I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time
Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation
Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind
Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind
Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine
No, no, no, I'm telling you, guys,
music videos have devolved to nothing but pretty girls
wearing skin-tight clothes and singing songs about their vajayjays.
It used to be chicks sang about relationships, now it's all,
"My vajayjay this, my vajayjay that."
But, clearly, that's what sells. Think about it.
When was the last time you turned on a music video
and didn't see some chick strumming a guitar, singing about her vajayjay?
See, you can't remember.
Hey, fellas.
Where's your lunch, Butters?
It's okay. I'm not hungry anyway.
Dude, did a bully take your lunch money again?
Yeah.
That's the third day in a row. You got to tell a teacher.
I'm not a tattletale.
Well, then write the principal an anonymous letter.
I'm not no anonymous Andy.
So, then just get a bigger bully to beat the bully up.
I don't want kids calling me a cliché conflict resolution Kevin.
He has a point.
Well, then you got to ride it out, Butters.
Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but it will pass.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
This is why bullying is getting worse and worse at our schools.
We can't all sit by and let it happen any more.
Good for you, Stan. Nice somebody in this school has some balls.
- I have balls. - Yeah, little squishy bubble-tea balls.
Still balls.
Look, Butters, why don't you just talk to your family about it?
You said your grandma's visiting this week.
Why don't you try talking to her?
My grandma?
Well, so then your cousin Elbert, Linda, actually has two girls now.
One is three, and the other's about little Butters' age, I think.
Well, speak of the devil.
Butters, what happened to your eye?
Grandma, can I talk to you for a second?
Well, sure, you come and sit right here next to Grammy.
Can I maybe talk to Grammy alone?
Well, sure, I guess. We'll go make some tea.
Some tea would be lovely.
What's up?
You think you're tough?
I just don't want you to pick on me no more, Grandma.
You think you're fucking tough? You don't look fucking tough.
- I don't think I'm tough, Grandma. - No, you're a little faggot.
You got any more money?
No, you took it all!
Why don't you do something about it?
Do something, you little bitch. You're Grandma's bitch.
- Here we go. - There's the tea.
Tea for me, how lucky.
- And your favourite lemon bars. - Goodness, what a treat this is.
Mr. Mackey, what is happening here at your school
is no different from what's happening all over the country.
Bullying has become an epidemic, I'm afraid.
And we, at Bully Buckers, trademark, are trying to stamp it out.
What is your school's policy on bullying?
Well, we think that bullying is bad.
M'kay.
When we see bullying in the school, we tell the students, you know, that...
That's bad, m'kay.
Well, one of your students told us
he thinks bullying at your school is getting worse.
- Who said? - He didn't want that disclosed.
He's a little anonymous Andy.
We'd like to have an anti-bullying assembly
with your students this afternoon.
M'kay. But today is actually bad.
I already have an assembly today on positive thinking.
You believe positive thinking is really what's critical in schools right now?
- What's wrong with you? - I mean...
Shut up! What kind of counsellor says no to an anti-bullying campaign?
Bullying needs to be stopped, now. This afternoon.
You may only have an Internet degree,
but why don't you start acting like you're a school counsellor
and not an uninformed backwards little dork? "M'kay."
Attention, students.
Today, we will have an assembly
on the subject of bullying.
M'kay.
The assembly is mandatory.
M'kay.
So you better show up.
M'kay.
Butters, your grandma's looking for you.
My grandma?
She said to meet her outside behind the school.
Hamburgers!
Hey, twerp! You went and narced on me.
Hi, Grandma.
I heard somebody brought in an anti-bully counsellor.
Thought I wouldn't find out, you little narc?
I didn't narc, Grandma. It wasn't me.
Look, what's this over here?
It's a narc puck.
This is what narcs have to put in their mouth.
It's got piss all over it.
No, Grandma, knock it off! No, stop it!
Put it in your mouth. Put it in your fucking mouth.
Hello.
Sorry. This door isn't supposed to be locked.
I'm sorry.
I needed the rest room. My grandson brought me to this one.
