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â™ª I'm going down to South Park â™ª
â™ª Gonna have myself a time â™ª
â™ª Friendly faces everywhere â™ª
â™ª Humble folks without temptation â™ª
â™ª Going down to South Park â™ª
â™ª Gonna leave my woes behind â™ª
â™ª Ample parking day or night â™ª
â™ª People spouting "Howdy neighbor" â™ª
â™ª Headed on up to South Park â™ª
â™ª Gonna see if I can't unwind â™ª
â™ª Come on down to South Park â™ª
â™ª And meet some friends of mine â™ª
Do I really have to do this, Dad?
Stan, now more than ever,
you need to understand the importance of saving money.
But Grandma said I could use this money
to buy whatever I want.
Okay, next please!
Go on, Stanley.
How can I help you, young man?
I got a $100 check from my grandma
and my dad said I need to put in the bank
so it can grow over the years.
Well, that's fantastic.
A really smart decision, young man.
We can put that check in a money-market mutual fund,
then we'll reinvest the earnings into
foreign-currency accounts
with compounding interest and it's gone!
Uh, what?
It's gone, it's all gone.
What's all gone?
The money in your account, it didn't do too well.
It's gone.
What do you mean? I have $100.
Not anymore you don'tâ€” poof.
Well, what can I do to get back myâ€”
I'm sorry, sir, but this line is for
bank members only.
I just opened an account!
Do you have any money invested with this bank?
No, you just lost it all.
Then please stand aside
for people who actually have money with us.
Next please!
Hey!
Hello, Mrs. Farnickle, how are you today?
Making a deposit are we?
Great, we can just put that into your retirement account
and make it go to work for you and it's gone.
What?
Sorry, yeah, that's gone.
Please step aside for people who actually
have money with the bank.
Next please. Dad!
Hey, I'm trying to teach my son the importance of savings!
You already lost his money?
Oh, Mr. Marsh,
don't worry, we can just transfer money
from your account into a portfolio with your son'sâ€”
aaaand it's gone!
This line is for people who have money with the bank only.
Please step aside!
This is a 9 News Special Report.
An economic crisis has hit South Park
and the nation like never before.
Another South Park bank has closed down,
leaving thousands of people in debt.
It's just crazy, you know?
Everyone's affected by it.
It's like all the money just vanished.
It's really terrifying.
We've got no money to pay our mortgage now.
We could very easily lose our house.
Hi, Grandma!
First the money started goin'
and now everyone's gettin' laid off work!
They took our jobs!
Derk er derrrrrr!
Deeerkerrdrrr! Deeerkerrrrrrdrrrr!
Just how far will the economy fall?
We asked economic reporter Dan Banks for his assessment.
We'll have the rest of Dan's interview tonight at 10.
All right, everyone, eat up.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Sliced hot dogs and tomato slices?!
You said we had to be careful with our money.
I've got nothing for a food budget!
Mom, Dad, how come there's suddenly no money?
I'll tell you what happened, son.
See, there's a bunch of idiots out there
who weren't happy with what they had.
They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things
that they didn't even needâ€”
people with no money who got loans to buy frivolous things
they had no business buying.
And these assholes just blindly started buying
any stupid thing that looked appealing
because they thought money was endless.
It goes back to when the government had the idea
that everyone in America deserves to own a house...
So we have people having a hard time paying their loans,
meaning less money coming in.
And the idiots couldn't see that by doing
all this frivolous spending they were mocking The Economy.
And they made The Economy very angry.
We're all feeling The Economy's vengeance
because of materialistic heathens
who did stupid things with their money.
Do you understand, son?
Yeah, I think I get it.
And so why is our economy failing us?
Because the government kept interest rates
too low for too long!
The government took our economy for granted
and now we are all here paying the price!
How long will we sit and watch our economy fall...
...And so I say to you,
do not listen to the Wall Street brokers,
for they are the ones who put us in this situation!
Fat cats with corporate greed.
