♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ ( mumbling ) ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
( cheers and applause )
If there is anyone out there tonight
who still doubts that America is a place
where all things are possible.
Who still wonders if the dream of our founders
is alive in our time
who still questions the power of our democracy...
tonight is your answer.
Yeah !
Obama !
Woo-hooo !
We did it, we f-ing did it !
Yeah !
It's been a long time coming but tonight,
because of what we did on this date in this election
at this defining moment change has come to America.
Yeah ! Yeah Obama !
Change ! It's changeeeee !
Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine.
And you have earned the new puppy
that's coming with us to the White House.
We will name him "Sparkles".
He's so awesome !
He's so perfect and awesome !
Where we are met with cynicism and doubt
and those who tell us that we can't.
We will respond with that timeless creed
that sums up the spirit of a people.
Yes we can.
( crowd ) Yes we can !
Yes I can !
Here comes the change everybody !
Whoooo!
Did you see ? Our man is in !
We did it !
Everything is going to be awesome now !
This is the greatest day of our lives !
Yes we can !
I don't even know what to do now !
I know what to do !
Looosers...
(Chanting) Looosers !
Loosers ! Looosers !
Oh shut up !!
We lost ?
It is natural.
It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment.
We fought as hard as we could.
And though we fell short
the failure is mine, not yours.
No ! No !
Aww, poor ol' John McCain.
He looks real sad.
No, no, this can't happen-- no !
Steven !
It's all over, Linda !
The country as we know it is about to change.
We're all dead.
You don't know that Steven !
With an inexperienced man as president, we do know it !
He is right, game over man, m'kay !
We'll probably be dead by sunrise !
Butters, Daddy loves you.
Just remember that.
He always loved you.
( knock on door )
Wooo ! Obama !
Get outta here !
( doorbell ringing )
Dude have you seen my parents ?
No, everyone's out partying in the streets.
What's wrong with your brother ?
He was a McCain supporter.
It's okay, Ike, Obama will do fine.
Wahhhh !
- Mr. President, over here! - Congratulations!
- Great job Mr. President ! - Great job, Obama!
Thank you all for your support.
If you don't mind I'm going to spend the rest of the evening
getting some much needed rest.
Senator McCain !
'President' Obama.
( snickering ) ( snickering )
- Boom baby ! - Boom baby !
Oh man that was perfect !
I almost thought we were going to tie for a minute there.
That would have screwed us !
You played it perfectly.
There was no way.
It's McCain, we did it.
Obama is President.
Yeah, so I've heard.
You guys are out of your freaking minds,
you know that ?
Yes, we do.
Assemble the rest of the team,
we've only got ten hours.
Sure, hard part's over, right ?
Actually, the hard part's just starting.
♪ Yahoo ♪
Obama, yeah, I can't believe it !
Obama !
[Everyone chanting] Obama ! Obama ! Obama !
♪ Celabrate good Obama ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ It's Oba-Obama ♪
Bleechh !
Yes, I'd like to make a noise complaint.
♪ Who let the dogs out ♪
♪ Who-who who-who-who ♪
♪ Who let the dogs out ♪
Obama ! Obama !
♪ Who let the Obama out ♪
♪ Who-who who-who-who ♪
( siren blaring )
Oh-oh police are here !
Oooohhhh !
Ooohhh ! Ooohhh ! Ooohhh !
Okay people, time to disperse.
Party's over.
- Boooo ! - It's a party! Obama!
Come on, time to go home.
What are you, a McCain voter ?
Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah !
Sorry pal, but Obama's President now !
Obam-a ! Obam-a !
Obama !
Yeah, yeah, flip the cop car !
Flip the cop car !
Hey, put down my car !
Yes we can !
No... Hey stop it !
Jesus Christ.
♪ Obama you're so fine ♪
♪ You're so fine you blow my mind ♪
♪ Hey Obama ♪
Hey you guys wanna buy a TV ?
( light applause )
Bravo, Obama and McCain.
Ten years you two have been working on this plan
and you finally pulled it off.
Guys we've all known each other a long time
had many incredible adventures
but this is going to be our greatest feat ever.
I knew it !
I knew when you two ran for president you were just working an angle.
Always workin' the angles.
My friends, while the entire country is busy reacting to the election
we are about to pull off the greatest heist in human history.
So... come on, enlighten us.
What are we stealing this time ?
The Hope Diamond.
Rated number four of the ten most precious diamonds in the world.
Going street value, Middle Eastern market, of course
$ 210 million dollars.
210 ?!
Million.
No, no, no, no, no.
The Hope Diamond is ungettable.
Every thief in the world knows that.
Almost ungettable.
The diamond is kept in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum
long considered to be the most thief-proof structure ever built.
The diamond wing is protected by impenetrable walls
of 2-foot wide steel.
On the northeast side, a seven-five laser system.
There is simply no side of the Smithsonian
that can be breached.
So you go in from the roof.
