♪ ♪
Mr. Roy, we'd like to move on
to the matter of these illegal payments.
Uh-huh. Fine.
I mean, we've done that, but... Uh-huh.
Specifically, your...
first-hand knowledge of what happened.
Yup. Yup, got it.
What we want you to explain to us,
based on what you saw and heard,
is how these illegal payments were made, were approved,
and by whom. Yup. Got it.
What's next?
You want to answer the question?
I think I'm good.
Okay, fine. Uh...
Well, I approved the illegal payments, because...
I love sexual assault and I love to cover it up.
How-How-How's that? Is that bad?
Okay, we can-we can wrap up. That's bad?
Come on, just-- We'll privately run the--
the timeline at home, but yeah...
I'm good. We're good. Right?
Good, and yeah, just...
humble, straightforward... Hide the agenda.
No agenda.
Sure.
They're government employees, I mean...
how smart can they be?
I'm not saying that. I'm saying what you think I think, right?
And-And just so we're on the same page
in terms of aims, for me,
the wish list goes:
immunity for yours truly,
taskforce for Waystar,
my dad deaded. Well, I don't do requests
because I'm not a DJ.
But I hear you. Look, come in here.
They're jigsawing all the papers.
Hey, paper people!
Morning. Good morning.
You know, Waystar is now cooperating,
helpfully offering up one billion pages of documents,
hiring white-shoe, former DOJ types
to conduct an internal that looks super scrupulous,
offering up employees for talks with DOJ
and worker safety protocols around Cruises.
We can adjust, but...
...this isn't a slam dunk here.
Uh-huh, but... Mm-hmm?
...the papers, yeah?
I mean-- Once you pull everything out
that falls under other jurisdictions
or maritime law, or is privileged,
or is outside the statute of limitations--
But an FCPA angle obviates those objections, right?
Well, the stuff that works
for Foreign Corrupt Practices Act is inferential.
Waystar was careful.
So, you're saying the papers are bullshit?
I'm just saying they lack some of the explosiveness
it was suggested they might have.
Well...
I can reposition the context
in the public arena, maybe-maybe...
Maybe I can flip someone up the tree?
I just feel like sometimes we're allowing the tune
to be played at my dad's tempo, Lisa.
And I'm not sure why.
I have the, quote-unquote, best lawyer in town.
I have the best story.
I have fucking receipts! I hear you're concerned.
You have a big day tomorrow.
Okay? This happens the night before.
Rest up, okay? Thank you.
Yeah, and I-and I...
Look, I really value all the work you do, honestly.
But let's try harder.
Yeah? Let's try harder.
Thank you.
I miss the big boot. At least you could hear him coming.
Clearly fucking.
Dad and Kerry? Please.
Showing memes to a young menial? Tale as old as time.
No, he hates the close-proximity bang.
He's still really into blowjobs, I hear.
You just wanna give him a blowjob, so stop projecting.
Hey, Romulus! I do.
Looks like he wants one now.
Mm...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well played, the internet.
Okay, um... Shiv... You're disgusting.
Tom...
Hugo.
Okay, so, your dad
has been drawing up priorities for the weekend.
He wants everyone hitting anti-tech positions hard.
Regulate and strangulate.
They're getting too powerful.
Everybody knows it.
"Stop tech eating our lunch."
Put in a new friend at the top,
one who won't fire up Justice about our, um, boring old case.
Yeah, and maybe eat a bellyful of humble pie
about accidentally knocking over their president
and smashing him on the floor.
Boo-hoo. It's not our fault
the president's brain couldn't thunk good no more.
Go offense.
Spread it around that if the Raisin goes for us,
he's, uh, politicizing the Cruises case.
"It's so sad.
His justice department has a grudge."
I might have heard that the deputy AG...
has a picture of me on her dartboard,
which is...
disgusting.
We-Have... Ha-- Have we heard that? Or--
That is the rumor that's going around.
Yeah. Funny how these rumors get started.
Yeah.
It's disgusting.
Hey, you mind if I jump in with you, Dad?
Uh-oh!
Okay, Pinkie.
Can we go up a degree in the back?
You okay?
You gonna be a fucking sourpuss?
What? No.
No, I just... uh...
The last time that we talked properly,
you humiliated me at the shareholder meeting,
so I thought I should just check in.
It was a long day, and I was unwell.
Uh-huh.
Well...
I wanna say I'm concerned
about who you might endorse this weekend.
The vice president. You're scared of Dave Boyer?
Yeah.
Nothing's more dangerous than a second-rate individual
who sees his chance.
I need to keep my spoon in the soup.
Fine, and...
I don't think this is the place to let Roman be the mouthpiece.
He's maturing. Yeah, and I love him,
but he fucked the phone call with the Raisin,
that's an existential risk,
and the only solid thing he actioned in LA, Dad,
was the movie Dr. Honk,
about the man who could talk to cars.
Yeah.
But we're walking in there with a hundred different aims,
and I think some nuance is required.
I'm just glad that we still have a company to act on behalf of,
thanks to me.
Kerry, get Shiv a fucking medal.
♪ ♪
All right, enough! Let's go.
Don't touch me!
Okay, so, if you guys go to your left, the elevator's to the left.
I have your room keys, and welcome drinks start in 20 minutes.
Wow, you can really smell the panic.
