♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
- ♪ Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- ♪ [muffled] ♪
- ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
- Hello, sir.
Postman Butters with a special delivery for you.
- What's this?
- An all-new sushi restaurant just opened in town.
Try their lunch specials. - Thanks.
- You can count on Postman Butters.
Special delivery, ma'am. Here you are, sir.
Brand-new sushi restaurant in town.
A flyer for you from Postman Butters.
[Bell rings]
- [Chinese accent] Welcome to "Shitty" Wok.
Can I take a order, please?
- Hello, sir.
Postman Butters here with a special delivery for you.
- What you talking about?
- It's a coupon for a brand-new Asian restaurant
that just opened up in town.
- A what? Let me see that!
Oh, no! A sushi place?
How come every time a hardworking Chinese man
open a business, some smelly Japanese dog
has to come and try invade him?
- Uh, I don't know.
I'm just being paid to hand out flyers.
- Where is this Japanese toilet bowl?
How far from my City Wok?
- You mean the sushi restaurant?
It's right over there.
- What? What?
[Bell jangles]
What the fuck?
[Bell jangles]
- [Japanese accent] Welcome to "Shitty" Sushi.
Can I take a order, please?
- What's the big idea putting your City Sushi
right next to my City Wok?
- I'm sorry.
I do not understand your accent.
You want City tuna roll?
- No, I don't want City tuna roll!
I want you to go find another shitty town
to open your shitty sushi place!
- Why don't you please just speak English?
Maybe I can understand you!
- I am speaking English!
Why don't you speak fucking English,
you soba-eating fuck?
- Get out, or I call police!
- Come on, kid.
You don't want to eat this City sushi.
It give you worms.
- Better than City kung pao chicken
made from cat!
- Hello.
- Sir, does this mailman belong to you?
- That's my son. Is there a problem, Officer?
- There's been an Asian turf war, sir,
and your son appears to have caused it.
- What? An Asian turf war?
Butters, you are grounded!
- But, sir, I was just handing out coupons for... -
- Don't talk back to me!
- We'll send a bill for the damages,
but in the meantime,
please keep a closer eye on your child, sir.
- Go up to your room, now!
- What's going on?
- Butters started an Asian turf war.
- Oh, for the love of Pete! What is wrong with that boy?
- I don't know, but it's clear it isn't our parenting.
We're awesome.
He must have mental problems.
I think we better have him checked out, Linda.
- [Exhales]
- Well, Dr. Janus?
- I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Your son is suffering from multiple personality disorder.
- What?
- There are several distinct personalities
going on in there.
One is named Postman Butters.
And yet another is Fireman Butters.
And then there's even Inspector Butters
and a Professor Chaos.
- Oh, my God!
- From what I gather, he seems to mostly
jump in and out of personalities
when he's outside playing.
Sometimes he's a cowboy,
and other times he's an Indian.
And the two seem to be at constant odds.
- Oh, poor Butters! [Crying]
- Doctor, what can we do? Should we ground him?
- No, I don't think grounding him
would do much good at this point.
What your son needs now
is lots of tender loving medication,
heavy medication.
- Tom, a brand-new sushi place
has opened in South Park,
adding to our booming Asian district.
With the addition of the new Chinese restaurant,
townspeople are officially naming
this whole Chinatown area Little Tokyo.
[Bell jangles]
- What the fuck?
You see what happened?
- I told you not to come in here!
- Now everyone in town think Chinese and Japanese
are the same fucking thing.
- I don't even know
what the fuck you are saying!
[Mocking gibberish]
- Aah, you Japanese racist!
- Stephen! Stephen, come quick!
It's Butters!
Look.
- Honk, honk!
Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9.
It's clean clear out to Flagtown.
Looks like we got ourselves a convoy.
Honk, honk!
- [Sobbing] Now he thinks he's a truck driver.
- Oh, God, the medication isn't working!
- 10-4, good buddy.
You got a smokey on your tail,
but Big Rig Butters is here to help.
Vroom vroom!
- Butters! Butters! Butters!
- Oh, hey, Dad.
- You're back.
You're back! He's back!
[Sobbing]
I love you, son.
- I love you too, Dad.
- You're going to be okay, Butters.
Do you hear me?
You are going to be okay!
[Bell jangles]
- You get out!
I told you not to come in here!
