♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
What the heck?
Whoa! What a huge package!
"To: Butters Stotch."
Oh, boy! It's for me! It's for me!
Who is it from?!
"Sent from: Japan. Konichi-wa!"
Wow! A package for me from Japan!
Wow. What could it be?
My birthday isn't until September 11th!
Oh, boy! I've never gotten a package this big.
I've always wanted to have a huge package!
Aah!
Greetings.
I am the A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000.
Whoa.
I have been sent from Japan to serve as your personal robot.
You -- You're my robot?
Yes. I will be your new best friend.
Oh, wow!
Yep, that's right. He's a real, live robot.
He can walk and talk and everything!
You're like the fourth kid I've told already!
Well, I got to go, Dougie. My robot and I have stuff to do.
They're all so jealous.
I'm so glad you came into my life, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
You're the best friend a guy could have.
Yes. You can trust A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
In fact, you should tell A.W.E.S.O.M.-O
all your most personal secrets.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O will not make fun of you
or tell your secrets to other people and stuff.
Hey, yeah!
Well, I can tell you anything, huh?
Well, let's see.
Well, for one,
I have what's called a heshiated colon,
which means I sometimes can't control my sphincter.
Really?
Nobody knows it, but sometimes I poop my pants.
So I have to wear a diaper to school.
You okay, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Yes. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is fine. Please go on.
Well, I have to take medicine for it every day.
It's a little suppository I have to put up my rectum.
That -- That's very interesting.
Tell A.W.E.S.O.M.-O more secrets.
Oh, okay. Let's see.
Oh, my parents don't know,
but sometimes I get picked on by this one kid at school.
His name is Eric Cartman,
and he always tries to play jokes on me and stuff.
- Oh? Really? - Yeah!
One time he made me think a meteor had hit the earth
and convinced me to stay down in a bomb shelter for three days.
Wow. That sucks.
Yeah.
And then this other time,
he pretended to be me on the phone to my dad
and called him a pussy.
And so my dad came home and beat me.
Wow.
Sounds like this Cartman kid is pretty smart.
No, he's not smart. He's just an asshole.
And he's never gonna play a trick on me ever again!
Really? You think so?
Well, guess what, Butters. I have a surprise for you.
Yeah, and he's never gonna get me again,
'cause what Cartman doesn't know
is that I know one of his secrets.
What?
When Cartman is playing all alone in his backyard,
he likes to dress up like Britney Spears
and pretend he's her.
He sings and dances around with a life-size cutout
of Justin Timberlake.
You saw that?
Yeah! And I videotaped him doing it!
Nunh-unh.
I've got the whole thing on tape --
even him making out with the Justin Timberlake cutout.
- No way. - Yeah!
And if Cartman ever messes with me again,
I'm gonna show that video to everybody.
Then I'll have my revenge, boy howdy!
Um, where is this videotape, Butters?
Huh? Oh, I don't know. It's around here somewhere.
Hey, so what do you want to do now, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Uh, Butters, maybe you should give A.W.E.S.O.M.-O the videotape.
How come?
Well, because A.W.E.S.O.M.-O can, like, back it up for you
and make copies and stuff.
I am A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Oh, that's all right, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Come on!
I have a lot of things to teach you!
Oh, son of a bitch.
♪ Hey, there, have you heard about my robot friend? ♪
♪ He's metal and small and doesn't judge me at all ♪
♪ He's a cyber-wired bundle of joy ♪
♪ My robot friend ♪
♪ I like to dip and daddle with my robot friend ♪
♪ He's smart as can be and emotion-free ♪
♪ And he's computed his way to my heart ♪
♪ My robot friend ♪
Oh, that's so cute.
Did you see Butters and his friend Eric playing robot?
Yes. Those boys are quite imaginative.
Leave it to them to find a fun way to do the dishes.
That's great, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O!
You can carry all my laundry in one trip!
Uh, Butters, it's getting late.
You should be getting ready for bed soon.
Okay, Mom.
Well, come on, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Bedtime.
Oh, is your little robot friend staying the night?
Well, of course he is. He's my robot, ain't he?
That's okay with your mom, Mr. Robot?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O does not have a mom.
Yep. Don't you know nothin' about robots?
Come on, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O! You can put my laundry away.
Oh, that's just adorable!
It's good to see Butters finally have a friend
that wants to stay over.
♪ I love to brush my teeth ♪
♪ In the morning and at night ♪
Ugh. Jesus Christ. I can't go on like this.
