♪ I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
You guys, listen to this song I just wrote.
It's called "I Hate You Guys".
♪ I hate you guys ♪
♪ You guys are assholes ♪
♪ Especially Kenny ♪
♪ I hate him the most ♪
Okay, now let's try one all together.
♪ I hate you guys ♪
Come on, you guys know the words!
♪ Especially Kenny ♪
This is sweet, being rugged outdoorsmen.
Facing the wilderness,
not having to be home until 8:30.
Where are you going?
I'm going home for a minute.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Just go behind the trees.
I have to go number two.
So? You can poo in the wilderness.
No way, dude. What would I wipe with?
Cartman, don't be such a baby.
We're supposed to be rugged outdoorsmen.
What do I sit on?
You just squat, stupid.
Not here. Go further away!
God, I'm glad you guys know
all these "pooping outside" rules.
Come on, now.
Watch out for ground eels!
Shut up, you guys. I can't think!
What do you have to think about?
I have to think about planes dropping bombs
and dump trucks
and soft-serve ice cream.
Ah, that did it!
Sick, dude!
♪ Pooping outside ♪
♪ Making soft-serve ice cream ♪
♪ For all my friends ♪
♪ Especially Kenny ♪
Hey, Kenny, can I borrow one of your gloves?
Mrph rhm.
Mrph rmh!
What the...
Oohma kooba!
Oh my God, you guys, come look at this!
We don't want to look at it, Cartman!
You guys, get over here!
No way, dude!
I'm seriously!
Look, over by those bushes! - What?
Meesa scared!
I see it! - Come on, let's kill it!
Aw, Cartman!
You're supposed to bury it!
Look at this sword...
Offered only here on House Shopping Network.
It's got a dragon on the blade!
It's got a dragon painted right on the blade.
Used by the samurai of Japan...
Ned, how the hell could you lose your voice box?
I can't hear you, Ned.
You don't have a trachea.
You smoked too much. You had it removed.
And then you drank too much,
and you lost your God damn voice box, Ned.
Shut...up...Jim-bo.
Aw, Ned, don't burp-talk. That just sicks me out.
It went this way! Over here!
Come on, you guys.
What the hell's going on?
Uncle Jimbo, Cartman found some animal creature.
It ran over that way!
Hold on, I'll get my shotgun!
Ned! Ned, come on!
Where'd it go?
It just ran by here a second ago!
Sounds like it ran into the ostrich trap!
Shh! Now, keep quiet.
Alright, I'm gonna turn my flashlight on.
It may get startled, so be ready.
Ooba dagga!
Holy crow!
I've never seen anything like it!
Meesa gonna die?
Whoo-woop!
Hey, that thing's funny!
It's stupid.
Well, let's kill it!
No! No, don't.
Huh?
I like it.
You don't like anything, Cartman!
Well, alright...
Ned, get the mayor on the phone,
tell her that we--
Oh, yeah, he can't talk. Never mind, I'll do it.
Yeah, it was like wrestling a Louisiana alligator,
this thing!
Put up one hell of a fight!
Hello, there. Who's the cute baby?
Who's the fuzzy, huh?
Yes, that's a cutie.
Mayor, we're from the Department of Interior.
Oh, yes. How are you?
Fine, just fine.
- Fine.
Right over here.
My God, McClannon. Do you believe it?
Meesa needs a Jakov!
Gooo-wooop!
It's amazing! - What?
Mayor, this is a Jakovasaur.
A live one has never been seen!
Ooh, neato!
Incredible!
We know of this creature
only from remains found frozen in snow.
Do you realize what this means?
We could use its DNA and have a chance at bringing
the entire Jakovasaur species back from extinction.
Wow, cool!
Is...there...re...ward...money?
Cut it out, Ned. That's just disgusting!
This one Jakovasaur
could mother an entire population of the animals.
Well, in that case, I think we should name it...
"Hope."
Hope.
Yes, Hope!
Meesa name "Junjun"!
I think its name is Junjun.
Hope! Why, that's a perfectly beautiful name!
Now we must find a safe place for it.
I'll keep it at my house.
No, Garrison, you'll just try to have sex with it.
Wah?
What? How dare you say that!
Garrison, you remember what happened
to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?
Oh, come on, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.
I've got a barn it can stay in.
It ain't much, but it's heated.
Well, that sounds fine, just fine.
Fine, just fine. - Fine.
Now wait a minute.
I want to clear the air here.
We all know that pigeon was a whore.
Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon!
Oh, whatever!
it's got a dragon painted on the blade.
This is the Tsumutomi sword...
Wow, a dragon right on the blade.
Mom, can I get a Tsumutomi sword
used by the ancient Tokugawa soldiers?
I'll think about it, hon.
Sweet.
Mom, somebody's at the door!
Mommy's busy, poopykins!
