♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
♪ gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
...called Man From Atlantis
and he had, like, webbed fingers--
Kyle, Kenny, I have to talk to you right now!
Okay, hang on a second--
Right now, God damn it!
Alright, alright!
Dude, what is the matter with you?
Trent Boyett is being released from Juvenile Hall.
What?
Trent Boyett, the kid from preschool?
Yeah, he just got paroled!
Oh no, no...
Hey, gay-bots, what's going on?
Trent Boyett is being released from juvenile hall.
Really that's cool, when did--
What did you say?
Trent Boyett?
Meanest, dirtiest, toughest kid in the world,
super-pissed-off- at-us Trent Boyett?
Yeah.
Oh holy Jesus God.
What the hell are we gonna do?
Is it true?
Trent Boyett is getting out?
It's true.
Oh Jesus, oh Christ in heaven,
I gotta hide!
Ah, oh boy, ah...
He's gonna come for us.
We are dead men.
Look, maybe he's forgiven us.
I mean, we were only in preschool.
Dude, let's play firemen.
Totally, dude, let's play firemen!
Jews can't be firemen.
Shut up, fat ass!
Don't call me fat, you stupid Jew!
Hey, Kenny's right.
We should put out a real fire.
Then we'll be heroes.
But how do we start a fire?
Trent Boyett will do it!
He's the toughest, baddest kid in preschool.
Say uncle!
Uncle!
Say uncle!
Uncle!
What do you want?
Do you know how to start a fire?
Sure, I burn lots a stuff.
Start one, then we're gonna put it out.
We're firemen!
Do you even know how to put out a fire?
Yeah, yeah.
We play fireman all the time.
Don't worry, Trent.
Alright, fine.
Hey, fellas, you better be careful.
Shut up, Butters.
We know what we're doing.
Oh, alright, then.
Wow, cool.
Code seven.
Bring in the firemen.
Clang, clang, clang, clang, clang.
Come on, firemen, put out the fire.
We're heroes!
We saved the school.
Hey, put it out!
Trent Boyett, what have you done now?!
They said they could put it out.
Children, get back away now!
Arrrrghhh!
I'm burning!
Put it out! Put it out!
Come on, hurry!
We gotta get her to the hospital.
Dude, we are in so much trouble.
My mom is gonna break my legs.
Hey, we didn't start the fire;
Trent Boyett did.
That's true.
You boys, Trent is trying to tell us
the fire was your idea.
No.
Not us, we're good kids.
Tell them it was an accident.
You thought you could put it out.
Trent Boyett is a liar, sir.
I thought so.
Alright, that's it, Trent.
You're going to Juvenile Hall for a long time.
Butters, you saw!
Tell them what happened.
Aw, gee wiz, Trent,
I-I don't wanna get involved
or else my parents will ground me.
You better pray I never get out of Juvenile Hall.
You better all pray!
Dude, when he gets out of Juvenile Hall,
he's gonna wanna kill us.
Whatever.
That's like five years from now.
Yeah, who cares!
Alright, yay! - Yeah, alright!
We did it!
And now it's five years later
and Trent Boyett is being released.
Oh Jesus, he's gonna kill us.
We gotta tell our parents!
We can't tell our parents, dude.
We lied to everybody.
Nobody knows we're responsible
for Miss Claridge's accident.
Shhh-here comes Miss Claridge now.
Hello, Miss Claridge.
Are you having a nice day, Miss Claridge?
You guys what the fuck are we gonna do?
In case you've forgotten,
Trent Boyett is the meanest kid we ever knew.
He's gonna tear us apart.
Look, that was a long time ago.
Maybe Trent Boyett has forgotten all about it.
Everything you had on you
when you were first brought in here
will now be returned.
One Crayola eight pack with crayon sharpener.
One pair of plastic round-tip scissors.
One marble: blue.
And one...
Switchblade knife with "kill all betrayers"
written on the blade... Black.
Trent, where you gonna go?
I gots business to take care of.
Ahh!
Butters?
Oh, oh, h-hi, Dad.
Butters, what is wrong with you?
Nothin's wrong, sir; nothin' at all.
You've been shut up in your room for days, Butters.
You need to go outside.
Go play.
Outside?
No way!
Why not?
No reason!
Butters, we have had it with your moping around!
You're gonna go outside
and you're gonna play right now!
But Dad, I just wanna stay in my room...
Butters, play!
Start playing right now, young man!
♪ Loo loo loo loo loo loo ♪
♪ I'm playin' playin'... ♪
♪ Do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself a-♪♪
T-T-Trent Boyett!
Ahh!
Agh!
Dad, Mom, I'm done playing now!
Ahh!
Let me in, Dad!
Mom, Dad, you gotta open the door!
What on earth is the matter with him?
Just keep the door locked, honey.
Butters can't just be a house hermit his whole life.
Oh God, he's coming!
Oh hamburgers, he's gonna kill me!
I just can't stand to hear him scream like that.
I'm gonna go upstairs.
Mom, Dad, you gotta open the door right now!
