♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
No, kitty!
These are my spicy hot Louisiana- baked chicken tenders!
No, kitty!
Someday I will collect all the Chinpokomon!
Then, I will fight the evil power that will reveal itself
once all the Chinpokomon are collected! Oh!
No, kitty!
You can't have these chicken tenders,
because they are mine, and I keep mine to myself! Oh!
Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode
of Chinpokomon!
Hurray! - Hey, kids!
Do you love Chinpokomon? - Yes!
Well, now you can buy your very own!
♪ I've got to buy Chinpokomon ♪
♪ I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it ♪
Now, you can collect them all!
Furrycat! Donkeytron!
Pengin! Shoe! Lambtron!
Collect them all, and you can become
Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!
Royal Crown Chinpokomaster? Holy shit!
All the Chinpokomon are in stores now!
Chinpokomon is super universe toy number one!
♪ I've got to buy it, Chinpokomon ♪
Mom! Mom!
Mom! Seriously!
This thing at the toy store, Mom!
Hnya! Must go! Toy store! - Eric! Calm down!
But seriously! Mom! Must go! Must buy!
What is it, Eric?
Mom, I've only just heard!
They're making Chinpokomon dolls, Mom!
You can collect them all! You can collect them all!
Mother, quick! We must get to the toy store!
I'm making us some lunch right now, Eric!
But, Mom, I have to get a Chinpokomon doll
before everybody else does, 'cause then I'll be cool.
Can't it wait till tomorrow, hon?
But, Mom, I have to get the first one
or else people won't think I'm cool!
All right. Let's go. - Sweet!
Everybody's gonna be so jealous when they see my Chinpokomon!
Oh! God damn it!
Hey, fat ass! - Hey, dickhole!
I guess you saw the commercial, too!
Yep! I've got Roostor, Lambtron, and Shoe!
Well, that's nice! But, I'm gonna get a Pengin!
He's the coolest!
God damn it! There's no more Pengins!
Kenny! Pengin is my favorite! That's the last one!
Let me have it! - Mm-mm.
Mnya, Kenny! Let me have it!
Mnya! Mnya! Gimme Pengin! Mnya!
Honestly, I don't see what they find
so amusing about those things.
They're so strange. - Where are they from?
Well, it's some new big thing from Japan.
I tell ya, those Japanese really know how to market to kids.
I've got to collect all Chinpokomon!
I've got to collect them all so I can become
Royal Crown Chinpokomaster, oh!
Order Chinpokomon, and you will have happy feelings!
I have to become Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!
Must collect Chinpokomon!
Okay, Kenny! I'll trade you my Chuchunesbi for your Pengin!
Fuck you. - God damn it!
You're supposed to trade! Little asshole! Gimme Pengin!
Hey, dudes. What're those? - What're these?
They're Chinpokomon. - Huh?
You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon.
No, but look.
I just got this sweet Cyborg Bill doll.
Oh, please. Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.
Yeah, like ancient history.
Cyborg Bill isn't cool anymore?
No, dude.
Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long time, Kyle.
Why the hell don't people tell me these things?
It's all Chinpokomon, now.
Dude, if you collect Chinpokomon,
you can complete the primary main objective.
What's the primary main objective?
You don't even know what the primary main objective is?
The primary main objective is to destroy the evil power.
Well, what's the evil power? - Oh, my God.
The identity of the evil power won't be revealed until
all Chinpokomon are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.
What? - Duh!
God, get with the times, dude. - Duh!
Shit.
Yeah, I guess so. - Mom. Dad.
Can I have money to buy Chinpokomon?
What's a Chinpokomon? - I'm not sure.
Well, why do you need one? - I don't know.
Well then, the answer is no, Kyle.
You just got money to buy your Cyborg Bill doll.
Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay now.
Please, Mom. Everybody else has Chinpokomon.
Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy something.
Yeah, Kyle. Don't.
You see, Son, fads come and go.
And this-- Chinpokomon
is obviously nothing more than a fad.
You don't have to be a part of it.
In fact, you can even make an even stronger statement
by saying to your peers, "I'm not going to be a part
of this fad because I'm an individual."
Do you understand? - Yes. Yes, I do, dad.
Now, let me tell you how it works in the real world.
In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon,
or I can be the only kid without one,
which singles me out and causes the other kids
to make fun of me and kick my ass.
Hm. Good point. Here's $10. - Thanks.
Wait. Here's twenty. Get one for your brother, too.
There you go, son.
I honestly don't know what you see in these things.
Neither do I.
Guess I'll call it a night.
Chinpoko. Buy me. Buy me.
When will you become Royal Chinpokomaster?
Hurry up and buy me.
Down with America.
What? - I love you.
Let's be best friends
and destroy the capitalist American government.
What the hell is going on here?
Hey, you guys, check out my sweet Chinpokomon doll.
