♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
No, I don't think so.
How about this?
No, that's a hair dryer!
Can I help you find something?
Yeah, do you have any "ne-rections"?
Any what?
I need to get a ne-rection for my dad.
Very funny boys, go on, beat it!
Why is that funny?
Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time.
And it's 'cause my dad doesn't have a ne-rection.
So I wanna get him one!
Dammit, what the hell is wrong with everybody?
That's the 5th store we've been kicked out of.
Why is it so hard to get a ne-rection?
I just want a ne-rection so I can give it to my mom. - What?
Where you gonna go, Kenny to see your girlfriend, again?
You spend way too much time with that girl--
Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
You bastards!
What the hell happened to him?
He just... ignited!
What happened?
I saw it from across the street.
He just caught on fire!
Okay people, stand back,
give the little burnt boy some breathing room.
I've heard about this, this is "spontaneous combustion"!
But it usually happens to fat people near open flames!
Is it contagious?
Am I going to spontaneously combust?
I hope nothing happens to me.
This is very scary!
The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion!
That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists
to find out the cause of this phenomenon.
You are the best scientific minds South Park has to offer.
Uh... Mayor, I'm a geologist.
I don't study human biology, I study the Earth.
You're the only scientist that lives in this town.
You have to find an answer before more people combust.
You do that, and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park.
Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
We love you Randy.
Make love to me, Randy, please!
Wow!
Marsh, I'm not asking you I'm telling you--
find the cause of spontaneous combustion
or else!
Or else, what?
Exactly!
Dude, he looks so peaceful
without his little orange coat on.
Yeah...
The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away...
Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh...
There seems to be a lot more taketh-ing going on
but there it is.
Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays
the Lord would not have felt it necessary
to punish us by taketh-ing this little boy...
Oh, here comes the guilt trip, again.
Now let us pray.
Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free-agency
and Steve Atwater to the Jets,
still we hope our beloved Broncos
can bring home another Super Bowl championship.
And once again bathe in the glory of your light.
Amen.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
♪ Let's go... ♪
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
♪ Broncos... ♪
Broncos! Broncos! Broncos!
♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪
Broncos, let's go!! Broncos, let's go!!
Wow, that was short!
Boys, I haven't seen you in church, lately.
Well, I'm Jewish!
You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
I guess not.
Good. Boys, how would you like to perform
the "Stations of the Cross" this Friday night?
It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death
and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Hey, "resurrection," that's what my dad needs!
Huh?
We'll do it!
Wonderful, here's a book on how to perform it.
Don't let me down, boys!
Dude, this is great!
You know all the Stations of the Cross, right Stan?
I dunno, dude.
I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible.
Goodnight, Jerry.
See ya, Tom, bye, Helen.
Bye Jer-
Oh my God, another one!
Helen, no!
What happened?
God must be very angry with us.
But why-how have we angered you, Lord?
Now let's see, if they combust...
No.. no...
Dad, where's our Bible?
Not now Stan, I have to find out what causes
spontaneous combustion, or else.
Or else, what?
Exactly.
What?
Right.
Where's our Bible?
It's in the attic with the old LP's.
Boys, did you notice anything strange about Kenny
in the weeks leading up to his combustion?
What did he spend his time doing?
He didn't do anything.
He was always with his new girlfriend.
New girlfriend?
Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent
all his time taking the bus to go visit her.
What does that have to do with his death?
Maybe nothing... Maybe everything.
We're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad a ne-rection.
Yes, yes, of course.
I've got work to do.
What!
"Jesus got crucified, then he died,
then 3 days later he had his nerection."
There's 14 Stations of the Cross.
It says we can make costumes out of sheets!
This is gonna be fun!
I'm gonna be Jesus!
You're too fat to be Jesus!
Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew!
Stan should be Jesus.
Either I'm gonna be Jesus or screw you guys
I'm going home!
You're such a fat baby!
Well I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross
by yourselves!
Alright, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but I'm Jesus and you aren't!
Alright, alright, let's try it again--
Kenny was standing here.
Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking around him...
Okay, now walk.
Do you feel hot?
Uh, no.
Dammit, how come you're not combusting?
Come on, Randy, you said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight!
Another one combusted!
No-had she been doing anything odd?
No, she was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house.
Boyfriend, and they said Kenny had a new girlfriend.
