Arrrrrghhhh!
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
We're here live at the Kozi 102.1 Halloween Haunt
at the South Park Docks!
Come on down! We've got a haunted house,
and everyone is decorating for tomorrow night, Halloween!
When the band Korn-- that's right, Korn--
is going to play live.
And don't forget to wear a costume tomorrow
because there's a big first prize!
Well, here are some kids enjoying the Halloween Haunt now.
Say boys, what do you think of Kozi FM's Halloween Haunt so far?
This one time, like 8 months ago,
I saw two guys kissing in a park.
And that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen
until I saw the Kozi FM Halloween Haunt.
Alright! Well enjoy the spooky docks, kids!
Hey, you guys, you know what time of year it is?
Of course, dumbass, it's Halloween.
That's right!
And that means only two more months 'til Christmas!
♪ You better watch out you better not cry ♪
Christmas! - ♪ Christmas time means presents for meeee ♪
Aw, nuts!
Come on Ned, this ain't a whore house,
it's a hor-ror house!
Aw!
Hey, Spooky Laboratory, you guys!
Those things are stupid, Cartman.
They just stick your hand in cold spaghetti
and tell you it's intestines and stuff.
Well, I'm going to Spooky Laboratory.
♪ Jingle bells jingle bells ♪
Welcome to the Spooky Laboratory.
I'm your guide, Dr. Spookalot.
Allow me to show you around the lab.
Cool.
Here I have a bowl of human eyeballs.
Ewww!
And here you can feel the brains.
Oh, ho! Gross!
And here you can feel the warm innards of the body.
Ewww, it feels like cold spaghetti!
You guys, it feels like cold spaghetti!
Give it up, Kenny, you're not gonna win the costume contest.
Your costumes always suck.
Boo!
Aagghgh!
Ha ha ha ha!
We scared you, chickens!
We weren't scared!
Well you should be, the pirate ghosts are gonna come get'cha!
The what?
Didn't you know?
There's an old legend in South Park
that says these docks are haunted by pirate ghosts.
Nu-uh.
Yeah-huh,
they roam these docks with their swords and hooks hands,
looking for victims to cut up!
That's just an old legend.
Rarrrr!
Aaaghghg!
Ha ha ha ha, got you again!
Just wait 'til tomorrow!
We're gonna scare you kids to death!
Ha ha ha!
You guys, my hand totally smells like spaghetti now, smell it!
I'm sick of those 5th graders scaring us all the time.
We should come up with a way to scare them!
Yeah, let's see how they like it!
Joining me now is Father Maxi from the South Park Church.
Father, what do you think of all the preparations
here at the docks?
Halloween is an abomination of God!
A celebration of the occult!
Yeah, and how about Korn playing the big concert tomorrow?
Pretty exciting, huh?
Korn is a devil worshipping group that plays violent music!
If we allow that demon band
to play on this most unholy of holidays,
we may incur the full wrath of evil!
Alright! We'll see you tomorrow for Halloween,
in the meantime, here's a Kozi hit by Barry Manilow.
Come on, you guys, think.
How can we scare the 5th graders?
It has to be something really scary.
We could get a big, scary, plastic spider
and dangle it in front of them on a string...
...spooky spider, that's pretty scary.
That's not scary, fat ass!
Well come on! We can think of something better
than stupid pirate ghosts!
Argggh!
Are you sure we're going the right way?
I don't know, this map doesn't make any sense.
That's because you've got it upside down, chowder head!
Oops.
When are we gonna get to the gig? I'm starving!
Don't think about it.
We'll just keep playing our game... ready?
I spy with my little eye
something that begins with the letter "t".
I know!
A "t"ree!
You got it!
I spy with my little eye
something that begins with the letter "r".
The "r"oad?
That's it!
Aarrrggghhh!
Okay, here's one: I spy with my little eye
something that begins with the letter "p".
The letter "p"?
What the heck starts with the letter "p"?
P-pirate ghosts!
Aaaghgh!
Aaahh!
Mom! You got the new Duffy's catalogue,
I'm gonna circle everything I want for Christmas, okay?
Mom? Okay?
Okay... let's see...
I want this...
and this...
