♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- Zhhhh! - Rrrrr!
Captain Cartman reporting from shuttlecraft Spontaneity,
approaching planet Omega Nine.
Warp drive disengaged. Landing sequence initiated.
What kind of atmosphere are you reading
on the planet's surface, Jew?
- I'm a Vulcan! - All right.
What kind of atmosphere are you reading, Vulcan-Jew?
The atmosphere is oxygen-based. Should support our breathing.
All right. Hang on. We're about to land.
- Rrr! Br-br-br-br-br-br! - Zhhhh!
Okay.
First Officer Stan and Engineer Kenny,
come with me on the away team.
Vulcan-Jew Kyle will wait here.
No! I'm on the away team, too!
It's my mom's new minivan, so I'm the captain, Kyle!
I don't care! You're not making me wait in the van again!
Fine, Kyle!
But if something goes wrong on the planet's surface,
don't hold me responsible.
Set phasers on stun.
Things seem pretty quiet.
Yes. A little too quiet.
I am picking up carbon-based life-forms in Sector C.
I believe we will find
a village of peaceful aliens over that ridge.
Ugh. Okay. Fine. I guess we'll go look --
Oh, no! Look out!
It's a giant four-headed lava frog!
Shoot it!
- Byew-byew! Byew-byew! - Byoo!
Oh, no! It's got Kyle!
No, it doesn't.
Oh, it's got Kyle, and it's tearing his head off!
Oh, you guys, looks like Kyle is done for.
No, I'm not!
God damn it, Cartman, you are not gonna kill me off again!
Ugh. You see, guys?
This is why you don't bring Jews along on the away team.
They don't play along.
Shut up about Jews, fat-ass! You don't know anything!
Oh, God. Here we go again.
Oh, yeah? I saw Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion."
And Mel Gibson says in the movie Jews are the devil!
- He does not! - How do you know?!
I've seen "The Passion" 34 times now, Kyle.
You haven't seen it once!
There's one part where the Jews have a chance to save Jesus,
and you know what they do?
They let Barabbas, a serial killer, go free instead
and laugh about it!
- Nuh-unh! - Go see the movie, Kyle!
I'm sick of you guys arguing about "The Passion."
- I'm out of here. - Mrph rm.
I'm not arguing about "The Passion"!
He's being an asshole!
You know what it is? You're scared.
You're scared of the truth.
You don't want that movie to show you
just how bad the Jews are and why everyone hates you.
- People don't hate the Jews! - Really?
$300 million domestic box office, Kyle.
The top-grossing film of all time, Kyle.
Those numbers don't lie.
If you're not scared of "The Passion," then go see it.
Go see it and tell me I'm wrong.
Mel Gibson, Kyle.
Mel Gibson.
You're a stupid asshole.
Sweet. Now I can just play with myself.
Pew-pew-pew! Get back in the shuttlecraft!
One, please.
This is an R-rated movie.
Yeah, I know. But I have to --
But because this is such an important film
that accurately depicts the selfless acts of Jesus Christ,
I'll let you in to see it.
Thanks.
Aah!
How?
How could the Jews do that to Jesus?
Pretty brutal, isn't it?
Kind of makes you want to change your life, huh?
And now back to "Terrance & Phillip."
Hey, Terrance!
Mom! Doorbell!
Wait. Before you do, pull my thumb.
Mom, answer the door!
God damn it. Lazy-ass whore.
Fart.
You were right. You were right all along.
I thought you were just an asshole when you ripped on Jews,
but...I didn't know.
I-I didn't know.
It's okay, Kyle. It's okay.
Just...say that first part again.
You -- You were right?
Mm. One more time, Kyle.
You were right.
I want to thank You for all the blessings You have brought me.
You have shown me the way so many times in the past,
and now You are making all my dreams come true.
You give me strength where there is doubt,
and I praise You for all You have done.
Only You, Mel Gibson, have had the wisdom and the courage
to show the world the truth.
From this day forward, I will dedicate my life
to making sure Your film is seen by everyone.
I will organize the masses so that we may do Thy bidding.
Hail Mel Gibson. Amen.
Look at that, dude.
"The Passion" has made almost $400 million
- at the box office now. - Mrph rm.
Everyone in the country is going to see that movie.
I guess we have to go see it, too.
Dude.
That movie sucked!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
How do they even call that a movie?
Mrph rm!
That's bullcrap, dude. Let's go get our money back.
Mrph!
