Can we get in? What's going on?
Let's go. Let's see if he's still awake.
- Is that him? - Yeah.
Okay. Can we yell, "Wake up, Snow Joe"?
Wake up, Snow Joe!
There he is. What's poppin', cum-dump?
Yeah, just enjoying my daughter's birthday, so...
Daddy, we've tried everything.
Can they make the wagon train go faster?
Let's ask, yeah?
Can the wagon train go any faster?
Uh... Up to a point.
Yeah, great. Let's take it up to that point. Thanks.
Thanks, Daddy.
The signage is for shit.
You know, still, some other sucker's problem now.
Three months ago, I was at a meeting about how to stop kids
giving each other handyjobs on the runaway ghost train.
Now, I'm about to start managing
a billion-dollar news budget, so, it's all good.
I gave my first handjob on the ghost train.
I have a shitty roommate right now, so I'm...
trying to move on from that.
My friend has an open room in her apartment.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, I mean,
she has an issue with spores from mold,
but I don't know. I don't know how your lungs are with spores.
You know, I did see one place, uh, 600 square feet.
But it was out in Staten Island.
- What? - I don't know if...
Cousin Greg is moving to Staten Island?
No, no, I don't know.
Oh, my God, did you hear this?
- I'm just looking at a place out there. - Greg is getting the ferry to work?
Check out Bryan Ferry.
Dude, why stop at the ferry?
Just come in from Cleveland on the Greyhound.
Have you considered a hotel?
As, like, nightly, or...
Logan's requested your presence in meeting room four.
- Which? - Both of you.
Oh. That'll be fun.
Beavis and Crackhead.
Logan also asked for you to join, too.
- Oh. Really? - Yeah.
Oh, okay.
- You wanna take this? - No.
Off they all go again, marching off to Daddy.
Like Russians joining the Brusilov Offensive.
World War I.
- Okay. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
My focus is bringing Waystar Royco
to its full earning potential.
So, Waystar refused to play ball?
I'm assuming they waved a poison pill in your face
and now you're launching a proxy battle
- to replace the board. - This guy, fuckin'...
dildo dipped in beard trimmings.
He's fuckin' us on TV.
And of course, Pierce put him on.
Self-righteous fuckin' butter-wouldn't-melt,
disingenuous Pulitzer pricks.
Is Logan Roy fit
to run a 21st-century media organization?
You recognize any of this, son?
It's from the playbook, Dad.
Oh, yes, of course, the playbook. Sure.
Let me just make it very clear.
Kendall Roy is no longer relevant.
Now, with regards to Sandy Furness...
- So... - We keep our counsel.
Dismissive. Just lay it all out in our proxy statement.
A hurried public response makes us look rattled.
So let Stewy sway all the shareholders first
while Dad sits there with his thumb up his ass?
- That's a great plan. - Hey, Shiv.
Respectfully, we just take a beat.
Let me put a solid pack together.
We fire back when we have the ammo.
By which point all the shooting's over.
No, get out now with a salty re-frame.
This is your standard-issue basic-bitch corporate raider
versus a fuckin' legendary force of nature,
Hurricane Logan.
Now. Today.
Karolina runs the words past Shiv.
- Yeah, Vaulter. - Okay.
- Vaulter. He paid too big... - Right.
Huge... it's a huge disappointment.
Do you think they suckered us?
Who, Vaulter?
No, we went deep on that. We...
- kicked the tires good. - I think we got chiseled.
Revenue projections down and down.
I think we got screwed.
Yeah, me too. Massive fuck-up, Ken. Huge.
Unforgivable.
Right, I want the response out today.
I need Vaulter fixed.
All right?
So I have something to say in my fucking investor meetings.
- Go. - Okay. Me?
Both of you. The one who fixes it...
gets a cookie.
You got it. Sure thing, Dad.
I just wanted to say thank you for...
closing down the park for us.
Sophie...
she's having a great birthday. She got to meet Snow Joe and...
So, thank you.
Look at you, broken robot.
Can't even hug your own kids.
Yeah, I saw that, you freak.
Pinkie.
Happy?
Yeah. Smart.
Uh, let me know if you need anything.
Bye, Marilyn.
Bye, Mondale.
You know what? I don't care.
Now, this empty wall, here, I don't care if it's incredibly gauche,
but can we not just have a big, beautiful portrait of us
up there?
- Shiv. - Mmm.
- Too Saddam? - Mmm.
- Too Assady? - Mmm.
Okay.
- You good? - Am I good? I am great!
I am great. I'm good. I slept well, and...
Yeah, you know your thing about us?
I think I've contextualized it.
- It's not really a thing. - No, no, no, sure.
I just feel like, okay, you know,
if I'm the king and you're the queen,
maybe it's fine to
fuck the odd peasant.
- Right. Yeah. - Because... because...
big picture, our plan is right on track.
- No? - Uh-huh.
And you've seen Gil's numbers, right?
And as of today, I'm right in at ATN.
You know, belly of the beast.
So...
- Hey. - Yeah?
You wanna bang? Right now?