And, let's see... "comes with..."
"Comes with..."
Eric, your little friends are here.
Mom! Mom! You wanna see what I want for Christmas?
Eric, it's only Halloween.
That's only 72 shopping days left for you!
Come on, fat ass, we have to go.
Hey! Don't call me fat!
Mom! Don't laugh!
I'm sorry, hon.
I can't go with you guys right now.
Yes you can, porky.
Mom! Seriously!
Oh, that's not funny, boys.
Eric isn't fat, he's big boned.
He must have a huge bone in his ass, then.
Goddammit, Mom!
God, I hate you guys.
Okay, so we figured out how to scare the 5th graders.
How?
What's the scariest thing we could get?
Spooky spider?
No, a dead body.
Yeah, fat ass, a dead body.
You mean we make something that looks like a dead body?
We could never make one that looks real enough.
To be really scary... it would have to be real.
Yeah, fat ass, it has to be real to be scary.
So where the hell are we gonna get a dead body?
We're gonna dig up Kyle's dead grandma.
Yeah, fat ass, we're gonna dig up--
"dig up Kyle's dead grandma"?!
Dude, she's perfect, she only died like 3 months ago, right?
Are you insane?!
I think that's a sweet idea. - Mph!
Dude, we're not digging up my grandma, I'll get in trouble!
All we have to do is sneak into the graveyard, dig her up,
scare the 5th graders, and then put her back
before anybody notices she's gone.
Naw, let's dig up somebody else.
Relax, dude, what's the big deal?
Think about it, if your grandma knew that she could help you,
even in death, she would want to.
This is gonna be fun!
♪ Just hear those sleighbells ring-a-ling ♪
♪ Ring ting ting-a-ling too ♪
♪ Outside its lovely weather for a sleighride together with you ♪
♪ And you and you! ♪
Cartman, will you stop singing Christmas carols?
We have to be quiet or else we're gonna get busted!
This must be it-- "Cleo Broflovski".
That's my grandma.
Well, let's dig her up!
Wait, I don't know if this is cool.
Of course it's cool.
She's gonna be all rotted and scary.
I don't think my mom would want me doing this.
"Oh, I don't want to dig up my dead grandma
"'cause I'm such a goodie-two-shoes!"
Ow!
You guys, be quiet!
Now do you wanna get back at the 5th graders or not?
I don't really care, dude.
Yes, you do! Now dig!
♪ Outside the snow is falling ♪
♪ And friends are calling yoo-hoo ♪
Okay, it's almost open, ready?
One, two, three!
Whoa, dude.
Oh my God.
Hi, Grandma...
Hi Kyle.
Aagh!
Have you been a good boy, Kyle?
Have you been making Grandma proud?
Dammit, Cartman, that's not funny!
Yes, it is.
Heh, I'm sweet.
Alright, alright, let's just get this over with
so we can put her back.
Okay, grab the sled.
♪ Silver bells, silver bells ♪
♪ It's Christmas time, you guys... ♪
Okay, let's just hide her here,
and tomorrow during the Halloween party,
we'll come back in our costumes,
and use her to scare the 5th graders!
How exactly are we gonna use her to scare them?
We could shove a stick up her ass and use her like a puppet.
Rar! Rar! I'm scary grandma!
Alright, that does it, Cartman!
That's my grandma!
You show some Goddamned respect!
What was that?
Cartman!
It wasn't me!
Dude, not cool, this is scary.
Aaaghghgh!
Hey, like, it's just some kids.
Oh, whew! I was really scared there for a second.
Hey, you're that band, Korn!
Yeah, I'm Jonathan, and this is Munky,
David, Fieldy, and Head.
And over there's our pal, Niblet.
Hey, where'd Niblet go?
Mm-mm, Niblet likes potato chips!
Niblett!
Hee-hee.
What are you guys doing out here?
We were just driving our van when all of a sudden,
we were run off the road by some super spooky pirate ghosts.
Aw, dude, that was just the 5th graders!
Yeah, they're trying to scare everybody cuz they're gaywads.
But don't worry, we're about to go get them back.
Oh, swell, we're supposed to play here tomorrow.
Do you know where the stage is?
