And now a fireside chat
with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, "
Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
With a--
Hello, I'm Trey Parker.
And I'm Matt Stone.
And this is ole Scratch.
Say hi, old fella.
This episode is called "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."
But the networks had it changed
to "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig."
Which is kind of silly,
because if an elephant was on top of a pig,
it wouldn't be making love to it,
it would be fucking it.
Would you agree with the statement, "This episode
confirms that Matt Stone and Trey Parker
are nothing but sick weirdos"?
You know, what is so sick and wrong about two beings
sharing the most intimate of moments?
That's what I want to know.
Do you come at the gene splicing of DNA
from personal experience?
Well, yes, I actually made Trey
from splicing a tomato and a flounder.
Guys, do you have strong ethical views
on whether we should tamper with nature in real life?
Well, both Matt and I think
that genetic engineering is great,
and that everything should be spliced with everything.
Why, that's the only way
we're ever gonna become perfect beings.
Isn't that right, ole Scratch?
I think we should splice pigs with elephants
and tomatoes with apples.
I myself would like to be spliced with Fiona Apple.
And so now, sit back, relax,
and enjoy "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪
♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
Stan, where'd you get that black eye?
Nothing, I mean nowhere.
Your sister beat you up again, huh?
No!
Yeah, your sister kicked your ass!
She's just pissed off
'cause she got headgear at the dentist.
She's taking it out on me.
Yeah, but that sucks you
get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.
I would never let a woman kick my ass.
If she tried anything,
I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch-ass
back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"
My parents don't even believe that she beats me up.
They think she's all innocent and sweet.
But I know that she's an evil bitch.
Be a man, Stan.
Just say, "Hey, woman!
You shut your mouth and make babies!"
Hey, Kyle, what's that elephant doing?
You mean this one?
Yeah. - He's my new pet elephant.
Wow, dude. Where'd you get a pet elephant?
I got it mail order from Africa.
The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks,
but it only took 3!
Wow, that's cool! - No, it's not cool!
My mom won't let me keep him in the house!
She says he's too big and that its poop
is bigger than our couch.
That's why my mom got me a potbellied pig
because its poop is small.
Well, yeah, but pigs aren't smart like elephants.
Hey! Wait a minute!
What is that thing?
Uh, oh. This is the new retarded kid.
Oh, I'm sorry, little girl.
But you still can't get on.
You have to take the special ed bus!
Boy, it looks like you're not welcome anywhere, elephant.
See you!
If a woman ever gave me crap,
I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!"
Sit down, kid!
Yes, ma'am.
And now, children, our friend Mr. Hat
is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.
That's right, Mr. Garrison,
genetic engineering is an exciting new science.
You can splice DNA from some animals
and make them better.
Mr. Garrison? - Yes, Kyle.
With genetic engineering,
can you make an elephant smaller?
Well, yes, I suppose you could.
You could splice elephant genes
with a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes.
That's it!
I'm going to combine my elephant
with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants.
They'd be smart like elephants,
but small like pigs.
That'd be cool!
I want a potbellied elephant.
Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.
That's stupid.
Shut up, Terrance!
We can genetical engineer anything we want.
Oh, yeah? I bet I can
genetically clone a whole human being
before you crossbreed an elephant and a pig.
I'll bet you can't! - Watch me, plebeian!
Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie.
Isn't this exciting?
Two A+ students in a cloning war.
Yes, Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering
lets us correct God's horrible, horrible mistakes,
like German people.
You know, you boys might want to visit
the genetic engineering ranch
outside of town for help.
And you could both use this for your
science fair projects next month.
Genetic engineering ranch? Sweet!
Wait, wait. We still need a pig.
We can use Cartman's pig.
Hey! You leave Fluffy out of this!
We're not gonna hurt her. We just need some of her blood.
You're not using any of Fluffy's blood!
Else I'll kick you in the nuts!
Kyle? Kyle, no!
Stanley, can I talk to you for a minute?
Okay. - I couldn't help notice
that black eye you have.
Are there problems at home?
Yes.
Oh, dear. Here, Stanley, sit down.
Have some cocoa,
and tell your friend Mr. Hat all about it.
I'm your friend Mr. Hat, Stan.
You can tell me anything.
Now, who hit you?
Is it your father or your mother?
Neither. It's my sister.
Your sister? Oh, for Pete's sake.