Cheeky little breakfast bang.
- You wanna? - I'm...
I'm just such in a different mental place...
- Okay. - Than you right now.
No, sure.
I just feel so incredibly potent. You know?
I think it's the new place.
- Yeah. - You know?
- I feel godlike and horny. - Ooh!
Everybody looks, like, two feet tall to me.
Well, you know what? Maybe...
maybe we should split from the thing early
tonight and, you know, we can...
talk, and...
- everything. - Okay!
Okay! My fave. Strategy and a fuck.
- Okay, bye. - Have a good one.
Bye, honey.
So cool. You know they have their own beehive upstairs?
What is that? Is that, like, the fucking business model?
Conflict porn and hipster honey.
The pretend journalists are pretend working.
All right, Rome, just cool it.
Let's move nice and slow here. Yeah?
Just keep it small and general.
We don't wanna spook him.
Yeah, okay. You got it. You are in charge.
I follow your lead, fucker.
Larry Yee, King of New York!
What the fuck?
Thanks for making space, man. I know it was last minute.
Dude. Any time.
Hey, Lawrence.
I heard you were drying out in a Schloss...
doing shitty yoga with Hausfrau.
Right. Right.
Nope.
He is back. He is back like a pedo on parole.
Yeah, man, we're just here for a catch-up.
You know? Super casual, feet on the table, whatever the fuck.
Just... just help you out.
Obviously, I'm always pleased to get your insights,
but, like, who am I talking to?
Co...
COOs.
Who's in charge here?
My brother and I have a joint responsibility.
You know, we're sharing duties,
but we're on the same page, operationally. Right, Rome?
I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
There's just
a lot of crackle in the air right now.
External pressures with the proxy battle,
- that whole... - Yeah.
So you're defusing the bomb you planted.
Yes, precisely. See, he gets it. He sees.
We're just here for a routine health check.
- That's all this is. - Where's this coming from?
- It's coming from us. - It's coming from Dad.
No. What, why are we dancing around this?
It's coming from Dad. Dad's worried about you.
Okay.
I mean, come on, you know how he is.
He doesn't get it. He still has a plant out in the Philippines
manufacturing Xerox machines.
But he's fucking shrewd.
And, right now...
right now, his giant cyclops eye
is looking in this direction, and he's feeling like
maybe he bought a giant pile of bullshit.
So now here I am
to enquire, in the politest terms possible,
"What the fuck is going on?"
Dad thinks maybe you fucked him.
Our numbers were solid when you bought us,
and they're solid now.
Dude, really, don't take it personally. Dad thinks everyone's fucking him.
I know you're on the level.
Help me make him see that.
What do you need?
I need metrics, I need KPIs,
and I need an office.
Me, too. I'm gonna need an office as well.
Separate from his. Nicer.
It's on, me versus the Peach.
Okay, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna swing the old meat mallet.
I'm gonna sit on her right out of the box.
Okay, so I could be calling
for a little bit of the old punch-bagging,
okay, buddy?
Ready to play the bag?
- Yeah, yeah. Give it to me. - Okay.
What?
What is it, Greg?
Being in at ATN, you know, it's kinda like
the one thing I didn't wanna do.
Okay. So, what...
Should I have left you at Parks to sink?
I mean, it's...
it's ATN, man. It's the fuckin' news.
- I know. - It's Logan's G-spot.
I can finger-bang him all night long.
I'm a direct... direct report. What?
Sure, just...
ATN?
It's like...
- kind of against my principles. - Your principles?
Greg, don't be an asshole. You don't have principles.
Dude, ATN is a very toxic element in the culture.
Seriously? Okay, name me one principle that you have.
I don't know, like, I'm against racism.
Bullshit. I'm against racism. Everybody's against racism.
What else?
- Like, don't lie. - Fuck off.
- Like, if you're the news, you... - Fuck off!
- That's your principle? - Yeah, dude.
Greg, this is not fucking Charles Dickens world, okay?
You don't go around talking about principles.
We're all trying to do the right thing, of course we are.
But come on, man!
Man the fuck up!
Okay, I am manned, man.
Here comes Cyd.
Hey, Cyd! The Peach!
The legend!
- Oh, Tom! Tom! - Hey!
It's great to have you aboard.
I know that this is gonna be
a really productive collaboration.
I just hope
that there's no weirdness
with our fuzzy boundaries, right?
Are you kidding? If you wanna go fast,
go alone. If you wanna go far, go together.
- Right? - Exactly.
Yeah.
- Come meet the team. - Amazing!
You wanna lead in there?
Oh, fuck no.
- You lead, Tommy. - Okay.
You mind if I big-ball the first one?
Do it! Your funeral, buddy.
Thank you, thank you.
So did he actually even see my draft?
Uh... No.
In the end, I just thought the draft Kelly and I did
had more, uh, goodness.
As in...
As in it had the quality of being good
rather than the attributes of being shitty.
Just also re: Kelly, little sidebar.
Can you not tell people about us?
But there is no us.
Right. but there was an us, and the problem is,
my wife doesn't know about it.