Oh, please, Chinpokomon dolls are so last week.
What? - Yeah, dude. Don't you know?
It's all about the Chinpokomon video game now.
Did you bring your special Chinpokomon game controller?
Huh? No. - Oh.
You didn't get a special Chinpokomon game controller?
Jesus Christ.
Chinpokomon. What is primary objective?
To destroy the evil power.
I've got to buy all the Chinpokomon
so I can destroy the evil power, oh!
Oh! - Damn it.
I've got to buy them all.
So first, I'd better go to Hawaii
and visit Pearl Harbor.
Try to bomb the harbor. Ready? Go.
I must buy them all. I must buy them all.
We must buy them all.
Try to bomb the harbor.
Dude, the video game gave Kenny a seizure.
Dude, this game rules.
Hello?
Welcome to Chinpokomon Toy Corporation.
Please state name:
Red Harris. I own a toy store in America.
Please state purpose:
Uh, I want to know what the hell you people
are doing with these dolls talking about
bringing down American government and all.
I am President Hirohito, and this is Mr. Hosek.
Pleased to meet you.
We understand you have big concern about our fine product.
Well, yes, do you mind telling me
what the hell this is about?
The American government lies to you.
Join the fight for Japanese supremacy of the world.
More to come.
Well? - Uh...
That is so strange.
I do not know how this could happen.
But rest assured, I will make sure
it does not happen again.
Well, now, come on.
I don't think that that quite satisfies my--
You are American? - Yes.
Oh, you must have very big penis.
Excuse me?
I was just asking you
what you're up to with these toys.
Nothing.
We are very simple people with very small penis.
Mr. Hosek's penis is especially small.
So small.
We cannot achieve much with so small penis.
But you Americans, wow. Penis so big. So big penis.
Well, I-I guess it is a pretty good size.
Minata, kit-eh kit-eh.
This man has a very big penis.
Oh, what an immense penis.
Well, it certainly was nice meeting you folk.
I just wanted to bring that little malfunction
to your attention.
Bye-bye, now. - Good bye.
Thank you for stopping by with your gargantuan penis.
I've got to buy Chinpokomon. I've got to buy them.
Must buy Chinpokomon.
Amerikano, kodomo mindaga Chinpokomon motte imaga,
"Phase two" kaesrokida...Ikimashoo.
The time has come. We will take Pearl Harbor.
♪ I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it ♪
♪ Chinpokomon ♪ - What're you doing?
I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpokomon video tapes.
Why?
Our son loves this show, Randy,
so I think it's important that we watch it
to see if it's teaching him good moral values.
Hey. You must be Roostor.
I haven't bought one of you yet, but I bet you can transform
into Roostalion if you found Diamond Skill Seven.
Roostor.
Hey, I'm gonna take your roostor
and put it in this bag, where it will flourish
or expire depending on fate.
Hey, is that a good idea?
Roostors aren't like Chuchunesbis.
They haven't the heart for such endeavors.
Oh!
Are those good moral values?
I don't know what the hell they're talking about.
Lambtron, you are losing the battle of your life.
But Lambtron's power level gives him
a good chance of new fight; will they succeed?
I am sad now, because Lambtron must be very lonely
because there are so few Lambtrons in the world.
Will he ever find a companion?
This doesn't make sense.
Are those stupid things supposed to be
animals or robots or what?
I don't know, but I suddenly kind of wanna own them all.
Randy, we can't allow our son to watch this stuff.
Well, it's not like it's vulgar or violent.
No, but it's incredibly stupid, and that can be
worse on a child's mind than any vulgarity or violence.
Remember what Battle of the Network Stars
did to an entire generation.
My God. You're right.
♪ Come on, brothers and sisters ♪
♪ We've all got to join together ♪
♪ Join together and give me money ♪
♪ So I can buy more Chinpokomon ♪
♪ We've got to stop this fighting ♪
How's it going, fat ass? - Haven't made any money yet.
What? You've been out here all weekend.
How're we gonna raise money to get into the Chinpokomon camp?
Hey, I'm the one who's been standing out here
with this gay guitar like a God damn hippie all weekend.
What have you two assholes done? - We can't do anything.
Kenny still hasn't come out of his seizure.
I've got it.
I've got my Chinpokomon game controller.
Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ. Get with the program, Kyle.
Yeah, nobody plays the Chinpokomon video games anymore.
Now it's all about the big weekend Chinpokomon camp.
Camp?
The makers of Chinpokomon are going town to town
and putting on a special camp to show all
the Chinpokomasters how to destroy the evil power.
You didn't know that? - No, I knew it. I knew it.
I was just testing you guys.
You just wait till I get to that Chinpokomon camp.
I'm gonna be the toughest master of them all.
So we'll see you there. Ai'ght?
Dude. Did you just say "ai'ght"?