Berlin Bunker vibes.
It is rather pungent.
Oh, Ms. Libtard, how do you like spelunking
in the elephant's asshole?
I'm just a corporate observer. Okay.
Well, wait till the weekend's over.
We'll get our white cis male stank all over you.
It's just such a thrill.
I'm probably the biggest Con-head in Oklahoma.
Of course! Panhandle Pete!
You've met Maxim Pierce? He's my intellectual heft.
My Beltway Buddha.
I push him, he pushes me, and around and around we go!
Is it just me, or in a room full of Timothy McVeighs,
does Connor suddenly look like a Roosevelt?
Sweetie.
It's Panhandle Pete!
Frowny Face here wanted to stay home
and work on her play,
but duty calls for my leggy Mary Todd.
Mm. No, it's fine. I can totally just write the play on my phone.
So, uh, how did you two meet?
Online.
Hi, folks. Just for a second.
Quiet for just a second.
I want to thank you all for...
being here on such short notice
and I want to thank you
for keeping your attendance private.
Uh... What we do here...
at the Future Freedom Summit
is of the utmost importance to our party and our country.
I-I happen to believe
the next president of the United States
is somewhere in this very room.
He is, and he's hard as a rock. So...
may God shepherd... ...this person.
The health of our republic depends on it.
And the health of my portfolio.
And that.
To the republic!
To the republic! Thank you.
The republic!
Ron Petkus blew his son's archery instructor.
True story.
Blew his arch-Whoa!
Um... Some guy with an undercut just called me "soy boy."
Oh, don't worry, Greg.
It's a nice safe space
where you don't have to pretend to like Hamilton.
Well, I like Hamilton.
Sure, you do. We all do.
So, what-what-- what is this, actually, here?
This is just a nice political conference
of like-minded donors and intellectuals.
AKA picking the next president.
Selecto el presidento.
That's not-- That's not really how it works.
Yeah, no, sure, but yeah.
But is that, like, constitutional?
Oh, I don't know, Greg.
You wanna call a referee?
Is there an ombudsman in the house?
Well. Here they are. What is an ombudsman?
The family who lost us a presidency.
How is he? The Raisin.
He's out of a job in six months,
lame in the interim, and the GOP is in flames.
We're all doing backflips.
Sorry about that.
He's got a serious condition.
We felt the country needed to know.
Oh. So, uh, what are you hearing?
Well, with the president out, we need a nominee.
So welcome to Clown Town.
Six months to election day and no candidate.
Super Tuesday's gone, ballots are already finalized.
The delegates will choose at the RNC, of course, but...
I think we can all be real
and say we need to choose here first.
It's Boyer, right? We're going Boyer?
Yup. Cleanest option is the vice president.
The party needs to be united.
So I hope, since you started this mess,
you can help us clear it up?
Dave's good. I like Dave. We all like Dave.
Steady old plow horse.
I heard his daughter has made him go vegetarian.
Did you hear that? No.
No. Oh, no. I think I've seen him eat a meatball.
Nope. Secret herbivore. Right here.
Boyer, it's his turn. Mm-hmm.
I don't really mind the lip-licking thing.
No?
Is it bad? Not really. It's-It just--
When you notice it, you definitely...
notice it.
As long as he doesn't do it much during the debates,
we should be fine.
Guy must have the wettest lips in North America.
Yeah, it's like he's a cartoon bear
and there's always a picnic hamper nearby.
Yeah, but Dave's great.
Congratulations, by the way.
Oh, okay.
Uh, for what? What have I done now?
For the wedding.
Your mother.
Your mother is Caroline Collingwood, no?
Yeah... And she's getting married, no?
To Peter Munion?
No. No, she's in a relationship
with a canoe-shaped gentleman named Rory.
Nope.
Maybe it was somebody else, then. Pretty su-No!
Oh! Look at that!
Um... You know how it is.
Families. Could you forward that to me, actually?
Thank you. I'll, uh, see you around. Thank you.
Okay.
Hey, could you excuse us for just a moment?
Certainly. Certainly. Thank you so much.
Did you know about this, you withholding bitch?
Uh, what?
You know, Glyn, the, uh, Brexit pervert?
Yeah, he just sent this to me.
Apparently, our mother is marrying a Peter Munion.
What? Who's Peter Onion? I don't fucking know.
Wonder if that first-born fucker knew.
Mm-hmm. Call him.
Sorry, just give me a second.
Yeah, what?
I'm here with Shiv. Just wanted to let you know new dad just dropped.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, Mommy's getting remarried, dingus!
Did you know? Of course he didn't know.
Ken bores the shit out of Mom.
What are you even talking about?
You mean, uh, Rory?
Uh... No. She took the view, "Fuck Rory."
Hey, Shiv, is it true? You at the hate-fest fest?
Burning books and measuring skulls
down in Nuremberg, Virginia? Yeah.
What are you doing with your weekend?
Planning to send us all to jail? Your favorite?
All right. Just, uh, wanted to let you know
Mommy still doesn't love you. Bye, Ken, bye.
Hey, man, I-- I just wanted to, uh,
broach something with you.
Broach away, Greg.
So, yeah, look, I'm-- I'm pretty anxious. Um...
Ken is saying he might burn me.
Are you threatening me?
You can't threaten me. I'm immune.
No, Tom, I was just thinking about advice.