Don't be such a little wuss!
Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time
with pansy little foo-foo problems
and give me back my cocoa!
Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions.
Hey!
Hi, Shelly.
Are you looking at my headgear?
Headgear? What headgear?
Are you looking at my headgear?
Oh, gosh, I didn't really notice.
You little liar!
No, I think it looks terrific!
It matches your--
Ready to go, Stan? - Go where?
To the genetical engineering ranch.
We got Cartman's pig so we can splice
its genes with my elephant.
Nobody's splicing nothing from Fluffy!
I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan!
Why is your sister so mean to you, dude?
Yeah, If some sissy chick tried to
kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey, listen,
missy, why don't you go knit me a sweater
before I slap you in the face?"
Who said that?
This must be it.
Yeah, looks like nobody's home.
Guess we should come back some other time.
No, Cartman. We're going in there
and splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.
It's okay, Fluffy, I won't let them hurt you.
It's just a stupid pig.
Yeah, quit being such a baby.
Baby? Well, at least I don't get my ass
kicked by a girl!
At least I'm not a little pig!
Hey! I'm taking my pig and--
Screw you guys! I'm going home!
This whole idea is stupid anyway!
What the hell would you know, you fat, sweaty Mongoloid?
You never get higher than a D!
Hey! Why don't you go back to
San Francisco with the rest of the Jews?
There's no Jews in San Francisco, retard!
I'll kick you in the nuts!
Can I help you?
Uh, yeah.
We wanna crossbreed an elephant with a pig.
Brilliant idea.
Huge, elephant-sized pigs.
No, no, we want to make little potbellied elephants
that people can keep in their houses as pets.
Oh, that's an even better idea.
Come on in.
I'm so pleased that you children are interested
in genetic engineering.
It's okay, Fluffy. Nobody's gonna hurt you.
It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering,
that soon there will be an end to hunger,
disease, pollution, even war.
I've created things that
will change the world for the better.
For instance, here's a monkey with four asses.
How does that make the world better?
And here, of course, is my four-assed ostrich
and my four-assed mongoose.
Do you have anything besides just animals with four asses?
Oh, well, I suppose so.
Oh, yes, over here.
Here I have rats spliced with ducks
and gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.
And here I have rabbits spliced with fish
to make little bunny fish.
Hey, these bunny ears are tied on with little strings!
And over here, a Swiss cheese
spliced with chalk and a beard.
Well, what about our potbellied elephant?
Oh. Well, I'm sorry, children.
But pig and elephant DNA just won't splice.
Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?
Which song?
♪ Pig and elephant DNA ♪
♪ Just won't splice ♪
However, maybe I could help you
add a few asses to that swine of yours.
You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass!
You know, it's amazing what we can do
with a little blood sample these days.
Ow! - Hmm?
What? Excuse me.
Wait, what are you taking Stan's blood for?
Oh, pardon me, I tripped.
Could I have some hair, please?
Watch out, Stan, genetic engineers are crazy!
Come on, Fluffy!
This gas is hurting my anus.
Yeah, that's pretty fresh.
Ooh, I sure am hungry.
Hello, gentlemen. Any of you blokes know
what's for lunch today?
Lunchy munchies? Hmm?
Go away, Pip, nobody likes you!
Yeah, what kind of a name is Pip anyway?
Well, my father's family name being Pirrip
and my Christian name, Phillip, my infant tongue--
God damn it! Would you shut the hell up?
Nobody gives a rat's ass!
Yeah, go away, Pip.
Right-o.
God. French people piss me off.
Hey, dumb asses! You morons give up
on your stupid science fair project yet?
No, we're already halfway done.
Halfway? Then all you've got
is a stupid pig.
Yeah. - Probably a gay pig too.
Stupid gay pig.
It's more than you've got!
Wrong! We've already got
our human clone well under way.
Oh, my God! They cloned a foot!
Hey, I'll kick your ass!
Oh, ho!
By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole human being.
Good luck with your stupid little pig.
Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef.
- How you doing? - Bad.
Why bad?
We need to genetically engineer
a pig and an elephant,
but their genes won't splice.
Oh, of course they won't splice, children.
Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?
♪ Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice ♪
A pig-elephant?
Say, that's not a bad idea.
I told you guys.
Imagine a pint-sized elephant
that you could keep in the house.
Children, we could make a fortune with this.
