Wow, what a great episode.
And what great timing.
Our Western Idaho bacon casserole is ready.
Now, that looks baconlicious.
Now all we have to do is dish it out
and garnish with a side of bacon.
Oh, Macon, feels left out. He needs some bacon.
All right.
Who loves bacon? Who loves bacon?
Yeah.
Now, we can't let all this bacon grease go to waste.
So this time, we're going to pour it into a mold...
And that makes a fabulous dessert.
Well, not it's time for our favorite episode
of "South Park." It's called "Clubhouses."
This is about that innocent time in every kid's life
where they play Truth or Dare for the first time.
The first time I played Truth or Dare
was with my Uncle Steve.
Well, this episode is also about
the nasty business of divorce
Divorce is a terrible thing.
Both Matt's parents and my parents
are still married, and that's the main reason
we turned out to be such nice guys.
Have some more bacon, pig.
So now we're going to enjoy
some Western Idaho bacon casserole,
and you all enjoy "Clubhouses."
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
Sgt. Stanley Marsh is trapped behind enemy lines.
His only chance of survival is to sneak past
the Bosnian guard who stands watch.
Sgt. Marsh knows it's now or never.
He must make a run for it.
The American base is only a few feet away...
It will take more than your weak
American weapons to destroy me.
Cartman, we shot your Bosnian fat ass!
Yeah, you're dead!
I have class 4 armour on
that, uh, it - No, you don't!
Special armor that's impenetrable
to American bullets.
Dude, every time we play Americans vs. Bosnians,
you cheat! - Yeah Cartman, you suck.
If you want to play Americans vs. Bosnians anymore,
you can just play with yourself.
That's fine, I like playing with myself.
I'll play with myself all day long.
What?
Well, now what are we going to do?
I don't know. - Hi, Stan.
Hi, Wendy. - Kyle, doesn't Bebe
look pretty today? - I don't know.
She does, she looks very pretty.
Okay. - Stan, can I talk to you
for a second?
Stan, wouldn't it be fun if we fixed
Kyle up with Bebe? - No.
If Bebe and Kyle were a couple, then we could
invite them over to your clubhouse for dinner,
and play parlor games and have meaningful conversations
and sip cognac by the fireplace.
We could? - Yes, Stan!
But, dude, I don't have a clubhouse.
You don't? I thought all guys had clubhouses.
Just how many guys' clubhouses have you been in?
Cartman don Cartman has ways of making you talk.
Stan, you have to build a clubhouse,
then all four of us could sit in it and play
"Truth or Dare."
Truth or Dare, wow! Come on, Kyle,
we've got work to do. We do?
We're gonna build a clubhouse.
I have to ask my dad for help.
Did it work? - I think it did, Bebe.
If all goes as planned, Kyle will be
your new boyfriend! - I hope so, Wendy.
He's got such a hot ass!
Hey, Phillip, pull my finger.
All right, Terrence.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, pull harder.
Well, all right.
Damn it, pull really hard, Phillip.
- Okay. - Wait.
Aah! Oh, boy!
Wait, wait.
Got you there.
Uh, oh.
Oh, you got me, Terrence.
Yes, I sure did.
Whoa, dude, your dad is watching
Terrence and Phillip. No, I was just, uh,
flipping through the channels.
Hey, Dad, we need to build a clubhouse.
Okay. - How do we do it?
You just get a hammer and some wood.
What? Do some girls want to play
Truth or Dare or something?
Yeah, dude! How did you know? - How do you think
I met your mother? - Randy, my wedding ring.
I lost it down the garbage disposal!
Oh, brother.
Stanley, I thought I told you not to watch
this horrible cartoon.
Yeah, Stanley, you should know better.
Dude! - Here, Stanley,
you watch nice cartoons like "Fat Abbot".
Randy, will you please
come get my wedding ring out of sink!
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on, Rudy?
Man, Fat Abbot, you need to lose weight.
I lose weight when I feel like it, bitch!
Shut your bitchass mouth, ho'!
Bitch? I'll kick your ass!
Whoa dude! - Sweet!
You think you're slick, you punkass,
blasphemous, dopefiend, bitch.
I had my jimmy wacked seven times last week.
I'll bust a cap in your.
Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.
Did you find it? Give me a second, would you?
Don't snap at me! - I didn't snap at you.
You snapped at me! - Whatever.
"Whatever"? In 15 years, you've never said
"whatever" to me.
