♪ I'M GOIN' DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪
♪ GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME ♪
♪ FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE ♪
♪ HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪
♪ I'M GOIN' DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪
♪ GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND ♪
♪ AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT, PEOPLE SPOUTING HOWDY NEIGHBOR ♪
♪ HEADIN' ON UP TO SOUTH PARK, GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪
♪ [muffIed] ♪
♪ COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE ♪
- HEY, EVERYBODY! HOW'S IT GOING?
I JUST-- I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO STOP.
HEY, YOU! YOU GOIN' SWIMMING?
DON'T FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL! [coughs]
GET OUT OF MY FACE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
MY NAME IS TOWELIE.
T-O-W-E-L...
Y-E-Y.
I'M GREAT AT CLEANING UP SPILLS.
AND I'M 100% MACHINE WASHABLE.
I'M JUST AN ORDINARY TOWEL IN A LOT OF WAYS.
EXCEPT FOR ONE.
I'M ADDICTED TO MARIJUANA.
AND CRYSTAL METH.
AND CRACK.
[somber guitar music]
ANYBODY WANT THEIR DICK SUCKED?
DOES ANYBODY WANT THEIR DICK SUCKED BY A TOWEL?
- TOWELIE HAS BECOME A COMPLETE NIGHTMARE IN OUR TOWN.
HE'S BROKEN INTO MY HOUSE TWICE AND STOLEN MY ALLOWANCE.
I'VE GOT ALMOST NOTHING LEFT.
- IF WE'RE PLAYING OUTSIDE, HE SHOWS UP COMPLETELY WASTED
AND SCREAMING HOW THE GOVERNMENT IS FOLLOWING HIM.
- [sobbing] I-I JUST DON'T WANT TO WATCH HIM
KILL HIMSELF!
[inhales sharply]
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS ANYMORE!
- THERE'S IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND
THAT IF WE DON'T GET TOWELIE HELP,
OUR ENTIRE SUMMER IS GONNA BE RUINED.
- ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUMMER?
ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUNSHINE?
ARE YOU READY FOR THE BIRDS AND BEES
THE APPLE TREES
AND A WHOLE LOT OF FOOLING AROUND
- OH, BOY, TIMMY!
IT'S OUR FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR.
- TIMMY!
- WE GET TO SEE ALL OUR OLD FRIENDS AGAIN!
HEY, THERE'S FRANCIS! HEY, FRANCIS!
- HEY, JIMMY! HEY, TIM!
- TIMMY!
- WOW! LOOK AT LENORA, EVERYONE!
GOOD JOB! COME ON! GOOD JOB, LENORA!
ALL RIGHT, GOOD. LET'S GET LENORA A TOWEL.
- BRR!
- COME ON, WHERE'S THE TOWEL?
- THE TOWEL ISN'T HERE.
I THINK IT'S OFF GETTING HIGH AGAIN.
- HEY! WHERE'S THAT TOWEL?
- OH, YEAH, JUST A SEC!
- WE WENT OUT AND GOT TOWELIE A JOB
SO HE COULD TRY AND PAYS US BACK
ALL THE MONEY HE OWES US.
STUPID TOWEL.
- WHAT'S GOING ON, TOWEL?
- OH, YEAH, JUST HAD TO TAKE A PISS.
SORRY.
- WE GOT WET CAMPERS DOWN THERE.
MOVE YOUR ASS!
- WHEN TOWELIE IS DOING HEROIN,
HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.
STUPID...HANDICAP...CAMP.
- ALL RIGHT, BLUE TEAM.
AS TEAM CAPTAIN, I NEED TO MAKE SURE
WE ARE READY FOR THE BIG CAMP COMPETITION!
- OH, WE'RE WEADY, AWIGHT!
WE CAN WEALLY STICK IT TO THE WED TEAM THIS YEAR! HA HA HA!
- NO WAY RED TEAM CAN BEAT US.
NO WAY. HUH HUH HUH!
- RED TEAM WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM.
- ALL RIGHT! EVERYONE TOGETHER!
ARE WE GONNA BEAT RED TEAM THIS YEAR?
all: YEAH! - TIMMY!
- YEAH! [all cheering]
- I CAN'T STAND HIM, MIMSY.