Oh, my husband absolutely does know about it,
so I guess that's, what, it's your problem?
We had the affair.
We didn't have the conversation
about telling people we had the affair.
I'm sorry, Nate, did you want a conference call
to discuss how to tell your wife we fucked?
Thank you, everyone. Great event. Great event.
Thank you, everyone, so much.
And the polling!
My God! I mean, nobody's getting carried away,
just one set of numbers,
one pretty big set of numbers. Right?
Right? So thank you. And testament to your faith.
Thank you. Please,
indulge yourselves in some gluten and melted cheese.
Why not? Thank you, thank you.
Hey, uh, how was the call?
Great. They're eating out of my ass crack.
Offered me use of the fucking jet on the weekend.
Uh, yeah, I mean, the legals are wonky
and the optics are shitty, but go ahead.
Look.
You don't look a gift Boeing in the teeth.
Right? Right?
- No. - I'll be so much fresher.
Excuse us for a second. I just wanna...
Come here, listen.
Long road to travel and all of that,
but the compass points to Pennsylvania Avenue.
I have to start thinking about appointments.
I'm thinking about chief of staff.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I mean, can you imagine the look of fear
in their eyes when they see you coming at them?
Those corpulent old white fucks.
How's that for a carrot?
Hmm?
So that's where we shape the debate.
Ooh. Cool shit.
And I love the way the debate keeps on getting shaped
like a burning cross.
You don't share our news values.
Oh, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I get it. I'm from the Midwest.
You know, my mom's friend, Deb, weighs, like, 300 pounds,
and she's pissed as fuck about practically everything,
so, you know, trust me,
I'm down. I get it.
Besides, what Logan wants, Logan gets, right?
Logan doesn't set our news agenda.
Oh.
No, of course he doesn't.
I know, it's so weird, huh?
He happens to own a news company
and they say exactly what he thinks.
If Logan had to tell me
or any of my news editors
what to run or what the angle was,
we would be fucked. That is not how it works.
This isn't mind control.
We hire people who want to work here,
and we serve a demographic
of highly, highly intelligent viewers,
who are really tired
of being patronized elsewhere
by latte-sipping douchebags
with hundred-dollar haircuts.
You've got the cool job title.
You've got freedom of movement.
Why didn't you take a look somewhere more comfy?
Entertainment?
'Cause this is where the action is.
This is the profit center.
The median age of our audience is 68.
The ads are all adult diapers and shit pills.
Our lead in the news demo has halved.
You know, maybe I can
lend a hand to take a look at some of that.
You know,
he sends me one of you every four years.
- That train is never late. - Interesting.
And tell me, these others that he sends,
were they his son-in-law, too?
I'm curious.
Efficiencies, Cyd! I'm here to trim the flab.
Have you told Logan this?
I spy savings, Cyd.
Good, Tom.
That's very good.
Because I run a pretty tight ship.
So...
good luck to you.
I'm sure you've got him very, very excited.
I hope you can deliver.
Well...
Thank you very much.
And fuck you.
And I'll catch up with you later.
Not on your dying day, baby.
Greg, I need you on the ground.
Okay? I need you to be my representative on earth.
I want you to go on a mission for me
and body-shame ATN,
find the fat and point it out.
- Yeah, like, how? - Like, find the excess, okay?
Find the extraneous Danish, the surfeit of stationary,
the lazy cleaner, the mail guy who walks slow.
Okay? Snuffle out waste, pig man.
Okay, I'll do the penthouse. You do the basement.
- All right? - Yeah, yeah, you got it.
Wait, uh, which are these?
You know what? I'm not sure.
Let me go check.
Keep it coming. Fuckin' drown him in paper.
Good night, Kendall.
Night, dude.
- What's he doing? - I don't know. Reading?
Thanks, useless.
Drink your smoothie and shut up.
Actually drinking the smoothie.
I can give you 52 seconds.
- Well, I'm in at Vaulter. - Yeah, so?
Yeah, so, let's fucking game this out.
Roman, we are in a proxy war.
The plane has just been hijacked,
all the engines have fallen into the sea,
and the pilot's hair is on fire.
Gerri, come on, I need something.
Kendall's doing shit.
Okay, how about this, you do shit.
- What have you got? - One idea, pivot to video?
Yeah, they tried that already.
Can you just come over? I want you in the room.
Can I come over?
Yeah, could... yeah...
Fuck you!
Fuck you.
Excuse me, folks, could I maybe interest you all
in going for one of those fuckin'
IPAs that looks like run-off at the carwash?
Is he in the chair?
Hey, Dad?
I need three independent women. Know any?
Uh-huh.
The board?
Be great if one was in a fucking wheelchair.
Black, white, green, pink.
A Cambodian landmine victim, if you know any.
Yeah, be the change you wanna see in the world.
You're a real beacon of hope, Dad.
What do you think about Pierce?
Buying? PGM as a defense?
Honestly, I think that's chasing the white whale.
Again.
It's never gonna work. It's not a good fit.
Huh.