Butters, remember when you said
you had a video of Eric Cartman dressed like Britney Spears?
Oh. Yeah?
I would like to see what he looks like
so I can beat him up for you.
May I see the video?
Aw, you don't need to do that, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Hey, I got to put in my suppository. Can you help me?
What?
Remember I said I had to put that
medicinal suppository in my anus?
It'll be so much easier having you do it from now on.
Um...actually...
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O was not programmed for that function.
Aw, it's real easy. I'll show you.
You just take this little thingy out of the plastic paper.
And then I'll -- I'll pull down my pants.
And just slide it up in my anus there.
No way.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, I thought you were programmed
to do whatever I tell you.
Weak.
Yeah. That -- That's pretty good.
Get it up there good and deep.
Lame.
All right, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Time for us to get some sleep.
Hey, you want me to teach you some bedtime songs?
♪ If you leave me now ♪
♪ You take away the biggest part of me ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh -- ♪
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O must rest his CPU. System overloading.
Oh. Oh, all right, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Let's get us some shut-eye -- or whatever robots have.
Where is it?! Where is it?!
- A.W.E.S.O.M.-O! - Ah!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, what the Sam heck are you doing?
Um, A-A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is reorganizing your stuff for you.
Oh, cheese geez Louise!
My mom is gonna be awful sore when she sees this mess!
Now, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, that is a bad robot!
You can't do no chores for me unless I tell you to do them.
You got it?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O understands.
I'm gonna have to give you a spankin', A.W.E.S.O.M.-O,
so that you learn better.
And just know, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, that I did it because I love you.
Okay. Come on. Let's go make some breakfast.
God damn it. I have to find that videotape!
Look at that, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
I drew a picture of us playing in a field together.
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna go get some Sunny Delight.
I would like some Sunny Delight, too.
Don't be silly, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Robots don't need to drink nothin'.
Oh! Go answer the door, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O will answer the door.
What the hell are you doing, fat-ass?
Dude, are you still pretending to be a robot?
Shh!
I just need to, uh, make Butters think I'm a robot
for a little while longer.
Why?
Because I need to, all right?!
I've got something planned
that's, uh, going to be really sweet.
Just play along, okay?
Why?
- Kyle, God damn it. Will you -- - Who's at the door, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Three boys named Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
Oh, hey, fellas! I see you've met my robot.
Uh, yeah, Butters. He's real cool.
He sure is!
We do everything together.
Last night, we even had a slumber party.
Weak.
He can do anything I command him to.
He's real smart. Watch this.
Hey, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, will you go get my friends some Sunny Delight?
Yes. Of course.
Oh, wait.
Hey, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, I'd also like some celery sticks
chopped up two inches long
with peanut butter and raisins on top.
Suck my balls, Kyle.
He's made in Japan!
Yes, it has just been a delight
having your son over, Mrs. Cartman.
He and Butters are really getting along great.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Mrs. Stotch.
Eric has been having some emotional problems lately.
Well, the reason I'm calling
is that Butters is supposed to go see
his Aunt Nellie in Los Angeles this weekend.
The boys are getting along so well
that we were thinking of inviting Eric to go along.
Oh. Well, I'm not sure.
Actually, Eric is still supposed to be grounded
for trying to exterminate the Jews two weeks ago.
Excuse me? I didn't catch that.
Oh, but I suppose it would be good for him.
Yes. Of course he can go.
I'll bring some of his clothes over.
Oh, wonderful! The boys will be so excited.
Maybe he put that videotape in here somewhere.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, what are you doing?
My friends are waiting for their beverages.
Chop-chop!
Hey, guys! Great news!
It's all been arranged --
You two are both going to Los Angeles
to visit Butters' Aunt Nellie!
Oh, boy! My robot gets to come with me to see Aunt Nellie?!
What?
Oh, boy, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O!
We're gonna have the best time ever!
Lame.
Hey, Nellie.
Look what I found scrampin' around the airport.
Hi, Aunt Nellie!
There's my little nephew!
- How was your flight? - It was long.
We had a three-hour delay departing Denver,
but we're here!
Didn't you bring any bags?
Well, sure, but my robot is bringing them in.
Your robot?
Butters' new friend is a little strange.
He -- He really takes playing robot seriously.
There he is!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, this is my Aunt Nellie.
Hello! It's nice to have you here!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O must dispense oil waste.