Yeah. You know. Like Lauryn Hill. Ai'ght.
Oh my God. That's so yesterday.
Yeah, dude. Nobody says "ai'ght" anymore.
What? "Ai'ghts" not cool either? When did that happen?
Like, eight days ago. - God damn it.
Hey, kids, only one more day till the Chinpokomon camp.
Come early and enjoy all the Chinpokofun.
♪ Chinpokomon camp ♪
♪ I have to buy a ticket ♪
♪ I have to buy one, a ticket ♪
♪ I've got to buy, buy, buy ♪
This Saturday and Sunday, you can't wait to go.
♪ Chinpokomon ♪
We just thought we'd bring it to everyone's attention,
because honestly, we don't know how to feel.
Well, I'm letting Eric go to the camp.
I mean, it seems to me this Chinpokomon thing
is just another harmless fad.
Yeah, we told Kyle he could go
if he did all his chores, and he did.
Now, I'm not sure this blatant commercialism
is good for our boys.
Well, you know how it is, Randy.
The more we forbid them to play with Chinpokomons,
the more they're gonna love them.
You're right, Sheila.
I guess the best thing we can do is just let them go
until they get sick of it.
Sure, apparently, they've been doing these camps
in every city around the country.
How bad can they be?
Get out of the way. Move it. - Can you see anything?
it's starting. It's starting.
♪ I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it ♪
♪ Chinpokomon ♪
Attention. Attention.
This is Chinpokomon camp.
Chinpokomon is what we strive to be in our hearts.
Our hearts.
Kenny?
What is the primary main objective?
To destroy the evil power.
Power.
Yes. And what is the evil power?
The evil power is... the United States government.
Oh.
United States government is an evil power.
It has attacked Japanese military.
It has broken Japanese spirit.
And what do Chinpokomasters do to the evil power?
Destroy it.
Destroy it?
That is correct.
Now, it is a great honor to present
your Chinpokoleader, Emperor Hirohito.
One government can not forever pass its laws on others.
The strength of Japan is in its history,
and it is based on that history
that we shall again rise to the dominant world power.
Is this cool or not? I can't tell.
It is again time for the rising sun
to ship tall in the sky.
One Japan. One society.
We will begin with language and exercise skills.
Hajimete.
Ichi, ni, san, shi. Ichi, ni, san, shi.
ichi, ni, san, shi. Ichi, ni, san, shi.
Okay, children. I want it quiet.
Now, we're gonna try this again until we get it right.
What is six times three?
Juuhachi desu ka? - Juuhachi da nee.
No, God damn it. It's 18.
Juuhachi is 18, Garrison-san.
For the last time, my name is not Garrison-san, all right?
And this is not Hat-san.
And you all better start talking
in a matter that I can understand.
Wuu, Garrison-san sabuchii dana.
What did he say?
He said, "Garrison-san sabuchii dana."
Soo desu nee.
Damn it. This is not Japan.
Minata. Kite kite, churl....
Dare ga pu shita no.
People, please. We can only speak one at a time.
Now, Mr. Garrison, you were saying.
I can't take it, mayor.
You have to put an end to this Chinpokocamp.
My son hasn't made any sense in days.
I tell you, mayor, these Japanese
are trying to change our American children somehow.
All right, people, Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Hosek
were nice enough to stop by to talk to you.
Gentlemen.
We at the Japan Toy Company are very concerned
about your concerns.
That is why we make Chinpokomon camp.
Well, how is it good?
We don't understand what the point of your product is.
There is nothing to worry about.
We are Japan Toy Company are in awe of your large penis.
What?
You see, Japanese penis is so small.
So small.
You Americans have such humongous, bulbous penis.
Well, I guess that's true.
Oh, such a nice big penis, American.
What can we possibly do with such small penis?
We cannot take over your city
filled with men of such mastadonic penis.
Well, he's got a point there.
Well, I guess that settles that.
We're sorry we took your time, gentlemen.
Oh, no. Thank you.
Another chance to be in same room with big American penis.
My penis so small.
Nice guys.
So, what are we going to do about our children?
Uh, hello? - Okay, people.
I know this Chimpokomon fad is causing a lot of problems.
But I think we've already found a solution.
You have? - Children are fickle.
All we have to do is come up with a new fad.
We find the next toy and turn them all onto it
as soon as possible.
Of course. That's a great idea.
But, what toy?
All right, boys, we're going to show you
a couple of commercials,
and you tell us which toy interests you the most.
Now, watch carefully.
Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
Yeah!
Well, then you're gonna go wild
for Wild Wacky Action Bike.
♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪
♪ The bike that's hard to ride ♪
Wild Wacky Action Bike is almost impossible to steer
and it glows in the dark.
♪ Gonna try to ride it all day long ♪
♪ But I'm gonna fail 'cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪
♪ You can't ride it, you can't ride it ♪
♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪
Wild Wacky Action Bike comes with everything you see here.