THAT JIMMY KID MAKES MY FUCKING SKIN CRAWL.
- DUH, YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED JIMMY, BOSS,
EVER SINCE HE WHOOPED YOU AT SURFING LAST SUMMER CAMP.
HE REALLY TOOK IT TO YA GOOD!
- SHUT UP, MIMSY!
- OH, SORRY BOSS. - LISTEN TO ME.
THERE IS NO WAY THAT BLUE TEAM
IS GONNA BEAT RED TEAM THIS YEAR AT CAMP.
YOU GOT THAT?
WHAT WE NEED TO DO, MIMSY,
IS USE A LITTLE BRAIN POWER
TO MAKE SURE BLUE TEAM CAN'T COMPETE.
- OH, BOY!
WE'RE GONNA RUIN BLUE TEAM'S CHANCES, HUH?
WE'RE GONNA BREAK THEIR LEGS OR SOMETHING, BOSS?
- SHUT UP, MIMSY!
JUST DO WHAT I SAY AND WE CAN MAKE SURE
JIMMY VULMER GETS WHAT'S COMIN' TO HIM.
- THERE YA GO, LENORA. ALL BETTER NOW?
- YES, THANKS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, WHEN YOU GO SWIMMING,
DON'T FORGET TO BRING A--BLECCH!
- AAH! - WHO HIRED THAT TOWEL?
IT CAN BARELY WALK, LET ALONE DRY SOMEBODY OFF.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? HUH?
YOU THINK YOU'RE FUCKING HOT SHIT?
- A LOT OF TIMES WHEN TOWELIE SHOOTS HEROIN,
HE JUST GETS ANGRY AT EVERYBODY.
- YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT!
YOU'RE ALL-- YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF TOWELS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!
- THE THING IS,
TOWELIE WAS PRETTY HAPPY BEFORE.
HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND HE LIKED.
AND THEN SHE GOT PREGNANT
AND HAD A LITTLE WASHCLOTH.
BUT THEN TOWELIE JUST KEPT GETTING MORE AND MORE HIGH,
AND HE GOT KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE.
- FUCK YOU! LET ME TALK TO HIM.
LET ME TALK TO HIM, YOU BITCH!
NO! I'M NOT HIGH!
I HAVEN'T BEEN HIGH SINCE WEDNESDAY.
OH, IT IS WEDNESDAY?
- ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS!
OUR FIRST EVENT IS THE BIG CANOE RACE!
- OH, BOY, THE CANOE RACES! HEEE!
- WE GOTTA BE-BE-BE-BE-BE--
WE GOTTA B-B-BEAT THE RED TEAM!
- I'VE GOT IT, MIMSY.
I GOT A WAY TO WIN THE RACE
AND GET RID OF JIMMY FOR GOOD.
- DUH, OH, BOY! WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO, BOSS?
- SIMPLE, MIMSY.
WE'RE GONNA PUT A LITTLE SURPRISE IN THE CANOE.
- DOH, DOH, WHAT KIND OF A SURPRISE?
OOH, IT'S A SNAKE!
- NOT JUST ANY SNAKE, MIMSY.
IT'S A BLACK MAMBA.
- OH, GEE WIZ, BOSS.
WE'RE GONNA KILL ALL THE BLUE TEAM AND JIMMY, HUH?
- SHH! SHH!
- YOU BOYS EXCITED FOR THE CANOE RACE?
- YES, COUNSELOR STEVE.
I LIKE THE FUN CANOE.
- CANOES ARE FUN, AREN'T THEY?
- NOW TAKE THE BLACK MAMBA, MIMSY,
AND PUT IT IN THE CANOE.
I'M GONNA GO GET OUR TEAM READY.
- ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS, ARE WE READY?
- YEAH!
- GOOD LUCK, JIMMY!
- YOU TOO, N-N-NATHAN!
- YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
- ON YOUR MARK!
GET SET! [starting pistoIs fires]
[all cheering]
[banjo music]
[snake hisses]
- AAH! HOLY SHIT!
MIMSY, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?
- DUH, YOU SAID TO PUT THE BLACK MAMBA
IN THE CANOE, BOSS!
