FLASHER: Hey.
Hey, bitch.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
Hey.
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
I'm gonna fuck you.
[HORN HONKING]
-Touch it, slut. -Jesus!
MAN: See my dick.
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
Guess what happened today, guys?
Can any of you guess?
The Yuens fucked up bigtime.
Instead of watching the mall like they're supposed to...
...they let a damn pervert come and show his fucking cock to around 15 people.
So good job, guys. You fucked up big.
Y'all hurt Ronnie.
And nobody hurts Ronnie.
Now apologize to me.
-Sorry. -I'm sorry.
Say that like you mean it.
-Okay. We're sorry. -I'm sorry.
That sounded like the last one.
-Guys, I need you to step it up. -Okay.
You two guys, if you want this, if you wanna experience what this is...
...I'm gonna need to see more than I'm seeing.
-You will. -You will.
Get the fuck out of my face, guys.
Thank you. That was great.
-It's my pleasure, man. -That was awesome.
I'm standing here at Forest Ridge Mall...
...where today, a man exposed himself to several women before fleeing the scene.
I'm with Ronnie Barnhardt, one of the security guards, who--
No, cut. You fucked up, ma'am. I'm the head of mall security.
You should do that again, say it right.
-Go ahead. Action. -Well, Officer Barnhardt--
Right. Is there any information you can shed on this situation?
You're just gonna keep going even though you fucked up my title?
Okay.
Well, I'm standing here with this doctor.
Okay, how do I steer you towards the oil-free foundation?
She was like, "Oh, no. I didn't wanna moisturize."
-I was like, "No!" -Oh, moisturizer.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, shit.
What were you talking about?
What were you--? What were you saying to each other?
So, Ronnie, what is it, um, you stopped by for?
Well, I'm sure you heard about this...
...but we had a pervert sexually assault several women in the mall parking lot.
Oh, really? A pervert?
Yeah.
So I just thought I'd tell you, just be careful...
...watching your comings and your goings and whatnot.
-Do you think we're gonna be safe? -Yeah, Bruce, I think you'll be just fine.
Bruce wants to know if he'll be safe.
I should warn the pervert that Bruce is out there.
Look at me, I'm Bruce. Look.
Is the pervert gonna get me?
I'm just fucking with you, Bruce.
I think, Ronnie, that I am-- I'm gonna be just fine.
Everyone thinks they're fine till someone puts something in them they don't want.
Okay, well, I guess it's probably time to:
Okay, well, see you guys. Have fun doing your thing.
Alrighty.
What? Oh, okay. I thought I heard you.
You talk to Mark about lifting that firearms restriction?
Oh, yeah, we should be good soon, but technically, it's still pending.
-The AS50 just came out. -No way.
Semi-auto, five rounds, removable magazine.
Thirty-three inches long.
I mean, it'd be perfect for, you know, the back of the golf cart.
The new model 1216 carries 20 rounds of 12-gauge shotgun shells.
Wait. It holds 20 rounds? I thought it was 18.
JOHN: No, 20. -You're confirming it's 20?
JOHN: Yes, I'm confirming 20.
That's confirmed. Yes.
Well, guys, we got Tasers, we got Mace. It's not bad.
-I guess that'll have to do for now, huh? -Maybe.
Yeah, still, it'd be so much cooler if we were able to carry guns.
Carrying a gun to work is, like, the best.
RONNIE [ON TV]: I would like to deliver a personal message...
...to this perverted individual.
Nice sucker punch today.
You show up again, and you see what the **** happens, okay?
I will murder you!
I will ******* murder you!
-No comment was made-- -You're ******* dead!
No comment was made as to the identity of the assailant...
-...but we will keep you posted. -I use Mace and Tasers. **** you.
Ronnie, I am so proud of you.
-You really think I did good? -Hell, yes.
You're just, you're--
[MUMBLES]
You're just-- Fuck, you're great. Great.
-You're just drunk, Mom. -No, no.
You did good. You scared me. You were scary.
[MOM LAUGHS]
You know, Mom...
...I got a confession to make.
It might sound bad, but...
...part of me thinks that this disgusting pervert...
...is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I mean, this is a real case. This is my chance just to be great.
I swear on my soul I'm gonna catch this guy.
I'm gonna get him.
Oh, I'm tired.
[THUDDING]
Good night, Mom. Love you.
Ronnie Barnhardt, head of security here in the mall.