Yeah, dude, its right over there.
O-Kay!
Oh hi, we're Korn.
We're supposed to play the Halloween concert tomorrow.
I know who you are and what you stand for.
I think your music and Halloween is an abomination!
Groovy, could you show us where to set up?
Alright, let's just set her over here behind these boxes.
Shouldn't we hide her better than that?
Kyle, will you stop worrying? God!
Now, we'll all meet back here tomorrow with our costumes,
and then when the Halloween party gets going,
we'll bust out his dead gram-gram.
Let's go!
Wait till you guys see my costume!
It's gonna be sweet!
Oh come on, Kenny, you never have a sweet costume.
You're not gonna win the costume contest.
Grrr...
Hold on, kids!
Mrs. Brovlovski?
Yes?
We're from Mt. Peaceful Cemetery.
Could we have a word with you?
Uh, sure, come in.
What is it?
Mrs. Broflovski,
somebody has defiled your mother's grave.
Defiled? How?
Well, I'm afraid that... somebody dug her up.
Dug her up?
Why?
Well, the most likely reason is that
somebody wanted to have sex with her dead body.
Yup.
What!
We don't want to upset you, but it happens.
Somebody's probably making love to her corpse as we speak.
Every vile position, every disrespectful act imaginable.
Oh dear God!
Yes, by now he's probably even removed her eyes
and made love to the empty sockets, as well.
Ohh!
Now, we don't want to upset you, but you should know that
your mother's body would be stiff and dry,
so he would have to have it soaked in warm water
for several hours before making love to it.
Ohhhh!
Yes, and now for the difficult part--
brace yourself.
It is highly possible that he has created new orifices
in her decomposing flesh,
leaving her to look something like
an overloved hunk of Swiss cheese.
She probably--
Okay, okay! I get the point!
Just tell me what you're gonna do about it!
Do?
Oh, we don't do anything, we're just the watchmen.
Yeah, I guess maybe you might want to
call the police, or something.
Agh!
Now, he probably would make love to the dead body
in a cool, dry place,
so as to not allow further decomposition...
Package delivery for Mrs. Cartman.
A package?
Oh, really...
Well, I think I can sign for that.
Sign he'a, and he'a...and he'a.
I got a Christmas pres-ent!
Maybe I can see what it is,
I'll just open one little corner...
Let's see...
Aw, screw it, I'll rewrap it later.
Oh sweet!
Life-Sized Blow-Up Antonio Banderas Love Doll!
With realistic geni-tal-ia...
Oh, this kicks ass!
What a cool Christmas present my mom got!
It's Halloween day, so come on down to the docks
and bring your costumes!
Where's Kenny?
He said he had the best Halloween costume ever.
Nya nya nya nya nya nya!
Guess wha-hat I got!
Antonio Banderas Blow-Up Doll!
You guys didn't get one!
Where's your costume, fat ass?
Screw Halloween, I already got my Christmas present!
In a few days I'll wrap it back up,
and then when I open it on Christmas,
I'll act all surprised, like, "oh, Mother!
"Antonio Banderas Life-Sized Blow-Up Doll, what a surprise!"
Hey, Kenny.
Nice costume, Kenny.
You think you're gonna win with that? Ha!
Alright, the 5th graders are gonna be here soon.
Let's get Kyle's grandma.
This is gonna be sweet!
Uhh, problem guys.
What's the problem?
No grandma.
No grandma?!
No grandma.
She's not here!
She has to be here.
Well, she's not here!
That's just great!
Thanks a lot Stan, you're gonna get me busted again!
Okay, people, I know we all want to get down to the docks
for the Halloween Haunt,
but first, we just need to inform you about
the people or persons out there
digging up bodies to have sex with them.
Gentlemen?
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
A person who steals bodies to have sex with them
is called a "necrophiliac".
So that you all know what to expect,
my partner Alan has drawn a sketch
of what having sex with a dead body might look like.
Ewwwohh!
Yes, we know it's horrible.
It's probably best you not look at it.
Now, Alan will demonstrate what having sex with a dead body
might sound like.
Ewwwohh!
Excuse me, how is this helping?