- NOT IN OUR CANOE, MIMSY!
[all shouting]
- WE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE FIRST!
- HEY, HEY, WE NEED A TOWEL!
- UH, OH, UM, JUST A SEC!
- NOT JUST A SEC.
WE GOT A BUNCH OF WET CAMPERS DOWN THERE!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- HEY, YOU OWE ME MONEY, ASSHOLE!
- THAT'S IT. WE'RE DONE.
YOU ARE NO LONGER EMPLOYED HERE.
- PLEASE, SIR.
- WE NEED A NICE, CLEAN TOWEL
HERE AT SUMMER CAMP.
WE DON'T NEED A TOWEL THAT SHOOTS HEROIN
AND HAS SEX FOR MONEY.
- SOME PEOPLE ARE SO PICKY ABOUT THEIR TOWELS.
- ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS!
NEXT EVENT IS THE BIG SCAVENGER HUNT!
BLUE TEAM IS GONNA GO FIRST!
- I FINALLY GOT IT, MIMSY.
I GOT A WAY WE CAN KILL JIMMY
AND BEAT THE BLUE TEAM.
- OH, BOY! WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO TO 'EM, HUH, BOSS?
- SIMPLE. WE'RE GOING TO GET JIMMY KILLED
BY NATIVE AMERICANS.
HERE TAKE THIS.
IT'S A FAKE SCAVENGER HUNT MAP.
- DUH, THIS MAP LEADS TO THE SCAVENGER HUNT?
- NO. THAT MAP LEADS TO THE INDIAN RESERVATION.
WE SWITCH THIS WITH BLUE TEAM'S SCAVENGER HUNTING MAP,
AND THEY'LL END UP
RIGHT ON THE TARDICACA INDIAN RESERVATION.
- OH, BOY!
WE'RE GONNA GET JIMMY KILLED BY INDIANS, HUH, BOSS?
- SHH! SHH!
- ARE YOU BOYS EXCITED FOR THE NEAT SCAVENGER HUNT?
- YES, COUNSELOR STEVE. I LIKE A SCAVENGER HUNT.
ALL RIGHT, MIMSY.
NOW YOU TAKE THIS MAP TO THE INDIAN RESERVATION
AND YOU SWITCH IT WITH BLUE TEAM'S MAP.
YOU GOT THAT, MIMS?
YOU SWITCH THE MAP. SWITCH THE MAP.
- I GOT IT, BOSS.
SWITCH THE MAP! SWITCH THE MAP!
HOW COME WE'RE SCAVENGER HUNTIN' NOW, BOSS?
- BECAUSE, STUPID, NOW THAT WE HAVE BLUE TEAM'S MAP
WE CAN GET THEIR SCAVENGER PRIZE, TOO.
- OH, BOY!
- THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
WHY WOULD THEY MAKE US GO THIS FAR?
WE'RE HANDICAPPED.
TURN LEFT AT THE--WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT THE--
OH, FUCK!
MIMSY! THIS IS THE MAP TO THE INDIAN RESERVATION!
- WELL, SURE IT IS, BOSS!
- I TOLD YOU TO SWITCH THIS WITH THE MAP FOR BLUE TEAM!
- NO, YOU TOLD ME TO SWITCH THE MAP, SWITCH THE MAP.
SO I SWITCHED IT, AND I SWITCHED.
- MIMSY!
[traditionaI Native American music]
UH, MY NAME IS NATHAN.
I'M DISABLED.
AAH!
- HEY, EVERYBODY!
LET'S ALL GO TO THE OFFICE SUPPLY STORE!
- YOU MUST HAVE ONE DUSTY COMPUTER.
- FUCK YOU! IT'S NOT ILLEGAL, BITCH.
[inhaling]
I FEEL LIKE I COULD CONQUER THE WORLD.
IT'S LIKE I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE!
- I REALLY THINK THIS INTERVENTION
IS TOWELIE'S LAST CHANCE.
TOWELIE, OPEN THE DOOR!
- GO AWAY! I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE!
- TOWELIE, I GOTTA TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE REALLY IMPORTANT.
- JUST--JUST LET ME WALK ON THE SUNSHINE A LITTLE MORE.
- ALL RIGHT!