I don't want fight, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too. I think I found it.
That's not it, you idiot! - Hey, back off, bitch!
You just said the "C" word! - Did I?
This is a sweet spot for a clubhouse.
Yeah, hey, Stan, what did your dad mean
when he said we're gonna play Truth or Dare?
Oh, uh, just that maybe when we're finished,
Wendy and Bebe can come over and play.
Dude, what kind of sick joke is that?
Girls suck ass.
Well, of course, they do, but, uh...
wouldn't it be sweet to play Truth or Dare with them?
What, why? Because, dude,
we could make them do really gross stuff like eat bugs.
Hey, yeah, that would be sweet!
We could totally ruin their lives!
What are you guys doing?
We're building a clubhouse.
A clubhouse?
That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.
It's not lame, it's sweet.
After we build this clubhouse, we're going to get
girls to play Truth or Dare.
Why?
Because, dumbass, we can dare them to do
gross stuff and make them cry.
What, were you born yesterday?
Yeah, now beat it, you guys. This clubhouse is private.
That's fine. We'll build our own clubhouse.
Fine. Fine, and then we'll get
girls to play Truth or Dare, too.
Fine. - Fine.
Fine.
Fine! - Fine! That's fine!
Fine! - Fine!
No, Kenny, you can't look.
I'm the foreman.
Because, Kenny, your family's poor.
You have to be the worker.
No, Kenny!
How's the treehouse coming along, hon?
Mom, it's not a treehouse, it's a clubhouse!
Sorry, hon.
Mom, can we pull up the carpeting
in the living room? Well, I don't know, Eric.
If you did that, then the floors would be bare.
But, Mom, the blueprint says
we need carpeting in the clubhouse!
Well, all right.
Kenny, my mom says you can go get carpeting
in the living room now.
And stop your bitchin'!
What are you doing, sweetheart?
Getting a cookie. We're building a clubhouse
and then we're-- - You men are all alike.
First you get a cookie and then you criticize the way I dress
and then it's the way I cook.
I suppose next you'll be telling me
that you need your space
and that I'm sabotaging your creativity.
Go ahead, Stanley, get your goddamn cookie!
'Kay.
And so, children, today we're going to focus
on American history. Right, Mr. Twig?
That's right, Mr. Garrison. American history is very
When is Mr. Hat coming back? - What did you say?
When is Mr. Hat coming back?
I told you to never to mention that name
in my classroom again.
Mr. Hat is a two-timing whore,
and now we all learn from Mr. Twig!
But Mr. Twig sucks. - Yeah!
That is enough! Mr. Hat is gone
and he isn't coming back! and I don't want to hear it!
Anyway, children, let's turn our history
textbooks to page 105, which would be right after...
So, how's your lameass clubhouse, Stan?
Better than yours, fat boy. - We'll see about that.
Don't forget you need to cut school early
and wait for the hot tub guy.
Is the clubhouse ready? - Almost.
Stan, are you paying attention?
Yes, Mr. Garrison. - Well then, Stanley,
what did I just say?
Um...
You said that even though Charo appeared 12 times
on "The Love Boat", the episode with
"Captain and Tennille" got higher ratings.
Well, okay, I suppose you were paying attention.
Anyway, children... - Good guess, dude.
Phew!
Psst, pass this up.
Pass this up.
P-Pass this up.
Stanley, are you passing notes to Kyle?
No, I just - Don't lie, Stan,
lying makes you sterile.
I'm not lying, someone just handed me--
Stanley, if you think it's so important
to keep interrupting my class,
then why don't you come up to the front
and read your note to Kyle for everyone to hear?
But I didn't write the note.
Mr. Garrison, Stan's behavior is having
an adverse affect on my education.
Shut up, Cartman! - Stanley Marsh,
you come up here right now and read your note!
Oh, man!
"Dear Kyle, you have got such a great ass.
"I could sleep for days on those perky cheeks,
"let me tell you. I'd like to live with you
and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity."
Whoa, dude!
Now, young man, school is a time
for learning, okay? Not for immature skylarkings.
What's "sky larkings"?
You know, like tomfooleries.
Who?
Oh, your parents are here.
Oh, no. - Thank you for coming
on such short notice. I was just disciplining
your son for his sky larkings.
Stanley, I-- "sky larkings"?
Okay?
Stanley, I want you to explain to me
why you were passing notes in school.