That's it, folks, now we can all go to the docks
and enjoy the Halloween Haunt!
No! Don't go to the docks!
Arrggh!
Arrggh, I'm Captain Blye!
You landlubbers had better stay away from the docks,
or else there'll be hell to pay!
Fire the cannons!
Ahh!
Har har har!
Arggggh!
We won't warn ya again!
Stay away from our docks!
I warned you!
I told you this would happen!
When you allow bands like Korn to come to town
and play your heathenistic Halloween concerts,
this is what you get!
Great rehearsal, gang, that was really groovy!
Let's practice one more time before the show starts!
Uh guys, I'm sorry,
but the Halloween Haunt's been cancelled.
Cancelled?!
You best clear outta here,
there's pirate ghosts and they'll kill ya.
Well, gang, it looks like we have to pack it up.
Awwww!
Goddammit, now what the hell are we gonna do?
Oh hey, the kids from last night.
Wow, is that the Antonio Banderas Life-Sized Blow-Up Doll?
Hey, Kenny.
Say, what's the matter?
You kids look kinda glum.
Somebody took my dead grandma.
What?
We dug her up because we wanted to scare these 5th graders,
but then something took her body away.
Now she's doomed to walk the Earth in limbo!
Aw, I hate to see little clowns cry.
Well, that does it!
Something funny is going on here.
Your missing grandma must be connected somehow
to those creepy pirate ghosts.
They're not pirate ghosts, Jonathan,
they're ghost pirates. - Huh?
"Pirate ghost" would suggest that a pirate died
and became a ghost.
But "ghost pirate" is a ghost
that later made a conscious decision to be a pirate.
No, David, then they are "pirate ghosts",
because they're the ghosts of pirates.
You're wrong, because there were no pirates in Colorado.
So, these must be ghosts that decided to become pirates after the fact.
But that makes them pirate ghosts!
No, it makes them ghost pirates!
Pirate ghosts!
Guys! Guys! Guys!
Fighting isn't gonna solve anything!
Don't you see, this is exactly what those ghost pirates
want us to do!
Pirate ghosts!
Then, you'll help us?
Sure we'll help you.
If there's one thing we like more than playing music,
it's solving a groovy mystery.
Alright!
Is everybody okay?
People stealing bodies to have sex with them,
pirate ghosts destroying the town...
when did everything go so wrong?
I hate to say it, but I think Priest Maxi was right.
This is what we get for celebrating Halloween
and allowing that band Korn to come play.
He's right! Nothing ever went wrong in this town,
before that evil Korn band showed up!
Well, I say we go find them
and kick their devil-worshiping butts out of town!
Yeah! Let's get 'em!
Lynch mob!
Down with Korn!
So this is where you last saw your dead grandma?
Right, maybe there really are pirate ghosts,
and they took her inside!
Alright, gang! We have to split up and look for clues.
How should we split up?
I know, let's have everyone who enjoys
having obstacles in their life which they can overcome go this way,
and everyone whose insecurities sabotage their potential
to overcome those obstacles, go that way.
O-kay!
Wow, that was easy.
Here's their van! Here's their van!
Let's flip it over!
Those bastards! - Yeah!
Okay, people, let's try to stay orderly!
The best way to do this
is all get on one side and push it from the top.
Devil worshipers!
Yeah!
C'mon, they gotta be around here somewhere!
This place gives me the creeps.
Say, this looks like a clue...
"Pirate Lore of South Park".
Hm, now why would pirate ghosts need a book on pirates?
W-what was that?
The noise came from in here.
Stay close, everybody.
Oh no, I lost my glasses!
What does his dead grandma look like?
She was all like crunchy and crispy and stuff.
Hey, I got an idea, we should set a groovy trap!
Good idea!
How do we trap a bunch of pirate ghosts?
We need something that might catch their eye to use as bait.
I know! Your Antonio Banderas love doll!
Oh no, this is my Christmas present.
If anything happens to it,
my mom will know I opened it early.
Come on, kid, we all have to do our part.
Even Antonio.
My glasses got to be around here somewhere...
Is that you, Jonathan?
Boy, am I glad to see you! I lost my glasses.
Arrrghghhh!