- Okay, whoa. Just hold a minute.
Hold a minute. I come in peace.
- I don't believe you!
- Come on, look.
All this fighting, it's just so silly, you know?
Chinese and Japanese
been fighting for so long, it's ridiculous.
What we need is to have a "tweety."
- What is a tweety?
- No, no, we need a "tweety."
- A tweety?
- No, not "tweety." A tweety!
- Oh, you mean a "tweety"?
- What the fuck is a tweety?
- No, no, a tweety!
- A "tweety"?
Look, look, all these racist people
think that Chinese and Japanese are the same, right?
So you and me, we put on a big assembly
for all the kids at the school,
and everyone understand the culture difference.
You know, so they know fried rice isn't from Japan
and teriyaki isn't from China.
- Teriyaki isn't from China?
- No, teriyaki is not from fucking China!
- Very well.
I will do assembly with you.
- Oh, really? Oh, great!
Okay, I'll meet you tomorrow. We can go over our plan.
And when you get to that assembly,
you're gonna get big surprise,
you Japanese dog.
- Butters, when you were playing in the yard yesterday,
do you remember becoming someone named
Big Rig Butters?
- Sure.
- What makes Big Rig Butters come out?
Did somebody hurt him?
Did he do something bad he can't forgive himself for?
- No, he's pretty much just a truck driver.
- You don't know.
But maybe somebody else in there does.
Do you think it would be possible for me
to speak with... Inspector Butters?
- Sure.
- I'm now speaking to the person
known as Inspector Butters.
- Inspector Butters is on the case.
[Laughing] This is fun!
- Inspector Butters, what do you want?
- Uh, to solve mysteries.
- And is there someone else living with you,
someone named...
Professor Chaos?
- Oh, well, sure.
He's the bringer of destruction and evil.
- He's a bad man.
He doesn't like Butters, does he?
Does Professor Chaos want to murder Butters?
- What? Why would I do that?
- Who am I speaking to now?
- Me, Butters.
- Ah, Butters, you're back.
- Sir, I'm confused. - I know you are.
This is going to sound scary, pal,
but you have people living inside your head,
and some of them want to murder you.
- Really?
- Yes, I'm afraid you're a little sick.
But it's okay, because together,
we're going to get you well.
[Childlike voice] Don't listen to Dr. Janus!
He's a mean old man and a big silly grown-up!
- Pardon me?
- He's just a big old stick-in-the-mud
who doesn't like to play.
[Normal voice] Don't mind him, Butters.
Billy's a pretty messed up kid.
He was molested by his uncle, you see.
[Gruff voice] Dr. Janus isn't going to be alive for long.
I'm going to kill him!
[Normal voice] Now, what are the things
that make you happy, Butters?
What's the matter, Butters? Are you still with us?
Is one of your other personalities
trying to take over?
[Childlike voice] Let's play "battleship"!
All hands on the poop deck!
[Gruff voice] Your soul will bleed for eternity.
[Female voice] You don't even know what sexy is, Mr. Harrison.
[Happy voice] ♪ That Big Red freshness ♪
♪ Lasts right through it ♪
[elderly voice] The horned toad says we should go to Mexico.
[Normal voice] What are you feeling, Butters?
Are you nervous about your condition?
- Yes!
[Static]
- This is Butters.
It's Wednesday night at 9:00 p.m.
From what I understand, there are people
living inside my head, and they want to kill me.
It must be true, because now every night I wet the bed.
So tonight I'm gonna leave the camera on
to see what exactly I become while I'm sleeping.
Oh, man, this is freaky,
like that movie Paranormal.
So good night for now.
Good night, Butters.
Hmm. All right.
I guess I'm gonna fast-forward.
[Gasps]
[Door creaks]
Dr. Janus?
[Grunting]
Mom, Dad! I wet the bed again!
Oh, sweet jumpin' Jesus!
- Okay, kids,
today we have a special assembly, m'kay.
We're going to learn about the diversity of Asian people.
Please welcome Mr. Lu Kim and Mr. Junichi Takayama.
- Shake that.
[Electronic dance music]
- Ni hao ma, South Park Elementary!
- Konichiwa!
- How we all feeling?
Hey, Mr. Takayama,
did you know China and Japan
are actually different countries?
- Oh, really? Hey, that's right.