Randy, let me handle this.
Now, Stanley, I want you to explain to me
why you were passing notes in school.
It wasn't my note, dude. It was some girl's.
Okay, Stanley, we're all here to get to the root
of your behavior disorder.
You really should know better, Stanley.
You need to shape up, mister.
Don't interrupt me.
You always interrupt me when I talk.
Can't you see that-- --I don't interrupt you.
There, you did it again. He interrupted me again.
Okay, perhaps you should let your wife
finish talking, Mr. Marsh. Now, Stan, I want you to
Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt, but she always
takes over any conversation.
Uh, taking over any conversations bad?
Like you're one to talk. When's the last time
you really listened to what I had to say?
Uh, uh, okay. - When was the last time
you had anything interesting to say?
It's always gossip and stupid crap.
Apparently, we have a bit of a
communication problem here.
Mr. Marsh, tell me how you're feeling.
Well, I feel like everything I do is wrong.
It doesn't matter what I say.
Okay, that's valid. Now, Mrs. Marsh,
how do you feel? - Excuse me.
Like I'm a ghost,
like he sees right through me. - Oh, please!
Hello. - Oh, please, yourself.
Who tries to control the marriage?
And by that, I mean who's dominating
the aspects of the relationship?
He is. - No, she is.
Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm wrong again!
Okay...
Look at it, Kenny.
It is the greatest clubhouse ever built.
Uhhuh. - And we built it,
with our own hands.
Now all we need is chicks, Kenny.
Yeah! - All right,
you go find chicks, Kenny.
Because I have to stay here and work.
I still got to shingle the roof,
test the foundation, run all kinds of inspections,
I've got way too much to do, and all you have to do
is go find chicks. Now, stop your bitchin'!
Mom, can I watch "American Gladiators"?
Dude, where have you been?
I've been waiting all afternoon.
I got in trouble for that note Bebe was trying
to pass to you. - To me?
I mean, no, not to you, forget it.
Come on, dude, we have to finish our clubhouse quick.
The girls want to play Truth or Dare, tomorrow.
We should use nails, dude.
My mom won't let us.
Hi, guys, how's the clubhouse coming?
Pretty good, we're almost done.
Well hurry, we want to play Truth or Dare.
We're going as fast as we can.
Kyle, could you turn around for a second?
Thank you.
Come on, dude, we have to hammer faster.
Hey, Stan, do you know how to play Truth or Dare?
No. - Well, dude, how the hell
are we supposed to play it then?
I didn't even think about that!
...And then they'll ask, "Truth or Dare?"
And I say "dare." - No, no, you say "truth."
Truth? But that's boring.
I want to get dared to kiss her.
You have to say truth the first few times
or else you'll seem to eager. - Oh.
You can't seem to eager. You got to play it cool.
Like you don't even care what happens.
Yeah. Then after a few truths,
you finally answer "dare." - Dare!
But not like that, son. Like this:
Dare...
Oh. And then her little friend
will dare you to kiss Wendy.
You really think so? - Of course she will.
They're women.
They've had this whole thing planned out
months ahead of time. - Wow!
Hey, hey, hey, what's going down, y'all?
Man, Fat Abbot, what are you doing
on this side of the hood?
You know something, Rudy,
you're like school in summertime.
School in summertime?
Yeah, bitch. School in summertime.
Open your ears
or I'll pop your bitchass.
I'lla popa youra bitcha assa tooba, bitcha.
What the hell is going on in this cartoon?
Oh, hey, Kenny, did you find any chicks
to come to the clubhouse?
Uh-huh.
Hi, we ran away from home.
Like, this kid told us we might be able to
crash at your clubhouse for a couple of days.
Holy crap!
Behold, Ewok Village 2000!
Oh, well, I guess it beats living at home.
Can I offer you ladies a cool beverage or a tasty snack?
Hello?
How's the clubhouse coming, Stan?
We're working on it.
Well, I just thought I'd tell you
that me and Kenny have finished our clubhouse,
and we already have chicks over.
No, you don't.
Dude! - It's only a matter of time
before we're playing Truth or Dare with them.
Good luck with your pieceofcrap clubhouse.
Asshole! - Fat ass, fat hunk of fat.
Mom, will you please ask Dad
to come help me build my clubhouse?
Stanley, I think you should know
that your father has moved out.
What! Why?
Because... We're divorced, Stanley.
Divorced, oh no!