IN THE SURFING COMPETITION,
THE RED TEAM IS UP THREE POINTS TO TWO!
AND NOW IT'S JIMMY VULMER'S TURN!
- [grunting]
- TIMMY!
- GEE, I WISH OUR TEAM CAPTAIN
WAS AS AWESOME AS JIMMY!
- I FINALLY GOT IT, MIMSY.
I GOT A WAY WE CAN GET RID OF JIMMY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
- OH, BOY, OH, BOY!
WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO TO HIM, BOSS?
- SIMPLE.
WE'RE GONNA GET JIMMY EATEN BY A SHARK.
HERE, TAKE THIS.
IT'S A SHARK MATING WHISTLE.
- DUH, OKAY, BOSS, A SHARK MATING WHISTLE!
WE GONNA HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT, HUH, BOSS?
- NO, YOU, MORON.
YOU GO UNDER THE WATER AND BLOW THAT WHISTLE.
YOU CAN ATTRACT SHARKS RIGHT AS JIMMY STARTS TO SURF.
- I GOT IT BOSS!
I BLOW THE WHISTLE AND MAKE THE SHARK
COME AND BITE JIMMY'S LEGS OFF!
THEN HE'LL BLEED TO DEATH! HE'S GONNA BLEED TO DEATH!
- SHH! SHH!
- ARE YOU BOYS ENJOYING THE FUN BEACH?
- YES, COUNSELOR STEVE.
THE BEACH IS WARM.
- GEE, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE, HUH, BOSS?
THEY ALMOST HEARD ME SAYIN' WE WAS GONNA KILL JIMMY.
- SHUT UP, MIMSY!
JUST SWIM IN THE WATER WHERE JIMMY IS,
THEN BLOW THAT WHISTLE.
- OH, BOY!
- I DON'T KNOW, TIMMY.
THOSE WAVES ARE PRETTY BIG. HEEE!
- TIMMY.
- DON'T WORRY. JIMMY CAN HANDLE HIMSELF!
- GONNA CATCH A WAVE.
[grunting]
- I GOT ME A SHARK WHISTLE!
- OH, BOY, HERE IT COMES, HERE IT COMES!
- OH, NO! - JIMMY!
- WAIT, LOOK! HE'S DOING IT!
[surf rock music]
[all cheering]
- [Iaughing] OH, BOY!
- MIMSY! YOU DIDN'T DO WHAT I TOLD YOU!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BOSS?
YOU SAID TO SWIM IN THE WATER AND THEN BLOW THE WHISTLE.
I SWAM IN THE WATER,
SO NOW I GOTTA BLOW THE WHISTLE.
[blows whistle]
[blowing whistle]
- YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
YOU DON'T BLOW A SHARK MATING WHISTLE ON DRY LAND!
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BLOW IT--AAH!
MIMSY!
GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!
- TODAY IS TOWELIE'S INTERVENTION.
WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE'S GOING TO REACT.
- COME ON, TOWELIE, IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- YOU WANNA COME ON OVER, HAVE A SEAT WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
- WHAT IS EVERYBODY DOING HERE?
- WE'VE ALL JUST BEEN TALKING, TOWELIE,
AND--AND WHAT I'M HEARING IS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HERE
WHO JUST LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YA.
AND THEY'RE GONNA SAY WHAT THEY WANNA SAY,
THEN YOU'RE GONNA SAY WHAT YOU WANNA SAY,
AND WE'RE DONE, OKAY?
- TOWELIE, OVER THE PAST COUPLE YEARS,
I HAVE SEEN DRUG ADDICTION
AFFECT YOU IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS.
- OH, JESUS, MAN.
- TOWELIE, YOU NEED TO LET HIM FINISH.
- [sniffles]
YOU'RE NOT THE TOWEL YOU USED TO BE.
WHEREAS YOU USED TO BE FLUFFY AND ABSORBENT,
YOU NOW ARE CRUSTY AND...
AND UNABLE TO ABSORB THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF WATER.
WILL YOU GET HELP TODAY?
- I DON'T-- I DON'T GET THIS.
- KYLE?