If you look at map, you can see.
- This whole thing is China,
and Japan is this little bitty country over here.
And that's why the Japanese
always try and take over China!
- What?
- The Japanese rape and kill people in Nanking!
The only thing Japanese love more than killing people
is killing themselves.
Suicide rate in Japan sky high.
- Fuck you!
- Oh, no, I'm Japanese, and I had a bad day!
I think I'm gonna kill myself.
- Oh, hello, Butters.
I wasn't expecting you until 5:30.
- Uh, yeah, Dr. Janus,
I wanted to give you something.
You remember how you told me if I got myself on video,
it might help me with my problem?
- Yes, did you catch something?
- Well, yeah, I saw you pissing in my face.
- Oh, so you're onto me, huh, you little shit?
- Huh?
- What, Inspector Butters figured out I set him up?
- Well, no, I just thought
it was one of your other personalities trying to-
- Oh, come on!
You think multiple personality disorder is real?
I've been using that to scam this town for seven years.
Now I gotta get out of here, thanks to you.
But I'm getting one last heist before I go,
and you're gonna help me!
Get in there! Move it, asshole!
- This is illegal. We could get arrested.
Oh, Jesus!
[Glass shatters]
- They're all idiots.
The vault! Get to the vault!
Come on, go. Move it!
Get this on and get in that vault!
That's where the real goods are.
Torch that door. Do you hear me?
I'll kill your parents! I'll kill your friends!
I said get that fucking door open!
- I'm trying, sir!
- Butters?
Butters, what are you doing?
What is that, a blowtorch? Put that down.
You're having another episode.
- What?
- Butters. Your name is Butters.
Try and remember.
- But you said to- but I got to... you told me to-
- Oh, boy.
You've really done it this time.
I know it's not your fault, but I'm sorry,
I'm going to have to alert the authorities, pal.
[Police radio chatter]
You have to try and understand
that he can't help what he's doing, officer.
He probably has no memory of it at all.
- Well, at least everything is accounted for.
Thank God you came when you did, Dr. Janus.
- Breaking into a store, Butters?
What are you?
- Well, I suppose there's no need for jail,
Mr. And Mrs. Stotch,
so long as you ground your son.
- Oh, we'll ground the shit out of him, Detective.
Thank you so much.
[Bell jangles]
- Uh, hello.
- You get the fuck out of my place!
- Okay, hold on. Hold on, please.
I'm sorry, okay, I sorry.
I admit it, I fucked you at the assembly.
How about you and me together
do an Asian diversity festival.
- Get the fuck out before I call police!
- Please, I admitting it, okay?
I fucked you at assembly.
There's no way around it. It was very sneaky.
Kind of like Pearl Harbor, okay?
That was a little sneaky too, huh?
Pearl Harbor kind of sneaky.
I think we can all be a little sneaky sometime.
Hmm?
But that sneaky Chinese man, he's gone.
Okay?
Okay, if we can have a Asian diversity festival,
then we no longer have to deal
with racial stereotypes.
Please.
- Against my better judgment,
I will trust you one more time.
But this time, you better not rub your hands together
when you turn around to walk away.
- Okay. See you tomorrow.
And at that Asian diversity day,
you're gonna get a little surprise,
you Japanese dog.
- That does it. You hear me?
I am through with all of you.
No more Postman Butters, no more Inspector Butters,
no more porn star Butters, no more Professor Chaos,
and no more- [horn honks]
Aah!
[Whimpering]
- [Grunts]
[Childlike voice] Butters, please.
It's me, Billy. You gotta help!
Please, Butters.
I've tried to tell ol' Dr. Janus that we're in danger,
but Dr. Janus doesn't realize there's a problem.
The mean man that lives in our head
is trying to take over for good.
- Um, excuse me!
- No, no, no, no, no! Don't call out for help.
He's got a gun.
- Waah!
- If you draw any attention, he'll kill us.
- Please, Billy, I'm just a kid too.
I can't help you.
- No, you can't,
but you know somebody who can.
Inspector Butters.
- What?
- You've got to become Inspector Butters again
and help me find out what the mean man wants.
- No!
You told me not to play Inspector Butters.
- You don't understand.
For some reason, the mean man is getting stronger.
You have to help me find out how to stop him.
Please!
