♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
[ Alarm beeps ] [ Alarm beeps ]
[ Glucose meter chirps ]
[ Clicks ] [ Clicks ]
Dad... Dad...
Dad, I love you.
I love you so much, Dad. I love you so much, Dad.
What is it, Scott? What is it, Scott?
90, Mom.
Okay. Great. Okay. Great.
Dad.
I love you.
What? What?
I love you so much, Dad.
Please, can we get Disney+? Please, can we get Disney+?
God damn it. Not this shit again!
No. We don't need Disney fucking +, Scott! No. We don't need Disney fucking +, Scott!
We've got cable, and that's enough. We've got cable, and that's enough.
All this talk about Disney+ and CBS Max
and shit on a fucking extreme prime. and shit on a fucking extreme prime.
Where's it gonna end?!
Straight to fucking hell, that's where. Straight to fucking hell, that's where.
I'm going to work.
[ Breathing heavily ] [ Breathing heavily ]
[ Glucose meter chirps ] [ Clicks ]
Shit! Shit!
Asshole. Asshole.
[ Indistinct conversations, shouting ] [ Indistinct conversations, shouting ]
[ School bell rings ]
[ Indistinct conversations continue ] [ Indistinct conversations continue ]
Mkay, kids. If we can all be quiet, please. Mkay, kids. If we can all be quiet, please.
Today is a very special day
because we have a new student who has just moved to town because we have a new student who has just moved to town
and will be starting her scholastic adventures
here in South Park. here in South Park.
I know you are all going to be very kind
and make her feel at home.
Pfffft. Yeah. Pfffft. Yeah.
Please say hi to Sophie Gray. Please say hi to Sophie Gray.
Hey, guys.
Um...well, I moved here from Arizona. Um...well, I moved here from Arizona.
I really like soccer,
and I love "The Mandalorian."
And, um... And, um...
I guess one thing about about me
that might be kind of different is that...
I have diabetes. I have diabetes.
Say what?! Say what?!
I have a thing called diabetes.
It's a condition that
affects the way my body processes sugar. affects the way my body processes sugar.
♪ Will you marry me? ♪ [ Echoing ] It just means
I have to check my blood sugar once in a while,
and sometimes I have... [ Sounds fades ] and sometimes I have... [ Sounds fades ]
♪ I swear that I will mean it ♪ ♪ I swear that I will mean it ♪
♪ I say, will you marry me? ♪ ♪ I say, will you marry me? ♪
[ Sound returns ] ...part of who I am.
Oh! And I also have a pony. Oh! And I also have a pony.
♪ Singing... ♪
Holy shit, you guys! What am I gonna do?! Holy shit, you guys! What am I gonna do?!
About what? About Sophie Gray!
She's my boo! I love her! She's my boo! I love her!
What am I supposed to say to her?
Scott, you can't be with Sophie Gray. Scott, you can't be with Sophie Gray.
She has diabetes.
I know! That's why she's perfect! I know! That's why she's perfect!
No, Scott, If you and Sophie have a baby,
it'll have super diabetes.
I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure
that causes a crater on the Earth.
That girl is pretty fly.
As soon as she said she watches "Mandalorian," As soon as she said she watches "Mandalorian,"
it gave me a little boner.
If you wanna be with the new girl, If you wanna be with the new girl,
you're gonna have some stiff competition.
Get it? S-Stiff...
c-c-c-c... c-c-c-c...
competition.
But she has diabetes! But she has diabetes!
You guys always rip on me for having diabetes!
[ As Scott Malkinson ] You guys always rip on me for having diabetes. [ As Scott Malkinson ] You guys always rip on me for having diabetes.
I'm Scott Malkinson. [ Laughter ]
Oh, no! Not this time! Oh, no! Not this time!
You assholes aren't ruining Scott Malkinson's life again! You assholes aren't ruining Scott Malkinson's life again!
I'm taking control, you understand?
I'm taking control, you understand.
I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes. [ Laughter ] I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes. [ Laughter ]
[ Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me with Science" plays ] [ Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me with Science" plays ]
[ Sighs ] ♪ I can smell the chemicals ♪ [ Sighs ] ♪ I can smell the chemicals ♪
Man: Hey, Clark. Clark, you there? Man: Hey, Clark. Clark, you there?
[ Radio clicks, music stops ] This is Clark. Go ahead.
Yeah, hey. I think we actually have a job. Yeah, hey. I think we actually have a job.
The Stotches need their cable box looked at.
Alright. I'm on it! Alright. I'm on it!
Now, listen, Clark.