Because I'm...
I'm obsessing over the "prison" of it all.
And, uh, I just need to know how to stop thinking.
-Yeah. It's just constant.
I tried that. Doesn't work.
No, what I'm preferring is to always think about it.
And then, when you don't, for a moment, it's like,
"Ooh! Someone's loosened their icy grip on my innards."
Yeah.
I like that. I like it.
So, you wanna try?
Mm-hmm? It's the Spätburgunder.
Our vineyard!
Oh, screw top. Oh.
...Black and brown avatars to smear...
Do you hear Boyer's losing juice now?
Uh-huh. And the Democratic Party...
So, it's biodynamic.
It has quite a funk to it.
...engineered by the DNC and the LSM
in conjunction with their Big Tech overlords.
Now, the rest of us...
You kind of have to meet it halfway, right?
It's... You know, it's...
...earthy. Yeah.
Kinda... Mm...
Germanic. Yeah.
There's lots to unpack. It's-- It's not-It's not floral.
It's not sugary or...
vegetal.
It's-It's-It's... Mm.
It's quite agricultural, you know.
It's-It's-It's-It's-- Uh...
Right?
You know you're not a bigot...
It's not very nice, is it? The wine, Shiv?
It's true. We see this a lot,
this so-called apology... You know,
if Boyer flames out, then maybe it's time to...
It might be time to pivot party.
So, my prison consultant called
and it looks like the place upstate might be full.
...disempower the white working class...
Mm-hmm?
It's all the same. Well, you're tired.
You'll feel better about that in the morning.
Oh, yeah?
One day closer to my incarceration, right?
Apparently, the food in jail is really bland. Um...
I mean, I know it's the same...
Tom! ...every day, but it's--
I don't get why you keep wanting to talk about it.
Oh.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Does the topic of my imminent imprisonment bore you?
Come on! You're just-- You're obsessing! I just--
I can't keep going round and round, okay?
Honey, I don't know what else there is to say.
I'm sorry.
Hey... Hey.
No?
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
There's not really any point.
Uh... To making love?
Yeah, well, you're still on contraception.
It's just like throwing so much cake batter at a brick wall.
I think what I realized is that I'm just
not that interested in being a commercial playwright.
I mean, the audience helped you discover that,
didn't they, babe?
Well, beauty and brains!
Probably shouldn't say that.
Uh... Will I be canceled?
Oh, no! No. No.
Well, who knows? You know? The night is young.
Yeah... Yeah, I-I just-- I don't know how you do it.
How do you make up things that aren't already there?
Oh, you don't know the half of it.
We talk long into the night.
Ideas...
literary, global, macro, micro, cosmo!
We bounce off each other.
Well, that sounds delightful.
No. I mean, well, yeah.
Con.
Well, you should come to Pound Ridge one weekend.
Mm. Both of you.
Unless you're tired or busy, one.
One and all.
We'd love that, wouldn't we, chicken?
I don't know if you're invited.
Oh, ho, ho!
Okay, let me circulate.
And I will rehydrate this gorgeous creature
on my return. Cancelled!
Ah!
You!
Fun guy!
Con, maybe don't abandon me upstate with Larry Lech here.
Okay? It's weird.
Very influential!
We're just showing a bit of leg.
Yeah, my leg. The collective leg!
He's a huge donor!
Maybe I don't wanna donate my body
to political science, huh?
Hey, man. What's up?
Oh, okay. Yeah, it's the, uh-- it's the ghost pepper.
The spicy new flavor. Mencken.
So, what's your deal? Most people here wanna...
fuck me or kill me.
Ooh, wow! How about you?
I always found it hard to care about politics, so...
Mm-hmm? Well, listen.
Here's my party trick, all right?
Okay.
Tell me who your enemy is...
and I'll tell you who you are.
Okay.
Put a pin in that one. Um...
I've seen your poll numbers. You're dark-horsin' it.
People are behind your whole... ...huh?
They'd better buy it. Or I'll send them to the Gulag.
Oh, okay. Now we're talking.
No, no, no, no. No work camps. You know...
These will be like summer camps.
Summer camps but with beatings, right?
No, no, no, no. No beatings.
Well, this is nice.
Couple of cool guys having some disgusting fun.
Mm.
So, uh...
Do you guys know yet?
Who takes over?
What's that? When the send the old...
battle toad off to the hoosegow?
Your dad? Admiral Grope Boat?
Yeah, no, he's not...
That's actually not happening.
Yeah, that's right. That's right. No.
That's the line. Stick to the line. That's good.
So, according to Steven, my prison consultant, this is...
you know, this is kind of what the food is like inside.
I'm in training. How's your omelet?
It's...
not...
Yeah, making some inroads. It's like--
I'm actually glad you called, Tom.
It's like Afghanistan.
You have to start in the center there.
You establish a base of operations.
Then you have to kind of...
move out... Okay.
...to secure more territory.
Yeah, I, uh... I'm worried about prison.
I-I-I-I just feel because of my physical length,
I could be a target for all kinds of misadventures--
And it won't taste as good as this either, okay?
You have to take off 30 to 50 percent of the taste
of that endless salty gym mat that you're eating.
Camel's labia.
Yeah, like, they wipe their ass on your pillowcase.
I know! That's something they'd like to do.
I've read the prison blogs, Greg.