They are the ones who knowingly drove us down this pathway...
Where has all the money gone?
It must have gone somewhere.
The answer is obvious, my friends.
It is the Jewsâ€”
covetous Jews, who have taken all our money
and hoarded it for themselves,
hidden all the cash in some... secret Jew cave
that they built probably back in the early '60s.
It is The Jews, my friends...
Now we hear all different people
casting all different kinds of blame
from person to person.
But the fault lies in all of you.
You, who bought that $300,000 house
when you only had 20,000 to put down.
You, who bought that third car
even though only two people in your home drive.
It is time to stop pointing fingers!
Finger-pointing gets us nowhere!
Steve!
We have mocked our Economy,
and now The Economy has cast its vengeance upon us all.
He's right.
This is the first guy to actually make sense.
Yea, it is an angry and unforgiving Economy.
To repent, we must stop frivolous spending.
Instead of paying for cable, let us watch clouds!
Instead of buying clothes, wear but sheets from thine beds!
Cut spending to only the bare essentials:
water and bread and Margaritas, yea.
Hello, young man, welcome to Sur La Table.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I wanna return this Margaritaville
my stupid dad bought.
Oh, that's all we get anymore, returns.
Could you please just put the receipt here
on this table?
Sorry, our computers are a little slow today.
We need a new Ethernet cable.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I'd like to give you a refund
but I'm afraid it's not doable.
What?
I said I'm not able, sir.
You see, this Margaritaville was purchased
with a payment plan. So?
Well, an outside financing company
handles those payment plans.
Customers just pay for some of the machine
and the finance company pays for the rest.
Well, can't I just return it and get the money
my dad put in back?
Hmm... that's improbable but not impossible.
I'm not really sure how it works.
You'll have to speak with the people at the top.
I can give you the finance company's address
if that's agreeable with you.
We have become lovers of pleasure
rather than lovers of The Economy.
There are those who will say that The Economy
has forsaken us.
Nay, you hath forsaken The Economy!
And now you know The Economy's wrath.
Oh, thoust can shop in a sporting-goods store
but knowest thou that The Economy will take away
thy Broncos cap from thine head.
You mocked The Economy without fear.
Thine own stock brokers
now lie dead by their own hand.
And thou knowest that thy stock broker
did not fear The Economy!
Well, here we are, my friends.
You have brought The Economy's vengeance upon yourselves.
What can we do, Randy?
Yes, tell us! Tell us, what to do?
Tell us, Randy, what we should do! What do we do, Randy?!
We must all wear sheets instead of buying clothes
that need detergent.
Instead of cars that take gasoline,
we can get around on llamas from Drake's farm!
Instead of video games that take batteries and software
our kids will play with squirrels!
We must let The Economy know
that we are capable of respecting it!
No more needless spending!
The Economy is our shepherd.
We shall not want.
Mornin', Ted.
Mornin', Al.
Well, this sucks.
Sure was better when our parents were buying us stuff.
Heghgh!
Of all the times for people to decide
to stop buying things,
it had to be the week that
Grand Theft Auto 4 comes out for Nintendo DS!
Heghgh!
You want something new every week, fat ass.
Don't you fraternize me!
This is all your fault, you know!
My fault?!
The Jews took all the money away and theyâ€”
Don't even start! Don't even start, Cartman!
Well, why are we wearing bed sheets
and playing with squirrels, Kyle?
Not because of the Jews, Butters!
Who told you that?!
Well, Eric did.
Just tell us where the cave is, Kyle.
Now, look... the reason we're in this situation
is because people are being stupid!
The Economy isn't some vengeful being
that takes things away from us!
The Economy is just made up of people.
And people have just lost their faith in it!
What people really should be doing is spending more.
Spending is fine!
We best speak with the council.
Tell them a young Jew
is speaking heresy towards The Economy.
Can I help you?
I wanna return this Margaritaville.
Okay, let me send you into Josh.