Part of why we're losing customers Part of why we're losing customers
is because people say our service is slow.
Don't worry. I'll be there as fast as I can!
[ Engine starts ] [ Engine starts ]
[ Tires squeal ] [ Tires squeal ]
[ Tires screech ]
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
[ Tires screech ]
♪♪ ♪♪
Man: Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
Number 3 Value Meal. No pickle. Number 3 Value Meal. No pickle.
♪♪
[ Tires screech ] [ Tires screech ]
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
[ Pins clatter ]
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
Oh. Well, finally. Oh. Well, finally.
The cable company gave us a window
of noon to 5:00 for you to show up.
It's 5:15. It's 5:15.
Only 15 minutes late.
This is why we should quit cable This is why we should quit cable
and just go to streaming services.
Oh! You want quantity over quality?! Oh! You want quantity over quality?!
Streaming services are destroying our town!
People don't watch and bond over the same shows anymore. People don't watch and bond over the same shows anymore.
Everyone watches something different. Everyone watches something different.
'Cause you got assholes in Hollywood
making little niche programs for everybody. making little niche programs for everybody.
That's what you want?!
Yeah, I think I do. Yeah, I think I do.
[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Indistinct conversations ]
Goth Kid: Uh, hi. You're the new girl, right?
Just wanted to say, you know... Just wanted to say, you know...
welcome to the school. welcome to the school.
Oh, thanks! That's really nice of you.
I was wondering if, maybe sometime, I was wondering if, maybe sometime,
well, I could show you around, if you need it.
Wow! That'd be great. Wow! That'd be great.
A couple of the other guys offered, too.
Yeah.
A lot of the guys here are posers, though. A lot of the guys here are posers, though.
You gotta be careful. That's funny.
Another one of the guys said that.
He was the tall kid that kind of dresses like you? He was the tall kid that kind of dresses like you?
Oh, yeah. He's a total poser.
God damn it. God damn it.
Fucking assholes.
[ Clicks ] [ Clicks ]
[ Beeping ] [ Beeping ]
Yeah, and so my dad actually still lives in Scottsdale. Yeah, and so my dad actually still lives in Scottsdale.
Scottsdale. I love it there.
Hey, Sophie. How's it going?
Aah! Watch it, dork. Aah! Watch it, dork.
I have something really important to tell you, Sophie.
It can't wait. It can't wait.
Oh, okay. I'll see you around, huh?
Yeah. Sure thing. Yeah. Sure thing.
So, um...
You have diabetes, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
[ Sighs ]
I...
have diabetes. have diabetes.
Oh.
So...
what do you wanna do now? what do you wanna do now?
[ Indistinct shouting, laughter ]
So...
What's your favorite food that you can't eat? What's your favorite food that you can't eat?
Mine's waffles. Mine's waffles.
Um...I haven't really thought about it.
Oh... Oh...
Do you watch "The Mandalorian" on Disney+?
Oh, uh, yeah. Of course. Oh, uh, yeah. Of course.
I love "The Mandalorian!" Right?
It's the best Star Wars thing since "Empire." It's the best Star Wars thing since "Empire."
Makes all the new movies look like dog shit.
Yeah. Like stupid dog shit.
Hey! You're the new girl, right?
She's busy!! She's busy!!
Hey, are you gonna watch the new episode on Friday? Hey, are you gonna watch the new episode on Friday?
We could watch it together if you want.
Oh, my God. I would love that. Oh, my God. I would love that.
Okay. I'll come over right when it starts streaming! Okay. I'll come over right when it starts streaming!
Oh!
Well...
The thing is -- I mean -- The thing is -- I mean --
Timmy!
She's busy,
and she's watching "Mandalorian" at my house! and she's watching "Mandalorian" at my house!
Timmy... Timmy...
[ Indistinct talking on TV ]
Look at that. Look!
240 channels 240 channels
of anything we want to watch.
No accounts. No fucking passwords. No accounts. No fucking passwords.
Just pure, simple, basic cable. Just pure, simple, basic cable.
[ Door opens ]
Ma! Dad! Guess what! Ma! Dad! Guess what!
Not now, Scott.
Your mom and I are enjoying watching whatever we want Your mom and I are enjoying watching whatever we want
and not signing up for anything.
But, Dad, there's this new girl at school,
and she has diabetes!
Oh! That's wonderful, Scott! Oh! That's wonderful, Scott!
Yeah, and guess what?
She wants to come over to our house! She wants to come over to our house!
So, we have to get Disney+!