I know.
Um...
Look.
You know how, uh...
they're calling you that name around the office, the...
you know, the Christmas Tree--
What's good is to eradicate hope.
They can't get you if you got no hope.
It's because I think...
You know, if you have a crime, you need to unload.
They can hang it from you like an ornament.
I haven't really slept properly in about eight days.
It's not a nice name.
But I was wondering,
since, I mean, it looks like you're going anyway...
Is it-Is it possible you might...
...with me?
Are you asking if you can...
hook your bauble of corporate wrongdoing
on one of my... ...branches, Greg?
I just thought, if--
if it won't make much difference to you...
Fine, okay.
Load me up, you piece of shit.
No quid pro quo? Just...
That's...
That's inc-incredibly kind of you.
Can I get this? No.
Greenpeace stole your inheritance.
Besides, all my meals will be free soon. So...
♪ ♪
Okay, Mr. Roy.
Is there any other illegal conduct
that you're aware of in connection
to what we've been talking about today
that we haven't covered?
Um...
No. N-Not that I can think of now.
At the moment.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Roy.
Counselor. Thank you.
Good. I think that...
you did fine.
Uh-huh.
It was a good start
and they'll have another session--
We can say it went badly, Lisa. It's okay.
Okay, let's maybe just-We'll--
We'll do the Monday morning quarterback in a bit.
They spent all day trying to find hairline fractures
in my story.
Meanwhile, my dad's a fucking tsunami of corruption.
They don't do cuddles, Ken.
Right.
Right, 'cause I-- I know how this works.
Okay? My dad is drowning them
in chickenfeed and compliance bullshit,
five years go by, and it-and it's,
"Hey! Whatever happened..." Hey.
"...to that big investigation into the bad people?"
Ken! 'Cause you know what?
They're scared of my dad! Come on!
Come on. They pretend they're on the side of justice.
They pretend they're on the side of the whistleblowers.
Not here. But they're chickenshit.
Not here!
That should put a rocket up their asses.
We do not want this to get politicized.
Well, everything is politics.
So... Kendall...
do you think you're smarter than me?
What? Do I-What? No.
No. Because maybe you are.
But I am a better lawyer.
You acted high-handed and defensive
and then oscillated to wildly over-familiar
and glib. You sometimes undermined my status
and didn't appear to be frank about your own involvement.
But let's take stock, okay?
Oh. Oh.
Hey! Logan.
Dave! How are we? Good. Good.
I'm glad I ran into you.
I feel like we've hardly had a chance to connect.
Well, here we are. Here we are.
You've heard they're calling this the ATN Primary?
Oh, I wouldn't worry about all that.
You know, one of the things I...
wanted to discuss with you is, um...
is controlling Tech.
That's a big, big plank for me.
Oh, that's interesting.
That's really interesting. Uh-huh. Sure.
Sure, and I-I-I...
can sometimes fear a degree of legal overreach
against you legacy media guys.
You heard this thing that the deputy AG
has a dartboard with my face on it?
Yeah.
I mean, I think that's...
just a rumor. Mm.
I mean, to me, it's one of those things
where even if it isn't real, there's...
a reason it feels like it is, right?
Uh-huh.
Right.
Okay. Good.
Look, I'm just gonna be straight with you.
I like you.
Petkus and the big-dollar guys are on the fence.
Let's-Let's-- Let's make this happen.
Yeah? I just need you to...
push me over the brink here.
Great. I get it.
See you at dinner.
I think he's been waiting there for me
for the last ten fucking minutes.
Okay, okay, okay, so...
Comfrey, Lisa's out. Turns out she's a toxic person.
You know, and once-once I get the new legal A-team in place,
we gotta put that out with the right context.
Okay? Okay.
Yeah, it's not a big deal.
It's an opportunity. We just-We just,
you know, flip a big name.
Boom! It's all good. Totally.
It's all good. Right. Cool, I will tell Barry.
Okay, guys! B-day! Big, big, big four-oh.
How are we looking? Shit slaps!
Yeah? You think? What was-- What was the one I liked?
What's the one I liked? Uh... "End times"?
Right? Weimar meets Carthage
meets Dante meets AI and... Right.
...antibiotic-resistant superbugs.
That's kinda dope, though.
I mean, but aren't Zadie Smith and fucking...
Chuck D and Lucas Madsen
gonna come to my antibiotics party?
I don't know...
Will he meet? He's not picking up
to any of our numbers.
Okay. Well, get me new numbers. Okay.
Just-Let's keep calling. Keep calling.
He is priority one, Jess. Yeah.
Well, my grandpa...
gave my inheritance to Greenpeace,
and then someone posted a comment on their website
and it could contain a slight on my character,
and then Greenpeace promoted the comment,
and so my lawyer thinks that that's defamation...
so yeah, that-that's how I'm trying to sue Greenpeace.
Is that Shiv Roy?
Oh, Mr. Salgado.
Good to see you here.
Does this mean you've finally come to your senses?
Oh, no. Just shopping in the marketplace of ideas.
Step on in, Shiv. The water's fine.
Hey, I don't mean to bum rush you here, but...
could you help me out?
There's a feeding frenzy around your dad, and I'm...
trying to stand apart from the rest of the, you know--
The total fucking whack jobs?
Don't get me wrong. I'm with the base.
