♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
This is gonna be so awesome!
Do we have everything?
Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex, toilet paper, flares.
We won't have to leave the TV room for anything.
All right! - Look. It's almost time!
Up next on HBC, "The Russell Crowe Show".
All right. Here we go.
♪ Born in New Zealand in '64 ♪
♪ A hotheaded actor named Russell Crowe ♪
♪ He loves to act, but he loves one thing more ♪
♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
♪ He fights his directors, and he fights his fans ♪
♪ It's a problem no one understands ♪
♪ If there's two things he loves, it's fighting and ♪
♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
♪ Making movies, making music ♪
♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
Russell Crowe!
Hello, everybody.
I'm Russell Crowe,
and this is "Fightin' 'Round the World".
We're gonna have lots of fun today
as we travel all around and look for some good --
Hey! What the hell do you think you're doin'?!
You walked right through my shot, mate!
Do you know who I am?!
Oh, excuse me. I was just --
Goddamn smart-ass!
You think you can --
Shelly, we're watching that. Go back!
Shut up, turd! I'm watching Buffy.
No, Shelly. We have to watch HBC!
Get up! Get up, you little pussy!
"The Russell Crowe Show"?
You turds don't even like that show!
It's not the show we care about.
During one of the commercial breaks of tonight's episode,
they're gonna show the exclusive never-before-seen trailer
to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie!
It's the biggest night of the year!
That's stupid!
See your turdy trailer some other time.
The other kids are gonna watch it and talk about it in school!
No, turds.
Shelly, did I ever tell you how hot I think you are?
Shut up, fat turd!
I'm not a fat turd! I'm a stocky turd!
We're not watching this.
Come on! - Look, I apologize.
But, Shelly, it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!
You said there's nothing you love more than Russell Crowe.
There is one thing I love more than Russell Crowe,
and that is seeing you unhappy, so Buffy it is.
Shelly, please let us watch!
We'll do anything! Anything!
All right.
I just started my period, and I need tampons.
If one of you turds go buy them at the store for me,
you can watch your stupid turd show
with your stupid turd movie commercial in it!
Okay. Deal.
And they better be here when I come back downstairs, turds!
Well, that was a lot of fun, wasn't it, kids?
But it looks like if we're gonna get in more fights,
we're gonna have to go look for 'em!
Dude, why'd you make that deal?
If we're out buying tampons, we'll miss the trailer anyway!
Yeah!
Well, only one of us has to go to the store.
The others can watch. - You'd miss the new trailer?
Dude, I'm not going. - We'll have to play for it.
How about if your name is Butters, you have to go?
Okay. So what's your name? - Stan.
Stan. Okay. What's your name? - Kyle.
Kyle. What's your name? - Butters!
Aw, I lose, huh?
Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.
- Sorry. Tough break. Just hurry, Butters.
You can probably make it back before the first commercial.
Oh, Jesus! I got to run like the wind!
Seems like no one else here wants to fight.
Dude, thank God for stupid people.
Amen.
Let's ask our old friend Tugger.
Where should we go fight people next, Tugger?
Great idea!
Tugger thinks we should go to the faraway country of China.
China's one of the oldest civilizations on Earth,
and from what I understand, they love a good fight!
So let's go!
Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
"Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
"Oh, my -- muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!
Why don't you mind your own business, you scrotum?!
♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
Dude, why is this guy always beating everybody up?
♪ What a glorious day to spend away ♪
♪ Fightin' 'round the world ♪
What's wrong with the colors on your TV, Stan?
They're all saturated. - They look fine to me.
Just don't mess with it, Cartman.
No, no. The cable wire must be loose.
J-Just leave it alone.
Do you want to see the trailer with messed-up colors?
I don't.
How's that?
That's worse!
Okay. How about that?
Dude! - God damn it, Cartman!
You broke it! - It was just --
I just... Butters, you asshole!
Dude, the commercials could start any time!
I don't think we're watching them on this TV.
God damn it! Come on! We can watch it at my house!
Get all the stuff!
Hey, fellas! I got the tampons!
I didn't miss it, did I?
We're going to Kyle's house to watch!