Aw! Not this shit again! Aw! Not this shit again!
The answer is no!
Dad, please! This is my life! Dad, please! This is my life!
Streaming services are destroying
our culture, Scott! our culture, Scott!
People got a thousand shows at their fingertips 24/7, People got a thousand shows at their fingertips 24/7,
so now Hollywood has to make shows within their shows
to make more shows! to make more shows!
But, Dad, what's wrong with people
watching what they wanna watch when they wanna watch it? watching what they wanna watch when they wanna watch it?
[ As Scott Malkinson ] What's wrong with people
watching what they want when they wanna watch it?
I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes. I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes.
Unbelievable!
[ Scoffs ] Yeah, it's me.
It's time we took all these streaming services down. It's time we took all these streaming services down.
Tell all the guys we're meeting A.S.A.P., Tell all the guys we're meeting A.S.A.P.,
in a window between 10:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. on Thursday.
♪♪ ♪♪
God damn it! Where are they?
We're gonna run out of time! [ Vehicle approaches ] We're gonna run out of time! [ Vehicle approaches ]
Where the hell have you guys been? Where the hell have you guys been?
You gave us a window of 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.
it's 1:50.
Between 10:00 and 2:00 Between 10:00 and 2:00
doesn't mean you wait until one-fucking-fifty!
Wow. Wow.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong is that we're losing our asses What's wrong is that we're losing our asses
to these streaming sons a bitches!
I don't know about you guys, I don't know about you guys,
but I haven't worked a full day in weeks.
[ Patriotic music plays ] That's right. [ Patriotic music plays ] That's right.
These streaming services
all still need the Internet to stream, right? all still need the Internet to stream, right?
And who laid all that cable
those companies are streaming on?
We did. We did. We did. We did.
That's right, we fucking did!
We're cable repairmen.
We control what goes into people's houses -- us! We control what goes into people's houses -- us!
It's time that we worked together
and show people just how much they still need us! and show people just how much they still need us!
Yeah! Let's uncouple the stranded conductor! Yeah! Let's uncouple the stranded conductor!
Let's tear the insulation off the retractile cables! Let's tear the insulation off the retractile cables!
Bill and Dave, you get supplies from the electronics store.
Kurt, help Michael with the hardware we're gonna need! Kurt, help Michael with the hardware we're gonna need!
Let's meet at the breaker between 4:00 and 7:00 p.m.! Let's meet at the breaker between 4:00 and 7:00 p.m.!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
[ Tires screech ]
♪♪ ♪♪
[ Tires screech ] [ Tires screech ]
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
[ Beep ] [ Beep ]
Announcer: You're watching "Canada Ploos,"
Your source for all Canadian entertainment! Your source for all Canadian entertainment!
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Which Canadian program would you like to watch? Which Canadian program would you like to watch?
"Terrance and Phillip." "The Queef Sisters."
"Terrance and Phillip." "The Queef Sisters." "Terrance and Phillip." "The Queef Sisters."
"Terrance and --" "The Queef Si--" "Terrance and --" "The Queef Si--"
[ Seagull chirps in distance ] [ Seagull chirps in distance ]
Katherine, I have some bad news.
What is it, Katie? What is it, Katie?
[ Katie queefs ] [ Both laugh ]
[ Doorbell rings ] Ugh! [ Doorbell rings ] Ugh!
God damn it.
[ Beep ]
You gotta help me! With what?
With my baby girl! She's everything to me, bro!
But to impress her, I have to get Disney+. But to impress her, I have to get Disney+.
How can I get it without my parents credit card? How can I get it without my parents credit card?
You don't wanna go messing with that.
You once had a girlfriend, Eric.
You and Heidi were together a long time. You and Heidi were together a long time.
You know how important this is! You know how important this is!
You want my advice.
You're better off, Scott.
Let some other fool have his life ruined. Let some other fool have his life ruined.
What are you talking about, Er--
Do you know what love is, Scott?! Do you know what love is, Scott?!
I'll tell you one thing -- it's not the happy ending
that Disney movies promised us. that Disney movies promised us.
There's just frustration and anger and pain.
Relationships are diabetes times 10. Relationships are diabetes times 10.
I can handle diabetes.
I can handle a relationship.
Fine. Fine.
I'll tell you how to get Disney+.
But when you feel like killing yourself in two years, But when you feel like killing yourself in two years,
don't do it in front of me.
Alright.
Let's do this.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Dave? Dave, you got everything from the electronics store? Dave? Dave, you got everything from the electronics store?
Dave: Not yet. Still working on it.