Mm-hmm? Energy is extraordinary.
I just think I can bring traditional conservatives
to a more diverse dialogue.
ATN hasn't given you a lot of shine. It's true.
Not to be indiscreet, but, um... I just feel...
if I was in the White House and you were in the C-suite,
we could mold.
Oh, wow! Sir, you are very forward.
Was that forward? Mm-hmm.
Get your old man to make me president.
I'll see to it that you become CEO,
even if I have to send your dad to prison.
Wow, that is, uh-- That's very funny.
So, it's decided?
You land this for me, I send your dad up the river?
Uh... Yeah, I mean, unless...
unless he resigns in a month!
Clean kill, baby.
Good stuff.
Okay, very funny!
Look, you want some advice?
Hoard mackerel tins.
I know. Sounds funny, right?
But you're gonna need them for bartering.
Yeah? Yeah.
Greg, can you? Will you keep a note?
Oh, yeah. Oh, and the toilet.
Your toilet is your stair machine,
it's your bench, it's, uh... your fridge,
it's your... ...lover,
it's-it's-it's your brother, it's your priest.
Oh, and also, most importantly, it's also your... toilet.
Okay. Right. Right.
Yeah, that's-that-- I mean, that's-yeah, that's--
So, that's a big part of prison?
It could be a perfect gentleman.
Could also be a terrible bastard.
Your toilet can be a bastard?
Key is unity.
If we land a favorite, I can pool the big money.
But I need to know the messaging will be there to back me up.
I like him, but a lot of people are asking,
"Is Boyer a fighter?"
I don't care about the resume
or ideological purity
as long as they get it
and they pop.
If you're looking for someone who gets it,
I got your man.
Connor Roy. He's got a brand name,
war chest, populist appeal
and he's a fighter. Hey, thanks, Pete.
I believe I speak for my father
when I offer a firm and robust...
No comment.
Sure.
I could see Connor. Sure, I agree.
The sword has been pulled from the stone, my liege.
Look at us, playing nice.
People might think we liked each other.
No. No, what? Hey, I'm a conservative.
I like tradition.
I doff my cap
to Vice President Boyer's years of loyal service.
Thank you.
I believe you used to call me "Martin Van Boring."
Hey! Come on! No, I still call you that.
Mencken and I may differ in some areas, but, uh...
we both agree that this is the party
of the working class now.
What? Shiv?
All the riches counties in America are blue.
The Democrats and Tech hold all the wealth.
I just think some of us get so high off owning the libs,
we forget to talk policy.
Yeah, Rick loves to talk policy.
What he does is he memorizes
a National Review issue from 2012
and then, he recites it back to you.
Cool policy, bro. And Jeryd hates to talk policy
because it would mean, you know, having one.
Sick burn, brosef!
Oh, no, no, no. We're kidding. We're kidding.
We like each other. I-- I listen to his speeches...
every night. They help me drop off.
Maybe it's boring talking about populist solutions
for working families. Rick, come on!
You jerked off to Reagan's headshot
for 30 years, and now you're Tom Joad?
Ugh, God! It's so fucking boring.
What's that? Hmm?
What?
No, I've just-I've seen your thing quite a lot.
And that-What's that? What's my thing?
YouTube provocateur bullshit.
Aristo-populism.
"Rape is natural. It's all red pill, baby."
I'm just...
I'm just so fucking over it.
Have you read Plato?
Uh... Yeah.
Remind me. What happens?
Read Plato. Read Plato!
Oh, don't want to! Don't fucking want to.
See, he doesn't actually want to have a conversation.
Yeah. He just wants to yell loud enough...
Yeah. ...to get on ATN.
Nah! Fuck ATN!
No, really, ATN is treated as a bulwark, but it's dead.
It's basically...
a pudding cup at 5:00 p.m. in the nursing home.
Honestly. Doesn't speak to me.
Doesn't speak to the-- the people that I talk to.
It is status quo bedtime stories to maximize shareholder value.
No disrespect, Logan Roy...
was an icon, but, you know...
he's no longer relevant.
You recognize this fucker? Nope.
Fucking jelly-boned, low-T, pip-pip cheerio fucker!
You told Dad yet?
No. We have to stop the wedding, though. Right?
What? Stop obsessing over Mom's new husband.
Just get over it. Who cares? Get over it?
It just fucking happened.
My mother is marrying some dickhead
crooked-toothed turnip man.
What's wrong is how little you care about it,
you frozen bitch. Poor Rome!
His dreams of porking Mom
slipping through his little lubed-up fingers.
Hey, so! Come in! Come in!
Yeah. Sit.
Is Greg necessary?
Just keep your trap shut.
Watch. All right, thank you, sir.
Minimizing the Greg window.
There's a lot of chaff flying.
A lot of flapping.
But Ron and me are going to meet and figure out
how we can pull for the same name.
We need one voice on this, or we could fall apart
and hand it to the fuck-fuck donkey gang.
Right.
So...
who do we like?
Well, shouldn't we kick it around a bit?
You know, it feels like it's poised,
so if you and Petkus come together and--
and then the other donors follow, then it's--
Exactly.
We're picking.
We haven't got all night.
I like Connor Roy.
Honestly, Dad, I think you go Dems.
Wow. Yeah, I do.
Jesus Christ.
Um, I...
kinda like Mencken, but...