Drop into it from the top.
Can't get to it from the top.
Because a polymer shelf runs the entire expanse.
Okay, you can't get into the museum from any side
and you can't drop from above.
So you can't get the diamond.
Meet the presidential escape tunnel.
A two-mile-long underground passage
that runs from the White House
to a location outside the city limits in case of an attack.
The tunnel is only accessible from the Oval Office
and just happens to travel...
right underneath the Smithsonian Natural History Museum.
- Boom baby ! - Boom baby !
You get somebody into that tunnel
they can blast into the museum -
let the others in...
The heist is on.
So you both run for president
because one you has to win
and you've got your access to the tunnel.
And we run a particularly brutal campaign
so that the nation is as distracted as possible
over the next eight hours.
This all sounds very risky.
We've spent ten years putting this plan together.
If we are indeed the greatest thief club in the world--
And we are.
We won't get caught.
Yes I'm trying to locate my parents.
My name is Kyle Broflovski.
Yes, I know Obama won.
Kyle-- Kyle you gotta get out here !
What ?
Your little brother's climbed out onto the window !
I think he's going to jump !
Oh my God !
Wahhh !
Ike don't do it !
There's still so much to live for !
No ! Nooo !
I know you really wanted McCain to win
but it's going to be okay.
( babbling baby-speak )
No, that's not true, Ike !
The economy could easily stabilize with Obama's plan !
( babbly bee )
Ike, don't jump !
You could really hurt your ankle or something.
Really, Ike that's like five feet off the ground...
don't do it !
Good bye !
- No ! - No !
Ike... Oh crap Ike !?
Alright everyone, I'm turning in for the night.
Go to standard security, team three.
Sir...Sir, we have a bit of a problem.
- What ? - The new President Elect is here.
He wants in to the Oval Office.
Barack Obama ?
They're all right through here, sir.
Uh, hello.
Is there something we can do for you Mr. Obama ?
Just checking out the new digs.
How are you guys ?
Good, sir.
I'd like to see the Oval Office, please.
Right now ?
I don't waste time, gentlemen.
I've only got two months to figure out
how I want to redecorate,
if you know what I mean.
You know, change the drapes and stuff.
Sure, right this way Mr...President.
I will need absolute privacy,
is that understood ?
Yes, Sir.
Thanks.
I got a hundred dollars !
Alright, McCain...I'm in.
Nicely done, B.
We're in position outside the Smithsonian.
You find the escape tunnel ?
I'm already on it.
Boom baby.
Yeah!
Weeeeww... change...
Change !
Dad...Dad we have a problem !
Not anymore we don't !
Everything's different now !
No, Dad we gotta take Kyle's brother to the hospital !
We don't have to take crap
from the rich fat cats anymore !
Dude, he's wasted.
Hey it's my boss! Hey boss !
Oh hello, Marsh.
Yeah, you know what ?
Fuck you !
Huh ?
You heard me you fucking piece of shit !
I can finally tell you what I think of you !
Fuckin' asshole.
Dad what are you doing ?!
It's okay, Stan, everything's changed.
I don't need his stupid fucking job anymore !
You're a little fucking ass fuck.
Piece a' shit !
You know what Obama said ?
"Yes we can !"
Hey, I voted for Obama !
Obama's not talking about you !
Can someone help us !
My little brother fell out the window !
I just want to say to everyone
who's a little disappointed that we lost the election
that there's always next year !
Maybe I'll run for Vice President again in 2009 !
Uh, Mrs. Palin have you seen or heard from John McCain ?
Uhh, no, I don't really know where he went.
Kind of seems a little odd, I guess, but--
( ring )
Oh, my phone's going ringy-- Excuse me.
Hallooo ?
Hello Sarah, it's McCain.
( in a British voice ) I hope to God you're calling to tell me
you're in position below the vault with the L-7 charges.
I'm in the tunnel now, Sarah.
Should be almost below the museum.
Just make sure you don't blow the transformers along with the tunnel
because it will trigger the 5.4 laser system.
And don't damage any coupling wires
or it'll be worthless when Garret shuts down the grid.
I'll be there in 30.
God, she's awesome.
( In Palin Voice ) Oh, I guess Senator McCain's gonna fly me back to Alaska now.
He's got a private jet you know.
Okay, bye-bye then !
Bloody idiots.
Alright here we go.
What's that noise ?
It's ok, just some construction outside.
Oh no --
McCain...we've got a problem.
( moaning weakly )
Hang in there Ike, we're gonna get you help.
Hey, there's some people !
Listen, stay back stay back !
We don't have any more room in the ark !
You have to let us in !
You know the country is doomed !
Who are you to turn us away ?
I built this bunker in case McCain lost !
There isn't enough room for everyone !
Hey excuse me, but we need some help !
I know you do but there's no more room I tell ya!
You're going to deny them too ?
God sakes man they're children !
Look them in the eyes
and tell them you won't take them in !