Well, what the fuck are you doing? Well, what the fuck are you doing?
You gave me a window of noon to 3:00 to get it all.
It's only 2:45! It's only 2:45!
God fucking damn it.
Can we please get the show on the road here, guys?! Can we please get the show on the road here, guys?!
Kurt, you got the cable splitters?
Kurt: Huh? God damn it!
Get the fucking cable splitters! Get the fucking cable splitters!
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Streaming accounts.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Streaming accounts and passwords.
Streaming accounts. Streaming accounts.
Passwords.
Uh, hey.
Hey.
What's goin' on? What's goin' on?
Uh, Eric Cartman told me
you have access to streaming accounts? you have access to streaming accounts?
Maybe I do. And maybe I don't.
Are you a cop? Are you a cop?
No, I'm Scott Malkinson. I go to your school.
Never heard of you. Never heard of you.
Haven't you ever heard the other kids say,
"I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes?" "I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes?"
Well, I'm Scott Malkinson.
Oh yeah.
Well, in that case... Well, in that case...
Hulu, Netflix, HBO Max.
I got all the accounts and passwords you need. I got all the accounts and passwords you need.
No, I need a Disney+ account. No, I need a Disney+ account.
Oh, you want the good stuff.
That's pricey. Hard to find. That's pricey. Hard to find.
What, uh... are you lookin' to trade?
I have two 16-needle boxes of insulin. I have two 16-needle boxes of insulin.
Oh.
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh! [ Moaning ]
Yeah. That's pretty good shit. Yeah. That's pretty good shit.
Alright. Here you go.
Disney+ account and password. Disney+ account and password.
[ Pounding in distance ] [ Pounding in distance ]
Alright.
I've got the static coupler connected to the RF switch! I've got the static coupler connected to the RF switch!
You got the BT router undone, Dave?
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's got it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's got it.
Okay. Let's throw the pulse cable!
[ Electricity crackles ] [ Electricity crackles ]
Yeah! I think that's good!
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Panting ] Oh, God. [ Panting ] Oh, God.
Hey! Hi. Sophie.
The show starts streaming in two minutes! The show starts streaming in two minutes!
I have to watch right when it starts streaming.
I hate spoilers!
Me too!
This'll be a great place to watch it! This'll be a great place to watch it!
[ Beeping ] Uh-oh.
Hey do you have some juice or something?
My blood sugar is a little low. My blood sugar is a little low.
Oh, my God. I love you so much.
Huh? Huh?
Uh, here you go.
I have lots of juices standing by.
Great! [ Slurps ]
Mmm! Okay! It's time! Put it on.
Oh-kay! Oh-kay!
[ Beeping ]
[ Dramatic music plays ] [ Dramatic music plays ]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
♪♪
[ Static ]
Hey! What's going on!
I-I don't know.
This is item number 4-5-7... This is item number 4-5-7...
Can you change it back?
[ Beeping ] [ Beeping ]
It's not... working.
Look at these stunning earrings... Look at these stunning earrings...
[ Beeping ] [ Beeping ]
I don't know what's going on! It's gonna be okay!
That Jimmy kid invited me to watch at his house! That Jimmy kid invited me to watch at his house!
Come on!
Oh, no! Not Jimmy!
Bay! Bay! Bay! Bay!
Come back!
Now back to "PC Babies." Now back to "PC Babies."
[ Crying ] [ Crying ]
"PC Babies"? What the hell is this? "PC Babies"? What the hell is this?
Put it back to "Mandalorian," Jimmy.
Nobody likes "PC Babies."
I'm trying, but something's wrong with the TV. I'm trying, but something's wrong with the TV.
Announcer: ...karat gold.
This is bullcrap. Give me that thing. This is bullcrap. Give me that thing.
Announcer #2: You're watching "Canada Ploos!" Announcer #2: You're watching "Canada Ploos!"
God damn it!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh. Hey, Sophie.
And Scott. And Scott.
Hey. Hope it' still okay to come over.
Sure. Come on in. Sure. Come on in.
Hey, look who's here, fellas. It's Sophie. Hey, look who's here, fellas. It's Sophie.
And Scott!
All: Hey, Sophie.
Oh, no. Your streaming services are messing up, too? Oh, no. Your streaming services are messing up, too?
What do you mean? This isn't just happening here?
No. We were just at Scott's house, No. We were just at Scott's house,
and it was the same thing. This is terrible.
Hey, don't worry, Soph. Hey, don't worry, Soph.
We can watch it together at Token's house.