I know he's kind of shitty, so if it's now, I guess, Boyer,
but can I just say I don't like Boyer--
What? What's with the fucking-- Roman.
No disrespect, but Boyer's yesterday's papers.
The Dems will run on change and blow him away.
Ooh, Mrs. Politics!
How many big races did you win as a consultant?
Four? Three? Did you win two? Roman! Boyer is not a winner,
and we know that. One?
Okay, well, then, should we talk to Mencken,
see if we can deal? The base does like him.
Right?
Uh...
look, can I... say something? Uh... No.
Mencken is an integralist, nativist fuckhead. He's toxic.
He's "Medicare for all, abortions for none."
And his idea of diplomacy
is shooting roe deer with Viktor Orban
and then starting a trade war with China.
Look, I'm tough. I know that there's the carnival bark
and then there's the fucking show, but...
he is outside the American political tradition.
And I think we have a responsibility as Waystar...
...to the...
...American Republic and--
and to the future of--
Fuck you, Roman! Four score years and whatever...
No, he's talked about-- ...my sister did bring forth
from her bedroom a cup of milky sputum.
You done? Yeah, done.
He's talked about burning Korans
and licensing press credentials. Yeah.
He's shifting the Overton window.
I'm surprised you know what that fucking is.
I do. He's opening it
and throwing union organizers out of it. Oh, my God.
Stop Chicken Littling us.
It just makes us wanna all have a nap.
Stop being a dirty little pixie
whispering swastikas in Dad's ear.
Boom! There you go again! So fucking route one!
I'm not saying it's going to be the full Third Reich,
but I am genuinely concerned
that we could slide into a... ...into a--
a Russian Berlusconied Brazilian fuck pile.
You have a trophy husband and several fur coats.
I think you're gonna be fine. Tom!
Who do you like?
Me? I, uh...
I think Shiv...
Shiv talks a lot of sense.
But I also jibe with Salgado.
Oh, you "jibe" with him?
Pretty sure that's racist, Tom. May I, uh--
Sorry, do I get a vote? Sure you do, buddy.
You get to vote at the election with all the other folks.
All right, yeah.
Well, I guess, I just feel like you maybe get a bigger vote
in here. Easy, Castro.
Boyer is likely to be flexible over the DOJ.
Not if he doesn't win, which he won't.
Although, we are hearing rumors that the case is weakening.
And that no one big...
is likely to do jail time. Great.
With the notable exception of Tom, obviously.
Sorry, Tom. No, please, Hugo. Understood.
Look, if you don't go blue, Dad, then at least we have to be...
backing Salgado.
Señor Dickless.
Captain of the Tampa Bay Cuckaneers.
Uh... Cyd. Sorry.
Duty calls. Look, I don't like him.
He's a neocon pretending to be a Paleocon,
but he at least talks base, and... Hello?
Tom? Uh-huh?
Where are you right now?
Uh... Virginia.
No, where are you in the building?
Shiv, can I just say,
and I know that we have had our differences,
but I do think you are so brave for picking the brown man.
I think that we should get you a medal.
Amazing. A special medal, for white women
who like brown men. Just being a racist now.
"I'm a good girl. I pretend to care about people
'cause no one cares about me."
Oh, yeah, actually, do you have something you wanna tell Dad?
From Mom? A message that maybe you could share, Rome?
Uh... Yeah, wow. Fuck you! Thanks, I do.
I have a message, uh, yeah.
Uh... Mom's getting remarried.
Hmm.
To Bertie Woofter?
Uh... No, to Peter, um... uh... Pe-uh-Munion.
Peter Munion. You're fucking kidding?
The seat sniffer?
He's been hanging around...
...for forty years. Yeah, and, uh, she would--
they would love it, apparently,
if you came to their big Tuscan wedding.
Ooh! Lah-di-dah!
And they sent you as messenger boy?
Hey, man. Hey.
Thanks for coming.
Hey.
So, I will take the, uh, Griddle Hero special, please.
With double hash browns. Fully loaded.
And a plain waffle
and a-and a large cup of room-temperature water.
Thank you.
Uh...
I might just watch him.
You know that Rasputin would take a dose of arsenic,
uh, with breakfast each morning to build up his tolerance?
Look, so...
I think you know... I've always liked you, Tom.
Well, I like you too, Kendall. I mean, I have notes.
Oh, no. I have notes.
I think mine might be more extensive...
I don't know. ...than yours.
But look. I think I can get you out of this mess,
where you're going.
Well, uh...
nothing is certain, so...
You know they're calling you...
the Christmas tree?
Yeah?
Perhaps that's because I'm tall and jolly.
Maybe. You think?
But I think maybe you don't want to be the chip
the company offers up when it has no choice.
Well...
obviously, I would prefer that not to happen,
but, um...
it's complicated. It is.
But I'm here to ask, are you interested
in an alternative, theoretically?
I have, of late, uh,
decided not to tarry too much with hope.
Okay, well, my case is...
It's strong. It's-- No, it's-it's...
My case is fine.
It has gaps.
But if I had someone who could say
that nothing gets signed off on without my dad's say-so,
which I think we both know to be true...
Ooh, I-- ...then--
I don't know that I do know that, Ken.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'm just a humble servant, Ken.
I admire you, man.
I do, I fucking-You know?