You gotta open--
Oh, hey, Trent Boyett!
Gosh, haven't seen you in a while.
Five years.
It's been five long, miserable years.
Look, Trent, I-I know you're awful sore
about pre-preschool and all,
but, well, that was a long time ago.
I mean, we were just kids.
Please, don't hurt me, Trent.
I'll give you anything you want, you name it.
Can you give me back my time, huh?
Can you do that?
Kindergarten, first grade, second.
Can you give me that?
Well, no, Trent, I'm not like
a time-traveler or nothing.
I'm gonna give you something you didn't give me,
a five-second head start.
No Trent, I ain't gonna run,
we-we can talk this through--
Four seconds...
But Trent, now listen to me, I'm sorry for the--
...Three seconds.
Oh, hamburgers!
Thanks so much for coming to visit Butters
in the hospital, boys, it means a lot to him.
What happened to him, Doctor?
From the test results it would appear your child
was tortured by a bully.
He received a massive snuggee,
his underwear pulled up so high it nearly killed him.
He also received two Indian sunburns on his forearms,
a charlie horse on the thigh
and a second-degree titty twister.
And from the damage to his head area, it appears
he was given a swirlie--
a colossal one.
It also looks like he received a noogie and...
a polish bike ride.
What's that?
We aren't sure.
We only know that there is no cure.
If only we had let him in.
Why didn't we let him inside the house
when he was screaming for help?
Now, honey, we were trying to read.
We've got to tell them who did this, you guys.
We're gonna get it as bad as Butters.
That's nothing compared to what my mom will do to me
if she finds out I've been lying for five years!
Maybe you didn't hear so good in there, Kyle.
Second-degree titty twister!
Calm down, you guys.
We don't have to go tell our parents.
We just need to go out and get some protection.
How the hell are condoms going to help us?!
Sorry... Never mind.
I'm talking about hiring somebody bigger than Trent
to protect us from him.
Come on!
I'm gonna jump the wall of fire.
Yeah, that was sweet!
Hey, look!
Dude, we shouldn't be here.
Stay cool, guys.
If anybody can protect us from Trent Boyett,
it's the sixth graders.
Stupid little fourthies!
What are you little fourthies doing at our hangout?
We've come to... Ask you for help.
Help?!
We need you to protect us...
from a bully.
Yeah, and what do we get for it?
A 12-pack of Dr. Pepper,
a Chutes and Ladders game, used only three times,
a DVD of Harry Potter Two,
and a coupon for a free side of fries
with the purchase of any deluxe hamburger
at Red Robin.
All this can be yours.
You're gonna have to do better than that, fourthies!
Well, well, what do you want?
You're Stan Marsh, right?
Yeah.
Ooh!
We want a picture of your mom's boobs.
Yeah! - Sweet!
What?!
Your mom has the sweetest boobs ever.
Yeah!
I totally wanna suck your mom's tits.
Dude, weak!
Come back with a naked picture of your mom.
No!
Then we aren't helping you.
Wait, we'll do it.
It has to be a good picture, too.
So long, fourthies.
Okay, so now we just need to get a picture
of Stan's mom naked.
Cool.
That's the preschool teacher, Miss Claridge.
Poor woman suffered such horrible burns
she can only communicate by beeping once for "yes"
and twice for "no".
Oh, hello, Miss Claridge.
Nice day, isn't it?
Need help across the street, Miss Claridge?
Oh, alright, then.
Miss Claridge, you alright?
You can talk to me, Miss Claridge.
I understand, one beep for "yes" and two for "no".
Don't you think you should get out of the street?
Look, you don't have to be so cold.
I'm just trying to help.
Ooh, sorry!
Can Kyle come out and play?
Oh, Kyle isn't home right now, hon.
Thank you, ma'am.
You see, Mom, all the kids at school were told
to bring a picture of their mom's breasts
for anatomy class.
I don't know, son.
That sounds awfully strange.
You can not have a picture of my hot breasts.
But Mom, my teacher will--
No, no, no, you gotta go,
But Mom...
This is hopeless.
Why don't you just sneak in your mom's closet
and get a picture when she changing clothes?
That's sick, dude, I'm not taking a picture
of my mom's boobs.
I will.
No, you're not doing it either.
We just have to find something
that looks like boobs to take a picture of.
What else has big round squishy globes?
Draw the, um, you gotta draw the nipples,
like, on the bottom of my ass cheeks.
No, the nipples are more in the middle, see?
Yeah, but Stan's mom is old,
that means her nipples sag more to the bottom now.
How do you know?
Will you guys trust me, I know this stuff.
Alright, fine.
Oh, wait.
We forgot the necklace!
Oh, yeah!
God, I hope this works.
Excuse me...
What do you want now?
We... we got it.
You got a picture of your mom's boobs?
No way!
Hey, hold on a second,
these are, like, the hottest tits I've ever seen!
Whoa! - Check 'em out.
Give me that.
Woah!
I knew she had a hot rack.
Yeah! - Sure did.