Dad, I was wondering whether we should...
talk.
You know, about...
It wasn't a dream, right?
Are you kidding? I'm excited!
So, let's talk.
Should you go, or shall I?
Well, I have some ideas that I...
Siobhan? What a surprise. He never said.
- Hi. - Hi.
Just a pop-in.
Pinkie was telling me how...
Connor's moved into a hotel in the city.
I saw.
He sent out his email bulletin with all the photographs.
He rents a room. He rents a girl.
Can you check if Richard's turned off that fuckin' Alexa?
Not just off, unplugged.
I've got enough spies after me without Bezos in here, too.
Okay?
Right.
So...
here's how I see it.
Come in.
Six months with Gerri, six months with Karl.
Hong Kong for, say, another 12.
Uh...
Berlin or London.
Management training program for six.
Come back, spend 12 months alongside me.
And when you're ready, I'll step aside.
Wow. Dad, that's a lot of months.
It's an appropriate amount of months.
Also, management training program?
Roman's COO. You have a toddler
with a hard-on for chief operating officer,
and I'm going through a management training program?
You're a young woman with no experience.
A woman. That's a minus.
Well, of course it's a fucking minus!
- I didn't make the world! - You make a small part of it.
If that doesn't work for you, what does?
That's a fucking... that's a three-year timeline.
Okay.
So why don't you come in tomorrow
and spend the day with me?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad.
What?
I need time, I haven't even told Tom yet.
- Tell him. - And there's Gil.
I have a job. I can't just come running to you.
What is it, Siobhan, too slow or too fast?
Because I'm fucking confused.
Dad, I want this.
It's just about the process.
Okay.
Okay?
So, you wanna get into it?
Not now.
I'm busy. Proxy statement.
You didn't give me any warning.
- All right. - I mean, you know,
tomorrow night could work?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Tomorrow?
Uh...
Yeah, let me take a look.
Oh, is that no good for you?
I'm around.
- I'm excited. - Mmm-hmm.
Me, too.
I'll get back to you tomorrow
- on the names for the board. - Mmm-hmm.
- Love you. - I love you. Good night.
All right.
I haven't got all day.
Agenda is Vaulter.
We need a way forward on the Vaulter problem
ahead of investor meetings in two days' time.
Do you want to present jointly or...
Ken?
Yeah, I'll take it. Um...
So, I've spent the last 36 hours
on a deep dive into the drivers of the business.
Headline is, it's a body pit.
They have mass of data with no analytics.
There's no way of telling what's a hand and what's a foot.
But it's still a killer business.
The platform, the brands.
Ethos and culture are leading edge.
And, um, in my view, it's fixable.
It's funny how these fuck-ups always make the bottom line look fatter.
All they need is adults in the room.
Accounting team, analytics team, and investment.
We burn 50 million for a few years,
we make it the best thing in the world.
Oh. Is that all?
Well, you always say, "Gotta burn to turn."
Romulus, what's your read?
You know, it's interesting, Dad,
because I hear everything that he's saying,
and it actually, it almost sounds like a good pitch.
But I call bullshit.
I spent some time down there, and I'm just not seeing it.
Now, I don't know exactly what they're doing,
but they're fakes.
Fucking beehives, almond milk, and...
"Take another week on that report, Matilda."
It smells wrong,
and they're hiding shit.
Speaking of hiding shit,
I took a couple of their staffers out,
I got them shitfaced,
and apparently,
they're looking to unionize...
and fucking soon.
- Oh, yeah? - Pay transparency...
bargaining rights.
Just nasty, tangly shit.
And it's not a body pit,
whatever the fuck a body pit is.
It's a fucking muesli pit,
and doesn't fit with our core you know...
values.
So now I'm thinking we just shutter the fucker.
Close it? That's chunky.
Come on. I mean, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
That's just insane.
The write-down on that would be what? It's a bitter pill.
Come on, I mean, in the middle of a proxy fight
when we've got Stewy and Sandy taking out full-page ads
in the Journal attacking us for pissing capital up the wall?
I mean, it makes us look weak.
No, it makes us look ruthless.
And, actually, I do know what I'm fucking talking about.
Dad, what the fuck are we doing?
Show me the bloat anywhere else in this company.
Where is it? You show me. Show me the waste
that we're letting these fuckers get away with.
Fine, so we restructure them and we grow them...
I think if we don't shutter it, then we gut it.
We carve that shit like a pumpkin.
How?
You hive off the profit center,
you keep the domain name, the archive...
Um...
Gut level, Dad,
this thing is not coming back. They're fuckin' assholes.
Dad.
Vaulter can be our lodestar.
This isn't the time to retreat.
Your brother's right. Gut it.
Okay.
Roman...
I want you on the proxy battle with Gerri.
Kendall...
you think you can gut Vaulter for me?
Or you need help?
I'll take care of it, Dad.
You know, when Willa told me
about moving to New York for her play,
I thought, "I don't want to move to the city.
I wanna stay on the ranch.
Maybe I'll get me a new girlfriend."
I'm kidding.