Look at their little cheeks !
Let go of my face asshole.
Alright damn you !
The children can come in !
No, we don't want in your stupid shelter !
- Okay then I want their place. - Me too !
We need to get a ride to the hospital !
There isn't going to be a hospital, don't you get it !?
Let us in now !
Oh jeez it's already happening !
Society's breaking down !
Obama hasn't been elected four hours
and already the country is going to hell !
Mr. Obama... Sir ?
Alright, give me the keys.
Is there a problem, gentlemen ?
Uh no, no Sir... Everything ok in there ?
Why wouldn't it be ?
I'm sorry, but I asked to be left alone.
Yes, Sir it's just that...
Your wife is here.
My wife ?
Barack, everyone's been looking for you !
What on Earth are you doing ?
Uh... come on in, darling.
Th-thank you boys.
Okay Barack, tell me what's going on.
Michelle there's something I need tell you.
What is it ?
Barack, what is it ?
The laser system guarding the diamond
was replaced with an optical relay three days ago.
You gotta be kidding me !
So the entire diamond vault is inaccessible ?
Is McCain online ?
Hi Michelle.
Your guys weren't running update checks on the security logs ?
Michelle, we need you to do a different scan hack to the vault relay.
On a new system-- in an hour ?
Are you nuts ?
My job was to pretend to be married to this bozo
and get you three scan hacks into a laser system.
Michelle, it's Sarah.
They did replace the laser system
but the new one isn't brand new.
It's an old H-7 series-
you can break this baby in 30 minutes.
Ugh, tell Davis to get me a foretrans emitter
and enough pulse drives to light a spark.
- You catch that Davis ? - I'm on it.
We made it, Ike.
You're going to be okay.
( moan )
There, just take a seat over there !
Excuse me !
My little brother needs medical attention.
Was he an Obama supporter or a McCain supporter ?
Why does that matter ?
Because then I'll know if he partied too hard
or if he tried to kill himself.
Ma'am please, I think my little brother needs immediate help !
You don't understand, kid !
There's only two doctors on call !
And Doctor Wilson is out celebrating in the street somewhere !
So where's the other doctor ?
Hey, come on people !
We can keep partying can't we ?
Yes we can !
Come on let's sing !
♪ Ohhhh - bama ♪
♪ Well you came and you gave without taking ♪
- Shut up ! - Ahggh !
♪ But I sent you away ♪
♪ Oh bama ♪
♪ When you kissed me and stopped me from shaking ♪
♪ But I sent you away ♪
I've almost got it.
You're only going to have five minutes...
do you understand ?
Did you really not like pretending to be married ?
Oh Jesus, now is not the time, B.
Come on, you have to admit we had some fun.
My girls need somebody better
than a world-class diamond thief.
Wait, there, I got it.
Alright everyone we're about to go
so here's the revised schedule:
04:40 am...the team gathers
at the northwest exit of the museum.
04:45 am... Michelle hacks the optical relay
allowing me access to the rear doors.
Go !
04:46... From inside I can open the doors
and let in the rest of the crew.
05:10 am... At the department of power Quincy shuts down the grid
disabling power to the vault room.
05:12... My Grandmother, who faked her death on Monday
calls in a bomb threat to the museum.
I said I put a bomb in your building, yes.
05:13... The guards open the southwest door
checking the museum for any bombs.
05:14... McCain, dressed as a football player
enters security and shuts off the diamond case alarm.
Hey you, stop !
Michelle and I head back into the tunnel
and the hole is patched.
05:15 am... I walk out of the Oval Office
with the diamond securely hidden in my anus.
All done, thanks.
[all]: Boom baby !
Just one thing-
don't you think people are going to be suspicious
when you disappear ?
Go looking for you ?
We hired a guy for that a couple months ago.
( click, beep )
What the hell ?
Ike ?
Boom baby !
Here are all the tickets for your group, Mr. Sanchez.
Thank you very much.
Well, friends, let us depart.
Hey uh...you guys go ahead.
I just came to say goodbye.
What ?
I've decided to hang it up.
Maybe give this President thing a shot.
B, you can't be serious !
Besides, you died in a jet in the Rocky Mountains, remember ?
Could have been I didn't make that flight.
What do you say, Michelle ?
Would you and your girls like to move into the White House with me ?
You know, settle down,
just be President and First Lady for a while ?
You're serious.
Who knows, maybe we could change a few things.
What'dya say ?
Ah...what the fuck.
I just love happy endings.
It's still here... It's all still here !
Does that meanmaybe we overreacted ?
No, no, I wouldn't say that.
It's just maybe...
Maybe Obama will be alright.
Ugh... oh ow... ow...
Hey, where are my pants ?
Where's our TV ?
Where are my pants and where's my TV ?
Dad your boss called he said you're fired.
Ugh-- God dammit !
Obama said things would be different !
That son of a bitch lied to us !
I knew I should have voted for McCain !
Ragh !