Should I get it?
Go ahead, snookums!
It's probably one of your little friends.
Okay!
Hmm.
Okay, okay.
Hold your horses. God!
Mom, it's another Stark's Pond creature!
That's nice, muffin!
Please help me!
W-w-whoa!
Please help me find Junjun.
She has been gone since last night,
and I'm worried scared!
You mean the other Jakovasaur?
What means a Jakovasaur?
You're a Jakovasaur. That's what they call you.
Oh. Cool beans!
But the other Jakovasaur talked different.
That's 'cause Junjun's a girl.
Girls talk different.
I have to call my friends. They're never gonna believe it.
Please take me to Junjun.
We're the last of our kind.
There are only two of us left.
He's the last of his kind, you guys.
There's only two of them left.
Did you smoke some of your mom's crack?
Will you stop with the whole "mom smoking crack" thing?
That's a old joke.
Eric, do you have any more cookies?
Who's that? One of your mom's boyfriends?
No, that was the Jakovasaur.
It's okay to come in!
Wow!
Jakov, I want you to meet my friends.
Hi, you guys. I love new friends!
Who-o-a!
Aa-yah-yah-yah.
Isn't he funny?
No, he's annoying.
What are we supposed to do with him?
We have to take him to that rancher's barn
to see his girlfriend.
Why don't we just tell our parents?
No, adults won't understand.
We have to do this ourselves!
Shh! Keep quiet.
We could get in big trouble for being here.
Junjun!
Shh! Keep quiet, stupid!
Oh, Junjun, I'm so glad you're okay!
Dude, have you ever heard of whispering?
I am whispering!
Yeeeee-ow!
You're so funny, Jakov.
I am?
Okay, Jakov,
why don't you take boonga here and go back to Stark's Pond?
Oh, I don't know.
This place is kinda nicer than Stark's Pond.
Ohh! Wesa in big doo-doo now!
Uh-oh!
Hello, and welcome to Voice Box Express,
your number-one source for voice boxes.
I'm Amanda. How may I help you?
Yes, hello.
Um, I...Lost...
my...voice...box.
Excuse me?
I...lost...
my...voice...box.
Excuse me?
I...lost...my...voice...box.
Hey, Ned, look what I bought you,
a new voice box!
You want it? You want it?
Yeah, there-- yeah, you want it?
Alright, here you go.
Well, try it out!
Aw, Jimbo.
I can't thank you enough for the new voice box.
Now, what in the devil is this thing?
Oh, no, I must have picked up the Irish model by mistake.
Aw, what a bloody pickle this is.
Did you keep the receipt, then?
You guys, come quick. I've only just heard!
What? What is it?
They found another one!
They found another Jakovasaur.
Oh, blimey!
Here with more on the status of the Jakovasaurs
is Department-of-Interior guy!
Thank you, Mayor.
The noble Jakovasaur is on the brink of extinction.
And now you as a community have a chance to bring them back.
"Thank you, Mayor, for this distinctive honor..."
What are you doing, fat ass?
I'm preparing my speech for when they call me up
to congratulate me on my discovery.
"Thank you, Mayor, for this distinctive honor..."
Hope and Jakov are the last of their kind.
But with the help of the mayor,
we have implemented a plan to help them breed.
We will give them a home
and a fighting chance at survival.
Yay for us! - Thank you!
Now the little boy who first discovered the Jakovasaurs,
Eric Cartman!
Thank you, mayor, for this honorable distinction.
Well, that's about it. Let's go.
You know, there's really only two seasons here in South Park,
winter and July.
But, um, seriously.
South Park has always been a place of discovery for me.
Hey, you sons of bitches, get back here!
I'm having a God damn distinctive honor!
Wow, it's so pretty!
Well, Jakov, we hope this new home
inspires you and Hope to, uh...hm, you know.
What?
Well, we'd love to see more Jakovasaurs,
so maybe you two should, uh...
What?
Get to some business. - What?
They want you to have sex, God damn it!
Oh!
We'll just leave you two lovebirds alone.
Alright, then.
Who-o-o-a!
Waaahh!
Whoo-o-o-o!
Meesa jes don't wanna!
I don't know what to do!
Jakov, to have sex, all you need to do is,
well, you know, put your...
Hmm, I guess we don't know exactly how Jakovasaurs mate.
There is another option.
I have managed to artificially inseminate Hope
with your semen.
I have semen? Where's their boat?
Yes, yes. That's very funny, Jakov.
I will need to examine Hope once more
to see if the process worked.
Goo-waaaaaa!
Harr! Ooohh!
God damn. Shut up!
Yes, yes. I think it worked.
You're going to be parents.
Yeah! - We did it!
Now I can be like all the other dads
in South Park!
Dude, do we really want
another one of these things hanging around?