Oh, geez!
Oh, geez. Oh, geez.
Hurry! We can't miss the commercials!
But the Palestinian government
uh, is not going to see any for future...
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
And so here we are in history-rich China!
We made it! It hasn't gone to commercials yet!
Whew!
Hey, ima turnl bat.
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
Ba-ba-ba-ba! - No, Ike.
They're playing the trailer
to the new "Terrance & Phillip" movie during the show,
and we have to watch it!
This is Tiananmen Square.
Lots of good fighting has gone on here throughout the years,
including a fantastic massacre that took place back in '93.
These Chinamen can grow to over five feet tall
and in a fight are known to kick with their legs.
Let's see if we can get in for a closer look.
Oi!
I've gotten close enough now
that they're starting to get real frightened.
You can see the fine hairs on the back of their necks
standing on end.
Gotcha, mate!
Oh, you want to fight, huh?!
Think you can take me, you little buggers?!
God. When is this gonna get to the commercials?
Kyle, Ike says you kicked him off the TV.
They're going to show the new "Terrance & Phillip" trailer!
You know your brother watches "MacNeil/Lehrer Report"
every night at 10:00.
It has a bunny wubbit ona night.
But, Dad, this is all the never-before-seen footage!
It doesn't matter.
10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".
God damn it! Come on, guys. We got to go to Butters' house.
Aw!
W-Wait, fellas. We can't go to my house.
We can't go to my house either. It's being fumigated!
Aah! Wait!
Chef just got a plasma-screen TV with surround sound.
Let's go to his house! Come on!
...taken place there all these years is sure to continue
until the governments of these regions
can actually come about some resolution...
Isa birdie fly.
You guys. I'm seriously.
God damn it.
If we miss the commercials, I'll never forgive my brother!
Oh. Hello, there, children.
Hey, Chef!
Uh, how's it going?
Oh, you wanted to see the new TV, huh?
Pretty cool, ain't it? - Yeah, yeah.
- How do you change the channels? I don't know.
This TV has more features than a space shuttle.
I can't figure it out at all.
...bloomin' Taj Mahal. - You got it! You got it!
Freakin' Indies really put up a fight!
We made it! - Oh, thank God!
Russell Crowe?
Children, you shouldn't be watching a show
about a man who beats people up because he's insecure.
We don't give two craps about Russell Crowe, Chef.
We just want to see the trailer
that's supposed to play during the commercials.
All right, everyone.
We're gonna take our first commercial break.
But be sure not to go anywhere,
because there's lots more people to beat up!
Here they come! - The commercials!
Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
Aww!
Aw! They didn't play it!
They didn't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer.
I knew they wouldn't play it
during the first commercial break.
They want everyone to stick around
and watch more of this retarded show.
♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
Oi!
Now Tugger's brought me to one of the greatest places
for fightin' in North America -- Brooklyn, New York.
Lots of minorities here,
and they don't take kindly to whitey.
Let's get a closer look. Come on, Tugger!
Looks like we got some black people
and some Puerto Ricans.
Notice the colorful rags on their heads,
meaning they could be part of a gang
and therefore, real used to fightin'.
Look at that guy over there. Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?
Where?
Behind that plant, next to that tugboat.
Oh, yeah. I think it is.
"Oh, my God! It's the 'Gladiator' guy!
"Oh, my God! I've never seen an actor before!"
Why don't you choke on some pig vomit, you stupid sods?!
Why can't this guy control his temper?
Well?!
You all just gonna stand there or are you gonna fight?!
Oi! Crikey! You done it now!
This TV is great, Chef.
Yeah, and it's got all kinds of cool features, too.
Check this out.
You can watch three channels all at once.
I think if you hit this button here --
No. No. Wait.
You hit this button here.
No. That's not it. Let's see.
"Menu"... "Function"...
Put it back, Chef. More commercials might come on.
Let's see. "Menu." Aw, damn it.
Get it back to normal, Chef! - I'm trying, children!
"Menu", "back", "function", "enter"...
No. No. Back! "H.E.M."!
Human eradication mode active.
Oh, God damn it! - The TV left!
But the next commercials will be on soon!