Does that mean you and Dad don't love me anymore?
This is all my fault, isn't it?
Yeah, kind of.
Dude, you're not supposed to say that.
But I would like you to meet your new stepfather, Roy.
Hello, son. - What?!
I'll leave you two alone to get acquainted.
Hello, Stanley. I know this must be
a very difficult period for you right now,
and the adjustment is going to take some time,
but I'd like to be your friend.
So when you're ready, I want you to feel free
to come to me with anything you might need,
whether it's advice or just someone to play catch with.
You can count on me.
This is happening way too fast.
Oh, Jesus, when are you going to cut me
some slack, huh? I have taken you under my wing
and done my best, and all you ever do
is whine and moan about it! Now, for the last time,
go cut some firewood!
...So I'm on my way out the door and she goes,
"Make sure you're home before midnight."
Oh, that's weak. - And I go,
"Listen, bitch, I don't need my mother
giving me no curfew." - That's killer.
And she goes, "If you're not home before midnight,
don't bother coming home at all."
That's totally weak. - So I go,
"Fine, I won't come home." - Sweet.
And then she goes, "Fine don't come home."
Getting all in my face and crap and acting all tough and crap.
- Killer weak sweet. I'm 16,
I should be able to do what I want, when I want.
I don't need her breathing down my neck every two seconds
telling me what I can and cannot do.
I had the same thing with my mom the other day.
I'm all like, "Hey, I'm not a little kid anymore.
"Mom, I'm eight years old, and if I want to finger paint,
then I'm going to finger paint!"
Okay, we're done.
Dude, I don't think this is very sturdy.
It doesn't matter, dude. It only has to last
long enough to play Truth or Dare.
I'm going to go get the girls.
Okay.
Oh! - Stanley, it's time to go!
Go where? - Your bastard father
has visitation rights, and this is his time with you.
But, nah, I have to go get the girls to come--
Come on, Stanley. - Weak!
Dad? - Hey, Stanley, hop in.
Listen, Stanley, I know all this change
must be tough on you, but your mother and I thought
it'd be best for all of us if we split up.
But I don't understand why we have to--
Well hello, ladies!
Hi, handsome, we're gonna be at Larry's Bar tonight.
I'm already there.
What were we talking about? Oh, yeah.
See, your mother and I still care about you and your sister,
but we just don't like being around each other anymore.
Well, I don't like being around my sister anymore,
does that mean I can leave her, too?
Well, no, because you're family,
you can't just leave family. You have stick
with family no matter what. But you and mom are family,
how come you can just split up?
You know what I think? I think that when you and mom
got married, you became family and now that you are,
you shouldn't be able to leave her any more than
I can leave my sister. Oh, Stan, you're so young.
You just don't get it.
Well anyway, have a nice day. - What, that's it?
Yeah, but I loved our time together.
I hate to see it end, go on, get out.
You know that nothing is more important to me
than you, right, Stan? - I guess, but--
The girls are gonna be here to play Truth or Dare any minute.
Stan, if I didn't know you better,
I'd almost think you're doing this because
you want to play with girls. - No way, dude.
Don't be silly. - Come on, Wendy!
We have to say "truth" a couple of times
before we say "dare", right? - Right, why?
Because if we don't, we'll seem too eager.
Too eager to what?
To say dare, dumbass, geez.
Hi guys.
Oh, hi, Wendy, what's up?
Don't you guys still want to play Truth or Dare?
Yeah! I mean...Sure, whatever.
Then come on!
Remember truth the first couple of times.
Okay. - Who wants to go first?
I will. Kyle? - Yeah?
Truth or Dare? - Um, dare?
Dude! - What?
Kiss Bebe on the lips.
What? Sick, dude! I'm not kissing a girl!
What's the matter, Kyle?
It's just wrong, that's all!
Don't be a chicken, dude. Just close your eyes.
What the hell have you gotten me into!
Dude, Cartman is in his clubhouse
playing Truth or Dare with girls right now.
Do you really want him to beat us?
Oh, boy.
Sick! Ah, fucking sickening!
Wow, look at that ass. Shake it, baby!
Your turn, Bebe.
Okay, Stan, Truth or Dare?
Stan, Truth or Dare?
Dare.
Son, could you please come help me with the firewood?
Dude, we cut firewood all day yesterday.
We have enough to last 12 years.
When will you let me in, let me love you!
Now get your ass out here and help me.