His family has the best AV equipment. His family has the best AV equipment.
Oh, what happened to "girls are just like diabetes"?
Stan: Let's just hurry and get to Token's house. Stan: Let's just hurry and get to Token's house.
Kyle: Yeah. Come on, Sophie.
And Scott!
Token's Dad: We're the Blacks -
A hip family just trying to get by. A hip family just trying to get by.
The problem is our neighbors.
Bob: We're the Whites. Bob: We're the Whites.
Nobody ever cares if bad things happen to us anymore.
And things are getting worse. And things are getting worse.
Both: Because in this town, it's "The Whites and The Blacks," Both: Because in this town, it's "The Whites and The Blacks,"
on Amazon Prime.
What the...? What is wrong with this stupid thing? What the...? What is wrong with this stupid thing?
I don't even know who to call. I don't even know who to call.
Here, let me try something.
Here it comes. Here it comes. Shh.
Park County cable.
Oh, your streaming isn't working? Huh. Oh, your streaming isn't working? Huh.
Gee, I'm sorry, but that's really not our problem... Gee, I'm sorry, but that's really not our problem...
Uh, sir, can you hang on?
I got another call. I got another call.
Park County cable.
None of your streaming services are working, either? None of your streaming services are working, either?
Don't worry.
You and everyone else in this town You and everyone else in this town
can count on your local cable company.
We'll come fix the problem. We'll come fix the problem.
Alright, guys. Let's be the heroes this town needs. Alright, guys. Let's be the heroes this town needs.
All: Yeah!
[ Ominous music plays ] [ Ominous music plays ] [ Ominous music plays ]
Announcer: You're watching "Crab People" on HBO Max. Announcer: You're watching "Crab People" on HBO Max.
So you say that these mutant crab people
came up from under the ground, and started eating children? came up from under the ground, and started eating children?
No, no, no. "Crab People" is a show that came on TV No, no, no. "Crab People" is a show that came on TV
when I was trying to watch "Stranger Things" on Netflix.
Oh. Oh.
Mom, I can't watch Mandalorian ANYWHERE. Mom, I can't watch Mandalorian ANYWHERE.
Oh, no. It's happening here, too?
Who are all these boys, Sophie? Who are all these boys, Sophie?
Hello, ma'am. I'm Eric Cartman. How are you?
Hi. my name's Jimmy. Hi. my name's Jimmy.
[ Indistinct talking ]
-Clyde Donovan. -Yeah, yeah. -Clyde Donovan. -Yeah, yeah.
Nobody cares, Clyde.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Well, it looks like nobody's streaming shows tonight. Well, it looks like nobody's streaming shows tonight.
Sorry, Sophie.
Not as sorry as I am, Sophie. Not as sorry as I am, Sophie.
I'm the most sorriest, Sophie.
[ Yells ] [ Yells ]
You assholes, stop talking to her!
Scott? Scott?
I am done having you all ruin my life! You hear me?
Done! Done!
You've taken my dignity for all these years,
but you are not taking my girlfriend! but you are not taking my girlfriend!
What are you talking about, Scott?
I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not your girlfriend.
You're not? You're not?
Uh-oh. Looks like you got some pie on your face, Scott.
I'm not anyone's girlfriend. I'm not anyone's girlfriend.
I just fucking moved here, you guys.
Can I have time to unpack the shit in my room? Can I have time to unpack the shit in my room?
But Sophie, you're totally my type --
type one diabetes. type one diabetes.
Scott, I'm more than just my diabetes.
♪♪
Well, I'm not. Well, I'm not.
I'm Scott Malkinson.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Sophie: Need a candy bar? Sophie: Need a candy bar?
You're low, right? You're low, right?
Here.
It stinks having diabetes, sometimes, huh? It stinks having diabetes, sometimes, huh?
You seem to do alright. You seem to do alright.
Still sucks.
Kids don't know how much extra you have to do
every day just to be okay.
Yeah.
I'm glad there's a kid at my new school I'm glad there's a kid at my new school
who I can talk about diabetes with. who I can talk about diabetes with.
You don't think I'm weird and gross?
You know what? I don't think you're any weirder or grosser You know what? I don't think you're any weirder or grosser
than any of the other boys in this town.
Wow. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Wow. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry you missed your show, Sophie. I'm sorry you missed your show, Sophie.
I don't know what happened,
but somehow I feel like it was my fault. but somehow I feel like it was my fault.
It's okay. I had an interesting night.
I think I kind of like the "Scott Malkinson Show."
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
Okay, we're here. We -- ah, shit.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