- [Sighs]
[Exotic music]
- Tom, I'm standing in the heart
of South Park's Little Tokyo,
where the multitude of our town's Chinese
are putting on a festival.
Both of them have gone all out
to celebrate Asian culture.
The owner of Shitty Wok has actually paid
for what he calls a tower of peace
to symbolize harmony between the two restaurants.
[Chopping]
- Mr. Takayama, a note for you.
- "Konichiwa, my fine Japanese friend.
"It's so great that Chinese and Japanese
"are finally getting along.
"We should take our picture together
"on top of the tower of peace.
"I'm up there waiting for you now.
"Please, come meet me on top of the tower of peace.
"It will be really nice.
"Yes, and when you get to the top of that tower,
"you're going to get a little surprise,
"you Japanese... - oh, sorry.
Anyway, see you on top of tower."
[Thunder crashing]
- [Childlike voice] Dr. Janus sure has
a big house, doesn't he?
He's planning on hurting people; I just know it.
- It's okay, Billy.
We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
- This is kind of fun.
You're Inspector Butters, and I'm your faithful assistant,
Dr. Watson.
- All right, Watson.
Well, let's find out what we need to
and get out of here.
- Yeah.
[Normal voice] Butters, what are you doing in my house?
- Huh?
- Oh, dear. It's okay, Butters.
You just think you're Inspector Butters right now.
- Oh, man.
- Come on, let's get you home.
[Childlike voice] Where you going, Butters?
- Oh, come on!
- [Gruff voice] You aren't leaving here, Inspector.
None of you are!
- Aah!
[Screaming]
- [Normal voice] Butters, come on.
Try and come back to us.
[Gruff voice] You can't run forever!
[Nasal voice] Excuse me, did someone order a pizza?
[Normal voice] Yes, that was me,
but I'm a little busy at the moment.
I'll be right back.
[Gruff voice] You'll never turn me in, Inspector Butters!
You're dead! - Aah!
[Whimpering]
Unh!
[Gasps]
- They wanna take over my City Wok!
Holy crap, what time is it?
Oh, no, I'm late!
[Dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[exhales]
- What took you so long?
- Yes, I'm afraid my tower of peace
was a little bit of trickery, Mr. Japanese dog.
I'm going to put an end to you,
and everyone gonna think it's just because
you did what Japanese people love doing most.
No, don't do it! Don't kill yourself, please!
- Oh! Fuck you! I'm not trying to kill myself.
- No, don't do it, please! So much to live for!
- This is South Park Police!
- Police? How?
- We know the truth, Dr. Janus.
- This Chinese rat trying to kill me.
- He's not Chinese. He's white.
- What the fuck you talking about?
- Your name is Dr. Janus.
- You people crazy!
[Childlike voice] Listen to them, it's true!
[Gruff voice] Truth hurts, doesn't it, Janus.
[Normal voice] Who are you people?
Why are you all here?
- How could I let myself believe
white man was a Chinese?
I have brought shame upon myself!
Aah!
No! This is racial stereotype!
- So you're telling us that Dr. Janus
has been the owner of City Wok all this time?
- That's right.
Of all his multiple personalities,
the strongest was Lu Kim,
and we never would have known
if it hadn't have been for Inspector Butters.
[Applause]
- Thanks.
I'm just glad the whole thing is over and done.
Maybe now poor ol' Dr. Janus
can finally get the help he needs.
- Yes, Butters, thanks to you
maybe Dr. Janus can get back to his real self.
- Yes, I'm sure he could.
But then again...
does the world really need another therapist?
- What do you mean?
- Well, I mean, would it really be so bad for us
to just let him go on thinking
he's Lu Kim forever?
Now that City Sushi is gone,
City Wok is the only Chinese restaurant left in town.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah!
Let's just let him keep believing he's a Chinese man.
- Done. - Good!
- All right! [All cheering]
- Detective, he's asking for a blanket.
Is that all right? - Go ahead.
We're gonna process him
and get him back to the restaurant.
- Thank you.
[Thinking] Ooh, I hate Japanese people.
They try and shut down my City Wok.
But they never will.
They're probably all watching me, the Japanese.
Let them.
I'm not even gonna swat that fly.
They'll see.
And they'll say, "Wow, that City Wok owner,
why, he wouldn't even harm a fly."
[Suspenseful music]
♪ ♪