- Isn't that right, Butters? - Yes.
Butters, you goofball. I'll show you to the girls' room, ma'am.
Thank you so much.
You narc again and you're fucking dead. Fucking dead, you got it?
- This way. - I'm coming.
What makes a bully?
The truth is there are more bullies at your school than you even think.
The student who lets bullying happen is just as bad as the bully himself.
Come on out, Lorraine.
I asked your schoolmate Lorraine here to help me out.
Are you bullied in the school, Lorraine?
Yes.
Kids pick on you, call you names?
Sometimes.
What kinds of things do they say to you?
Ugly. Nerd.
Do they say, "Nice pants. Why do you wear them up to your tits?"
No.
Bullying affects everyone.
And only if the entire school is united against it can bullying ever be stopped.
Go, go, get out of here.
Now, what we, at Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers, trademark, like to do
is get the schools to make an anti-bullying video.
So, who would like to be the young student director in charge of our video?
We just need one student to be the leader of our anti-bullying campaign.
What, are you all chicken?
Nobody wants to be in charge of the anti-bully video?
I'll do it. I'll be in charge.
You're a big man? You wanna show what a big man you are?
No, I think bullying has gotten out of hand, and it needs to be stopped.
Good for you, Stan.
He's cool.
You wanna know who I hate? I hate that kid, Butters.
He's a dork.
Yeah, let's go pick on him. Yeah.
Hey, guys, don't pick on Butters. That's not cool. You can't do that.
Bullying, did you know that in America,
over 200,000 students every day are afraid
to come to school because of bullying?
At South Park Elementary, we're better than that.
Come on. Let's all put an end to bullying, right now!
Five, six, seven, eight.
Bullying isn't cool Bullying is lame
Bullying is ugly and has a stupid name
For a healthy world bullying is unfit
And I think I know what we should do to it
Do, do, do, do, do to it
Let's all get together
And make bullying kill itself
Bullying is an ugly thing
Let's shove its face in the dirt
And make bullying kill itself
Boy, you like my body Set the mood, let's play
You can touch me anywhere except for my vajayjay
We can make it stop We can stomp it out
We can beat its ass until it starts to cry
Let's gang up on it and tell it it smells
And beat its ass worse if it ever tells
If, if, if it ever tells
Let's all join together
To try to make bullying kill itself
It will be fun to see just how bad
We can make it feel
Make bullying kill itself
My heart says yes
But my vajayjay says no
Trapped inside the darkness of my mind
I try to break free The words are so unkind
- Stupid. - Ugly.
- Pansy. - Dork.
You guys, can I not do this, please?
I don't wanna do this.
Butters, you ruined it!
This is all one big long shot, and you ruined it.
But this is just gonna make things worse for me.
- Butters, you're the star of the video. - He doesn't want to do it, dude.
Well, come on, you just wanna be bullied your whole life, Butters?
Kyle?
Kyle, dude, where are you going?
- Why are you doing this, Stan? - To stop bullying.
- You're gonna stop bullying? - Yes.
With Cartman singing about his vagina?
It's about awareness, dude.
Don't you understand how important this is?
Bullying, do you realise that in America,
over 200,000 students are afraid to come to school every day...
Don't act for me, Stan. Really.
Because every minute I'm watching this video
become less about awareness and more about you.
- Kyle, I'm trying to make a difference. - Okay.
Just be careful you don't end up naked and jacking it in San Diego.
What the hell does that mean?
Heavens to Betsy, Linda. This is such a yummy, yummy ham.
I just love your cooking.
Our Linda certainly does know her way around a pork.
What's the matter, Butters?
Nothing, Dad, just a little gassy.
Don't fart on Grandma. She's trying to enjoy her ham.
Okay, Dad, I won't.
I'll get it.
Linda, is that a new clock on the wall?
Yes. Stephen and I got that last month.
It's from Germany, I believe.
I just love the cute little canary on the dial.
And every hour, it chimes.
Your friends wanted to see you, Butters.
Dude, Butters, we have awesome news.