I noticed your sign. I'd like to claim one of your free cups of coffee, please.
Let me just get that for you.
Thank you very much.
So are you new here? I don't remember someone...
-...with a leg working here. -Yeah. I just started last week.
Then I had to get ankle surgery, so.... I have a protein deficiency.
Oh, wow.
Could you keep your traffic area clear?
-Sorry. -Always.
I disagree with his methods, but that is a fire hazard.
Is there really a pervert here?
Yes. Yes, ma'am, there is.
That's scary.
Not for me so much, you know.
It's actually kind of my job to put myself in harm's way...
...to protect weaker people such as yourself who are crippled in the leg and whatnot.
My cast is coming off in a month.
I do it so other people can sleep well at night.
Meanwhile, I'm up all night fighting demons.
Just screaming bloody murder, waking up with nosebleeds, night terrors.
Finding myself a mile from home with bloody feet and a gun.
I have no idea how I got there, but pound for pound, I'd say...
...there's not one human being that deserves this coffee as much as myself.
Wow.
Be seeing you around, get more of this, maybe a free cinnamon bun or something.
I'll be here.
Stay safe, ma'am.
[AMANDA BLANK & AARON LACRATE'S "SUPER FREEK" PLAYING OVER STEREO]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[CAR ALARM CHIRPING]
FLASHER: Touch Daddy's dick.
[SCREAMS]
It was horrible.
It just keeps playing over and over in my head.
Like, someone press stop.
It's on repeat.
Are you okay, Brandi?
Physically, yes.
Psychologically, no!
Brandi. Brandi!
Perimeter.
Are you okay? Jesus Christ, I came as soon as I heard.
I'm so sorry. Out of everyone, I should've been protecting you.
Look, this is not your fault.
Ronnie, get her to my office so the police can talk to her in private.
Roger. No problem. Let's go, Brandi.
I obviously can't walk.
I'm in shock.
Okay. Of course you are.
You don't have to walk.
Okay.
Oh, my back. Fuck. Come on.
[BRANDI SOBBING]
[SIREN WAILS]
Detective. Detective.
Can you give us a statement as to the identity of the pervert?
No comment.
Just stay with me, Brandi. Just, look, stay with me.
I know it was horrible. Just don't think about his penis.
[KNOCKING]
Hi. Your secretary told me to come in. I'm Detective Harrison, Conway Police.
MARK: Mark Peoples, I manage the mall.
This is Brandi. She's the one who saw the deviant.
Hi, Brandi. How you doing? You okay?
I'm pretty shaken up.
-Brandi... -Mm-hm?
...I'm here to tell you that we're gonna work together...
...to make sure we catch the guy that did this.
-Okay. -Ronnie Barnhardt.
Head of mall security, chief inspector on the case.
This is my lieutenant, Dennis.
Hey, gentlemen.
-Did you get a look at the guy? -Yes.
Do you remember anything specific?
Was he tall, short, black, white, color of hair?
-He was white. -Okay.
Tall.
Chubby and blond.
-Like pretty blond or...? -Sandy, ugly blond.
Oh, he had ugly blond.
I think this is good enough for now.
All right? The best thing to do at this point...
...is I'm gonna go talk to the other ladies who saw the guy--
-Ha! -What? Now what?
Aren't you embarrassed saying that? Like a cop.
It's paperwork. It's procedures.
What I wanna know is who's gonna protect Brandi.
It's clear to me that she's been targeted here.
Why say that? What gives you that impression?
A, she's the prettiest girl in this entire mall and maybe the world.
B, it's clear that this pervert is some kind of sociopathic genius...
...who plans on coming back and finishing what he started, by murdering Brandi.
Oh, my God. Is that gonna happen?
-It's gonna happen. -No, it's not.
-He's gonna murder you. HARRISON: No.
BRANDI: My God. -It's not gonna happen.
-Am I gonna die? -No, no.
-You gonna die. HARRISON: No.
I have to get going, okay?
I'm gonna give you my card. Call me when you aren't working.
Come to the station and we'll go through some mug shots.
Don't worry. All right?
Look, your hair's all messy. I'll talk to you soon.
Thanks, detective.
I feel a lot better.
Yeah, we all feel a lot better. Thanks a lot, detective.
All right, have a nice day.
One question. What the fuck was that, Mark?
What are you talking about?
You're gonna let some fucking hotshot punk come in here and take my fucking case?
I just want this to be over as soon as possible, okay?