This is stupid, screw you guys I'm going home.
No! I think I might have it.
Well, well, well, a lot of you came to church.
Looks like we're all nervous
about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh?
Yeah! Yeah! Uh-huh!
Well, on the blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff...
and things.
Lord, is it so much to ask
that you not let us burst into flames for no apparent reason?
I mean... c'mon! Amen.
And now, some of our darling local children
are going to perform the Stations of the Cross.
Awww... Awww... - How cute!
Station 1-Jesus is condemned to death by pilate.
Die! - Ow!
You can do what you will
but I am the lamb of God.
Awwww...
Station 2-- Jesus takes his cross.
This cross is seriously heavy
Oh man, this is totally weak.
And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him.
Peter!
I don't know you, dude.
Oh Peter, weak. Peter, lame.
But I'm Jesus so I forgive you, I guess.
Mayor.
Mayor, I have it!
I found out why people spontaneously combust! - Why?
It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
Call a town meeting tomorrow.
Okay, if you're right about this, Marsh
you're going to be the most popular man in South Park!
Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
We love you Randy.
Make love to me, Randy, please!
Wowww!
Schmuck!
Station 11-- Jesus is nailed to the cross.
Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak.
Things cannot get any more weak for me.
Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head.
And Jesus was all like-- "thanks!"
Well, this sucks that I have to die.
But if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven.
So I guess it's cool.
And then Jesus was led away to Mount Sinai
where he died, and has a res-erection three days later.
Hi mom!
Thank you boys, blessed be the name of Jesus.
it's a great name, isn't it.
Hey, that went really well, they really liked it!
Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys...
Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!
Up your ass with broken glass!
This spot looks good.
Yeah, that looks pretty good!
Okay, cool, see ya' Cartman.
Hey, wait, where the hell you going?
I dunno, home, I guess.
Yeah, me too.
Well, get me down from he'a!
Cartman, how stupid are you?
Didn't you read the Bible?
We have to leave you up there until you die
and then you come back to life in three days.
Yeah, dummy you have to get a nerection.
Then I can give it to my dad!
Hey! I don't wanna be Jesus anymore!
Don't leave me here, you guys!!
Alright, that does it!
Screw you guys... I'm going home.
Okay, I'm getting pissed, now!
Yahhhhh!
All right, people, Scientist Marsh and I
have been working very hard on the problem
of spontaneous combustion.
And we have finally come up with a solution!
Mr. Marsh?
The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend.
It wasn't the girl that caused him to combust
it was the fact that Kenny didn't want to
pass gas in front of her.
You see, as food is digested the natural processes
give off a by-product known as methane gas.
The methane gathers here in the bowel area where it causes pressure.
Normally, a person would expel this buildup
in the form of a pleasant fart.
Should the gas not be expelled, the methane can build up
and then ignite, leading to...
disaster!
Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long.
You mean, all we have to do is fart and we won't explode?
Exactly!
So, from this day forward, everyone in South Park
will be required to fart on a regular basis
to insure that nobody else spontaneously explodes.
Randy, Randy, Randy!
We love you, Randy!
Make love to me, Randy, please!
Whoa, dude, my dad's famous!
Let's go see how Cartman's doing with his a nerection.
Wow, he died!
Now we've just got to wait for his erection
and I can give it to my dad!
Hey, there you guys are!
You guys are in big trouble, now get me down from he'a!
How come you're not dead yet?
I am thirsty get me down, right now.
Look fat ass, after you die, and get resur-erected,
you'll have all kinds of super powers like Jesus!
Really?
So hurry up and die you piece of crap!
When I get my super powers
I'm gonna use 'em to smote you two assholes right off the planet!
Hey, superpowers are sweet!
Hi, boys.
Hi, Mr. Macky.
Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly
so you don't spontaneously combust?
We know how to fart, Mr. Macky.
Well let me show you, to be sure, okay?
C'mon...
Jesus Christ!
Sick, dude!
I had a steak wrapped with bacon, last night.
Dude, I think you, pulled mud!
So you boys understand,
you have to do that regularly, okay?
Okay, just go away!
That was not cool at all, dude!
Hello boys, have you seen Eric around anywhere?
Uh, we've been taking care of him.
Yeah, we're having him resur-erected.
Oh alright, I was just at the store buying some apples!
Apples?
Yeah, apples!
