was.
Oh, for God's sake.
He slept with someone else and left us -
is it really the worst crime in the world?
Yeah, and then he had a whole second family with Jacqueline,
and did he ever bother with us?
And that's why, Rosie,
because that's how you spoke to him every time.
You can't hate someone and expect him to want to visit, can you?
Oh, nice one, Danny. Now you love him, now he's dead.
Cut the link.
That was a bit hard, Dan.
What a mess.
Hey, I'm sorry.
Yeah, me too.
And me.
You OK?
No.
I'm right though, because look at it from my point of view.
Mum and Dad had Stephen, fine, they had you, fine,
they had Daniel, they had a great, big, gay baby
and they were still fine,
then they had me and Dad buggered off.
If that's not my fault then what is?
But it's not your fault.
I don't mean fault, I just mean there I was and off he went.
Maybe it was just bad timing.
That's when he met Jacqueline, just happened to be then.
Jacqueline, I'll never forget that -
"Don't call me Jackie, my name is Jacqueline."
Which proves my point, cos he wasn't a wanderer.
He stayed with Jacqueline, they had a son and everything.
He was faithful, so the only time he wasn't was when I came along.
It's because he couldn't cope.
I don't know, maybe.
Definitely.
Just too much of a coward.
I just wish I'd asked him,
but I never had anything to say to him really.
Whenever I saw him, I'd just sit there and think,
"What shall I say?"
I had a lot to say.
Too late now.
His loss.
Oh, that's the truth.
I always say, Rosie, shame on him.
Shame on our father's head.
Shame.
As the polls open, it's being called
the most unpredictable general election in living memory.
Tensions are high, with the major parties keeping an eye
on the Four Star Party's wild card vote.
I think I might be a little bit tipsy!
I haven't even voted yet, I'll be squiffy,
I'll probably tick the wrong box!
Vivienne Rook has refused to appear on any terrestrial channel.
She's turned down every interview and every debate,
restricting herself to her own channel, Four Star Live.
But Viv, campaigning isn't allowed on election day.
This isn't a campaign, this is my channel,
this is my home.
This is British wine for British people,
and what it deserves is tax breaks and subsidised transport.
But where will the money come from, Viv?
You can't raise taxes.
I'll impose a tariff on wines from abroad.
Let them pay.
He didn't die for nothing.
He died for us.
Shame on every politician who has ever let our soldiers down.
# Tragedy
# When the feeling's gone and you can't go on
# It's tragedy
# When the morning cries and you don't know why
# It's hard to bear
# With no-one to love you
# You're going nowhere
# Tragedy
# When you lose control and you got no soul
# It's tragedy
# When the morning cries and your heart just dies
# It's hard to bear
# With no-one beside you
# You're going nowhere. #
False facts, every day.
Do you know where you can find the truth?
Right here, Four Star Channel.
God help us. We're the only ones.
Are you done?
You left-wing hippie.
This is nice, like the old days
It's 100 quid if I get it back before midnight.
I love it, us lot in one car.
We never do this. Should have bought sweets.
Leicester, here we come.
I'm just making sure he's dead.
Now you did vote, you two?
Did it by post, last week.
No-one goes and does it by hand any more.
Don't forget your passports.
They're going to Scotland!
Anything could happen in this election.
If your lot get into power,
Scotland could be divorced by midnight.
Then they'll be stranded.
Go, have a lovely time.
Celebrate. It's your grandad's funeral.
This is a very fine day.
Don't listen to her.
Go and have fun.
Edinburgh is beautiful.
Bye, then. See you next week.
Bye, darling.
Oh, my God. They believed us.
They'll understand. When they see in ten days' time
they'll be like, "Oh, my God, that is infinite!"
Destination Liverpool, Imperial B&B, Shiel Road, L6.
Auto drive on.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Bye!
Hey, there.
Hello.
Thanks for coming.
Stephen. Steven.
Killed by a bike.
Shocking.
Poor old Dad.
Come for a drink after. You're very welcome, all of you.
I saw you on the TV with the bomb.
I'll see you later. Stephen.
Steven.
I still maintain it's not legal to call two sons the same name.
He's Steven with a V.
Jacqueline chose Steven with a V after her dad.
You know that.
Jacqueline.
Doesn't feel like a brother.
Half brother, if that.
What does he do these days?
He's a pharmacist.
With a V.
He's a varmacist!
Oh, my God. This isn't the crematorium.
What do you mean? This place isn't a crematorium, it's an aquatorium.
They don't burn him, he gets dissolved.
Bethany Bisme-Lyons. Thank you.
Lizzie Mbeko. Thank you.
If you'd like to get on board
we'll take you across as soon as you are ready.
SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
It's called alkaline hydrolysis, better for the environment.
We were always green, this side of the family.
Uncle Ted was buried in wicker, on a slope.
So what do they do?
Put the body in a big tube, fill it with water,
heat it up. They boil him?
My God.
Boil in the bag, like sous vide.
Is it worse than burning?
I mean it is, I know, but why?
The eyes.
You dissolve, then you get rinsed.
Then they pour you out into a tub,
you get flushed down the drain,
out to sea -
the end.
The Glenside facility offers alkaline hydrolysis,
the modern alternative to burial or cremation.
The remains of your loved one are broken down into liquid...
Goodbye, Vince.
I tell you what, Jacqueline is true to form.
No money behind the bar.
Any news from the polls?
They're not allowed to say until ten o'clock. Low turnout though.
See, it's like Viv Rook says, people are too thick.
So Steven with a V just told me Dad didn't just work
for that security firm - when he was 55 he put some money in
like 2,000 quid, like shares.
