I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time
Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation
Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind
Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind
Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine
Fellas! Fellas!
What?
- Guess what Larry Bardski just told me? - What?
- Guess! - Just tell us, Butters.
There's a new girl that started school here today.
And she's joining the cheerleading squad!
We have a new cheerleader?
What's she look like?
All right, guys, all right! If there is a new girl at our school,
we're not gonna start putting claims on her and getting in a big fight.
It's gonna be her choice who she likes the most.
Look! Look! There she is!
Oh, my God. Token, are you stoked?
That's awesome, Token. I'm happy for you.
Why? Why are you happy for me?
Dude, I'm being seriously.
You guys will be really cute together. What are you gonna say to her?
Nothing.
What the...
Token's shy!
Oh, my God. That is adorable!
And so what we start to see now, is a pattern in world history,
much like the Greeks and the Romans.
Remember that there were seven families
fighting for control of the land of Westeros.
The king of Westeros was who?
Robert Baratheon, and he asked Eddard,
also known as, of course, Lord Stark,
to serve as Hand of the King.
You remember that Lord Stark accepted, of course.
- Dude, Token. - The Queen's family...
- Token, dude. - That's the Lannisters,
were really trying back then to take control, weren't they?
So, where were the Targaryens at this time?
- Well, they were across the sea. - Token.
We all talked about how they were also trying
- To take the throne. - Go ahead. Go ahead, dude.
- So, we've got the Greeks... - Token. Yeah, get in there.
Will you shut the hell up?
...headed for a big blowout, right, in season two...
Token, you want me to pass her a jelly bean?
No.
No!
Token, is there a problem?
He's just a little sick, Mr. Garrison. He's got boneritus.
Right, guys?
Everyone pay attention!
Now, what I really want to get into today, is what was going on in the north.
Token. Dude. Dude. Dude?
So then Kelly, I guess, told Staci that she wasn't invited,
so now Staci's pissed at us...
- Hey, guys. Could I talk to you? - Why?
Just... Could I talk to you real quick?
What kind of stuff is the new girl saying about Token?
About Token? Why?
Well, Token's really shy,
so I'm just here sort of on his behalf to, you know...
Token likes Nichole?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, yeah, I don't think she has any idea.
Yeah, so could you guys just let her know that, you know,
she might have to make the first move.
- Okay. - Thanks, you guys.
One, two, three, four... Sorry, Bebe!
Oh, that's okay!
So, Nichole, guess what?
One of the boys here already has a crush on you.
Oh, my gosh. Who?
That boy Token.
He's really nice, Nichole. I dated him for a little while.
- Yeah! Go for it, Nichole! - He's cute!
Oh, geez, thanks, you guys.
But to be totally honest, I kind of think this other boy is cute.
Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?
That kid with the orange coat and the green hat.
- You mean Kyle? - Yeah!
She likes Kyle!
What? Kyle?
Nichole loves Kyle!
Nichole and Kyle sitting in a tree
K- I-S-S-O-M-G
Shut up, you guys. It's just a crush!
Mother fucker!
We are Cows! Proud and true! Come on, South Park. Moo, moo, moo!
Go, Cows!
- Hey, Nichole, right? - Yeah.
Could I talk to you for a second? Just for a second. Right over here.
Listen, I heard through the grapevine that you've got a thing for Kyle.
Oh, no! Who told you that?
Just... The grapevine.
There's something you should probably know.
Man, this is hard.
The thing is me and Kyle are kind of, you know...
Together.
Yeah, he's my man.
I'm more out than Kyle is but...
It sucks because he acts like we're not a couple at school
'cause he's embarrassed,
but we get home and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.
Wow, I'm sorry. I totally respect that.
Hey, thanks a lot for telling me.
Cool, just, you know, don't touch me 'cause I'm not into girls,
- So it kind of grosses me out. - Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, cool. Anyway, thanks a lot and just stay away from my man, bitch.
Hey, I just wanna let you know,
if you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm here.
Oh, thanks.
Dude, that new girl's into me!
Butters. Butters!
At the end of PE class,
tell Nichole that the gym teacher wants some towels delivered
- To the boys' locker room. - How come?
Let's just say that by this time tomorrow,
Token and Nichole are gonna be practically married.
Are you sure, Eric?
I mean, maybe they just aren't meant for each other.
No, no.
Love is like taking a dump, Butters.
Sometimes it works itself out,
but sometimes you gotta give it a nice, hard, slimy push.
Hey, Nichole? Coach wants you to take these to the boys' locker room.