"And Bubby Brister is having a great first quarter!
"Let's see what trickery he uses here.
"Here's the snap..."
Thanks for inviting me to watch the game, guys!
No problem, Jakov.
"...to the 40-yard line!"
Go, niners! Nin-ers!
We're rooting for the Broncos here, Jakov.
Oop! - "To Terrell Davis!
"He's at the 50, the 40, the 30..."
You guys know what?
This one time, I was watching this rabbit,
a brown rabbit...
"He breaks another tackle, and the ball is loose!"
You guys know what happened?
It took dookie right in front of me!
Hey, Jakov.
Uh, could you run down to the store
and get some more pretzels?
Sure. You got money?
Here you go.
And don't go to the store down the block.
The one four miles away in Fairplay has better pretzels.
Cool beans!
Oopie! I'll be right back.
Jakovasaurs kind of piss me off, m'kay?
yep.
Amazing! The gestation period was only four days.
At that rate, we could repopulate the Jakovasaurs
in just a few years!
Boooo-wap! Don't worry, Hope.
Everything's gonna be fine, just fine.
Just fine. - Fine.
Dude, I don't want to watch this thing have a baby.
If Jakov and Hope don't have kids,
their race will become extinct.
Maybe the baby will be stillborn, like Cartman was.
Hey, I might have been stillborn,
but at least I got better.
Here we go! - Ooo...woop!
Behold, the miracle of childbirth!
Gross!
Ah-woop!
Hooray!
This is the first step in bringing the species
back from the brink of extinction.
Ooh-woop!
Looks like there might be a second one.
Wow, that would be a great start for them!
Hooray!
She's a cannon!
Well, apparently they breed in litters.
Aren't they cute, you guys?
Dude, I'm not so sure this is a good thing.
Boooo-woooop!
Aah! Ohh!
Okay, children,
we have some new students joining us today.
Let's all be warm and welcome them to our class.
Dude, it's crowded in here!
I like school! - Boooo-wooop!
Okay, so we're just gonna stick to our normal lesson plan
and start the day with history.
Now, does anyone know why Chubby Checker
left The Beatles in 1972?
Yes?
I don't know! - Booooo-woooop!
Okay, is there anybody who can answer the question?
I can't. - Me neither.
Damn it, you don't raise your hand if you don't know!
Oh! - Gooowwaaa!
Gooowwaaa!
Ooh! Fight, fight!
♪ School, school! I like school! ♪
♪ School, school! ♪
Dude, this sucks ass!
I like going to school now.
Jakovasaurs are so cool.
This is insane, Mr. Garrison.
It sure is, Mr. Hat.
Now, folks, I know we're all a little worried
about the Jakovasaurs,
and I want to hear you all out.
Mayor, the little Jakovasaurs are ruining my classroom.
I can't teach our kids anything.
Yeah!
And those Jakovasaurs
eat three times as much as normal children.
I can't keep up!
Yeah!
And they're creating more trash
than we can handle, too!
Yeah! Listen to him!
And what about little Laura, the Williams kid?
If she doesn't get that heart-valve operation,
she could die!
Yeah, yeah, that's right!
Alright, alright.
It's obvious we have to do something,
but we can't just make them leave.
We just encourage them to find someplace better.
But where?
Jakovasaurs are big, loud, annoying, and stupid.
Where would they fit in?
Memphis? - Yes, Memphis!
You Jakovasaurs would love it there.
I don't know. I like South Park a lot.
What do you think, honey?
Gooooowwwaaahh!
Yeah.
But everyone in South Park
wishes they could live in Memphis, right?
Yeah, yeah! - Go, Memphis!
Okay, we'll move to Memphis.
Hooray!
Hey, Jakov, how's it going?
Great, Eric. We're moving!
Moving?
Me and my family are heading
to the promised land of Memphis.
You...can't leave. You're my friend.
Oh, Eric dear, it's what's best.
Yeah, let's get that luggage packed.
Jakov, please don't go.
You make everything in South Park fun.
You brought life to this whole town.
It would suck without you.
It would?
Yes. These people, Jakov...
These people need you. I need you.
Please, Jakov... stay?
Okay!
I like South Park best of all!
We're staying!
Hooray!
Jakov is staying, you guys!
Now what do we do?
Don't worry. We've come up with a plan.
You have?
Yes, we're leaving!
What?
We're getting the hell out of here
and away from those God damn things.
You can't leave!
Yes, who will take care of them?
Little boy, we're making you an honorary
Department of Interior person.
So now you are officially in charge
of South Park's fish and wildlife.
You have authority over all of them.
I have authoritah?
That's right, and people must respect it.
Well, that should be fine, just fine.
Fine, just fine. - Fine.
Oh, no, nothing's worse than Cartman with authoritah!
Bye-bye, now!