Where is the nearest toilet, please?
Oh, right through there, Mr. Robot.
Thank you.
I don't think he took the costume off the entire trip.
Did you want to get right to sightseeing,
or are you boys hungry after such a long flight?
Naw. I ate on the plane.
And A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is a robot, so he don't need to eat.
Right.
Oh! Oh!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Uh -- Uh -- A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is coming.
Come on, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O! We're gonna go a-sightseein'!
♪ I'm hanging out in L.A. with my robot friend ♪
♪ We're havin' such fun in the hot, hot sun ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ That's me and my robot friend ♪
♪ My robot friend ♪
Can you believe we're at a real, live movie studio, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Aren't we having the best time?
Butters, wouldn't you like
to have some time away from A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
We could meet up later, perhaps.
Hey, look over there, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O! The film-studio commissary.
That's where all them rich movie producers
that come up with Hollywood blockbusters have their lunch.
Neat-o, huh?
Damn it, Mitch,
how come our movie studio can't come up with any winners?
- I mean, we're smart, right? - We're really smart.
We need an idea for a movie that's a home run --
a feel-good romp for the whole family.
Hey, what's that over there?
Wow! That's a really neat little robot you have, little boy.
What's he do?
Well, he can do anything! Watch this.
Hey, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, who's gonna win the Super Bowl next year?
The New Orleans Saints.
Hey, Mr. Robot, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
17.
Mitch, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah.
Maybe that robot can be programmed
to come up with movie ideas!
Exactly.
Gentlemen, this little boy was kind enough
to let us show you his robot -- the A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000.
I've already seen what it can do.
Uh, excuse me, sir, but, uh, that's not a robot.
It's not?
No. It clearly has bipedal movement.
So the correct term is computerized automatron.
- Oh, very nice, Mitch. - You are the smart one.
Well, regardless, I believe maybe this automatron
can help us come up with new movie ideas.
How can a robot come up with better ideas for movies than us?
Watch this.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, given the current trends of the moviegoing public,
can you come up with an idea for a movie
that will break $100 million box office?
Um...okay. How about this?
Adam Sandler is, like, in love with some girl.
But then it turns out that the girl
is actually a golden retriever or something.
Oh, perfect!
We'll call it "Puppy Love"!
Give us another movie idea, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O!
- Yeah! - Let's hear it!
- Yeah! We want to hear them! - Come on! Come on!
Okay. How about this?
A-Adam Sandler inherits like a billion dollars.
But first he has to, like, become a boxer or something.
Yes! It's flawless!
"Punch-Drunk Billionaire"!
Boy, Los Angeles is great, huh, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Can you believe those guys paid us $100 apiece
for those movie ideas?
You should split that money with A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
After all, they were A.W.E.S.O.M.-O's ideas.
Oh, right!
What are you gonna do with money, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O --
buy some robot pants?
No, we've got each other, and that's all we need, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
I'm gonna send this money
to needy kids in Third World countries.
Y-You okay, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O needs to rest! Feeling faint!
You go ahead and relax, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
We've got another full day of pitching movies tomorrow.
Gentlemen, ladies,
we all know that we live in a time of uncertainty.
The risk of an attack on American soil
is higher than ever.
Now I believe we might be able to curb that risk.
Two days ago, our intelligence department came across this.
The A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000.
It is currently being used by Catamount Pictures
to develop ideas for movies.
Our sources say that in just one week,
it has come up with over 1,000 movie ideas,
800 of which feature Adam Sandler.
- Oh, my God. - That's amazing.
Adam Sandler.
That's incredible!
You're thinking the robot could be used
to come up with anti-Islamic movies?
No.
If we got our hands on that robot,
we could reprogram it and turn it into a weapon.
Yes. That might be the best thing to do.
Uh-huh. I don't see how we have a choice.
Hold on a second.
If that robot is designed for entertainment,
then turning it into a weapon is unethical.
Unethical?
Let me explain something to you, Mr. Scientist.
We understand that the robot is from Japan.
That means that the Japanese have more of them.
And if the Japanese fabricates one of them into a weapon
before we do...
Jesus. It would be Pearl Harbor all over again.
But worse -- with robots.
I'm sorry. I must protest.
We -- We have no data suggesting the Japanese have developed
a robot with offensive capability.
You're paid to think, Mr. Scientist!
National security is our job.
Gentlemen, we're going to Los Angeles.
I want that robot.