I'm beginning to feel goddamn underappreciated around here, you sellout.
-Damn! -Okay.
This is my case. Not yours. Not his.
Mine.
DENNIS: Okay, so everybody, listen up, okay?
Ronnie has a very important announcement.
It's been a tough day for him. It's been tough on his spirit.
So everybody, just be very respectful.
RONNIE: Thank you, Dennis.
Listen, you are all under strict orders...
...to do everything in your power to bring down this pervert.
You are to report to me and only me...
...but most importantly, you do not say a word about this to the police.
Okay? Forget the police.
I'm in charge of this.
Ronnie. You know, I've gotta get back to work soon...
...because I'm technically employed by O'Landers.
Kid's not even officially on the team yet and he thinks he's got it all figured out.
Here's how this is gonna break down. Dennis, you're my second in command.
You're my right-hand man.
Thank you very much. I've always wanted that position.
But I didn't wanna put the extra pressure on our friendship, so thank you so much.
-You're welcome. -Okay.
Yuens, you guys are my infantry. You're expendable.
One of you dies, God gave me another one.
-Okay, okay. -Awesome.
Charles, your position is that of a student.
Are we gonna be getting paid extra for this?
Because it seems like this is completely separate from....
Let me ask you something.
How much did they get paid to storm Normandy?
How much did King Arthur get paid to kill Merlin?
How much did they get paid to invent television?
Nothing. They did it because they knew it was right.
Now everyone put your hands in for a unifying cheer.
Looking at you, Charles.
This is a lot for me to take in. And I'm just-- I'm not sure that I'm up for this.
-Don't be scared. -I'm not.
-It's just that I usually-- Stop-- -Shh, shh, shh.
-Use my strength. -What?
On three. One, two, three.
Special Elite Task Force.
[WHISTLING]
Fuck!
Guys, all this is evidence.
Bag it and tag it, get it to my office.
I'm Detective Harrison with the Conway Police...
...and I need to ask you a few questions, okay?
Noticed anything suspicious going on around here?
Someone hanging around the place that you've never seen before...
-...what we call casing the place? No? -Not really.
What about co-workers? Any disgruntled employees?
Someone who might've been complaining excessively about the job?
-No more than usual. -Yeah. No, I hear that.
-All right, good, good. Thank you, Sarah. -One second, chief.
Ronnie Barnhardt. Who robbed the shoe store?
-I need you to wait out in the hallway. -I don't know who did it.
Harrison seems to be too blinded by your beauty to ask the right questions.
Who robbed the shoe store?
-Who the fuck robbed this shoe store? HARRISON: That's okay.
Sarah, thank you for your help. I appreciate it. Okay?
Qué pasa, Ramón?
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
-Sí. HARRISON: What?
This guy fucking did it.
-Well, what'd he say? -I don't know. I don't speak Spanish.
But you look at his face, his inflections, the tone of his voice. Look at his eyes.
RONNIE: I know who did it.
-You do, do you? -Yeah.
-Big time. -All right, who did it, Ronnie?
-Check it out. -I have sensual salts available also.
-Do you know what those are? -No.
That's for when you take a bubble bath, you cover your little breasts with bubbles.
Excuse me. Detective Harrison, Conway Police.
Oh, shit. Yeah, I wasn't touching her in a bad way or anything. Yeah, it was just--
Somebody robbed the shoe store. Asking if anybody noticed anything.
All right, you need to get the fuck out of here. Let's move.
Noticed any suspicious characters? Looked like they were casing the place?
-Anything like that? -No.
What's up, Saddamn?
-What do you want, Ronnie? -I want you to face the fucking music.
I have a restraining order against you, so take this opportunity to back up.
-Come on, let's go. -You're fucking my case up, Harrison.
You said you had proof. He's got a restraining order against you?
Look at him. That's all the proof I need.
That's racist, man.
Nothing to do with this. You fit the profile.
-Like for the pervert. -How do I know you're not the pervert?
My dick is brown, you dumb motherfucker!
-Let's go. -You should arrest this clown.
He comes here and harasses me like every day.
Last week he tells me that he's discovered my plot to blow up the Chick-fil-A.
Why would I blow up Chick-fil-A? It's fucking delicious.
-I'll go, I'll go. -Come on, let's go. Let's go.
But I tell you, I got your fucking number...
...so you should know that I know that you did that shit.
-Fuck you, Ronnie. -Fuck you.
-Fuck you.