- TOWELIE, OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS,
I HAVE WATCHED YOU GO FROM AN ANCILLARY CHARACTER
WITH A FEW AMUSING CATCH PHRASES
TO A DRIED-OUT SPOOGE RAG
COVERED IN THE JIZZ OF A THOUSAND OLDER MEN.
- CAN WE JUST END THIS, PLEASE?
- YOU HAVE TO LET HIM FINISH, TOWELIE.
- IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT TREATMENT,
I WILL NO LONGER GIVE YOU MONEY,
OR BE YOUR FRIEND.
I WILL NOT HELP YOU KILL YOURSELF.
- ALL RIGHT, ERIC. DO YOU WANT TO GO NEXT?
- KYLE, I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
YOU ARE A LIAR AND A SWINDLER
WHO WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY, AND I--
- WE'RE HERE FOR TOWELIE, FAT ASS!
- I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ALLOWED TO FINISH, RIGHT?
IS THAT RIGHT? AHEM.
THE JEWS HAVE BEEN PERSECUTED ACROSS THE EARTH
FOR GOOD REASON, KYLE.
YOU ARE A RACE OF BEADY-EYED THIEVES, WHO ALWAYS--
- THIS IS SERIOUS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
- I'M BEING SERIOUS, KYLE! HELLO!
- KYLE, WE HAVE TO LET PEOPLE BE ALLOWED
TO FINISH DURING INTERVENTIONS.
- BUT HE'S JUST USING HIS TIME ON TELEVISION TO--
- KYLE, PLEASE, IT IS NOT YOUR TURN.
- YOU ARE A RACE OF BEADY-EYED THIEVES, KYLE,
WHO THROUGHOUT THE MILLENNIA
HAVE SQUIRMED AND WORKED YOUR WAY
INTO THE DARK CUBBYHOLES OF SOCIETY.
WHERE EXACTLY DID THE JEWS FIRST GET THEIR POWER
AND HOW ARE THEY ABLE TO MANIPULATE OUR MINDS TODAY?
- OH, MY GOD!
[Polynesian style music]
- IT'S A SNAP AT TARDICACA CAMP
TO LEARN TO DO THE HULA, HULA DANCE
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A TARDICACA DOVE
WHILE DOIN' THAT FUNNY, FUNNY DANCE
AND THAT POOR LITTLE KID, WELL, SHE NEVER DID...
- GET READY, MIMSY.
BLUE TEAM IS ABOUT TO GO BOOM!
- SO I MADE UP MY MIND THAT I'D STRIVE TO FIND
THE TARDICACA GIRL I DID ADORE
- T-T-TIMMY
- LITTLE TARDICACA - TIMMY
- SHE'S A CANDY CANE TO WIGGLE
- TIMMY
- SHE'S SURE TO MAKE YOU G-GIGGLE
- TIMMY
- WITH HER NAUGHTY LITTLE WIGGLE
I KNOW SOME DAY
I'M GONNA TRY TO MAKE A TARDICACA GALIE MINE
GALIE MINE
'CAUSE ALL THE WHILE I'M DREAMIN' OF HER
MY TARDICACA HULA GAL
[hits sour note]
OH, SORRY. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. HANG ON.
[hits sour note]
- I DON'T THINK HE'S PLAYIN' THE RIGHT NOTE, BOSS.
THE C4 AIN'T GONNA GO OFF.
- SHUT UP, MIMSY!
- IF IN FACT THE JEWS TRULY ARE SHAPESHIFTERS,
AND I BELIEVE I HAVE PRESENTED ENOUGH EVIDENCE HERE
TO PROVE THAT THEY ARE,
THEN WE MUST UNITE AS A SPECIES TO FIGHT THEM,
AND STOP THEIR PLAN OF GLOBAL DOMINATION
AND THE CONTROL OF OUR FREEDOM.
- OKAY, STAN. YOU WANT TO GO NEXT?
- TOWELIE, IF YOU DO NOT GO TO TREATMENT,
WE WILL ALL IGNORE YOU FOREVER.
WILL YOU GO?
- WHAT TREATMENT?
WHAT ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT?
- IF YOU SAY YES, WE LEAVE HERE,
PACK YOUR THINGS, GET ON A PLANE,
GO TO A TREATMENT FACILITY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
IT'S ALL SET UP.
- NO! FUCK NO!