Hey, Welcome to Big Orange Finance company!
Yeah, have a seat.
You want some Carmex?
No thanks.
I wanna return this Margaritaville
and the guy at Sur La Table said
that you're the company that financed it.
Ooh, yeah, no, you know what,
no... yeah...
What?
Yeah, we can't give you your money back for that,
yeah, no.
You'd have to talk to the people on Wall Street, yeah.
Wall Street?
Yeah, no, see, what I do is find Americans
who want a frozen-beverage machine
but can't afford one
and I hook them up with investors who want to
get into the Margaritaville payment-plan business, yeah.
So?
Yeah, so the problem is your Margaritaville payment plan
has been combined with thousands of others
into one big Margaritaville security, yeah, no.
Yeah, no... yeah.
The entire town has given over to your ways, Mr. Chairman.
Everyone has even stopped using electricity
so as to stop paying electrical bills.
You've really done an amazing thing, Mr. Marsh.
People have learned to hold on to their money
so as not to feel the sting
of The Economy's mighty sword.
I am pretty smart, yea.
But I have assembled this Economic Committee
to make sure that everyone sticks to my new plan.
We've got guards posted at the malls
to make sure nobody gets tempted to buy dumb stuff.
And Pat Saltzman is doing house checks to make sure
nobody's ordering anything stupid on-line.
Then perhaps soon our Economy will return to us.
Council, I bring news of discord!
A young Jew was in the town square
speaking blasphemy about The Economy.
What?
He was saying that your ideas are false
and The Economy is not vengeful!
He was rallying people to spend more!
Spend more?
What mockery is this?
Relax, Father Maxi.
What harm can one Jew do against our
Economic Recovery Movement?
I had a dream last night.
I was in a field,
and I had Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
right next to me.
But then the sky went black
and Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
just melted in my hands.
What's that?
Excuse me, we need to borrow your squirrels!
What?
No, please, please!
You have sinned!
Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry, please!
What's going on?
Garrison, you have brought your filth to this town
for the last time!
What did he do?
Your teacher was caught buying a KitchenAid stand mixer
at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Take thy punishment, heathen!
Ahghghgghgh!
Hey, hey, stop it, stop!
Move aside, kid, he must pay for his stand mixer!
Come on, this is ridiculous!
What's ridiculous about hucking squirrels
at a man who has angered The Economy?
Just have a little compassion, huh?!
I mean, everyone's gone out and bought something stupid.
It's not so bad.
Whichever of you guys has never
bought anything frivolous
go ahead and huck the next squirrel.
Ugh!
Excuse me?
Excuse me?!
I'd like to return this Margaritaville please.
Margaritaville?
My dad bought it on a payment plan
that was set up by a finance company
which got their principal investors from somebody here.
Oh, that makes sense.
It does?
You see, son, we lumped thousands of these
Margaritaville installment plans together
into Margaritaville-based securities,
then chopped those securities up in a way
that we could sell them to banks.
So I can return it to a bank?
Nope.
Because a bunch of people like you are defaulting
on their Margaritavilles so the Government had to buy
the Margaritaville assets from the banks.
What?!
Just talk to the Treasury Department in DC.
They're the ones who really understand how all this works.
Oh, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell!
Agh!
Listen, this is all you need to know.
The Economy is not a supernatural,
all-knowing entity.
The Economy is just an idea made up by people
thousands of years ago.
The Economy is not real
and yet it is real.
Nowadays they'll give credit cards
to practically anyone who applies for them.
I applied for this yesterday to prove a point.
It is an American Express Platinum card.
It has no spending limit.
Do not be afraid.
This is only plastic.
It's just something made up by people.
Truly meaningless until we put our faith in it.
Faith is what makes an Economy exist.
Without faith...
it is only plastic cards and paper money.
By all reports...
the young Jew is not letting up.
He is still going around convincing people
to have faith in The Economy by shopping.
We've done everything we can
and yet The Economy has not improved.