A Hollywood movie company is gonna buy our bullying video.
An anti-bullying video? How adorable.
Yeah, and Butters is the star.
The movie company wants to do a photo shoot with him
so we can make movie posters.
I know, right!
- What's up? - Hey.
You went and made a video, and sold it without letting me know.
Doing the video was my idea.
It's the property of Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers, trademark, you got that?
But I worked hard on that. It's been really stressful...
"It's been stressful"? What's wrong with you?
Kids are getting bullied at school, and with this money,
Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers, trademark,
can finally become the legit organisation it deserves to be.
You greedy, selfish, little prick!
- What? You gonna cry? - No.
No. Go ahead, cry. Let me see you. Let me see you cry.
You don't have a choice, Butters. You have to defend yourself.
But violence is never the answer.
But she's gonna kill you, Butters. You know she is.
You're right, Butters, I don't have a choice.
Sorry, Grandma, but you brought this on yourself.
It's time you met Chaos.
I've been pushed around for the last time.
Now I'm coming, and heck's coming with me.
Look, it's Captain Pussy.
You can't stop me, Captain Pussy. Don't even try.
Grandma? But how...
I got inspired when I came across your gay little costume in your closet.
Now come on, Captain Pussy. Time for you to get your gummy bears.
No. Grandma, please. Not gummy bears.
Come here!
- Grandma! - Stand up for yourself.
- Fight back, be a fucking man. - I can't.
Then it looks like you get gummy bears.
Gummy bears!
What's up?
I'm Mick Jabs, president of the movie company
that bought the bully video.
What? Stan Marsh got you to come talk to me?
That little cliché conflict resolution Kevin.
The video was conceived, written and directed
by the South Park student body. You got that?
It was my idea.
I told the students to make the video, and I produced the entire thing.
I deserve to have my name on it.
Yeah. Only problem is America doesn't give a shit
about an old fart with a Captain Kangaroo haircut.
They wanna believe kids did something on their own.
Here's a cease-and-desist letter from our lawyers.
If you ever claim any authorship of the video again,
we will sue you for everything you have.
But this was gonna be the thing that finally made Bully Buckers, trademark,
a national organisation.
You gonna cry? Don't cry.
It will look bad with your little Captain Kangaroo haircut.
Cool. Hold it right there. Cool.
Excuse me, what are you doing to my locker?
We're putting up movie posters, Kyle. The premiere's tomorrow.
But since you walked out on the video, you don't get to come.
I don't wanna go to your stupid movie premiere.
And don't tape that to my locker!
Oh, God.
What's up, Kyle? Why you trying to trash-talk our theatrical release?
Do you really think this is good for Butters?
To have his face put all over signs as the poster child for bullying?
- Butters is totally fine with it, dude. - Yeah, well, Butters is 10.
He doesn't exactly know what's best for him, and neither do you.
All right, Kyle, that's enough. I'm not gonna be bullied by you, okay.
What? You were waiting for me in the bathroom.
Oh, yeah.
Look, this is all getting way too big.
Tell the movie studio you aren't selling the video to them.
This video can change how people think about bullying.
It needs to be seen by everybody, Kyle.
If it needs to be seen by everybody,
then why don't you put it out on the Internet for free?
Well?
- What's the question again? - If you really think
every kid in America should see your anti-bullying movie,
then why don't you put it on the Internet for free?
Get out of here, Kyle. I'm trying to go to the bathroom.
Fine.
But when you're naked and jacking it in San Diego, don't ask me for help.
Why does he keep saying that?
We all know that bullying has become an epidemic.
Like AIDS, bullying is escalating, and is spread mostly by penises.
But now a few school kids are trying to make a difference
with a video to make bullying kill itself.
I'm joined by the film's director
as well as the weak little boy who's the main subject of the film.
Stan, congratulations on all your success.
Well, I just got tired of seeing people like Butters getting pushed around
and I knew I had to do something about it.
And how about you?
What would you like to say to your bully out there?
Nothing.
Come on. This is for everyone who's been a victim.