He does? Okay.
Guys! Guys, get outside! It's the Batmobile!
The Batmobile, you guys!
- Where? - I don't see a B... B... Batmobile.
Hello?
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
Where is everybody? What's going on?
Coach wanted me to... I'm sorry!
Hey, guys! Guys! Hold up!
Hey, you're kind of friends with that Nichole girl, right?
Yeah.
Well, what kind of stuff does she like? Do you know?
- She likes movies, cats... - She likes basketball.
Oh, cool, she likes basketball? That's perfect! Thanks, you guys!
Well, hey, Kyle, we were gonna head over to the mall,
you wanna go with us?
Can't right now, but maybe another time! See ya!
- Guess he has a crush on Nichole. - I don't think so.
I heard Kyle swings for the same team.
Really?
It's perfect. I can take her to a basketball game!
Man, I don't know what's happening,
but it seems like all the girls are kind of into me lately.
Hey, in here!
You think the janitors are still here?
Don't worry. It's gonna be okay.
We've got water, and maybe somebody even left some food laying around.
Come on.
Look!
Somebody left a deli platter.
And board games...
And massage oil.
Oh, good.
Well, that was sure an interesting night.
- It sure was. - Hey.
Thanks a lot for making me feel safe in there.
That could have been really scary.
Yeah. Now that it's over, I guess it was kind of fun!
Yeah! It kind of was!
Maybe... I don't know.
Maybe we should get some lunch tomorrow.
Oh, my God. So cute.
- I'd like that. - Cool!
Well, thanks again.
Oh, my God.
We did it, Eric.
We found them each other's ray of sunshine.
You're my ray of sunshine, cupid me.
I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my heart
'Cause I'll stand beside you Through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart
I swear by the moon and the stars In the sky
I'll be there
I swear like a shadow That's by your side
Keep it down, girl.
I'll be there
For better or worse Till death do us part
I'll love you with every black beat Of my heart
And I swear
I swear
Yeah
I swear
Straight up
What it do?
Did you see that?
Token was gonna push her but then he tickled her instead!
Dude, why are you so into their relationship?
I don't know. It's just so... Perfect.
- You motherfucker! - Kyle! Jesus Christ!
What the hell are you doing telling people that we're a gay couple?
Heard that through the grapevine, did you?
The new girl liked me and so you lied to her!
Somebody had to intervene, Kyle!
You were standing in the way of Token and Nichole!
They belong together!
Just because two people are the same race
doesn't mean they belong together, you fat, racist piece of fucking garbage.
I'm a racist, huh? I'm a racist.
It's how nature works, Kyle!
Look. Look, what about Luke Covina and Maria Sanchez?
Is it a coincidence they ended up together?
Actually I heard they're together
'cause they got locked in the school gym overnight a few months ago.
Oh, did they? I hadn't heard about that.
That was us, remember, Eric?
Quiet, cupid me.
- What? - Nothing.
- Who is cupid me? - Nobody.
You are going to tell everyone that you lied
and that we aren't a couple.
Why, Kyle? So that you can try and ruin things for Token and Nichole?
Look at how happy they are.
Is it that you want to ruin that or are you just homophobic?
God damn it!
Nichole, your mother tells me that you already have a boyfriend at school.
His name is Token. He's really nice.
Well, that's good but your mother tells me that this boy is... Black.
- So? - Well, Nichole, it's just...
You know, just because you're black
doesn't mean you can only date black boys.
It's just a little weird that we moved to this whole new place
and you're immediately drawn to the one other black person.
Stop, William.
There's nothing wrong with her dating a black person.
I'm not saying it's wrong,
I'm just saying she's gonna have to deal with racist people out there.
People turning their heads and saying,
"Look at the two black people together. That figures."
It's not like that, Dad. We just happen to like each other.
I know it seems like a strange coincidence but it really is!
A coincidence!
And we are very happy for you, sweetheart.
Here, have some more turkey.
Yeah, just try the white meat.
I know it's a little dry, but there's a lot more of it.
Come on!
Other people have to use the bathroom, you know.
Can you hurry it up in there?
Jesus Christ, cupid me, you giving birth in there?
Sorry!
That's... Cupid me!
Sick! What the fuck have you been eating?
Dude, at least flush the toilet!
It's cute. It's little chocolate hearts!
They're fudgy charms of sunshine!
You're my fudgy charm of sunshine. Come here, you.
I'm gonna get you!
No!
I almost got you! Almost!
- Everything okay, sweetie? - Everything's great, Mom!