Come on! We got to go somewhere else!
Oh, my God!
Where do we go? Where do we go?
The bar! They've got a TV at the bar!
Aah! Aah!
I'm dying!
You fight like Norwegians, you fairies!
Phew!
We made it. - This is killing me.
The human body was not meant to move quickly like that.
These are the Florida Keys,
a remote island chain just a few miles from --
Oi! Wait a minute!
Wasn't I just in Brooklyn fighting minorities?
What happened with that?!
It's that goddamn editor!
He cut the Brooklyn scene short!
Tugger, I'm gonna get him!
Yeah, I'm just working.
I'll probably be done around 7:00.
Who the hell do you think you are?!
I'm the editor.
I know you're the bloomin' editor!
I mean who do you think you are
cuttin' one of my fightin' scenes short?!
Dude, the director said to cut it!
My fightin' is poetry!
You don't edit Russell Crowe's poetry, you testicle!
Well, that guy is just plain nuts.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa!
You kids can't be in here!
We're not kids.
We're full-grown men with dwarfism!
How dare you assume that all midgets are children!
We demand an apology!
You ain't midgets. Your lips are too full.
Now, get out!
We have to watch the commercials in this show!
Look, this is a bar. We can't have children in here.
People come here for debauchery and sin.
Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar.
Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs.
Get out!
- Aah! - Aah!
Come on! We got to get to a TV!
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Yes. Is this customer service?
I'm having a problem with my new television.
It sprouted laser guns
and started walking around shooting people.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Oh! So I press "menu" then "function"?
Jesus!
No, that didn't work.
Did I set the internal clock? Uh, no.
Oh, really? Well, how do I do that?
Oi!
We're not too late!
Come on, Tugger, old mate. Why are you looking so down?
Tugger's in a bit of a sad state.
Seems his girlfriend and him had a bit of a row last night.
What is this?
Come on. Cheer up, Tugger.
How can I make you feel better?
I know!
How would you like me to sing one of the songs
off me new album?
What's that, Tugger?
You say you really love the songs on my album?
All right, then, Tugger!
♪ You know that you're my baby ♪
♪ You know I need you now ♪
♪ Don't know where I'm goin' ♪
♪ I got to get there somehow ♪
♪ Yeah, I got to get there somehow ♪
♪ Got to get there somehow ♪
♪ You can stay awake tonight ♪
♪ But I'm gonna sleep in these fluffy clouds ♪
Shout!
♪ I think I feel your heartbeat ♪
♪ Can you feel mine? ♪
♪ Lady looking lovely, got to take your love inside ♪
♪ I got to take it -- ♪
Tugger!
Tugger shot himself!
Has Russell lost Tugger for good?
Find out after these messages.
Here we go!
Commercial break number two!
Now back to "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World"!
That's it? That's all the commercials?
They didn't play the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer again!
I knew it! They're waiting until the very last commercial break!
We're gonna end up watching
this whole retarded Russell Crowe show.
Tugger!
Why'd you do it, Tugger?
Doctor! Tell me how he is, Doctor!
Well, he's a very sick little tugboat.
What is this?
We want to watch "Puppies From Around the World".
Yeah. We don't like this show.
Shh! Okay?!
Old people need to be quiet right now.
You got to save him, Doc!
Tugger -- He's my best friend!
The only friend in the world who --
H-He's going to live, but -- - Oi!
Don't you interrupt me, you vagina!
I was giving a heart-wrenching soliloquy
about me feelings for Tugger!
Sorry.
Oh, Tugger!
Tugger, the world wouldn't be as bright without you, mate!
Give it to me straight, Doctor!
Will Tugger live? Tell me the truth!
Now? - Yes. Now is fine.
Oh. Uh, your tugboat's going to be okay.
He just needs an oil change and a new steam stack.
Oodalolly! You hear that, everybody?
Tugger's gonna be okay!
You know what that makes me feel like doin'?
Fightin'!
Aah!
- Oh!
This show is too violent! Put the puppies back on!
Yeah! - Puppies!
Shut up! Shut the hell up!
We're watching this until the next commercial,
and that's final, old people!