Hey, you got a cold, Jonathan?
arrrrrggghh!
Yeah, that's sounds like a groovy song, man.
Remember that one.
Fieldy, what are you doing?!
Oh, I was talking to you, Jonathan.
Hey, wait a minute.
If you're over there, then how can you be over here?
Unless you're actually a--
p-p-pirate ghost!
Aarrrrgghh!
Okay, here's how the trap will work:
when the pirate ghosts walk in,
they should go right for Antonio Banderas.
When they hit the super slippery floor,
they'll slide onto this mining cart,
which should travel down this path into the next room,
where the fishnet will fall on them.
Wow, cool!
Hey, somebody's coming!
Aaaaghgh!
We've got to hide!
Hey, there's Antonio Banderas!
He'll help us!
Mr. Banderas--
Jonathan, no!
Aaahhhh!
Oh, no!
Aah!
Hold on, guys!
Alright, Korn!
Time for you to get out of town!
Arrghghh!
Aaaaaahhhh!
Korn is sending their demon minions upon us!
Aaaaahhh!!
Alright, gang!
Looks like we're gonna have to use our special Korn powers!
Korn powers vitalize!
Munky! David!
Fieldy! Head!
Jonathan!
Form of... corn!
Alright! Great job, gang!
That didn't help at all!
We know, it's just cool to do.
Aarrrgghh!
Niblet!
What the hell is that thing?
You did it, Niblet, you trapped them!
Yeah, and now let's see who these pirate ghosts really are!
Oh, I guess they really were pirate ghosts.
Alright, Korn, you can stop your demonic shenanigans
and come downtown with me!
He he, look what Niblet sees!
Ohh!
What the--
Father Maxi?
Well, what are you waiting for, Barbrady?
Arrest that band!
Oh?
No, arrest him!
Huh?
I think I've got this groovy mystery solved!
Well, I must say, I still don't get this at all.
It's simple, Priest Maxi didn't want there to be a Halloween,
so he decided to scare everyone away from the docks.
Yeah, and then he used this flashlight and some cotton swabs
to create the ghosts.
Then all he needed was some sound effects,
created by this cup and a piece of cheese.
Aaarrgghh!
And all he had to do then was create a ghost ship,
by using some candles, a mirror, and two squirrels.
Father, why did you go to all this trouble?
Because Halloween is an abomination of God.
I would anything to stop this wretched, unholy holiday!
Including killing people and wreaking havoc
all over South Park?
Don't you see that by trying to stop Halloween
you've scared the hell out of everybody?
No.
Okay, buddy, you can explain downtown!
Well, this is all fine and good,
but it doesn't explain what happened to my mother's body.
Yeah, where's Grandma?
Blehhh!
Eeewwww!
Blehhh!
There she is!
Ooohhh!
Well, thanks a lot, Korn.
Your Korn powers really came through for us.
Yes, we were wrong about you.
Will you please play for our Halloween party?
Well, sure!
Why the heck not?
Alright!
Aaarrgghh!
Oh no, the pirate ghosts are back!
Niblet!
Uh-oh...
Well, this sure has been a wacky night.
But me and the gang learned a lot, and we hope you did, too.
You all perceived us to be mean, evil people,
but really we're just normal guys.
And we all perceived pirate ghosts to be real,
when actually they were just cotton swabs.
So I guess the lesson is:
it's easy to perceive something some way and then be wrong.
So we all need to learn to be a little less perceptive.
Yeah...
The gang and I wrote a song about it
and it goes a little something like this.
And a-1 and a-2 and a--
Booo!!
♪ Hey I'm feeling tired ♪
♪ My time is gone today... ♪
Booo!
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Sweet!
♪ Do what I must say... ♪
Antonio, noo!
You son-of-a-bitch chicken from outer space!
Come back here!
♪ Falling away from me ♪
And the winner of the costume contest is...
Wendy, for her Chewbacca costume!
Come on up, Wendy.
♪ Beating me, beating me down ♪
♪ Down ♪
♪ Into the ground ♪
♪ Screaming some sound ♪
♪ Beating me beating me down ♪
♪ Down ♪
♪ Into the ground... ♪