Now, come back here and flush the toilet, you silly!
No!
Oh, no.
- Hey, Token. - Hey, Nichole!
- Can I talk to you for a sec? - Sure!
- What's up? - Listen, I...
I don't think this is gonna work out.
I'm so sorry. It's just...
I don't believe we're really on the same page.
- You know? - Okay.
I think you're really great. We just...
I think you're really great.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. I'm sorry, too.
- I'll see you around. - Okay.
It's not fair. They were so happy.
It's gonna be okay, Eric.
It's not gonna be okay. Why did they break up?
They were meant for each other!
They'll find love somewhere else.
No, they won't!
Yes, they will.
No, they won't. Fuck you, Butters. You're an asshole.
Looks like somebody could use a little arrow of sunshine.
And you! I should have never believed in you!
In who, Eric?
I never wanna see you again!
Take your sunshine and fucking die!
Hey, man. You okay?
Yeah.
What happened? It just didn't work out?
Yeah, I guess.
So, you guys are totally broken up then?
It's... It's done?
Yeah.
So then, she's gonna be seeing other people?
She's sort of available?
Yeah, we're through.
So, theoretically, if someone was to step in, it would be okay?
I'm sorry, Kyle. I like girls.
Dude, what the fuck!
We'll be back with more of The Jeffersons right after this!
I work hard, so I need a laxative that works hard too.
I can't be constipated on the job, that's why I need Soft Serve.
Because when I'm constipated,
sometimes even a hard push isn't enough.
Don't give up. Get back in there and get to work!
'Cause when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!
That's right. That's right!
I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you.
Please come back.
I know I got a little angry but...
I believe in you.
Do you hear me? I believe in you.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do, cupid me.
Love is the bestest feeling in the world. I believe you can change everything.
No, you don't.
Please, I can't do this alone. They need us.
And I need you.
My little flicker of twinkle stars.
Stop it.
Come on, twinkle stars, we got work to do.
Hi, can I speak to Nichole, please? It's very important.
I'm sorry but she's at the Denver Nuggets game.
Denver Nuggets game?
Yes. She went with a nice white Jewish boy.
No!
Welcome to today's match up
between the Denver Nuggets and the Los Angeles Clippers!
And now here to sing the national anthem,
country music star Brad Paisley!
Oh, say can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight's last gleaming
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
No!
Nuggets fans, please direct your attention to centre court
and the president of Halitosis Kidz,
who invites you to join the Denver Nuggets
in the fight against morbid halitosis in children.
Here to attempt a three point shot for adolescents with terminally bad breath
is the poster child for Halitosis Kidz, Stacy Muhlenberg!
And a good try!
No!
Tickets, please.
No time. No!
We're all set for the tip off!
Attention! Attention please!
This is a message for all of you out there
who have just ended a relationship!
Sometimes, love is hard.
But you can't just run away from it.
When you start to have something special,
you have to work at it.
Even though it might seem like the world is against you,
you still have to hold on with both hands.
Don't let society dictate who you can and can't be with.
Kyle, I love you, babe.
You can run all you want. Try to pretend you like girls.
But damn it, when we kiss there's magic.
Don't let it go, Kyle.
I want to hold you every morning and love you every night, Kyle.
I promise you nothing but love and happiness.
I swear by the moon and the stars In the sky
I'll be there, Kyle I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
Kyle, I swear to God, I'll be there.
- For better or worse - For better or worse
- Till death do us part - Death do us part
I'll love you with every gay beat Of my heart
- I swear, Kyle - I swear, Kyle
Where are you going?
That fat turd up there is the one who set up you and Token
'cause he thinks blacks belong together!
He did that? Oh, no.
Thank you. Thank you all.
That's all I wanted to say.
That and...
The Batmobile's outside!
Seriously, you guys gotta see it. It's the Batmobile! It's outside!
What?
Token! Hey.
Hi.
Token, I'm so sorry.
I thought you were only with me because I'm black.
I'm sorry, too.
I wouldn't even talk to you at first because you were black.
- Do you think we could... - Do you think we could...
- Do you still want to... - Do you still want to...
Maybe we can give it another try?
There's still people who will look at us funny
and think we're supposed to be together.
Let them look. I don't care.
I don't care either.
I just think you're a great person.
The colour of your skin doesn't matter.
Oh, my God. So cute.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
That's right, cupid me.
People who are the same belong together.
That's right, and I've found somebody who's just the same as you!
- Really? - There she is!
What? Fuck you, cupid me!
Fuck you!
Stop it.
No!