Gay. - Yeah, dude.
That looks totally gay. - Oh...
Okay. Here's the next one.
Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
Yeah!
Then you're gonna love Alabama Man.
♪ Alabama Man ♪
♪ He's quick, he's strong, he's active ♪
You can take Alabama Man to the bowling alley,
where he drinks heavily and chews tobacco.
Wow. He can bowl.
♪ He can bowl, he can drink, he can drink some more ♪
♪ Alabama Man ♪
When wife asks him where he's been,
just use the action button, and Alabama Man busts her lip open.
Shut up, bitch. - Wow.
♪ He beats up his wife and sleeps it off ♪
♪ Alabama Man ♪
I want to be just like Alabama Man.
Alabama Man comes with everything you see here.
Wife sold separately.
I thought I told you to shut up.
Not all people from Alabama are wife-beaters.
Gay. - Totally gay.
Liberace gay.
Oh, dear.
Well, let's keep trying. How about this?
- Owatta. - Beikoku.
Nihon en ima hajimaru.
Stan? Stan, it's mommy.
Beikoku.
Stanley, you need to come home right now.
Mommy misses you.
- Owatta. - Beikoku.
Stanley, I'm talking to you.
Beikoku.
Aww!
Stan, please. Come home.
Kore wa watashi no uchi desu. - So desu nee.
Do not worry. Everything is okay.
No, it's not okay. - Oh.
But you have such a large penis.
What? - Your penis. Wow.
What he mean is that all men in this town
have very large penis.
Can't you see what's happening?
They're just using that talk to distract you.
He doesn't really have a small penis.
Misenasai.
Oh.
- Owatta. - Beikoku.
My God. Is there nothing we can do?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I know the answer.
I know how to get our kids to stop liking Chinpokomon.
How? - Come on.
We don't have much time.
And now, for a special announcement
from the president of the United States.
My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns
many of us have over the growing number of
Japanese military bases forming in the United States.
The new Japanese Emperor, Hirohito,
has made our own children into fighter pilots,
who will soon fly to Hawaii and and attack Pearl Harbor.
I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning,
and he assured me that I have a very large penis.
He said it was mammoth, dinosauric,
and absolutely dwarfed his penis,
which he assured me was nearly microscopic in size.
My penis, he said,
was most likely one of the biggest on the planet.
I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty.
Thank you.
Your plane will fly autopilot to Pearl Harbor.
When you arrive, you will drop many bombs.
Hai, sachoo-san.
Nan da kore?
Chinpoko ga dai-suki yoo. - What?
We just came to support you. We love Chinpokomon, too.
It's super toy number one.
You like it? - You bet.
I think Chinpokoman is Chinpokarific.
I've got shoe.
Come on, Eric, let's try to battle
your Roostor with my Donkeytron.
Uh, no. That's okay, Mom.
What are they doing? - It's a trick.
Hey, Stan. Look at my new bumper sticker.
Isn't that cool? - No.
Screw this, dude. - Where're you going, Stan?
I don't know, Chinpokomon just doesn't seem that cool anymore.
I'm gonna go kill some ants or something.
Wait for me, I want to get out of these stupid clothes.
Noooo!
Well, you were right, Sharon, the best way to make our kids
not like something, is to like it ourselves.
That's right.
Anything we like is instantly not cool.
We know how to take 'em out, Mr. Garrison.
Spread the word, get on the wire to every parent
around the country, and tell 'em
how to bring those sons of bitches down.
Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went a little nutty
with that Chinpokomon stuff.
Can I have $5 to buy a football? - You bet, Stanley.
Owatta beikoku.
Kyle, it's over.
But I'm gonna be Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.
Dude, Chinpokomon isn't cool anymore.
What? - Yeah, dude. That's way over.
You're just jealous, because I'm Chinpokomaster.
No, Kyle, you see, we've learned something today.
This whole Chinpokomon thing happened
because we all followed the group.
We only liked Chinpokomon because everyone else did.
And look at the damage it caused.
So now I should stop liking Chinpokomon,
because you all don't? - Yeah.
But if I stop now, I'd just be going with the group again.
So to be an individual, I have to bomb Pearl Harbor.
See ya. - Oh. Wait!
Actually, I was wrong.
You see, Kyle, I learned something just now.
It is good to go with the group.
A group mentality is healthy sometimes.
Aw, screw it. I'm too confused.
Oh, I'm sure glad this is all over.
Hey, get off of him! He's not dead yet!
No! Get off, you stupid rats. He's not dead yet.
Hey, you guys want to go to the toy store after school
and get some Spaceman Greg cards?
Nah, I think I'm through with fads for a while.
Me too; I'm choosing my own toys from now on,
'cause...
What the...
Oh, ho, ho, ho! Gross!