Apples, get it?
Dude!
Stinky apples, see you, boys!
I don't think I like this new law!
Squeeker!
and so I declare today, "Randy Marsh Day".
Where we shall remember forever how he freed us all
from the threat of spontaneous combustion.
Gentlemen...
You're the best, Randy!
I am?... I am, huh!
I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now.
It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this.
Yeah.
Guys, somebody get me down from he'a!
Officer Barbrady!
"t"... "t" is for "turtle"!
Hey, help me, you son-of-a-bitch!
I'm going to die up here!
We now return to the 42nd annual Nobel Prize Awards.
Here again, your host, Whoopie Goldberg.
Republicans are so stupid...
I hate Republicans.
Republicans are so stupid.
And now, here to present the Nobel Prize for Science,
here is Nick Nolte.
Science-is-good, science-is-very-im-por-tant.
This year's nominees are:
Herald R. Pinkerton for his further development of the Grand
Unified Theory of Physics.
Randy Marsh for his for formulated Break Wind Theory
on Spontaneous Combustion.
And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed Galapagos turtle.
And the Nobel Prize goes to:
Randy Marsh for the Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!
No... this can't be!
Wow! Wow! Oh, wow!
I'm the best! Yeahh! Yeahh!
It's just so amazing to be told that you're the best.
I thought I was just a normal person, like all of you
but.. yeahhh!
Thank you for showing me otherwise.
Yeah! I kick ass! Yeahh!
Fix... fix!
That was supposed to be my award.
I'll get him for this, mark my words!
Wow, my dad's the best!
All other dads suck compared to my dad!
Hey, my dad's pretty cool too!
I'm sorry, honey.
It's okay, I'll just call some 20-year-old
and have him come over.
What!
I'm just kidding!
That's not funny, that hurt my feelings!
Why?
Kyle!
Don't worry you guys, I'm getting a nerection as we speak.
Huh?
Actually, Cartman's getting a nerection.
But then we're gonna give it to you.
So... buck up!
We have a very strange little boy, Gerald.
Dude, you're still not dead!
My mom is totally worried about me,
you better let me down.
She's not worried about you.
Yes she is, I've been hearing her all day, listen!
"Eric, Eric, where are you? I miss you very much!"
That's not your mom, calling!
"Yes it is, you guys.
This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now."
How stupid do you think we are?
Now you die on that cross and get resurrected
before I kick your ass!
You guys, it's too hot out he'a.
I can't do this!
He is right. It has been getting really hot lately.
Yeah, I noticed that, too.
Let go get some ice cold lemonade!
Hey, yeah!
Ugh, goddammit!
You guys, wanna hear my "I hate Stan and Kyle" song?
♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪
♪ I seriously hate Stan and Kyle... ♪♪
My God, it's burning up in here!
Can't we crank the AC up some more?
It's already on "full".
You wanted to see me, Mayor?
Yes, Marsh, we have a new problem
and I think only you can solve it.
I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heat wave.
Yes, the temperature's steadily rising every day!
I want you to find out why.
Mayor, I think I'm a little over-qualified for this.
My scientific mind is best used on global problems.
Alright, alright name your price.
Ten thousand, I have to protect my talent.
Done, just find out what's happening.
Don't worry, mayor I'll find the cause.
Or else... or else what? Exactly.
What the...?
Oh, what now?
Chef, Chef!
Children, what the hell are you doin'?
Just get me down from here!
Oh finally, my arms are killing me!
You children shouldn't be out
crucifying yourselves in this heat!
Sweet... Now I'm gonna go kill those guys!
Eric, I have to tell you something
and it's really gonna bum you out.
What?
It's really gonna piss you off!
This is just a dream, you're still up on that cross!
Ohh, dammit!
Dad, where's the phone book?
Not now Stanley, without my scientific genius
the town is doomed.
Let see, when exactly did the temperature start to go up?
Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park.
Let's go to the phones, caller you're on the air.
Yeah Jesus, after you got crucified,
how long did it take you to die and resurrect?
Stan? - That's not the topic tonight.
The topic is global warming.
Oh...
Do you have an opinion on global warming?
Uh... it sucks ass.
Okay... thank you caller.
Let's go to our first guest, Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.
You claim to know the cause of global warming in South Park.
I most certainly do.
The cause of global warming is...
Randy Marsh!