You hear that, dudes? We'll be rich!
Forget about all that genetic engineering hoosa fudge.
If you want to combine a pig and an elephant,
just get them to make sweet love.
What? - I don't think an elephant
would make love to a pig.
I don't think my pig would wanna
make love to that stupid elephant!
Sure they would,
but you're gonna have to get them in the mood.
Well, how do we do that?
Do what I do,
get them good and drunk.
Hey, uh, you guys wanna come over?
We've got work to do.
I think it takes a while
for an elephant to get drunk.
Really, you guys don't wanna come over
for just a little bit?
Why, is your sister gonna kick your ass again?
Shut up, Cartman!
Yeah, Stan, she's just a girl.
Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like,
"Hey, why don't you stop
dressing me up like a mailman
and making me dance for you
while you smoke crack in your bedroom
and have sex with some guy I don't even know
on my dad's bed!"
Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
I'm just saying you're just a little wuss.
That's all.
Stan, you can use family love
as a weapon against Shelly.
The next time she's going to kick your ass,
just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister.
And I love you."
Sick, dude. She's my sister!
Try it. We'll see you in a while.
We've gotta go get Cartman's pig.
No, you don't gotta get Cartman's pig!
You leave Fluffy out of this!
Come on, Kenny. - Kyle, no!
No elephant is gonna make love to Fluffy!
I -Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts!
Crap!
And now back to
"Jesus and Pals" on South Park public--
Are you staring at my neck brace?
No. I mean, yes?
I mean, what neck brace?
Shelly,
before you beat my face
into a bloody pulp again, I just want you
to know that you're my sister,
and I love you.
Someday, Shelly, I'm gonna be bigger than you.
And you're gonna wish you'd never done any of this to me.
You'll never be bigger than me, Stan.
Never!
Beautiful.
It's absolutely beautiful.
My son,
I think we've finally done it.
Yes, we have, Dad.
My very own human clone.
Hope it's not a gay clone.
Yeah. That was stupid. - That's so stupid.
Come on, elephant, keep drinking.
Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be
to make sweet love to the pig.
Damn it! This is never gonna work!
Hello, children.
I thought I'd check and see how
our little entrepreneurial venture is going.
Rotten. They're both really drunk,
but won't have sex!
Oh, children, you just can't stick
a drunk pig with a drunk elephant
and expect them to do the mattress mambo.
You need to set the mood.
Let me show you boys what I'm talking about.
♪ Tonight is right for love ♪
♪ You know I wanna touch you ♪
♪ Where the lights don't go ♪
♪ Tonight is right for love ♪
♪ Love gravy ♪
♪ Expressing love so sweet ♪
♪ I want to keep you burnin' ♪
♪ Like a dog in heat ♪
♪ Tonight is right for love ♪
♪ Love gravy ♪
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
♪ Ooh, tonight ♪
♪ Oh, it's right ♪
♪ Ooh, tonight is right for love ♪
♪ Love gravy ♪
Thank you, Elton.
♪ Tonight is right for love ♪
♪ Love gravy ♪
Hey, look! It's working!
Now, children, gather round
and watch the wonders of life.
The beauty of Mother Nature.
Oh, sick!
Fluffy!
Hmm.
Now I know how all those
white women must have felt.
Oh, how luscious.
Our creature has come to fruition, boys.
Dad, you're the best.
Oh, my God!
He only has one ass!
He's of no use to me.
I'll have to burn the room.
Oh, no.
This entire experiment
is turning out very bad.
Me bad?
Egads! He's out of control.
We'll have to destroy him!
But he's our science fair project!
He's too dangerous, son.
But, Dad, I want a human clone!
Son, no!
Oh, son, you've made a horrible mistake.
You've put all the people of South Park
in jeopardy!
They're all stupid anyway.
Come on, guys, let's go.
Yeah, they're all gay.
Aren't they ever gonna wake up?
Oh, they will.
It's gonna be one ugly sight.
I thought you said the wonder of Mother Nature
was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, when does Mother Nature
go from beautiful to ugly?
Usually about 9:30 in the morning, children.
Uh oh. Here we go.
Ah, there's nothing worse than getting all drunk
and waking up the next morning next to a pig.
Or a big, fat elephant.
Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant?
Well, boys, we might not know that
for a couple of days. - Couple of days?
But Terrance is going to have his human clone by tomorrow.