You-You-You're-Look at-- You're a long way from home.
You're far from the tree.
You've played your hand well,
and you're sitting at the top table.
Well, shucks. Thank you.
I fell in love with your sister. That's what happened.
Sure. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right.
Sure. Sure, man.
The country mouse and the hot tamale.
And you're just, uh...
what? Just--
I suppose you're just a long glass of water.
No agenda? I guess.
Well, here's how it goes.
I have new lawyers, who are fucking amazing.
I do not underestimate
the cognitive dissonance you're experiencing.
Lying, hiding.
But pretty soon,
granted immunity.
And you're not going to prison.
How does that sound?
I guess there are other names.
We have to be united on this.
It's a disaster if we splinter.
Salgado has great narrative.
Quit butt-huffing Salgado, Shiv.
We all supported your little DC lemonade stand,
but this is the fucking real world. This actually matters.
Roman, you just love the boot
'cause you love to be kicked by it.
What?
Nothing. No.
What about Connor?
Interesting.
I do believe that idea has good promise.
I do.
I could see it.
Well, if you can see it,
should we talk about it?
Kids? Um...
sure, I don't know.
Yeah.
Like, but, like, really?
Uh...
I guess.
Sure. I don't know.
They're all fucking weirdos anyway, so why not?
No offense, Con. None taken.
I mean, he's a good-looking kid.
He's smart... in his way.
Fucking Joe Kennedy did it for his boys?
So let's get him in there
with a smile and a shoeshine
and get Ron and everyone behind him.
I would fight so fuckin' hard for this family, Pop.
Siobhan?
As a political consultant, what do you think?
Come on.
Well-Okay, well, not huge name ID,
but the family name will be a factor and...
A positive. One of many.
Uh... He's got no track record.
Nothing to beat me with.
I'm a clean skin.
And I guess, in terms of...
presentation and connection skills...
Tick, tick.
He can walk and chew gum.
He pisses pretty straight.
Pretty damn straight. I piss policy laser.
Okay, um, are we being serious about this?
We're talking about trying to make Connor president...
of the United States of America. Crap pants!
Roman, it's a big tent. Why don't you just come in?
Sure, I might call the guy who waxes my balls.
He's a possible. Jesus.
Greg!
Would you vote for Connor?
Me? Would I...
Um...
Honestly.
Uh-Uh-Honestly, uh, yeah, I-I...
It depends. I-I think...
I think I could see myself, uh, spoiling my ballot
in his favor.
Depending on the opposition. Yeah.
What do you think, Shiv?
Is it nuts?
I love Con. I do. But...
if-if we're talking about this seriously, I think we have to...
look at Salgado!
Can I bring him up here? Oh, come on.
Hugo. Call Boyer.
Okay, if-if she's bringing up Soggy Salgado,
then I want to see if we can tame Mencken, okay?
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Speakerphone.
Hello?
Hi! Dave!
It's Logan.
How are you?
Uh... G-Good, Logan. How are you?
Oh, I'm fine. We're all fine.
I'm here in my suite.
Uh... Would you fancy stopping by?
Uh, it's pretty late, Logan.
Uh-huh.
But s-sure. Sure.
Great. Great. And Dave, listen, um...
my fridge is bare.
I don't suppose you could run me over a Coke?
Did you mean to call room service?
If you don't have a Coke,
is there something else?
Yes?
Could you fire the deputy attorney general?
Fire the deputy attorney general?
I'm kidding. Come on over.
Have a chat.
If it's convenient.
Sure, I'll be over in a few minutes.
Thank you, Hugo.
Take the boy and go. Um... Yeah. Yeah.
I-I-I will go. I-- I just want to say, I think...
um...
I-I-I think I owe it to my country to say...
I don't think you should crown-- or make Connor president.
That's it. Thank you. Good night. Sorry.
So-So, what do you think?
Let me think. Yeah, take your time.
I see it's tough for you. Yeah.
You know, my dad seems powerful.
Shiv seems safe.
But, uh...
I don't know. You think she'll still be there?
Waiting for you after prison?
How exactly does it work if I...
if I do come over to you?
I mean, how-- how is it better...
for me when I tell my wife...
whom I love,
and this family, that I'm turning against them?
How?
She'll respect you.
Tell her, "What's she doing?" Bring her over.
Logan goes down.
Shiv knows who the fucking man is.
Come on, man.
But h-And I don't mean to be insulting, but,
having been around a bit...
my hunch...
is that you're going to get fucked
because I've seen you get fucked a lot.
And I've never seen Logan get fucked once.
Nice. Classy.
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Okay, I gotta go.
Do you know what they're doing up in the suite?
They're picking the next president.
♪ ♪
Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg!
Fuck Greenpeace!
Uh-No--
Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg! I'm all right.
Oh-Okay.
♪ ♪
Obviously, we take the integrity
of the Justice Department very seriously.
But there is always the question of overreach.
So, yeah, on Tech, I mean... the strategy is clear.
I hear you about Gojo.
I personally don't think there would be
any regulatory issues.
Well,
thank you, Dave.
Thank you, Mr. Vice President.
You've, uh, given us a lot to think about.
Great to see you again. You too.
Wonderful to see you again, my very good adversary.
So, just wanted to chit-chat a little bit.
That was funny earlier, you know.
You tripping the light fantastic on Grandpappy's nutsack.