No, I mean, it's true.
It was pretty hard to wheedle the old man out of the desert.
But we're here now
in our not-so-humble home...
hotel. Um...
But friends, family, please,
you know, feel free to drop in anytime,
and don't worry about all this,
'cause it's on our tab. So...
- Okay. Great. - Sir, one minute.
Cheers!
Hey, Con, thank you so much
for taking care of the sliders and all this shit.
Yeah, and the champagne. It's very big of you.
And I love what you haven't done with the place as well.
Yeah, well, you know we got a really good deal.
And rehearsals are right around the corner.
Plus, I needed a place in the city
'cause I'm gonna start ramping up soon.
So I needed a campaign headquarters.
Wait.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Are you still doing that? - Very funny. Yes.
I'm still applying for the job
of President of the United States.
- Oh. Good for you. - Yeah. Do you...
Do you think that that's like a natural progression
from "never done nothing, never,"
to "most important job in the world"?
- Well... - Like, could you
maybe get a little experience
at, like, at a CVS, something, first?
Yeah, yeah, or just, like, nickel hand jobs under a bridge.
- Start small. - You guys have big plans for me.
Place is a time machine.
It's like 45 minutes every time they need file tape,
all the way to some warehouse in Queens.
Okay, so?
So, I don't know. I mean...
How come it isn't digitized?
The whole of ATN, it's totally analog, Tom.
So I could fire people?
Correct? If we did this? If we digitized?
I mean, you'd be removing, like,
two links from the production chain of every show.
- But it's way bigger... - Okay.
But in terms of skulls,
how many skulls, do you think?
- That we can lose? - Yeah.
I don't know. I guess, like, 30 or 50?
Fifty skulls?
I'm slavering, pig man!
Fifty skulls is a lot of skulls!
Yeah.
I know, it's good... it's tons.
Look at this fuckin' prick.
Yikes, I almost feel sorry for him.
Yeah? Why?
Just emptied the contents of his scrotum at Dad's feet.
We're gutting Vaulter.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Is that a good idea?
Fucking great idea.
It's Kendall's baby, and now we're gonna burn it.
Hey. So, we were thinking,
me and... Tabitha and I,
that we'd like to have you and Tom over for dinner...
- sometime. - Sorry, what? Do you...
- Roman Roy... - Fuck you.
- Did you just invite us to dinner? - All right, shut up.
Yes, I did. Metro poser bullshit.
Napkins and chitchat. Ooh. Race relations. Kale.
Hey.
Do you reckon if I called room service
and asked them to poke me in the eye, they would?
It's pretty unbearable in there.
Can I get a drag?
Yeah.
I hear Dad's got Vaulter in the crosshair.
Roman?
He shouldn't be talking to you about that.
Just seems like a bad move to me.
I'm just saying, I always liked it.
Yeah, well...
Dad's right.
Are you with him on this?
He sees everything, Shiv.
You have a hard time finding a happy medium
between worshipping him and wanting to kill him.
- The Vaulter thing. - Mmm.
Gutting it.
What if it's the wrong thing?
I thought your dad agreed with you?
Uh, yeah, he did. And now they're doing it.
They're actually doing a thing that I said.
Fuck.
I think maybe you just did your job.
Shall we get some more champagne?
I mean...
It could be right. It might not be, but it could be.
Maybe I'm smart.
Sure.
Maybe.
You did a thing.
Mazel tov.
You know, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna schedule some time with your dad,
and take him out for dinner, and wine him and dine him,
and make love to him with my ideas, you know?
This could be huge, Shiv.
Tom, I think...
I think we should talk.
Uh...
You wanna get out of here?
Okay.
Is this about ATN?
Hey, you want something?
I'll get you something.
Oh, that's a biggie.
Is this about the arrangement?
Look, Tom, it's...
no, it's Waystar.
This is never gonna happen,
and I don't even trust him, and even if I did,
I'm not even sure that I would want it.
But, uh...
he offered it to me.
To be next.
Dad.
Oh!
- Oh, my... - Mmm.
Shiv, when?
The Hamptons.
The Hamptons?
Oh, my God, Shiv, that's...
That's like a week ago.
Congratulations! What the fuck?
I know!
I mean, I don't know what to think.
Holy shit! I mean...
this is huge.
- So, I mean, do you... - Want it? No!
And I don't even trust him, so I...
Because I thought that it was something
that we wanted for me...
- We do. - To have it?
- We do! - That was... I mean,
- that was just the plan. - That's still the plan.
Me is just a modification of the plan.
No, sure.
It's quite a big modification.
But... so, did...
did he...
Paint the picture for me. What'd he...
He asked me and I said yes.
But only as a play.
Totally.
So what was the play?
Well, he's asked before, obviously, and this time was real...
so...
I thought I would be deleveraging power if I said no.
Exactly. Yes.
Tom, this is 100% not going to happen.
But it's smart to say yes, right?
I am so...
excited for you!
- Thank you. - For us.
I am.
And, you know, it's okay for you to say that you want it.
I'd support you.