And now back to Jakovasaurs on Comedy Central
Hi, honey, I'm home!
Whoo!
Boy, it was rough at work today.
I've never seen so much coffee!
Booooo-wooooop?
No...in the boss' lap!
Hello, Dad!
Hello, Son. How was your day?
Oh, not so good.
Something really strange happened.
What, you mean MTV played a video that wasn't Will Smith?
No, Dad!
A man in a blue suit and a bag came to the door.
He just left this sealed piece of paper with a stamp on it.
That's called a mailman!
He takes care of mail!
Oh, he took care of Mom, too.
You're a nut!
Let me see that letter!
It's from a game show!
The mayor has invited me to compete.
Hi, Jakov!
What the hell is that?
Who's laughing?
Eric, the mayor has invited us to compete
on a game show in South Park.
First prize is an all-expense paid vacation.
Wow, that's cool. I can help you get ready.
Whoop! Whoo!
Come on, come on.
Hello?
Mayor, this is Jakov.
I'm the tall fellow down the block--
Yes, yes, you're calling about the game show.
Congratulations. Will you do it?
Sure, if a free trip is involved.
Can my whole family go?
Of course! That's the point!
Just be ready this afternoon at the public access building.
And good luck. Hope you win.
Cool beans!
We got him.
Alright, the boys here
will keep little Eric Cartman distracted.
Meanwhile, we get rid of the Jakovasaurs
and bring some normalcy back to this town!
Ready? - Break!
Hey, Ned, a package came for you from Voice Box Express.
Oh...boy. Oh...boy.
Now, remember, Barbrady, all you have to do is lose.
Right!
Okay, let's quiet down, people and Jakovasaurs.
Now, as you know, the winner of this little game
will get an all-expense paid trip for himself
and 50 of his closest relatives to lovely...France!
And all one of you lucky contestants has to do
is answer only one of these questions.
Are you ready, players?
Ready! - Ready!
Okay, hands on your buzzers.
47!
You have to wait until I ask the question first.
Sorry!
That's okay. Hands on buzzers.
Turkey sandwich!
Damn, he's quick.
Oh, sorry! - No, I'm sorry.
No, that's my fault.
No, it's all me. My bad.
Sorry. - Sorry.
Will somebody please unplug the damn buzzers?
Got it.
Now can we get on with this?
First question: What color is blue?
Blue? - What?
Blue is blue?
Aw, did I lose?
What, lose? - No, no, hang on.
You're supposed to lose, you idiot!
Where am I?
Just don't answer any more questions, got it?
Okeydokey.
Sorry, folks. A little mix-up.
We're playing best out of three.
What are we doing out here, you guys?
I want to see if Jakov wins that game show.
Oh, he'll win, don't worry.
We just have to show you this new species
because you're the Department of Interior guy now.
Soon they will all be eaten by bears.
Let me get out my notepad
so I can classify this new species.
That should be fine, just fine.
Just fine, fine.
There it is! That must be of the antelope family.
That's Kenny with branches on his head.
Why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys?
Cartman, Jakovasaurs are making South Park suck.
You have to understand that.
What does that have to do with me being all the way out--
Wait a minute, you're distracting me!
That game show is a fix!
Cartman, wait!
Mrph rmh mrph rmh rmphm-- mrphh!
What's two plus two, Jakov?
I don't know!
Four?
Jakov, what is your name?
Jakov.
Oh, screw it. Jakov wins!
I do?
You and your entire family
are going to wonderful and exotic France!
Hooray!
Alright, everybody.
Let's get them to the airport.
Let's go, people. There's no time to lose!
But what about our clothes?
Shouldn't we pack first?
Jakovasaurs don't wear clothes, Jakov.
Oh, yeah!
Well, good-bye, everybody!
We'll send stuff from France!
Goodbye!
Whoo!
Jakov!
Close the door!
Open this door!
Eric, this is for the best.
I am Department of Interior guy, and I have authoritah!
No!
Jakov, don't go!
Hi, Eric!
Okay, bye, then!
Come...Back.
Eric, it's important for you to understand--
Don't, Mother. Just don't.
I know it's hard, Eric,
but I've learned something today.
You see, animal species come and go.
It's all part of natural evolution.
The Jakovasaurs would have gone extinct
if we hadn't interfered
because their particular form of life
simply wasn't practical.
We can't go around
saving every form of life
any more than we can kill them all.
We have to let nature run its course.
Ned, that voice box sucks!
I know. I'm still trying to find my old one.
Well, then, what say we all go get some ice cream?
Hooray!
No, that's okay. I'll see you guys.
Dude, I've never seen Cartman
care so much about something.
Yeah, I guess he finally found something
that's as annoying as he is.
Bonjour. - Bonjour.
Café? - Oui.
Come on, kids. Let's go find the pyramid!
Whoo! Aah!