When I called your dad bullshit? I mean, did that bump?
Oh, yeah, yeah, never heard that before.
Like, that was, like, hardcore and junk.
'Cause the thing is, this monkey don't dance.
This monkey right here? Yeah.
This dancing monkey in Dad's bathroom doesn't dance?
That's right.
Um... So...
I did want to talk to you about something.
And fuck it, I'll just come out and say it.
Fascists are kind of cool...
but not really. So, is that, like, a problem, a thing?
Seriously? Me? I just...
I don't have a lot of boundaries.
St. Augustine, Thomas Aquinas,
Schumacher. I'll borrow from anyone.
And, you know...
if Franco or H or Travis Bickle had a good pitch, fuck it!
I'm a man for all seasons. Mm-hmm. "H"?
You know, there was a very naughty boy named "H."
I'm a fully-fledged, small-D democrat.
A well-regulated election
is a transmission frequency for God's grace.
Holy shit. You really are a Christian, aren't you?
Well, no, no, no. My only thing is, like, who's the stakeholder, right?
I've been tending, you know,
my little garden for, like, a hundred years, and then...
forty new guys show up in the back of a truck...
playing their boombox,
and it's put to a vote,
and they decide to, uh, give my farm to them.
I mean... I'm like, "So sorry, what happened?"
Maybe you have to put in, right?
Before you get to take out. Yeah.
Okay, well, then, you know...
who gets to, uh...
who gets to join?
Well...
people trust people who look like them.
That's just a scientific fact.
They will give more tax dollars to help them.
Hmm. Now,
you can integrate new elements, of course, but come on, man!
Slowly!
I mean, fuck!
I like this country.
Yeah. Let's just take a beat
before we fundamentally alter its composition?
Yeah.
And in terms of, you know,
this... here. There's a thing here, right?
Mm. And I get it. You're...
You're fucking 6G, and we're Betamax,
but, you know, you need us. I think.
Our news, our viewers, those fucking almost-deads,
that's a big slice of pie.
Well, if I'm the nominee,
are any of them really going to vote against me?
No, but...
you know, it's going to be a fucking shit show...
...going into the convention.
I think you could really use our push.
I think you could use mine.
Maybe.
Where are you in all this?
S... Me, Roman?
Uh... You know.
I'm creeping on the come-up. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I've got some ideas for ATN, you know.
Sluice out the fucking porridge and add some sriracha.
Poach some of those TikTok psychos, you know?
E-girls with fucking guns and Juul pods, you know?
Give me some straight shot Blacks and Latinos.
No more of this fucking...
pillows and bedpans, you know.
We're strictly bone broth and dick pills.
Deep state conspiracy hour
but with, like, a fucking wink, you know? Funny.
And the whole show...
is kinda set up for the star.
President Jeryd Mencken.
Knock-knock.
Heard you wanted one.
Thank you.
Anointed with a Coke.
That was nice.
He's nice. He's... ...not nice.
He's not! Dad?
I know we came to the market to buy you a nice milk cow
but we found ourselves a fucking T-rex, okay?
He's box office. The guy is fucking diesel.
I mean, he's good on camera. He's fun. He'll fight.
Viewers will eat from his hand.
No downside. Oh, yeah.
Let's just invade Poland, Dad. No downside.
No, his chief of staff broke a kid's jaw at a rally!
What?
If we don't come to an accommodation,
we get outflanked, and we lose the ATN dollar machine
when we need cash to fight Tech. Right? And buy Gojo.
Shiv wants her way, I want my way,
Connor wants his way, so that's even.
It's not even! My opinion counts for more!
No-It does! It just fucking does!
Okay? I know this. I know!
People hate him. They fucking hate this guy!
You have to look at the climate.
Climate said I was going down.
Climate said I should just step aside.
I guess...
I'm a climate denier.
Uh? I'm sorry, this is how it happens?
Good night. Dad?
Dad! Come on! He's just-- He's fucking dangerous!
Definitely fucking.
Looks like your polling was off again, Shiv.
Let's go.
♪ ♪
So, I saw you.
Looked like you were having a whale of a time
flying on the wings of white power.
Yeah, yeah. I was, uh, commandeered.
Did it feel good...
as the fascists hoisted you aloft
like the Stanley Cup?
So...
Mencken's gonna take the weekend straw poll,
and Petkus has confirmed he's backing.
Good.
Sunday show pushed him this morning.
Let's see if this horse can run.
...couldn't quite...
...seal the deal.
And here I was thinking that...
you were gonna be the man to put my dad in prison.
Right. Siobhan!
Speak of the devil.
You take care. Good to see you.
We're doing photos.
Family photo. Uh-With him?
No. No.
We're all in it. Let's go.
You've got enough people in the shot.
I'm good.
Get in the photo, please.
Siobhan, are you part of this family or not?
Not standing next to him.
I'll be in the photo but not right by him.
You win, Pinkie.
You win.
You did good this weekend, son.
Next to the congressman.
Mr. Mencken. Roman.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Okay, everybody, just be casual. Relax. Smile.
Little chin down, Mr. Men-- Congressman.
And one, two, three.
Great! Great. Perfect.
Thank you. Super. Good.
Great. Okay.
Um...
Thank you. Should we get--
Should we get a couple of just... Um...
♪ ♪