I'M NOT GETTING ON NO FUCKING PLANE!
THIS IS BULLSHIT!
DON'T GIVE ME FUCKING ULTIMATUMS!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FUCKING FRIENDS!
- WELL, TOWELIE, YOUR FRIENDS DON'T WANT TO WATCH YOU
KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE.
- THEN FUCK THEM!
YOU'RE TELLING ME I HAVE TO DO THIS,
AND I'M NOT LEFT WITH ANY DECISIONS HERE!
- [sobbing] TOWELIE!
WE AREN'T THE ONLY ONES AT THIS INTERVENTION
WHO'VE BEEN HURT BY YOU!
- WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- [sobbing]
- WASHCLOTH?
YOU BROUGHT WASHCLOTH?
OH, THAT'S LOW!
- OUT ON THE BEACH WITH MY DEAR LITTLE PEACH
WHERE THE WAVES ARE ROLLING IN SO HIGH
- DAMN IT, DAMN IT!
MIMSY!
GET UP THERE AND DEMAND THE UKULELE SOLO!
IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE!
- DUH, OKAY BOSS!
- IF YOU GET IN A PINCH
GO THROUGH, IT'S A CINCH
- DUH, WE WANT THE UKULELE SOLO!
WE WANT THE UKULELE SOLO!
- SORRY, MIMS, I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT.
- WELL, WE WANTS YAS TO PLAY IT, DON'T WE?
- YEAH!
- ALL RIGHT, MIMSY.
MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW ME HOW IT'S DONE.
- DUH, OKAY! IT'S REAL EASY!
YOU JUST PLAY LIKE DIS!
[playing ukulele]
- MIMSY!
YOU IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I WAS GOING TO SHOW HIM HOW TO PLAY THE SOLO, BOSS.
- THAT DOES IT!
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR STUPIDITY, MIMSY!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOT I HAVE EVER MET,
AND FROM NOW ON, IF I WANT TO DO SOMETHING,
I'M GONNA DO IT MYSELF!
[playing ukulele]
AAH!
UNH!
UGH.
AAH!
[Tardicacas chanting]
AAH!
NO, NOT THE SHARK AGAIN!
NOT THE SHARK AGAIN!
[Butters, Towelie and interventionist sobbing]
- WASHCLOTH! OH, WASHCLOTH!
I'M SO SORRY!
- HE NEEDS YOU TO GET BETTER, TOWELIE, PLEASE!
- YOU GOT SO MANY PEOPLE
THAT JUST LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YA, TOWELIE.
- ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO!
- YOU WILL?
- I DON'T WANT TO HURT WASHCLOTH ANYMORE!
- HE'S GOING, EVERYBODY! COME ON! HUGS!
[sobbing]
[chatter over emergency radio]
- POOR WED TEAM.
THEIR CAPTAIN WEALLY GOT WAPED.
- I NEVER SEEN A KID
GET SCREWED BY A SHARK BEFORE. HEE!
- I HOPE I NEVER SEE IT AGAIN. HUH HUH HUH!
- NATHAN, YOUR TEAM PUT UP AN AMAZING FIGHT.
AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS CROWNED KING OF CRIPPLE CAMP,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE THE REAL CH-CH-CHAMP!
- I HATE YOU, JIMMY.
I FUCKING HATE YOU WITH EVERYTHING IN MY ENTIRE BEING.
- DUH, YOU SURE GOT IT STUCK IT TO YA THIS YEAR, BOSS!
- SHUT UP...MIMSY.
- HI, TOWELIE?
- YEAH, HI.
- TOWELIE IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE MOST ADDICTED TOWELS
WE'VE EVER SEEN HERE.
HE'S PROBABLY THE SECOND MOST PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGED TOWEL
I'VE COME ACROSS SINCE TREATING KIRSTIE ALLEY'S TOWEL,
WHICH HAD SEEN SOME--BRR-- SOME NASTY STUFF.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TOMORROW'S GONNA BRING.
BUT I'M LEARNING TO LOVE WHAT I AM.
I'M A TOWEL.
- VEINS SWELL
YOU KNOW ME, ELLEN
ENOUGH TO TELL
FIVE STEPS, YOU'RE OVER