Well, look, I mean...
say I did want it, and I don't,
you know, you...
if I was CEO of Waystar, I mean...
I mean, you, honey, are gonna be something huge.
Yeah.
Sure. Like what?
I don't know.
But we'll figure it out.
Yeah, that's for later on down the road.
Whenever. Just whenever.
I mean, it's hilarious, right?
Oh. Yes!
It's fucking funny.
Yeah...
- Hey, come here. - Hey.
Hey.
Oh. Oh.
- Now? - Mmm. Why not?
Well, let me just... hang on. Let me just go and brush my teeth.
- No. No, come here. - Okay.
I hear your brother's running for president.
Maybe we should get him here.
He seems like the... the serious one.
Right. Lawrence, we have a problem.
Okay?
My dad wants to shut you down.
- What are you talking about? - Yeah.
But I don't want you to worry about my dad.
Okay? I can handle my dad.
What he fuck are you talking about?
I know what's going on here.
Right? It's a Potemkin village.
I mean, the engagement and bounce rate
have been inflated and fucked around so much
they're impossible to verify.
Your share stats, the churn,
the SEO traffic KPIs are all bullshit.
I mean, you suckered me in, and I bought it.
We had a couple shitty traffic months,
Facebook changed their algorithm.
- We got face-fucked, okay? - All right.
We're turning the corner now.
Okay.
- Okay. - What? "Okay," is that real?
- From Logan? - Look, I can fix this.
Okay? But no more obfuscation.
No more shitty data.
I need the full, fiber-optic, clear-channel shit.
CT scan the whole place, and we move fast.
Okay.
So, like, double-crossing your dad?
That's your favorite.
Isn't it?
I'm of the opinion he can be persuaded he's making a mistake.
- Okay? - Okay.
Yeah, one more thing.
I need everyone to cool it on unionizing.
Okay, they're not gonna do that.
Half of them are about to sign union cards.
Let me speak to them.
Everyone here fucking hates you.
I think I can take it.
Hey, everyone. Thanks for...
Thanks for gathering. This'll just be a minute.
Can you guys hear me in the back?
Yeah?
Uh.
Vaulter.
Hey, um... okay.
Look, some of you might have noticed this already,
but just so you're getting it direct from me,
Waystar management has been taking a look at the business
over the last week.
But I just wanna say this to you in person.
I believe Vaulter is the future of this company.
Sure.
I'm... I'm fuckin'... dead serious.
Just... you can't question my belief in what you've all built here.
You know, in what Lawrence has built.
But if we're gonna come through here,
we need to be light on our feet.
That's why I personally think
it would be a mistake for you to unionize.
Just hear me out.
Okay, we will get you
a really punchy independent arbitration panel,
we'll get you a pay bump.
I know a lot of you are flirting with the guild,
and I'm just asking you to consider
putting that on ice.
Let's try and figure this out inside.
We keep it in the...
fuckin' super cheesy, but in the Waystar family.
'Cause we do not want an adversarial situation here.
Okay? We want communication.
We want engagement.
So let's all pull together
and go back to your desks
and generate me five, ten, a hundred ideas,
and hit me and my man here up.
Okay?
Thank you.
Yeah, I don't know, Stanley.
I just don't know if I could ever
practically make use of this area.
That's just a mezzanine. You know, it's just a bonus.
You have a living room with under-stair storage.
Sure. It's just...
the thing I need storage for most urgently of all, Stanley, is me.
You know? I'm... I need...
I need storage for myself.
Dude, it's just a bed. You're overthinking it.
Kendall?
Totally.
Yep, on my way.
So?
It's a maybe.
Hey, Ken?
Yo.
Hey.
I got the stuff.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
So, what do you think?
Uh... Of this? I think...
it's huge.
It's... it's a very large space.
What's the footage?
Uh, I don't know.
Developers overestimated demand,
so I bought all five units and my guy's gonna flip 'em.
Yeah, 'cause it's an abundance of footage.
An embarrassment of footage.
Yeah.
It's yours.
I mean, until the market starts to move,
- but... - Until it starts to move.
No, I'm serious.
- Yeah. - Like...
Yeah, you live here now, Greg.
Okay.
Cool. Yeah.
I can take a lot in terms of psychological pain, so...
Yeah. Sweet, I live here! Nice.
I'm totally serious.
Yeah, I know. I needed a place to live, so...
Now, I got it!
Uh, here's your key
until I get a doorman downstairs.
I'm not fuckin' around.
Like, it's just gonna be empty.
- It's not a big deal. - Kendall.
What, dude?
This is fuck... this is...
Dude, thank you.
So much, man.
I mean...
- Look at these ceilings. - Yeah.
Nice height, you got big windows, a lot of light.
Yeah. Have you ever had your own place?
Fuck yeah.
I was thinking we could hang out tonight.
- Yeah. - Like, in here.
- Sure. - Have a little party.
Sweet.
- Hi! - Tom Wamsgans.
Hi!
- Manly handshake. - Manly handshake.
I have this...
overwhelming urge to either knee someone in the vagina
or spit on the floor.