Wow. I didn't realize how horrible Christ's death was.
Me neither.
Oh, honey, let's be good Christians from now on.
I think if more people saw "The Passion,"
they'd have faith in Jesus.
Yeah. It really guilt-trips you into believing.
- Hey, we want our money back. - Huh?
That movie sucked ass. Give us back our $18.
I can't refund your money. You sat through the whole movie.
That wasn't a movie.
- That was a snuff film. - Mrph!
You can't charge to watch a guy get tortured for two hours.
That guy happens to be Jesus.
And he went through all that to pay for your sins!
We go to church to learn that stuff.
We go to movies to be entertained.
We weren't entertained, and we want our money back!
I'm not allowed to give your money back
after you sat through the whole movie!
You'd have to take your complaint up
with the film's producers.
What, Mel Gibson? You're saying we have to get our money back from Mel Gibson?
Yeah. I'd like to see you try.
Oh, we will.
This is America, and in America, if something sucks,
you're supposed to be able to get your money back!
Come on, Kenny!
Kill him!
- Kill Jesus! - Kill him!
Kill that guy!
- Kill him! - Watch him die!
Kill Jesus! Eeeeeh!
Okay. Search for "Mel Gibson."
Mel Gibson bio. Mel Gibson news.
Mel Gibson home page. Here we go.
"Welcome to melgibsonsthepassion.com --
your source for everything Mel.
Pictures, philosophy, upcoming projects."
Damn it. No phone number. Oh, wait.
"For more information on Mel Gibson,
call the webmaster at 1-800-43..."
Okay. Wait. Here we go.
Mel Gibson's "The Passion" Fan Club.
Hi. My friend and I just went to see "The Passion."
And so you want to join the fan club now.
Our first meeting is tomorrow at 5:30 p.m.
No, no, no. No. We want our money back.
- What? - We think the movie sucked,
and we want Mel Gibson to give us back our $18.
You thought it sucked?
Sir, apparently you don't understand
what Mel Gibson was trying to do.
He was trying to express, through cinema,
the horror and filthiness of the common Jew.
It has made people the world over open their eyes.
Look, we just thought it was a bad movie.
So tell us how to get in touch with Mel Gibson.
If I knew where Mel Gibson was, I'd be down on the floor
licking his balls at this very moment, sir.
All I know is he lives somewhere in Malibu.
Now stop wasting me and Mel Gibson's time,
you little wussy prick.
Don't take that tone with me. I'll kick your ass.
Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try, asshole!
I'm like 6 feet tall!
I don't care. You sound like a little bitch to me!
Bitch, don't call me bitch! I'll pop your fucking head open!
You want to bring it, you little pussy?
I already brought it, bitch!
I brought it, set it down on the table, and opened it, bitch!
Wait a minute. Cartman?
Ooh.
Come on, Kenny. We're going to Malibu.
- Mrph? Mrph rm? - We'll take the bus!
Look, this isn't about the $18 ticket money anymore.
This is about being able to hold bad filmmakers responsible.
This is like when we got our money back for "BASEketball."
Eric, sweetie, there's a bunch of people showing up
in our backyard saying something about a meeting.
Yeah, Mom, I'm holding a meeting
for all the people who loved "The Passion" as much as I did.
Oh, that's great, sweetie!
- Tell them I'll be down shortly. - Okay, hon.
Toten sie die Juden!
Wir konnen nicht stillstehen, bis sie alle tot sind!
Okay. I'm ready.
I am ready to do Thy bidding, Mel Gibson.
Hello. Are you folks holding this "Passion" meeting?
No, actually, we're guests as well.
I'm Jack Garrett, and this is my wife, Elise.
Hello.
I think it's so great that somebody took the initiative
to have a meeting like this.
Oh, I agree.
There are so many of us who were moved by "The Passion."
It's a perfect idea to have us organize
so we can strengthen the Christian community.
And apparently the organizer is just an 8-year-old boy
who was touched by the film.
Leave it to a child to show us all the way, huh?
So I seen this ad on the Internet
saying if you loved "The Passion"
to come to this meeting, so here I am.
It's great that everyone came here to figure out
how to use "The Passion" to enrich everyone's lives!
Uh, hello, everyone. Achtung.
My name is Eric Cartman,
and I am the president of the Mel Gibson Fan Club.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I'm happy to see all of you were affected by "The Passion"
like I was.
Now, we all know why we're here,
and I believe we all know what needs to be done.