It was Marsh's Theory on Spontaneous Combustion
that told everyone to fart all they want.
Now all the methane from all those farts
has ripped a hole in our ozone layer.
We are all doomed to die!
Awww, crap!
We want answers! - You've killed us all!
Someone's got to pay! - This is out of control!
Boy, they're really pissed!
Well, they're right, we should have known
that all that methane would adversely affect the atmosphere.
Well, let's go talk to them.
Stick by me.
Hey, you've killed us all!
Cram that Nobel Prize up your ass!
Oh my God what's going on?
Now we either hold in our farts and spontaneously combust
or we let our farts out and kill our entire planet!
Well, I for one, am not farting anymore!
uh, I'll try to find a solution.
We don't want your solutions, phony!
Gimme that!
Damn you, Marsh, get out of town!
You fraud!
Oh... oh... oh... oh!
Mr. Garrison, help me!
I-I do not know you sir.
Oh... oh...
Up yours!!
Yeah take that!!
Dude, that's my dad!
Oh, yeah, sorry!
The spontaneous combustion problem escalates
as more and more people go back to holding in their farts.
Meanwhile the ozone layer continues to deplete
as others refuse to hold in their farts
for fear of combustion.
As we all know, the cause for all of this
is Randy Marsh.
The son-of-a-bitch who calls himself a scientist.
We caught up with Mr. Marsh and he had this to say.
Uhh... I don't know what to say.
What an asshole, I hate that guy and so do you.
And now on to the weather. It's fucking hot,
thanks to Randy Marsh, son-of-a-bitch.
Dude, those people are pissed!
I know, wow!
Where's your dad?
He's hiding down in the basement!
I don't know what to do!
Well, you have to help him,
just like I have to help my dad.
Still more effects from the heat wave
caused by Randy Marsh!
A giant glacier is melting above South Park
and the entire town is doomed.
And now these messages--
Having a hard time with male potency?
Well I don't and I'm Bob Dole.
What's wrong with you?
Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up!
Are you a lawyer?
Yes!
We want to sue Randy Marsh.
Why?
He gave us skin cancer!
Yeah, he put that hole in the ozone
and now we've got skin cancer all over our hot bodies.
Look...!
What are you doing, Dad!
Stanley, I think it's best, you live with Kyle from now on.
His dad is better than me.
No he's not, he can't even get a nerection.
Ha, really?
Dad, you've got to work!
People are dying, you've got to come up with a solution.
Not me, I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack.
Even if I found a solution
those people would still all hate me.
Well that doesn't matter!
I learned something from the Stations of the Cross.
What?
See, at first Jesus was all like, "why me?"
And he was all pissed off and stuff.
But then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else
so he stopped thinking about his own misery
and did what had to be done.
Right as Jesus was dying, he raised his hand and said,
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
You're right, Stanley, you're absolutely right.
Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book.
It's ain't bad, you should try reading it sometime.
Dude, that was "Star Trek" again.
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?"
That was The Wrath of Khan.
Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference?
Alright, now let's get to work!
♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ You and me girl, together forever ♪
Dad... Dad!
Wow...
Dad, what are you doing, you have to get started!
Right, right, right...
Kyle, where's your mother?
She's upstairs!
Well, I have something to give to her!
Don't worry, Kyle,
everything's going to be okay between me and your mom.
Really? Great!
I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Hello?
Look, there he is, get him!
Ummm... please, everyone...
You're a dead man, Marsh!
Please, listen to me I think I've found the answer.
Could I borrow one of your rocks?
It's all about moderation, if you never fart, you combust
but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone.
So we must fart only at appropriate times
or when it's really, really funny.
Huh? - Huh?
I know you all hate me
but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation.
You can keep stoning me now, if you want.
Ow!
And so, we salute Randy Marsh
and his "Unified Theory of Moderation"
that has saved us all!
See, my dad is the coolest, after all!
Well, my dad's--
Ooh-Cartman!
I forgot all about him!
He's been up there for like, 3 weeks!
Wow!
That's amazing!
Hey guys, I am really pissed off now!
Dude, you're still alive, Cartman?
Get me down from he'a!
You survived all this time
on the fat stored up in your body?
Yeah, and when I get down from he'a
I'm gonna kick you both in the nuts!
♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
♪ You and me girl, forever and ever ♪
♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