Well, good job, Einstein!
Why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?
Oh, thank Buddha I found you boys.
You must tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?
Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
No, no, I said odd.
Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill.
Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy,
then...
Uh...
Hmm.
Oh, never mind.
I'm afraid there's been a bit
of an incident at the ranch.
You see, I've created a large mutant clone
of that little boy there,
and he's broken free.
A big, mutant version of me?
Is he bigger than a regular clone?
He's terribly dangerous.
His brain is identical to yours.
I need you to help me find him.
Stan, are you wearing a different hat?
Hey!
I know a certain young man
who's itching for detention!
How big do you think he is?
I bet he weighs 400 pounds!
Come on, Stan,
don't you even know where you would go?
Oh, my God!
It appears that the horrible, destructive creature
is 8-year-old Stan Marsh of South Park.
When asked why he was wreaking havoc
on his hometown, the little boy replied simply,
"Me Stan."
Back to you in the studio.
Thanks, Tom. Police are requesting that
if you see this little 8-year-old boy,
you immediately kill him and burn his body.
That's all for now.
And now back to "Jesus and Pals."
Yea, the way is paved with gold
for ye who seek truth and--
Jesus!
Officer Barbrady, my evil genetic clone
is destroying the town.
We have to find him.
You boys have been watching "The X Files" too much.
There's no such thing as genetic clone--
Whoa!
You kids go on home.
There's nothing to see here.
Come on, let's go!
There you are!
Stanley, you tore up my entire gun shop!
You better have a good explanation for this, mister!
It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo.
It was my evil genetic clone.
Stanley, what the hell has gotten into you?
You have got severe lunchroom duty, mister!
I'm gonna have a word with your father, Stanley!
Yeah, you wait till your father
hears about this.
Wait, Stan, there he goes.
Stop!
He recognizes you, dude.
That's good. That's good, dude.
Just calm down.
What should we do with him?
Stan, how would you like to go home
and meet your sister?
So remember, Shelly's the one
with a big wire coming out of her mouth
and a metal plate on her back.
When you see Shelly, kick her ass.
Shelly bad. Shelly very bad!
Me bad?
No, Shelly bad. You good.
He's tearing up the house.
Stop him!
What the hell do you want?
Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything.
Hey, they got our clone. He belongs to us.
No, son, this beast is a disgrace
to genetic engineers everywhere.
Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience.
I tried to play God and I failed.
Daddy, no!
All I ever wanted was to genetically
engineer something useful.
But I failed.
Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations.
Perhaps we should leave nature alone
to its simple one-assed schematics.
You cheating bastards. This isn't over!
Just wait until tomorrow!
Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
You bastard!
Mom and Dad are home.
My house is a disaster!
You guys gotta help me.
I ain't helping crap.
I wanna eat some pie.
You can't just leave me here alone!
Oh, yeah? Watch me.
Yeah, Stan, we have to go find out
if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not.
See ya! - Thanks a lot!
Oh, boy,
you are gonna get it now.
It isn't fair.
Everybody hates me.
The whole town wants me killed.
Mom and Dad are gonna send me away.
I don't wanna be sent away.
I wanna stay here!
Stanley, what-- what in God's name
have you been doing?
Everybody in town is upset with you, young man.
What's going on?
Are you on drugs?
It's not Stan's fault.
Huh? - It wasn't Stan.
He was--
He was with me the whole time.
Oh. Well, Stan, we're, uh--
we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.
Oh, honey.
Please forgive us, son.
Shelly, you saved my life.
And yet you've done so much more than that.
Today you've taught me the meaning of family.
Sure, families don't always get along.
But when the forces of evil descend upon us,
we conquer them by sticking together.
Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand.
Okay, Kyle, we're ready to see
your science project.
Well, our pig hasn't given birth yet.
But she should any time now.
Oh, well, then I guess you get an F.
Okay, Terrance, I know the class
can hardly wait to see yours.
Thank you, Mr. Garrison.
Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students,
for our science fair project
Bill Fossey and I have spawned a creature
genetically far superior to man.
I present to you
the five-assed monkey.
Oh, Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful?
Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth!
It had a baby!
What's it look like?
Does it look like a pig or elephant?
It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.
Oh, gee, isn't that an amazing coincidence?
What are the odds of that?
Hmm.
You boys get first prize.
That'll do, pig.