We sure do!
But I think it's best we don't talk out loud about it
until we have most of them on the trains heading to the camps.
W-What does that mean, sweetie?
I'm not sure, but --
Folks, I just want to interrupt for a second
and say how remarkable it is
that this little boy brought us all together.
"The Passion" is causing a revolution of spirituality,
and we owe Mel Gibson and this little boy our thanks.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Now, in order to do what we all know needs to be done,
we are first going to need more support.
I think we should all go out
and take at least one other person to see "The Passion."
Oh, what a great idea!
We each make it our responsibility
to convert one more person!
- Great! - Great idea.
Yes, and then we can begin the cleansing,
if you know what I mean.
We sure do!
- All right! - Whoo-hoo!
Thank you.
This must be the place.
God damn. Mel Gibson must be loaded!
Yes?
Oh, hi. Uh, my name is Stan, and this is Kenny.
Mrph.
Um, we saw your movie "The Passion," and we didn't like it.
So can we have our money back, please?
You can't not like "The Passion"!
I just followed the Bible! Christ died for you!
Go home.
Look, dude. We came a long way.
We're not leaving until you give us our money.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're gonna have to find it first.
But I won't tell you where I keep my money.
You can torture me all you want! I still won't tell you!
T-Torture you?
Ah! So you do intend to torture me, huh?
Well, go ahead!
Do your worst!
You still won't get your ticket money back!
I can take whatever you can dish out!
- We don't want to torture you. - I get it.
But you don't have a choice. Is that it?
Well, go ahead!
I just hope you don't use those whips over there on the wall!
Dude, can we please just have $18 back from you?
I have to use that money to build my church.
I've brought the fire and brimstone back to Christianity
with "The Passion," and now I'm gonna start my own church.
And do you know why? So I can play banjo!
♪ Jesus, oh, how I love ya ♪
♪ How I love ya, Jesus ♪
Dude, this guy is freakin' daffy.
How dare you call me crazy?!
This means war!
- Aah! - Mm!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
And so it was that God sent His only son down from heaven
to die for our sins.
Uh, okay, but did God send Jesus to die
or did Jesus just get kind of screwed over?
What is troubling you, my child?
Well, I have this friend, see,
and this friend belongs to a certain chosen people of Israel.
And it so happens that these chosen people killed your Lord.
Ah. You mean he's a Jew.
Right, but he can't live with the guilt anymore,
because even if Jesus wasn't really the son of God,
he was still a nice guy
and didn't deserve what happened to him in Mel Gibson's movie.
I can't sleep at night --
I mean my friend can't sleep at night!
Yes. "The Passion" is very powerful.
The truth is, there's not a whole lot in the Bible
about the crucifixion.
"The Passion" was actually done as a performance piece
back in the Middle Ages to incite people against Jews.
But how can the Jews make it better?
Well, if you really care about your friend's soul,
then perhaps show him the way of Jesus.
Remember, Christianity is about atonement.
Wait. That's it.
Atonement! Of course!
I know what I have to do now. Thank you, Father!
- Aah! - Mm!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!
Two days ago, I saw a rig that could haul that tanker.
You want to get out of here? You talk to me.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Mel Gibson is fucking crazy, dude!
Wait! There's his wallet!
Free-e-e-e-dom!
Aw, crap! He's only got twenties!
You got $2, Kenny?
Jesus is Lord!
All right! Let's get the hell out of here!
♪ A-boom chicka boom, chicka boom, hee-hee ♪
♪ When you're a clown ♪
♪ Nobody takes you seriously ♪
Run, dude! Run!
Ka-plaaah! Ka-plaaah!
♪ And good evening, a-friends-ah ♪
One month ago today, this amazing film opened in theaters.
And now we proud few gather here
as a people brought together by its message!
Fellow fans of Mel Gibson, our numbers have grown.
And now, together, we have the power to change the world.
Now I believe we should take to the streets
and march in unwavering support of this important movie.
Oh, great idea!
It'll be like a parade!
- Good idea! That's great! - Love it.
And as we march for "The Passion,"
we should also voice our support.
So when I say, "Es ist zeit zu saubern,"
you all chant back,
"Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten"!
What does that mean, dear?
Oh, I think it's Aramaic -- You know, like in the movie!
Ooh! Aramaic! Cool!
- Neato! - That'll be awesome!
What was our Aramaic line again?
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Est is zeit fur rache!
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Oh, this is fun!
All right, everyone! Forward...march!