Yeah, me and my robot
are still over at the movie studio, Aunt Nellie.
We're makin' all kinds of money for the poor!
Movie idea number 2,305 --
Adam Sandler is trapped on an island
and falls in love with a coconut.
Great, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Great.
Guys, take a break.
I need a minute alone with A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
You are an incredible robot, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
I was just wondering...
are you by chance a pleasure model?
What?
Well, have you been programmed to satisfy...
the urges of humans?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O does not understand.
Let me show you what I mean.
Yeah, we're having a great time, Aunt Nellie.
These movie-studio guys are real nice.
Lame!
Yeah, we're making a bunch more money.
I can't believe it either.
Not cool! Totally lame!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
I got to go, Aunt Nellie.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is having some kind of malfunction.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O? Hey, where'd you go?
Let's go! Move! Move!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
Hey! What are you doing with him?!
That's my robot!
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O-O-O-O!
Are those arm and leg locks secure?
- Secure, sir. - Good.
I don't want that robot mobile
until I know what it's capable of.
All right. Power it on.
Wha-whoa-wha-whoa-- Oh!
- What the hell? - What's going on?
It...powered itself back on.
Stand by. Be ready to destroy it.
Where the hell am I? Hey! Why can't I move?!
Are your systems stable?
Run a systems check on your CPU.
The fuck are you talking about, dude?
I-I'm sorry, robot, but they want me to reprogram you.
I'm not a robot, dumb-ass! I'm alive!
What did you say?
I said I'm a real person, ass-wipe!
Oh, my God.
What's happening?
The robot -- It thinks it's alive.
It's developed consciousness.
What? How can that be?
Must be a malfunction of its hexagraphical IMS
or the interlaced B.V. system.
Speak in a language we can understand, Mr. Scientist.
Your robot doesn't know it's a robot!
God damn it, get me down from here.
Who made you, robot?
I'm not a robot. I'm a human!
Jesus. The scientist is right.
But who would have programmed it to think it was human?
The movie studio?
Look, retards, my name is Eric Cartman!
I live with my mom in South Park, Colorado.
Dear Christ. They gave it memories, too.
Sure. Why not?
Program the memories of some eight-year-old boy
who doesn't exist, and make the robot think he's real.
Makes for a lot better movies.
I'm not reprogramming a robot that's developed consciousness.
Do I have to remind you of your position?!
Don't forget you have a duty to your country, Mr. Scientist!
I want that robot's memories and consciousness erased
so we can take it back to Washington.
Got it?!
Damn you all to hell.
♪ Hey, there, did you know ♪
♪ I had a robot friend? ♪
♪ We used to laugh and play ♪
♪ But someone took him away ♪
♪ He was my 10-gigahertz old pal ♪
♪ My robot friend ♪
Hey, wait a minute.
Well, that's the van that -- Oh, my God!
God damn it, stop! I'm real! I'm real!
It'll all be over soon, robot!
Hang on. I'm getting you out of here, robot.
Oh, it's about friggin' time, jackass!
What the hell are you doing?!
I-I'm saving a conscious being.
If you want to kill it, you'll have to go through me!
Fine. Kill that son of a bitch.
No! Look, God damn it.
Now I can show you stupid assholes who I really am.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O!
I am the A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000.
No! No! Please!
Don't kill him! He's my best friend!
He's my best friend in the whole world!
He's my...
There. You see?
You want to tell me this isn't humanity?
Who's to judge what makes something human, anyway?
Does this make me human?
Or this?
Or these?
Perhaps...there is consciousness in this robot.
Maybe we as a society need to realize
that artificial intelligence is intelligence all the same
and we can learn from the robots.
I think maybe one day we can all --
Wait a minute. Did -- Did that robot just fart?
Hey, robots don't fart.
Uh, now ending fart sequence.
Oh, and it -- it smells, too!
Smell sequence initiated.
A robot with smelly farts? That doesn't make any sense.
Hang on a second here!
♪ Would you like to touch my body? ♪
♪ Come on and touch my body ♪
♪ Ooh, my hot body ♪
♪ Don't you like my hot body? ♪
♪ Come on and touch my titties ♪
♪ I've got such nice, ripe titties ♪
♪ Come on, Justin, touch my body ♪
Ooh, Justin. Yeah.
♪ Touch my body, you and me ♪
♪ Check out my nice, hard body ♪
♪ Come on, my body ♪
Wow, kid. You're a little faggot.
Lame.