Uh-huh! - Uh-huh!
Oh my God, those are so hot.
Okay, so now you'll help us take care of Trent Boyett?
Oh, alright, we'll let this Trent Boyett kid know
that if he messes with you, he's messing with us.
Alright! - Alright!
You guys, we're free!
We haven't a care in the world.
Alright!
I need three minutes alone with the picture
behind the bushes.
I get to take the picture behind the bushes after you.
I'm taking it to the bushes first!
Dude, are we gonna be like that someday?
Nah.
Man, I woulda loved to have seen the look
on Trent Boyett's face
when all the sixth graders showed up.
Yeah.
Trent's just lucky he didn't mess with us.
I woulda kicked his ass.
Hey, look.
What is Miss Claridge doing?
Miss Claridge?
She won't talk to anybody, boys.
Some say she's just given up hope.
You guys, you know what we should do?
We should get a--
Jesus Christ, I've never seen so many
Indian sunburns and titty twisters in my life!
Get a cold towel on that pink belly!
Doctor we've got another snuggie here!
Over there!
Another wet willy?
Worst one yet.
It's all slimy and spitty...
Give the poor kid some morphine.
Dude, what happened?
We... told him not to mess with you guys...
We told him... you paid us...
Oh Jesus, you told him that?
Boys, you have to let him rest.
Some mean kid gave him a Texas chili bowl.
What's that?
It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, and the anus.
I don't know what kind of kid would do this to other people.
I only know that I wouldn't ever want to be
on that kid's bad side.
We're dead.
Trent knows we sent the sixth graders after him.
He's gonna give us all Texas chili bowl.
We gotta move way.
We gotta get as far away from this town as possible.
No, no, we've just got to find better help.
From who?
We can't ask adults for help
and there's nobody tougher than sixth graders!
There is... one person.
Shelley...
Shut up, turd, I'm watching television!
Shelley, you're my sister, right?
And families depend on each other--
I said shut up or I will destroy you, turd!
Shelley, somebody is going to kill me
and I can't go to Mom or Dad for help,
so you're kinda the only person I have I-I-left.
Stop crying, turd!
Now who's gonna kill you?
Trent Boyett.
He just got released from Juvenile Hall.
He was sent there for burning Miss Claridge,
but, actually, it was our fault.
Oh, you are such stupid turds.
We were only four years old at the time.
We didn't think about the past coming back to haunt us then.
We didn't think, and now he's gonna kill us!
Calm down, turd!
No Juvenile Hall turd is going to kill you.
That's my job.
So you're gonna help us?
Yes.
But I'm gonna want something in return.
A picture of your mom's boobs?
Shut up, turd!
You're going to admit to Miss Claridge what you did!
Admit it was our fault?
You can't run from your past, turds!
Apologize and make amends,
then I'll protect you from this Trent turd.
Miss Claridge, the people in town
are really worried about you.
Look, if you're having some kind of problem,
you have to be able to talk to people.
Just tell us this:
do you trust that we want what's best for you?
Yes or no.
Alright, fine.
But someday you're gonna have to learn to let people in!
Bitch.
Hi, Miss Claridge.
Uh, we have something to tell you.
The thing is, Miss Claridge,
we did a lot of stupid things when we were kids.
A lot of stupid things that we regret.
And it's time for us to come clean.
See, Miss Claridge, when we were little,
we used to play with our wieners a lot.
And one game we played was called "firemen"...
I've been lookin' for you.
Five years I been waitin' for this day.
Trent, look, we've realized our mistake!
Yes!
Our conscience got the best of us
and we were just about to tell everyone the truth.
You had five years to do that.
And while I wasted away my life in prison,
you've been enjoying nice, normal lives.
Our lives have not been enjoyable, Trent,
I promise you.
Don't tell me that.
I heard about the things you done.
But there were no magical Christmas adventures
with talking poo for me.
I didn't get to fight a huge mechanized Barbara Streisand
like you did.
No accidental trips to Afghanistan for Trent Boyett.
Stay away from us, Trent!
What is that?
It's my mom's tazer.
I took it from her purse.
Just back off, man!
Look, just take your punishment.
You deserve it!
Let me have my retribution and then it can be over with.
I am not going to have a titty twister!
I hate titty twisters!
You don't even know how to use that.
Agh!
So, Trent, you just had to finish off
your old preschool teacher, eh?
No, they did it!
Trent Boyett is a liar, sir.
Miss Claridge, did Trent Boyett
do this to you?
"Yes, yes."
Take him away!
No, you gotta listen to me!
Dude, when he gets out he's gonna be really mad!
Whatever!
That's like five years from now!
Yeah, who cares!
Yeah! - Woo-hoo!
We did it!
So long, Trent, have a nice time.
♪ Nya-nya-nya-nya nyaaaa-nya ♪
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha haaaaa-ha ♪♪
Hey, hold on a second!
Uh-oh.
Boobs!
- Boobs!
Oh my God, boobs!
I'm taking them to the bushes.
I'm taking them to the bushes first!