Es is zeit fur rache!
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Es is zeit fur rache!
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Nice.
Shalom, hacknak, shalom.
And now one of our fine young schlockers, Kyle Broflovski,
has asked if he could speak to the congregation.
Thank you, Rabbi.
In 1973,
the United States officially issued an apology
to the African-American community for slavery.
In 1956, Germany officially apologized
for World War II and the Holocaust.
And now I believe, in 2004, the Jewish community
needs to apologize for the death of Jesus.
Wha-Wha-What?!
If we as a people choose not to believe
that Jesus is the son of God, then we can still apologize
for the brutal way in which he was killed
and take our share of the responsibility for it.
Oh, my God!
Kyle, what on earth has gotten into you?
I saw "The Passion"!
- Oh, no! - That movie again?
"The Passion"?
This proves the horrible anti-Semitic effect
that movie is having!
Yeah, it makes Jews into stereotypes.
Stereotyping Jews is terrible!
Something must be done to stop that movie!
Now, now. Everyone, calm down.
We live in a rational community,
and everyone knows this is just a movie.
There's no cause for alarm.
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Es is zeit fur rache!
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Es is zeit fur rache!
Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
Es is zeit fur rache!
Well, it looks like with these bus tickets, we spent about $87
getting our money back from Mel Gibson.
But I think it's the principle that matters.
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Oh, you've got to be shitting me.
Give me back my money!
God damn, that guy is crazy.
- Hey, dude, you got to speed up. - Huh?
Mel Gibson is chasing after us. You got to go faster.
Ha ha. Very funny, kid. Sit down and stop playing games.
Mel Gibson is right behind you, and he's gonna --
What the hell?
Ka-plaaah! Ka-plaaah!
Hey! That's Mel Gibson!
Yeah, I told you that!
Well, what the hell does he want?
He wouldn't give us our money back for "The Passion,"
so we kind of took it.
You didn't like "The Passion"?
But it shows how Christ suffered for you.
Mel Gibson is a very spiritual man.
You guys, stop! Please!
You're gonna make people hate us more!
Can I help you?
This movie is causing!
You must remove it from your theater!
- That's right! - Remove "The Passion"!
Remove it from the theater? Fat chance!
We demand you stop showing it!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
No, no, no! Don't become an angry mob!
The last time we did that, we killed Jesus!
Juden!
What's going on here?
They're trying to have "The Passion"
pulled from the theater.
This film is anti-Semitic, and it must be stopped!
Nonsense! Mel Gibson is a smart, spiritual man.
There is nothing anti-Semitic about it.
It has reaffirmed all of our faith in Christ.
It's made one of our little Jewish boys
want to apologize for the death of Jesus.
Well...maybe you should apologize.
- That's right! - Yeah!
How dare you?!
Look out!
Gaaaaaaagh!
Raagh-raagh-raagh!
Give me my $18!
Mel Gibson!
Oh, mein savior! Mein fuehrer!
You're actually here!
Mr. Gibson, I have assembled the masses!
We are ready to do Thy bidding!
Have I been a good boy, Mr. Gibson?
Agh!
So! You boys have led me here to your secret base, huh?
I guess now you're gonna start torturing me!
Agh! Oh, my nipples are so tender!
Don't squeeze them anymore!
That's...Mel Gibson?
H-He's not quite as eloquent as I had pictured.
Well...
I'll bet you want to torture me now, don't you?
Dude, what's wrong with him?
He's cuckoo, dude. He's absolutely out of his mind.
You!
You would all love to torture me, wouldn't you?
Okay. Fine. See what you can fit in there.
I can take it!
Dude, I've been freaked out this whole time
because of that guy's movie?
Fine!
If nobody here is man enough to torture me,
then just give me my $18.
It's our $18. Your movie sucked!
You can't say my movie sucked
or else you're saying Christianity sucks!
No, dude. If you want to be Christian, that's cool.
But you should follow what Jesus taught
instead of how he got killed.
Focusing on how he got killed
is what people did in the Dark Ages,
and it ends up with really bad results.
You know, he's right, Elise.
We shouldn't focus our faith
on the torture and execution of Christ.
Yeah. Lots of people got crucified in those times.
We shouldn't rely on violence to inspire faith.
Aw -- Aw, no! Come on, people!
We're so close to completing my final solution!
Oh, dude, I feel so much better about being Jewish
now that I see that Mel Gibson is just a big wacko douche.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!