What do you want to say to bullies all across America?
Go ahead, right now, say it.
Stop trying to make me say things I don't want to on your TV show.
Do you hear that, bullies?
Stop making kids say things on your TV shows.
- What else do you wanna say, Butters? - Please leave me alone.
Leave him alone.
But that doesn't work, does it, Butters?
No, it doesn't.
Tell us in graphic detail what the bully does to you.
- Stop it! - Come on, this is for America.
Do you realise that in America,
over 200,000 students are afraid to go to school because of bullying?
Don't you care? You better care.
What the hell were you thinking?
Everyone just saw that the bully victim in your movie
is actually a violent psychopath.
- I didn't know. - This could kill our box office.
People are gonna come after us now saying we didn't check our facts.
I didn't beat up Dr. Oz. Don't be mad at me.
It's your fucking movie!
Now, I'm gonna have to work overtime with marketing
to make sure people still sympathise with our victim.
Jesus! Just get the fuck out of here. I got to go to the bathroom.
My child, have you ever heard of a place called hell?
It's eternal fire, and it's gonna hurt real bad.
What are you gonna do, cry now?
Grandma, I did it, Grandma.
I finally stood up for myself.
I got real mean, and I beat the snot out of Dr. Oz.
I can't lie, it felt kind of good, at first.
But since then, all I have is this, kind of, dark, empty feeling.
Then I realised that's how you must feel, all the time.
Poor old Grandma.
You know, I've been given lots of advice how to deal with you.
Stand up to you, tell on you...
But I kind of realised there's just people like you out there,
all over the place.
When you're a kid, things seem like they're gonna last forever,
but they're not.
Life changes. You won't always be around.
Someday, you're gonna die.
Someday pretty soon.
And when you're laying in that hospital bed,
with tubes up your nose,
and that little pan under your butt to pee in,
I'll come visit you.
I'll come just to show you that I'm still alive and I'm still happy.
And you'll die,
being nothing but you.
Good night, Grandma.
Come on.
- Dude, what's going on? - You didn't hear?
Now that America knows Butters was actually a violent psychopath,
they're saying you made a bullcrap bullying video.
What? What's the movie studio saying about it?
The studio backed out. The producer had a change of heart.
- You made us look like uncaring idiots. - Yeah.
How was I supposed to know Butters was actually a violent psychopath?
Everyone loved me 16 hours ago.
Stan, ABC called, and Dr. Oz is suing you
and our entire school.
What are you gonna do?
I guess there's only one thing left for me to do.
I'm gonna jack it where the sun always shines
He's gonna jack it
Been spreading the word and now I need to ease my mind
Jacking it, ho
Been planting them apple seeds and while the apples grow
I'm gonna go out jacking it in San Diego
Jacking it, jacking it jackety-jack
Spanking it, jacking it spankety-smack
I don't need no shirt, no Gonna take them pants right off
He's about to jack it
On such a bright day who needs underwear or socks
Jacking, jacking, ho
Been around God's country and there's one thing I know
There's no better place for jacking it than San Diego
Jack it, jack it jackety-jack
Spanking it, spanking it smackety-smack
Jacking it, jacking it jackety-jack
Jacking for the Lord
Come to San Diego. There's so much to see.
From the sparkling waters of Mission Bay
to the warm tortillas of Old Town.
And after a day of sightseeing,
why not try spanking it in one of our charming city streets?
San Diego. Come, take a load off.
Jacking it, jacking it jackety-jack
Spanking it, spanking it smackety-smack
Whacking it, whacking it whackety-whack
Spanking it, jerking it smackety-smack
The cars are passing me by They honk and say hello
That guy's jacking it!
From his window there's a guy shooting video
Video of him jacking it
And if the good Lord Jesus comes knocking on my door
Just tell him that I'm jacking it in San Diego
Jacking it, jacking it jackety-jack
Spanking it, spanking it smackety-smack
He's about to jack it
Jacking it Jack, jacking it Jack Whack, whacking it, whacking it
Spank, spank, spankety-whack