He's been a little bit nervous about tonight.
Nervous, come the fuck on.
For din-dins with firecrotch and normcore?
Please.
Well, come on in!
Have some champagne.
Enjoy our beautiful room.
Could spend your whole life here. That's how I figure it.
Born on the couch and cremated in here.
Can I get a Diet Coke, please?
Tom has a cold, and he wants everyone to know.
Well, we could send out for some saline,
we could stand around and watch you do a nasal wash.
No, no. thank you. I'm good. Thank you.
I'm hearing some stories about that brother of ours.
Apparently...
You wanna actually drink that? 'Cause I got some stronger shit.
- Yeah. - Do you like Japanese whiskey?
- Yeah. - I've got this one
that tastes like fucking dragon...
You should try swallowing something.
Like honey.
I'm fine, thank you.
Word is he's on maneuvers again.
Making all kinds of promises about keeping Vaulter open.
What? Does Dad know?
Hell no, Dad doesn't know.
He's a shenaniganizing piece of shit.
But the thing I keep turning over in my mind is...
do I tell Dad?
Because if I drop the shoe on Ken now,
he's crushed forever.
Uh...
If Kendall's going rogue, then let him.
Sooner or later, it's gonna blow up in his face.
I love it when it blows up in people's faces.
- You do. - I do.
It's my fuckin' favorite.
I like how this is working.
Us, I see a future here.
Yeah. Sure.
- No, me, too. - Yeah.
'Cause, you know, there's an opening.
Yeah, see, no one sees me coming.
But I am right on the shoulder.
If Dad announces tomorrow, he announces me.
Has to, there's no other option.
I mean, it's fucking insane, but I am the best he's got.
Yeah.
Unless, there is one other.
Who?
Shiv, should I be worried about Tom?
Tom?
No, you don't need to be worried about Tom.
Okay.
All right.
How's news, Tom?
Challenging.
Tough row to hoe, but, you know...
think I see a way out.
- It's good, yeah. - Yeah?
A way out. Good for you, man.
So what is it, this way out?
Oh, it's early days, and I... yeah.
I haven't even discussed it with Logan yet, but...
Oh. So it's a secret?
That's fucking exciting.
When are you gonna tell him, at the sleepover?
Well, no.
We're looking into... well, I'm looking into digitizing ATN.
Like, a total overhaul of the legacy
analog infrastructure. Yeah.
Make a lot of productivity gains as well,
so I think your dad will be pretty pleased.
Fuckin' A.
Look at the corn-feeder.
Going all synergies and shit.
- Yeah. - Nice.
Worth a shot.
Thanks, man.
Where do you buy your suits, by the way, Tom?
Like, maybe that's why
I'm just not moving as fast as you.
I just don't have that, like, boxy, corporate look.
Right?
I mean, I'm sorry, but, like,
what the fuck? You look like a Transformer.
Like, what's wrong with your body, man?
Rome, come on. There's nothing wrong with his body,
it's just... it's fuckin' suits.
What? Come on, we've laughed about it before.
- You have? - Yeah.
He's thrifty, and he has the worst taste in suits.
Totally has terrible taste...
You look like a divorce attorney from the Twin Cities.
It's partly the walk. It's like a real...
- Robot? - No, agricultural walk.
Agricultural walk!
You know, I tried to get one of his suits tailored
by the guy that Dad uses.
- But he just looks so, like... - Hey, Shiv? Fuck off.
So, I'm probably just gonna sleep in the guest room
so I don't keep you awake.
Uh, are you kidding me?
What? We'll both sleep better.
Tom.
Come on.
We've just... we've gotten...
tangled up, okay?
Honey,
you're the only one I can talk to about this stuff.
I need you.
- Now, I have a choice... to make. - Hmm.
It's either Gil... or it's Dad.
And it's a bit of a headfuck.
Okay.
Well, let's break it down.
'Cause here's what I've been thinking.
What if a good person
ran Waystar?
Yeah, I know. Waystar, it's...
you know, it's the family business.
It's your inheritance.
But, you know, you saw what your dad did to Kendall.
There's gotta be a chance he'll do the same to you.
Get bored of you once he's got you.
I don't know. Maybe it's about keeping your options open, Siobhan.
Yeah. Yes.
Can you not just...
see how it goes and keep the plates spinning?
Go Dick Morris, run things from out back?
Yeah.
That's the play.
Okay, where are we on office two?
I wanna be operational by tomorrow.
They're outside right now.
Let's go.
IT's on the way?
They know where it's going, seventh floor, right?
We all set?
Three minutes.
Okay, guys.
Everybody, if I could just have a second.
I just wanted to update you on a couple of developments.
Some of you may have noticed servers are down.
And we're setting a satellite office on seven.
And I'm afraid I have to inform you,
you are all dismissed.
Yeah. You're all fired.
So, if you can leave your laptops where they are,
and hand in your passes,
security will be coming around now.
I've been through everything you've shown me.
Food and weed.
Those are the only two verticals driving revenue,
so we're folding them in...
and, yeah, you're all free to leave.