Three years ago, they sold the company,
he got a pay-out, £75,000.
We get none of that.
Nothing.
Here's to Vince.
Yeah, Dad.
To Dad.
Hi, you lot. Famalam. Stephen.
Steven. We were just toasting him.
It's a nice little motor out front, Stephen.
Yeah, it is, Steven, yeah, I like it.
2.2 litre. Yeah.
Well, you always were very smart.
Now, you've all got one of these.
It's just something to remember him by.
We should meet up some time. Go for dinner. That would be nice.
Hey, you were amazing with that bomb, Edith.
Are you all right now?
Not really, no, I'm poisoned.
Oh, well, that is a thing, isn't it?
Well, see you in a bit, Stephen.
Steven.
Oh, my God.
Daddy. That is weird.
Isn't that weird? Is that all that's left?
He looks like tea.
Weak tea. Is that all we are in the end, tea?
Just like scattering the ashes, I suppose.
Can't do this with ashes.
Cheers. Edith!
You can't do that!
It's acid! It's alkaline.
What's he taste like?
Soap. Soap.
Like antiseptic gel.
I can't believe you just did that!
It's my DNA.
We are as one.
Cheers, Jackie.
Why didn't you come home for Mum's funeral?
Don't do that.
Why not?
I was stuck in Canada.
Could have come home.
I didn't want to.
Why not?
Because it was her funeral.
I keep wondering whether she'd be proud of me.
Of course she would.
No job, another kid without his dad,
I don't know if she would.
She was tough, Edith.
She wasn't just nice, she was tough.
And I wonder if she'd think I was mad, with Viktor.
I think she'd be ashamed, some of the things I've done.
You could never do anything wrong.
Oh, trust me.
She'd kill me.
If she knew, she'd kill me.
All that stuff they say about them looking down on you...
..I hope they don't.
Phone call, Bethany Bisme-Lyons.
Oh, Signor, open on link. Link open.
Hello, darling, how is it?
Hoots, mon!
SOBBING Bethany?
Can you hear me?
Beth, are you all right?
Can you help me, please?
What is it, sweetheart? What's wrong?
I'm here, what is it? I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Are you hurt?
Whatever it is, I will fix it, I promise you.
Now, tell me.
She's in Liverpool, not Scotland. She's in bloody Liverpool.
What for? What's she done?
She won't say, God knows.
I'll call Stephen.
No.
Please.
Muriel, don't. She called me.
Go.
Just tell me what's happened.
I can't. Why not?
You'll hate me.
I could never hate you.
Never.
Oh...
They won't tell me.
All I've heard is crying.
I did try, I said, "Let me in," but they wouldn't.
What are you doing in Liverpool? Why did you lie?
It's the only place they do it. Do what?
The operation.
What operation?
It's only my mum.
You promised me.
It's OK.
I'm here now.
You have nothing to worry about.
So what happened to your eye?
Lizzie?
Can you tell me?
It's gone wrong, but we can fix it.
We just need to find them.
Let me see.
Let me see your eye.
OK.
Well, that's not too bad.
Hello, Lizzie.
Hello.
So what have you had done, hm?
You daft things.
You haven't had a face-lift, have you, at your age?
It's OK but there is a lot of swelling,
but that will calm down.
What?
I can't control it.
What are you doing?
It won't stay still.
Lizzie, stop it, what are you doing?
I can't see.
What is that?
What have you done?
It's a camera. What?
They promised us, they said we could see, digital vision.
But, but that's not her eye.
What's happened to her eye? Where is it?
They took it out. Who did?
The people on the boat. What boat?
They said to me, "You're next," but I couldn't, I was too scared.
I can't see with this eye.
It's supposed to integrate,
I'm supposed to see the output in my head, but I can't.
My eyesight's over there.
Oh!
Your mother's on the way.
God, help.
It's been going on for decades,
cruise ships arrive at the docks specially adapted as hospitals,
run by Russians, Slovakians, Romanians,
and people go on board for cheap operations.
It was face-lifts in the '90s, gender reassignment in the 2000s,
and now they've discovered transhumans.
But they're breaking the law.
This lot are. They're butchers. But you try finding them.
It's a great big ship.
I mean, try finding the owners, try suing them.
There's a chain of ownership bouncing round and round the world
until you end up with no-one and the ship sails on.
And her eye, her real eye?
Gone, junked.
If you had 500,000, they say there are grafts now to integrate
the lens with the optical nerve,
but not for kids like that in Liverpool.
Somewhere there's a golden world where these things are possible,
but it's never here, is it?
Call Stephen.
Calling Stephen Lyons.
See you later, Fran!
See you tonight, yeah? Yeah.
Stephen Lyons not answering.
Did you tell him?
You gave away £10,000 and your dad works every hour!
Oh, to hell with it. He can wait.
Thank God you were scared,
it saved you, Beth.
It saved you.
It's gone ten.
If the exit polls are correct, this is an extraordinary result.
We're seeing 288 seats for the Conservatives,
287 seats for Labour
and an astonishing 15 seats for Vivienne Rook's Four Star Party.
That's 15 seats, leaving the balance of power in the United Kingdom
firmly in the hands of Vivienne Rook.
I will not... I will not form a pact with the Tories,
I will not form a pact with Labour.
Instead, for every vote in the House of Commons,
they can come to me. Yeah!
They can come to me and I will decide.
CHEERING
Happy now, Rosie?
Yeah.
Hm.
New world.
Sorry!
What are you doing?
Hey, what are you doing?
That's my bike!
There she is, there she is!
We need to get Viktor out. He could be executed.
Astonishing! Astonishing!