Bye, Stan. Hopefully we can play
Truth or Dare tomorrow. - Crap!
I think you should be able to move out
legally when you're 14.
Our moms won't even let us smoke.
Yeah, it's my body.
My mom always gives me shit for smoking, but it's my body.
I should be able to do whatever I want with it.
Totally. My mom gives me shit sometimes,
and I tell her to shut her hole
before I kick her in the nuts.
Eric, Pookums, it's time for mommy
to tuck you into your snuggle bed for nightnight.
Eric, are you out there in your clubhouse?
Coming, Mom.
Okay, we have to play Truth or Dare, quick!
What's up? - Hey, girls.
Oh, hey, Scott.
Who the hell are you?
Oh, we invited some people over.
- Hope you don't mind. - How many people?
Kyle, can I talk to you? - Okay.
Kyle, this is very difficult for me.
I think we need time apart. - Huh?
I'm just feeling really trapped.
I can't go on with this codependency.
Okay, that's fine. - No, no, don't speak.
Just try and understand. It has to be this way.
But I don't care.
Please, just remember the good times we had.
I'll never forget you. Never.
Okay, Clyde, we can go now. - Bitchin'.
These are cafe curtains that require no sewing
and I know you all love that!
Do you mind if I watch cartoons?
I've had a rough day.
What? - Chores. Do chores.
My dad lets me watch cartoons.
Well, I'm not your dad, okay?
I'm not your dad!
You can't just go around playing games with my emotions.
Stanley,
what did you do to Roy?
Roy's a dick. He ruined my chances
with Wendy in the clubhouse.
Stanley, you know you're the most
important thing to me, right?
If that's true, then get back together with Dad for me.
Now, Stanley, you have to understand how divorce works.
When I say you're the most important thing to me,
what I mean is, you're the most important thing after me,
and my happiness and my new romances.
Oh. - Bye now. Roy?
Divorce is stupid.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Yolanda,
why's your eye all black and blue and?
Man, Fat Abbot, my stepdad popped me in my eye.
Stepdad? You got to off his ass.
Really? - Yeah, bitch!
Snatch his ass in a bear trap.
Leave that swinging from a tree so high,
nobody finds him for days.
Glockglock, you know what I'm saying?
Dumbass, pulling, damn!
You're right, Fat Abbot, thanks!
No problem, ho'. Maybe later you can
suck my, bitch ho'.
Well, Fat Abbot and the gang sure did
learn something today.
If you have a stepdad riding your ass,
just snatch his ass in a bear trap.
Crack, no more stepdad.
See you next time, eating the pudding.
Yeah, yeah, I think I'll write a little note for Roy.
Hey, kid, give me some of those.
Hey, when are we gonna play Truth or Dare?
What? That game's for kids.
This is bullcrap! - Oh, boy, it's getting late.
I'm gonna have to leave this party.
This sucks, Kenny.
I wish we'd never built a clubhouse.
Mosh pit!
Hmm?
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
You bastards!
Stanley, your father is coming over for visitation.
Stan?
"Meet me in the clubhouse."
Sharon, Sharon, have you seen my copy of "Harper's"?
"Meet me at the clubhouse."
Oh, Randy, what are you doing here?
I, uh, got a note from Stanley
to come out to the clubhouse.
Oh, I thought that note was for me.
Oh, maybe it was.
Well, it looks like our little Stanley
has built himself quite a clubhouse here.
I remember not too long ago we were just kids
playing kissing games in my clubhouse.
Good night.
Sharon? - Yes?
Truth or Dare. - It's too late for games.
No, I'm serious, please. Truth or Dare?
Truth. - Do you still love me?
Oh, Randy, I do love you, but now I'm so confused.
I'm living with Roy, and I don't know
how to break it off with him.
Sharon?
Well, you never know.
Maybe things will work out.
Hello? - Maybe.
I guess it's my turn. - Truth or Dare?
- Sharon? - Dare...
Do me, right here in the clubhouse.
Hello, hello?
Can somebody cut me-- Hello?
Wow, clubhouses are magical.
Okay, it's my turn. Stan, Truth or Dare?
Dare.
Take this stick and jam it up your peehole.
What!? - Wow, that sucks!
Do you think it'll hurt?
Hello?
I sure am hungry.
Anybody?
It certainly does suck right here.
Hello?
Sh-Sh-Sharon?
Sharon, hello?