Worse, it has declined.
Poor Bart here just lost his job
at Little Caesars Pizza.
Our tireless work is obviously being undermined
by this one Jew.
Why does he go around pretending to know
the true will of The Economy?
Perhaps, he is The Economy's only son, sent to save us.
Are you retarded, Stotch?!
The Economy is omnipotent,
which means it can do anything.
So saying it would be limited to one son
is fucking stupid!
That is stupid, yea.
And going around telling people to shop is dangerous.
Well, then there's only one option.
We have to kill the Jew.
Yep, I think we gotta kill the Jew.
I don't know.
He's got a lot of support.
It might be hard to even catch this Jew.
Did somebody say catch a Jew?
The person you're after might be hard get
but I can bring him to you.
And all I want in return
is Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
for hand-held Nintendo DS.
Uh, how can we help you, young man?
I want to return this Margaritaville!
My dad bought it on a payment plan
set up by a finance company that got investors from Wall Street
who combined it into securities sold to banks
who transferred it to you!
Oh, that makes sense.
Ahghgh!
No problem.
We just need to consult the chart.
We can determine your property's value
and we'll be done.
Really?
Thank you.
Be right back.
Excellent news, sir.
We've determined the investment value
of your Margaritaville to be $90 trillion.
What?!
Hey, what's the matter, Kyle?
You seem b-b-bummed out.
I just have a feeling this might be the last time
we get to do this.
Well, don't worry, Kyle.
We're not gonna let people kill you.
We'll keep you hidden forever!
I can't just hide my whole life, Butters.
And besides, I have this strange feeling
that one of you is gonna totally betray me.
All right, whoever is thinking of betraying Kyle,
that is not cool.
That's freakin' lame, dude.
Kyle's trying to get the economy going again.
If somebody's thinking of stabbing him in the back,
you're being a dick.
Go ahead, Kyle.
Whoever it might happen to be...
I'm not giving him the opportunity.
Tomorrow I'm going to do something.
Something I've known I would have to do
to restore people's faith.
Kyle, please, for f-f-f-fuck's sake,
don't do anything drastic.
There's no choice any more, guys.
Don't worry about me.
I've been preparing for this for a while now.
No, no, no, no, excuse me!
I don't understand!
How can this stupid thing be worth $90 trillion?!
What, you think it's worth more?
No, dude, that doesn't make sense!
Well, you don't get $90 trillion
but the chart says that's what it's worth.
Uh-oh, problem! Problem again!
What is it now?
Another insurance company is about to go under.
If they do, people could lose millions.
Okay, no problem, we better consult the chart!
Sirs, another insurance company is going under!
Now determining most prudent move for insurance company!
Bailout!
The most prudent move is a bailout!
Bailout the insurance company!
It's a miracle.
Why would someone do this?
What is this? What is going on?
There, look.
It's the Jew.
Somehow he got a platinum Amex with no spending limit.
What's he doing?
He's paying for everyone's debts.
Hey, thanks, kid, this is really nice of you.
But that's impossible.
Why would he do this?
So that people have money to spend.
Kyleâ€” Kyle, you have to stop this!
It's okay, ma.
No, Kyle, you'll be in debt for the rest of your life!
Please, somebody, get him to stop!
Uh, there's about $17,000 worth here.
He paid for our debts so we could spend once more.
He's dead.
No, he's just passed out.
We should get him to bed.
For the first time in almost a year
The Economy in South Park has taken a small
but noticeable upturn.
Stores and shopping malls are open again
as newly debt-free people feel safe to make purchases.
Wow, the new Margaritaville!
With salsa dispenser!
Just pour your favorite salsa in the top
and it comes out the dispenser at the bottom!
Oh, we need this!
Are we out of the woods yet?
Only time will tell.
But we must not forget the sacrifice one person made
to restore our faith
and make us believe in the economy once again.
The person we must thank every day
for his amazing sacrificeâ€”
Barack Obama.
Aw, come on!
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