This is a joke.
You have 15 minutes to gather your belongings
and exit the building.
Separation agreements will be handed around shortly.
One week of severance per year served,
with full non-disclosure.
Post your little videos. You get three days.
What the fuck?
Unused vacation days will not be reimbursed.
Health benefits will be terminated at the end of the month.
That's it. I'd like to thank you all for your hard work.
You piece of shit.
- Is that all you got? - Fuck you.
Fuck you, man!
Hey! Hey!
Kendall, what the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck is going on?
Yeah, sorry about the cloak and dagger.
I just needed some time to untangle all your shit,
find the profit centers, keep the union off our back.
We're already fully operational on seven.
- Why? - Because my dad told me to.
"Because your dad told you to"?
Jesus Christ.
"Because your dad told you to"?
You fucked it, bro.
Uh-huh.
Go find some other chicken coop, cunt.
What...
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Because your dad told you to"?
Are you a fucking idiot?
Kendall!
Yo, Ken. Yo, how's it going?
All good, Greg.
Just, you know, looking for love in all the wrong places.
Yeah.
No, dude, exactly.
Listen, Ken, I was super wiped, and I...
My legs are just killing me.
And my lower back.
So do you think you could maybe bring the party up to yours?
- Up to mine? - Up to your place.
Yeah, I don't think so, Greg.
You know, I'm just, like...
I'm looking for pussy like a fuckin' techno Gatsby.
Hell yeah! That's...
Hell yeah, man.
There's also... some of your acquaintances are maybe
humping in my bedroom?
If you... or...
can talk to them...
I might like to go for a run sometime tomorrow
if we can make a space, I need to test the hamstring.
But no paps.
I don't need another shot of me looking like a used dick.
You're him, right? You're the guy.
So they tell me.
Good to meet you, man! I like you, man.
I'm nothing without people like you.
Hey, you and me, when this work gets done,
we go get a beer. What do you say?
- Yeah! - Okay?
- Yeah. Cool. - All right.
- Great to meet you. All right. - Yeah, yeah.
Hey, you want some gel?
Sorry?
Some Purell, for your hand.
How long's it been since you touched a prole?
No, thank you, Shiv.
Come on. I'm kidding.
The joke being what, exactly?
That I wanna sanitize my hand
after I meet with a guy in the street?
Thank you. No. I'm good.
Yeah, it's a pretty shitty joke, Shiv.
I'm just saying that I think that maybe we need to be
more respectful of the working folk.
Even internally?
- I mean... - Okay, yeah. I get it, Gil.
I don't want us to fall into that trap.
No, I'm sorry, Shiv,
but I just think that maybe you live in a kind of a bubble,
and this kind of joke is okay around your family,
and friends.
Don't fucking give me that.
Excuse me?
Don't pull a guilt trip on me 'cause you're selling your soul.
I'm sorry, do we have a problem here?
Jesus, Shiv, you need a banana and a nap?
I think maybe we continue this conversation in private.
Why?
You don't want him to know
you've still got my dad's cock in your mouth?
I was discussing an arrangement you recommended.
Oh, yeah, you did. Didn't you just...
Certainly discussed it.
I don't understand.
You're riding me over a deal you told me to take.
Took it pretty quick though, didn't you?
Rolled over really fucking fast.
And now you're taking reach-arounds and flights on a 787.
Where's this coming from, Siobhan?
I'm sorry, I think maybe we should just...
reassess.
Perhaps I... Dick Morris things, operate from the background?
Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. No.
You know what I think? I think you're right.
I think we need to reassess more comprehensively.
I think Nate is right, that your connections to Tom, ATN...
are a distraction.
Oh, yeah? Well, you know what? Actually, I'm out.
Actually, I just fired you, Shiv.
If you'd even noticed.
Well, I already fuckin' quit, if you had any antennae.
Okay, it's done.
Vaulter's dead.
Four-hundred and seventy-six off the payroll,
full-timers, freelance.
I negotiated an early break from the lease,
and hired an editor and five interns
for the two remaining verticals.
The rest will be user-generated,
reviews, upload pics, all that stuff.
Also, I harvested a ton of ideas
from the Vaulter staff before they left.
IP and start-up ideas.
Most of it's, you know, bullshit, but... you never know.
We'll say you tried to keep it alive.
Valiant efforts, et cetera.
I'm good. I'll wear it.
I should take this.
- Yeah? - Dad?
I told Gil.
I'm ready. Let's get started.
Start looping me in.
That's great.
I'll be in touch.
Everything okay?
Oh, yeah. Usual headaches.
Hey. Should I be in this?
Roman,
your brother's gonna be working in here from now on.
Oh, yeah?
I need him across the proxy battle.
Can't afford communication slips.
Okay?
What are you waiting for?
A kiss?
Fuck off. Be gone. Bye bye.
Yes? Can I help you?
What the fuck are you looking at?
You did good, son.
Make yourself at home.
Comfortable?
Hey. Can I get a pack of American Spirit Yellow?
And one of these.