All right! That does it! We know how to get our way!
Everyone, on the count of three, release your bowels!
One, two...
Aww!!
Oh, God! It's horrible!
That's disgusting, dude!
God, I hate old people!
We have to go to Butters' or Cartman's house.
We have nowhere else to go!
I told you -- We can't go to my house!
And my house is being fumigated!
We'll watch in your house even if it is being fumigated!
Oh -- Oh, boy! We got to hurry, guys!
Hurry! Hurry!
Come on, you guys!
Turn it on! Turn it on!
Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks healthy, happy, and...
...fit as a whistle!
It's okay. It's still the show.
But, you know, Tugger's attempted suicide
has made me realize that I should take up a cause.
Most great actors take up causes,
and I'm the greatest of them all!
So from now on, I'm gonna spend all my spare time
fighting cancer.
Right!
Where is that pussy cancer, anyway?!
Oh, dude,
I don't know how long I can take it.
Me neither.
I'll be dead before the commercials.
Wait a minute! I forgot!
There's a black-and-white television back at my house!
Will your sister let us watch it?
She has to!
Hurry! The commercial's gonna be on any minute!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus, help me!
Oh! Oh, I've lost a doughnut!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Oh, my God! Leave no doughnut behind!
Oh, Jesus! Wait! - What?
I never gave Shelly her tampons!
She's been this whole time without them.
Aah!
I told you I needed tampons, turds!
Look!
Crack addicts with a television!
Well, we couldn't find cancer, but we found a man with cancer.
Take that, cancer!
And that!
The last commercial break has to be coming any second!
Aah!
- Aah!
Yes, I pressed "menu" three times.
No. It's giving me the same error message!
Yes, I read the instruction manual.
Where do we go?!
Oh, Jesus. Now where do we go?!
We've tried everywhere!
Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house?
I'm sure. There's no way!
Why not? - Because!
My parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter!
Oh, God damn it, you'd better be kidding.
No! I really don't have a babysitter.
That's why I'm staying at Stan's.
This whole time, your TV is in a house with nobody in it?!
Come on! Let's just go! We'll kill Butters later!
Turn it on! Turn it on! Turn it on!
And so we'll be right back after these commercials.
We made it!
The last commercial break is starting!
Don't go anywhere.
Russell Crowe will be right back after a few more commercials!
These commercials are all so Goddamn stupid!
Jesus Christ! How long is this commercial break gonna be?
What if they don't show the "Terrance & Phillip" trailer at all?
What if we went through all this for nothing?
They have to show it! They promised they would!
You guys, calm down.
This is what TV shows always do.
They make the last commercial break the longest.
That's bullcrap! TV shows are gay!
Wait a minute! Look!
"The following preview is --" This is it! This is it!
Coming this summer,
the greatest Canadian duo of all time is back.
Whoo-hoo! - Yeah!
That looks awesome! - They were wearing cowboy hats!
Did you see?! Did you see?!
Clyde! Clyde! Did you see it?!
Yeah! Oh, we think it's gonna be good, too!
I'm so glad we didn't miss it!
You guys, Clyde said he taped it and kids can come over to see!
Oh, dude, let's go!
It looks even better than their first movie!
Yeah, it sure does!
I wonder if it's all a Western!
How far away is June?
Well, we sure had a good time today, didn't we, kids?
We fought some Chinamen, a few Packers,
and a lot of Colombians, to name just a few.
But I sure am glad we got old Wally B. Back, aren't you?
I'm glad to be back, Russell!
Oh, my God. It's Russell Crowe!
"Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
Oh, my -- bluh-bluh-bluh"!
Why don't you go flush yourself down a toilet, you c--
Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.
You know what that means.
♪ Tugger's whistle's blowin' ♪
♪ Means we must be goin' ♪
♪ No more Russell Crowein' for you ♪
♪ But now, don't you start to whine ♪
♪ I'll see you again next time ♪
♪ 'Cause there's plenty more a-fightin' left to do ♪
♪ Making movies, making songs ♪
♪ And fightin' 'round the world ♪
See you next time, everybody!
So I'm supposed to press "menu," then "function," then "enter."